Need to vent some

Discussion in 'Private School Teachers' started by anonimo, Apr 27, 2020.

  1. anonimo

    anonimo Guest

    Apr 27, 2020

    I'm acquiring all new preps next year to teach the upper levels of my discipline, and I quit academia specifically because I never wanted to teach the upper levels at all. I don't enjoy it, and for whatever reason, it sets off my anxiety in a massive way -- we're talking panic attacks while trying to study it, to the point that grad school was a very, very dark time in my life, and I didn't realize how miserable it was making me until I left.

    Now I'm facing having to return to all of that, 3 or 4 preps' worth of it, for the foreseeable future. I keep cycling back and forth about knowing that other people are saddled with classes they don't want to/don't know how to teach and they handle it because you have to pitch in and suck it up. And then back around to the seizing panic in my chest, to the nights I spent completely miserable, and then right back around to well maybe I can manage it in therapy... And then back around to WHY??? If this makes me miserable WHY do I have to pitch in and suck it up? This isn't a one-year temporary thing.

    Add to that that I actually love working from home, and it's seeming way better for me on my overall energy levels and mood. While I'm exhausted from the mental load of everything, I am way, way happier not having to be "on" for 7 hours a day.

    Moral of the story is I have anxiety and imposter syndrome and can't decide when my anxiety is getting in my way or I'm truly unhappy and need to jump ship. And I don't have therapy until next week, haha.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 27, 2020
  3. tchr4vr

    tchr4vr Comrade

    Oct 13, 2015
    Likes Received:

    Apr 28, 2020

    Just curious. Why do you not want to teach upper levels? I don't know what discipline you teach, but I couldn't wait to get away from the beginning levels of my subject. First, there so much more freedom when you get to higher levels--generally, the kids have more interest, or at least motivation, so you get better quality work. Also, because they are upper levels, there is not always standardized tests required, and there does not seem to be as much oversight in terms of curriculum and pacing, especially if you're the only one teaching it. I teach English, and for the last 4 years, I've only taught Dual Enrollment and AP. And while I have 5 preps, I can do pretty much what I want in the classroom, and while not all my students are A students, I don't have discipline problems, and most of my kids make an effort so i can actually teach and have fun. It is a lot of work on my part, I'm usually studying five different novels at a time, and I have essays to grade every week, but it is so worth it.

    Perhaps those of us who teach upper levels can give you some advice. What specifically gives you the anxiety and the panic attacks? Is it the content? The lesson planning? The grading?

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