Need some opinions (long)...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Beth2004, Feb 28, 2010.

  1. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Feb 28, 2010

    I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer and the maid of honor is planning things without letting anyone else know. She sent a message on facebook about a month ago telling us that she was planning the bridal shower at her parents' restaurant. I responded saying that since the bride planned my bridal shower there, I'd like to try some place different to really surprpise her. I listed 5 or 6 other suggestions (with menus and prices), but she didn't end up taking any of my suggestions and booked her parents' restaurant anyway (after not even responding about my suggestions).

    The shower is April 11th, so I sent a message to her and one other bridesmaid on facebook asking about invitations. I made one on vistaprint, so I sent them a pic and asked if they wanted me to order them. She just responded saying that the bride's mother bought the invitations and they were mailing them out tomorrow. I'm fine with the fact that her mom chose the invitations already, but why didn't I even know they were being sent out? I would've liked to help writing them out/addressing them, etc. I'm really upset that I'm being kept so out of the loop with the whole thing, so here is my response to the maid of honor:

    Ok, that's cool. Just let me know what I can do! I want to be a part of planning the shower, but I can't if I don't know what's going on. I know there are 7 of us, so it's hard to keep everyone in the loop all the time, but Jessica's my closest friend and I really want to be a part of planning these things for her. :)

    Does that sound rude, or am I out of line? Please be honest!
     
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  3. deedee

    deedee Connoisseur

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    Feb 28, 2010

    What if you say one thing that you would like to be in charge of: games , favor ..something that you can take off their plate!

    I know I am the MOH and it is HARD to consider everyones opinions so we delegated responsibilities so anyone who wanted to help has a role.
     
  4. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    She has already bought the favors and decided on games. She's seriously taken over everything. I've been asking for about a month now to be given a job, I've offered suggestions, and nothing I've said has been taken into consideration. Every time I send a message and say, "How about this?" I either don't hear anything or she says, "I already did/bought that." :(
     
  5. deedee

    deedee Connoisseur

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    Feb 28, 2010

    Well then I might, at this point, not tip toe and flat out say I am going to do this and I hope it works with the plans that you have already made.

    No your email is not rude! She is being a bit rude for ignoring your desire to help! Sorry!
     
  6. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Feb 28, 2010

    Why not bypass the MOH and ask the mom of the bride how you can help...:whistle:
     
  7. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Feb 28, 2010

    I don't think your email was rude or out of line.
     
  8. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    My only concern with that is that she's doing things without telling me, so I don't want to go out and buy something that she's already bought. Ya know? Like, for example, if I had just ordered the invitations yesterday, it would've been a waste because I had no idea they had them ready to mail out tomorrow.

    I'm going to send the email, I think, and just hope for the best. If she doesn't let me get involved with the shower, I'm just going to find other ways I can help the bride, I guess.
     
  9. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    I like the way you think, czacza! :)

    I actually did try calling the bride's mother last weekend, but there was no answer and I didn't want to leave a message on the home answering machine because I was afraid the bride would hear it and get suspicious.
     
  10. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Feb 28, 2010

    Maybe start planning the bachelorette party and get everyone on board with you...so that when she goes to plan it, it's already been done.


    Ok, maybe that's childish and wrong but it's the first thing I thought of. :p
     
  11. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Feb 28, 2010

    I tend to agree w/ stg about planning the bachelorette party...unless, she already has planned that too & will be springing her plans on everyone yet again! :mad:

    Unfortunately, some people just want the spotlight & all the credit of being the organizer, so they can get all the compliments on how fabulous & lovely everything was.

    I also think it's up to the bride herself to contact everyone (even meeting w/ them in person if possible) & make it clear that any of the bridal party should help contribute w/ planning equally (if they want to).

    If all else fails & you never had 1 say at all, buy her a little something of what you peronally want her to have from YOU & give it to her.
     
  12. PCdiva

    PCdiva Connoisseur

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    Feb 28, 2010

    Is it normal for the mom to be in charge? I am in 3 weddings this year, 2 bridesmaids and 1 MOH...the MOH of the first 2 are in charge of all the planning and I would be heading up all the plans for my best friends wedding. I dont know what advice to give you, but I think it is really hard to get everyones opinion and help when there are so many people...the first wedding has 8 bridesmaids and the MOH and me took care of most of the things-it was just easier that way, but now a month later the MOH for wedding 2 seemed to have everything done and decided without consulting me or the others and I was a little disappointed...but it made me rethink what we did with wedding 1...It really puts things into perspective.

    Anyway, I think you should communicate this to her because maybe she thinks she is being helpful and not trying to offend you...are you guys friends or only through the bride?
     
  13. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    I don't think the bride's mother is "supposed" to be invovled, according to all the etiquette books, but in my experience, they usually want to be a part of things.

    As far as letting her know, I did send the message last night. I'm pretty sure I've made myself clear up to this point by messaging her with suggestions and asking what she wants help with, but she seems to want to be in charge and take over all the plans. She's the MOH is 2 weddings this summer and 2 next year, so you'd think she'd want the help, but apparently not.

    When I sent the message last night, I also sent a picture of favors that I was thinking of for the shower. We had talked about doing bookmarks and I found a site that allows you to personalize them. I haven't heard anything back, but I'm pretty much expecting to get, "Oh I already have those..."
     
  14. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Mar 1, 2010

    Well, your email was nothing close to rude, so don't worry. I think you could have been a bit snippy with her from the way she's basically ignoring every request/suggestion you have. I mean there's really nothing you can do if the MOH doesn't give you the time of day...because like you said, you may waste your time/money on something she's already done.

    The only thing is...maybe you could plan something that the MOH wouldn't even think to do...then you'd be in the clear! :)
     

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