Need help with behavior problem

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by pabef, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. pabef

    pabef Comrade

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    Mar 25, 2009

    I am a director and have a child in our 2 year-old class this is really a behavior problem. At the beginning of the year the teacher and I talked with the parents and they were great. They were willing to help in any way. We also realized that he is only 2 and was still learning. However as the year has progressed his behavior has become worse and his parent's attitude has changed. He throws toys, bites, hits, screams etc. Some days he is so precious you could squeeze him to death, but other days he is clearly a danger to others. His mother gave me permission to spank him, but our state regs prohibit this. They also prohibit time out for this age, but we have to use timeout. We have also tried putting him in a pack and play which he climbs out of and a high chair which works. I hate to use the high chair though becuase he doesn't learn anything or get to participate. His mother has left work to spank him, but can not anymore for fear of losing her job. When he had an extremely bad ( I hate to use that word!) day this week, I told the teacher to call the parent and have someone pick him up. I would have called myself, but I was subbing for a sick teacher. The parent told my teacher that we were paid to keep him and part of keeping him was discipline. Today when the parent picked him up, another teacher was in the room because his teacher had a dr. appt. The parent asked how he was and that teacher said he had been good this afternoon. (she had been with him during nap!) The parent responded by saying "I am glad some one knows how to handle him." Any suggestions? He needs to be at school!
     
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  3. tracykaliski

    tracykaliski Connoisseur

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    Mar 25, 2009

    I would try to look at what precipitates the fits he throws and try to head the behavior off at the pass, if you will. If you can get a handle on what's causing it, it will make things much easier.
     
  4. mrgrinch09

    mrgrinch09 Comrade

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    Mar 25, 2009

    First, I think the parents need to try something else besides the spankings.

    If a spanking is the only way they know how to discipline him, then he's not going to respond to anything you can do at school. He knows the teacher's cannot spank him, so he has no reason to listen to these teachers.

    You also need to stop calling mom to pick him up when he's having a bad day. This sends the message to him that the teacher's can't handle him. He knows that if he acts out enough he'll get to see his mom again....even if he's in trouble when she gets there.

    I'll be back later with other thoughts.
     
  5. nayelismom

    nayelismom Rookie

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    Mar 25, 2009

    I hate to be so tough...but mom is right. She is paying for a service that you provide BUT the fact that her son is endangering the physical, educational, and mental health of the other children whose parents also PAY, I would say get together with the parents and develop a plan. If they do not want to cooperate, then expel the child. I know that it's not fair to the child, but he is a danger to the others and you would hate to have something really serious happen with this ONE child and have other parents pull their children or worse...you get in trouble with licensing. You have the right to refuse service.

    I've known daycares to do this in our area and it's explicitly written into the contract.
     
  6. pabef

    pabef Comrade

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    Mar 25, 2009

    We do have written in our handbook , which the parents sign, that unmanageable children or children with severe behavior problems may be suspended for one day up to a week depending on the issue.
     
  7. clarnet73

    clarnet73 Moderator

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    Mar 25, 2009

    I agree with tracy... what purpose is the behavior serving for him? What's happening before the behavior occurs, and what's happening afterward?

    Is he: trying to avoid something he doesn't want to do? trying to communicate but lacking the vocab/skills with which to do so appropriately? just wanting attention? or something else?
     
  8. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Is it possible that he's simply too young a 2 year old to be in school???
     
  9. nayelismom

    nayelismom Rookie

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Have you tried this? Again, I'm not saying this to punish the child in any ways. It's more to make the parents accountable of taking appropriate action. My daughter has been in daycare all of her life and I always took care of situations that happened in school. When she was 2, I used to talk to her about whatever she did and explain in her vocabulary why she shouldn't hit or take away toys. Then we would model with her dolls how to handle situations. These little ones have a hard time verbalizing what they want and often resort to hitting, biting, throwing...etc. These little ones learn by copying "your" (adults, teachers, parents, siblings) behavior BUT everyone has to be on board.
     
