I'm acquiring all new preps next year to teach the upper levels of my discipline, and I quit academia specifically because I never wanted to teach the upper levels at all. I don't enjoy it, and for whatever reason, it sets off my anxiety in a massive way -- we're talking panic attacks while trying to study it, to the point that grad school was a very, very dark time in my life, and I didn't realize how miserable it was making me until I left. Now I'm facing having to return to all of that, 3 or 4 preps' worth of it, for the foreseeable future. I keep cycling back and forth about knowing that other people are saddled with classes they don't want to/don't know how to teach and they handle it because you have to pitch in and suck it up. And then back around to the seizing panic in my chest, to the nights I spent completely miserable, and then right back around to well maybe I can manage it in therapy... And then back around to WHY??? If this makes me miserable WHY do I have to pitch in and suck it up? This isn't a one-year temporary thing. Add to that that I actually love working from home, and it's seeming way better for me on my overall energy levels and mood. While I'm exhausted from the mental load of everything, I am way, way happier not having to be "on" for 7 hours a day. Moral of the story is I have anxiety and imposter syndrome and can't decide when my anxiety is getting in my way or I'm truly unhappy and need to jump ship. And I don't have therapy until next week, haha.