Need an opinion...

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Curiouscat, Jun 3, 2012.

  1. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

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    Jun 3, 2012

    I recently had a student teacher that I enjoyed very much. The students loved him. One of the parents told me that their daughter cried every night for a week after he (the student teacher) left. That comment, I feel, should have been left unsaid. It did hurt my feelings. I like this student and feel I have a good relationship with her. I do also know she tends to be very babyish (for attention) when she is around her parents, so maybe it was just for attention.
    Anyways, my former student teacher has decided to come and spend the entire last day of school with us because he wants to say good bye to the children.
    For some reason this annoys me. I want to have my students to myself, so I can wrap up the year and say my good-byes. I want it to be about me and my students. I know that sounds horribly selfish, but I can't seem to get over it. The student teacher could come any other day this week and it wouldn't bother me, but for some reason the last day really annoys me.
    I have helped this student teacher above and beyond I think what is expected. I have helped him with job applications, his resume, cover letters, and thank you notes. I even helped him prepare for his job interviews! I think I am kind of getting to the point where it is time to cut the cord and move on. Maybe that is part of the issue too.
    Any thoughts? Any advice? I really hate feeling this way because I am not a selfish person, but yet that's how I feel. Thank you
     
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  3. sevenplus

    sevenplus Connoisseur

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    Jun 3, 2012

    Just tell him the day that works best for you. I think staying for a full day is a bit much. Is there a special event he could attend? And didn't he already say "goodbye?"
     
  4. stampin'teacher

    stampin'teacher Cohort

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    Jun 3, 2012

    I think I would be annoyed too, although I get why you feel it's not right to be annoyed. I would tell him that there's just so much going on that day that another day would be best. I'd also suggest that if he's coming simply to visit, he should pop in at lunchtime. Not really necessary to come all day.
     
  5. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    Jun 3, 2012

    I would ask him to come a different day, or just for a short amount of time in the morning. I also really like spending my last day with just my kids. I'm always sad every year on the last day because I'll miss my kids!
     
  6. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jun 3, 2012

    I agree with others that you should ask him to come on a different day. Whatever day he comes, he should only stay for maybe an hour at the most, so you should communicate that with him as well. It's completely reasonable for you to want to spend the last day with your students.
     
  7. lovebeingteach

    lovebeingteach Companion

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    Jun 3, 2012

    Tell him school gets out one day earlier than it does. ha ha....

    Honestly though, I would just tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him that you know that he is going to be a great teacher, and you have thoroughly enjoyed having him in your classroom, and then just tell him exactly how you feel about him being there the last day. I am sure he would understand. After all, most men don't over think things like us women do.
     
  8. AlwaysAttend

    AlwaysAttend Fanatic

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    Jun 3, 2012

    I can't believe he would even put you in the awkward position to have to say something. A very odd situation.
     
  9. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jun 3, 2012

    Wow, I guess I'm in the minority. I think it's a positive thing he wants to be there (I know my student teaching experience ended a couple weeks before school was dismissed for summer) and don't feel he's putting you in an awkward situation. I understand you feel upset by his request because you have said so, but he probably thinks it's a nice gesture on his part to show how much he enjoyed his experience in your classroom.
     
  10. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    Jun 3, 2012

    Just tell him to come the day before or another day the last week. Do you have a field day? That might be a great day b/c I'm sure the school needs some extra help, an extra person wouldn't be in the way, and the kids will be running around doing various activities anyway.
     
  11. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Jun 4, 2012

    I'm also in the minority. I truly enjoyed spending the last day with my student teachers and with my children. We were able to connect on a "friend" basis instead of "teacher-student teacher".
     
  12. smurfette

    smurfette Habitué

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    Jun 4, 2012

    I'm in the minority, too. I think you need to set a good example for your students by taming the green-eyed monster. Just because they love your student teacher doesn't mean they don't love you, too. For all you know, that same student will cry when she gets home on the last day of school because she is sad to be leaving you!

    I don't think he's trying to put you in an awkward situation. If anything, he probably thinks the last day will be the most unintrusive because you won't be doing real lessons that day.
     
  13. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Jun 4, 2012

    I just got back from my maternity leave. My students are sad that my long term sub is gone, they miss her. My student (who has been a handful all year) told me that she wishes that my long term sub could stay the year. However, the next comment out of her mouth was that she was glad I was back and she missed me while I was gone.

    I wouldn't be surprised if the little girl cried when your student teacher took over and you weren't teaching as much or she'll be sad after the last day with you.
     
  14. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Jun 4, 2012

    I agree with Smurfette.

    Also, we want parents to let teachers know when the child is struggling with something emotionally or something that might interfere with their well being during the school day. That's what the parent did.

    I'm really not quite sure why the insecurity though. Why does missing one person mean the student won't miss another? I care about many people and miss many different people.
     
  15. wanting2teach

    wanting2teach Rookie

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    Jun 4, 2012

    I think it's great that he wants to come and be a part of the last day! But if you're uncomfortable with it, perhaps use the excuse of "there's so much going on the last day of school..." Ask him to come in on a less hectic day.
     
  16. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    Jun 4, 2012

    I think it' s important to honor your own feelings and trust your instincts. He probably means it well, and maybe misses the students, but I agree with the others to say maybe part of a morning some other day. ...If you can afford the time.
     
  17. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Jun 4, 2012

    I really see both sides of this issue. I remember student teaching and the connection I made with so many of the kids. I hated to see it end. I also know that now that it's my room, I want that special time to say good-bye to my kids. I have a feeling his request is coming from a good place. I agree with the others. Explain to him that the last day is a special day for you and that you would prefer to let him have his own special time with the kids. Maybe plan for him to lead an activity a few days before the last day. Let him have a true taste of what wrapping up the year means.
     