  10. WaProvider

    WaProvider Fanatic

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    Mar 25, 2009

    I agree with the tips to remove the calling of mom from the picture.

    However, if mom is going to be saying derrogative things to staff-she may pose part of the issue. In my opinion once things have broken down between parent and school the child will act out - and when they do they are very hard to reign in-since you have no parent support.

    I also agree with using what is written into your policies about suspension. Enough of that and it would be the same effect as expulsion. The parents would be inconvienced and move on.
     
  11. pabef

    pabef Comrade

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    Mar 26, 2009

    I think his issues are a combination of things - attention seeking and he is not made to mind at home. After constant observing, he does not seem to have any other issues that we are aware of. Yesterday, I observed him just run up and hit another student for no reason (from accross the room). I have asked all of my teachers to get on board to help in any way possible. All teachers have contact with him at some point - lunch, playground, nap. I noticed today when he tried to throw blocks, that his teacher sat down with him and said, "let's build a house instead of throwing blocks because throwing blocks hurts our friends and that puts you in time out so that is no fun for anyone." She always tries to direct his behavior to something positive. I told her to write these things on his daily sheet so the parents know that she is not just fussing at him.
     
  12. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    Mar 26, 2009

    This is an interesting situation.

    First, I would be very uncomfortable asking a parent to come in to discipline their child. While he is in my care, that is my job. We have sent children home early, but only in extreme circumstances, and the parents were already aware that this could be a possible consequence if certain behaviors continued.

    If attention seeking is his motivation, then you are all playing right into it. What a scene he must cause, and then Mom comes too! Is there anyway you can divert the attention from him? Sometimes when I have a child throwing a fit for attention, I'll say to the rest of the children, "Let's leave Johnny alone right now. When he's ready to (do whatever) then he can join us." Nonetheless, our day does not stop because one child tries to put on the brakes. It sounds like his teachers are doing a great job with this already by re-directing some of his negative behaviors.

    If your policy is clearly stated in the handbook, then get the parents on board or follow through with your policies. They have signed and agreed to it, and if they aren't working with you, there won't be much change.

    All the best! This is a challenging age!
     
  13. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Mar 27, 2009

    This child is only 2. His behavior is appropriate for his age. Hitting and bitting are his ways of attempting to tell adults something--as he does not have the words or knowledge to express himself. At 2, he needs a teacher to constantly show and tell him how to behave, and teach him the words to express his feelings and needs.

    At 2, he is wanting to be in control. I would suggest you give him choices. Does he want to play with the blocks or the trucks. One of the best ways to allow children to make their own choices is during meal time. If you are able to, allow him to serve himself. Allow him to choose how much food he is to eat, and when he is done. I would avoid the use of high chairs or any device that confines a child.
     
  14. punchinello

    punchinello Comrade

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    Mar 27, 2009

    That's all you have to do. He is just a baby.

    Good post, Old teacher. :)
     
  15. MissJennifer

    MissJennifer Companion

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    Mar 27, 2009

    I agree with Old teacher - and document document document!! Keep track of everything! That way you have records of what is going on, what your staff is doing to help the child, etc - especially if the behavior continues as he gets older. Biting at 2 years old, while it's frustrating and the OTHER parent (parent of the child who is bit) have a hard time understanding that it's developmentally appropriate (especially if this child doesn't have a lot of words yet - which at 2 is very possible) - it's just important to document everything. Then if this child is still in your care and is 4 1/2 and still biting - you have significant documentation if other intervention is needed. (that is a total worst case scenario right there! lol)

    Good luck! :)
     
  16. punchinello

    punchinello Comrade

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    Mar 27, 2009

    LOL I just remembered when my friend's son was that age at a day care center. She got a call that he had bitten another boy's penis during a diaper change. Imagine getting that call?!

    He was such a handful, but grew up to be a great kid and is off at college now.
     
  17. missapril81

    missapril81 Companion

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    Apr 4, 2009

    I understand

    I have a student in my class who is 2 years and 8 months old. He acted like that before Christams, then got better. Now he is back to how he was before Christmas, I am trying to work with parents and the director. At this point, the parents are used to it at home so when I say something there is no shock to them but they don't want to talk about it. It just seems like they want to know how the other kids are to place blame on someone else I guess you could say. I do watch him closely everyday, it is usually the same little boy he goes after and the little boy does nothing to provoke him. So it is to the point my aide and I have at different times during the day pull one or the other so there is no chance of them to be in contact range of each other. In a class, of twos, though, it is some times impossible to do though.
     
  18. pabef

    pabef Comrade

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    I had a parent complain this week because their child had been bit for the second time. I realize that 2 year-olds do bite and that this is something he will eventually grow out of with help, but some of his other behavior is clearly a danger to other kids. The teacher told the parent that complained that she will supervise the 2 boys play time (becuase they do enjoy playing together) and at circle time she will separate them becuase she will not be able to react as quickly if something happens. She also made sure they knew that they were welcome to contact me or her at any time with concerns and that we would continue to communicate with the parents of the child who bites. She also praises the "good" moments on the biting child's daily sheet. "He sat still at lunch and ate all of his peas." "He really enjoyed painting today." No parent likes to hear all bad news and feel like their child is alwyas being fussed at.
     
  19. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Apr 4, 2009

    I know that biting is age-appropriate, but if my own child was being bitten repeatedly by the same child, I wouldn't be very happy!!!

    Seriously, spanking isn't going to solve this issue, and if the parents use spanking as their only means of discipline, then the child isn't going to repsond to anything else - at first. It's going to take a lot of hard work on the part of your teachers to shadow this kid and block any agressive behavior BEFORE it happens. A lot of redirection is what I think is best for this age, and simple words (I forget what your teacher told him in the blocks, but as I read that post, I was thinking...wow that is a looonnggg explanation for a 2 yer old.).

    That said, if your staff can't get this under control....I know a lot centers would dismiss a 2 year old after multiple biting incidents and uncooperative parents.
    Kim
     
  20. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Here are some ideas for helping the biting child:
    1. Give him a teething toy--and remind him that is what he bites when he feels like biting.
    2. Remind him each morning, and several times throughout the day, No Biting. And praise him often when he does not bite.
    3. Read some books about biting. (My favorite one was about a puppy who bit.)
    4. Send home information about biting to your parents. They need to hear that it is appropriate.
     
  21. WaProvider

    WaProvider Fanatic

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    Yep, several in my area would excuse the child from the class, and have that written in their policies, after 3 bites.
     
  22. Historygeek

    Historygeek Companion

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    Apr 5, 2009

    We owned a preschool for many years and we had some behavior issues with a couple of children. First off I want to say something obvious - he is only 2!

    I am sure in your experience (not sure how long you have been doing this) you have seen and understand that most of the time 2 year olds who act out due so out of frustration the majority of the time. That frustration can be caused by anger, jealousy, inability to communicate effictively, too much activity and he becomes overwhelmed, or I hate to say a lot of times it can be the structure of the "class" or teachers.

    No matter what, finding out the reason is only part of the solution. You need to provide distraction activities when the behavior occurs, like you explained the teaching doing when building the block house.


    I am sure the mother is frustrated also, most likely they are dealing with some of the same issues at home too. Sit down and talk with her honestly and non-judgementally. (is that a word??)Perhaps there is something going on with the family unit itself.

    However, the safety of the other children is a huge factor, whether his parents are paying for a service or not. Just because payment is received does not mean he can continue to be a threat of harm to himself, the other children or the staff.

    I think the most likely cause though is he is ONLY TWO YEARS OLD! The behaviors you provided are behaviors that two year olds do sometimes. Well, a lot of times. lol:)

    I hope my two cents helped a little.
     
  23. sarzacsmom

    sarzacsmom Groupie

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    It may be that he is not ready to be in a larger group. he may do better insomething like a family daycare wherehe can get more one on one attention and perhaps he is being over stimulated inthis setting and would do better in a quieter environment. A meeting with the parents to discuss this would be in order, but not just to tell them you might have to kick hime out---to discuss the possiblity of him doing better in a samller environment and offer some possibilities. Have youtried having the parent spenda a few hours observing the class in a way that the child can't see her? This might clue her in to differetn behaviours etc at school that she doesn't see at home---if the parent is unwilling to cooperate then you may just have to give her aultimatum--- if x happens x more tmes, then you will have to find alternate care for your child.
     
  24. ianangelyk

    ianangelyk Rookie

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    Apr 7, 2009

    Hi. We have behavior childrens every were. firt you should stop calling the parents, next observe the child, see if there is any thing that is bottering him, also observe the parents alot of this children act like this because they are been abuse by someone. I had a little girl she was acting the same way and when I talk to grandma she told me that the little gril was been abuse by the mom and that she was a drug child. So this information help me to find ways in how to help this child. I usually stop the bad behavior before it starts, I always had her doing something and if she was doing good I always say I'm proud of you! or nice work! or even I love you! because some children need to hear this words.
     
  25. estrellita

    estrellita Rookie

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    Apr 8, 2009

    Need help with behavior problem.

    :dizzy, i have a child just like the one you have wright know. But my child is 4 years old. i understand you it happened to me at first. For about two month they help me. I would call them and they would talk to him on the phone and it would work for about two the three hours sometimes more. They didn't have a choice service are free. i had to refer him to special service to get help for behavior. He was approve we just needed mom signature she refuse. She stated "my son doesn't attack like this at home, you'll are probability doing something wrong here." But she did not have any choice sign or child service are terminated.:thumb:
     
  26. tiffharmon2001

    tiffharmon2001 Comrade

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    Apr 11, 2009

    I can see this problem from both the parents' viewpoint and the teacher's.

    My son has gone through a similar situation. He is 3 now, and is doing much better, but it was pretty rocky for a while. Most of his problem was that he wasn't a verbal child and he was really frustrated by not being able to communicate.

    When you said that you observed him just run across the room and hit the other child "for no reason", it definitely struck a chord with me. What was he doing before he hit the other child?
    I've seen my son get angry about something-his blocks fell down, he bumped his head, he couldn't reach something he needed-and then lash out at the closest person to him. He didn't know what to do with his emotions.

    Last year at daycare was a nightmare. He was "in trouble" every time I went to pick him up. I did get pretty tired of hearing about every little thing he did... It started to sound like the teachers at daycare were not supervising the children very well. I'm sure they didn't like my "lack of response" either, but after a while, you run out of things to say.

    Luckily, I have the summer off, so I was able to devote a lot of time and attention to helping my son get control of his emotions. I think the most important thing that has worked for him is that I changed MY attitude and I stopped trying to FIX him.

    He also has a teacher this year who doesn't hold his past mistakes against him. Once they've talked about the problem and he has finished with his time out, it is over. She lets him know that she is happy to have him back in the group and doesn't stay "mad" at him.

    Sorry for the long post, but this hits me really close to home. I could go on and on... The most important thing to remember is that he's only 2. Don't give up on him! The most important thing he needs is to be genuinely loved and to have someone to be HAPPY to see him. These poor kids are constantly surrounded by people who are tired of dealing with them. They know when you wish they would just be absent for one day. :)
     
  27. estrellita

    estrellita Rookie

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    Apr 27, 2009

    pabef

    :dizzy:i have a child with really behavior problems. it started since he was 3 year. last year i referral him and when it was time for mom to sign so he can get help in the program. MOM decided to denied the service and didn't sign the referral. well this year she did it again. but my supervisor help me alittle. she told her sign the referral or we are going to terminated the service and she finally decided to sign. the therapy and i have work with him and it help him alot. i also started to use the love and logic method with him and it work. :thanks::thanks::p
     

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