  18. Croissant

    Croissant Comrade

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    Jun 4, 2012

    Would it bother you if you hadn't been told about the girl crying when he left?

    It seems like your ST had such a great experience in YOUR classroom under YOUR guidance that he doesn't want to cut ties. I'm still great friends with my cooperating teacher. I stop by and visit her after school, talk on the phone, attend extracurricular activities that she sponsors.

    Sorry, I didn't notice what grade you teach. Are you having a party on the last day of school? Maybe he could come just for the party instead of for the whole day...
     
  19. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    Jun 4, 2012

    Me, too. Most interns are emotionally involved with that FIRST group
    and maybe that girl found something in him that really helped her.
    I guess I can see the conflict where it is YOUR class but this was his first. And you know what they say, YOU never forget your first.
    Take a secret ballot and ask if they would like him to show up the last day.
     
  20. queenie

    queenie Groupie

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    Jun 4, 2012

    Of course they like the student teacher- he doesn't have to be the "bad guy." You likely have had the responsibility of keeping everyone on track and well behaved ;) It's kind of like how my own kids would rather spend a day with their dad because he is rather laid back (and they spend a lot of time with me).

    While the student teacher likely feels he formed a bond with these FIRST kids and wants to say goodbye [again], I think he shouldn't have a problem with doing it a different day. I'd just tell him you'd rather have him come in on a day that's not so hectic as the last day, and that often some kids don't show up on the last day and you wouldn't want any of them to miss the chance to see him again :D

    You've got a lot invested in these kids! Plus you've gone out of your way to help the student teacher and have allowed him to be involved with the students and earn their love and respect. It's a touchy situation. Part of you feels hurt and maybe a little betrayed or taken advantage of. Another part feels selfish for feeling that way. :wub: By letting him come in on another day, you'll take care of it all- you'll be unselfish enough to allow him time with the kids, but you'll get to spend your last day with them [alone]!
     
  21. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

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    Jun 6, 2012

    Thank you to everybody who responded. I appreciate all the opinions I received. Thank you for not criticizing my feelings. Those feelings were really unlike me, so I was really struggling with processing them. It certainly helped to just be heard. You are correct in assuming that my spouse didn't have a clue when I tried to discuss it with him first! That didn't surprise me though since he is not a teacher.

    After taking everyone's opinion into consideration I made the decision to look at it from the student teacher's point of view. He joined us for the last day. Surprisingly, the kids didn't even seem excited to see him when they entered the room. That really surprised me, and I think it really bothered the student teacher which made me feel bad.

    Originally, the student teacher wanted to hide and then jump out when the kids were all in the room. I didn't include that in my first post, but that combined with the statement from the dad rubbed me the wrong way. It felt like the student teacher felt like he was a rock star (or the fun parent) while I was the task master. Like queenie said, he never had to be the bad guy!

    Again, thank you to everyone. You all made a difference for me when I was really struggling.
     
  22. Froreal3

    Froreal3 Companion

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    Jun 6, 2012

    LOL @ the bolded. You should have put that in your first post. I totally understand why it rubbed you the wrong way. He definitely felt connected to the kids, but he also felt like a rock star too. I laughed when you mentioned that the kids were like, "meh." I'm glad you feel better now. I'm sure it was a fun last day.
     
  23. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Jun 6, 2012

    Interestingly enough, I am in the opposite position.

    The main teacher decided to leave the teaching profession mid-year, and they hired me as a student teacher/intern (I teach the kids alone).

    I have taught at least the same length of time this year, as the main teacher. She has requested to come on the last day of school because she wants to say a final goodbye to these students because some of them she has known since they were in 6th grade (they are in 8th grade right now).

    While I am afraid that she will probably steal some spotlight (some students say they like her better, but some also say they like me better), in the long run, whether or not they like someone else better or not, really doesn't matter to me. I think it will be a rather fun day, where we just both hang out with the kids, and probably sign yearbooks. (besides I'm curious to finally meet her!)

    I already know that I am by NO means their favorite teacher overall (the PE teachers always have that honor), but I know they liked me well enough, and I did my job which was to teach them.

    I will be sad to see these kids go, but I also know I will probably never see most of them again, and they will grow up and have their own lives. Who their favorite teacher was back in the 8th grade will probably be such a small detail that it will be forgotten in a few years.

    If I have REALLY connected with a few students, and if they want to seek me out in the future or are still grateful for me teaching them my first year way back then, then those are the only relationships that matter.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's your classroom, so you can decide whether or not you want him back. If you refuse politely, he may be a little annoyed, but he'll get over it. But I don't think it's really a big deal if he comes or not, because who that student likes really doesn't matter. (P.S. if you are a female teacher then it may just be that the student has a crush on the Student Teacher, which is very common)

    Edit: Ah! Didn't read the entire thread. I am glad things worked out.
     
  24. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

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    Jun 6, 2012

    Peregrin5, thank you for your response. It really wasn't about being their favorite. I just really wanted my time alone with them. On the last day I always address each child and tell them why I enjoyed them and what my favorite memory of them is. This always turns into a time of sharing memories and often a few tears. It is just really special to me and I didn't want to not have that time with my class. It is just different when someone else is sitting there listening to you open your heart and soul to your students. I tend to not be as open when I have an audience.
    I was also incredibly sad about this particular class moving on. I have been in the classroom for 20 years, and I have never had a group like this. They were the group I would have happily taught for free. They were kind and compassionate to each other. They had marvelous manners. They were game for anything. They thought nothing of hugging a fellow student in distress. If anyone missed school for a few days they would clap when the person returned.
    I think all of this combined with being tired just really was like a bad storm. In the end it all worked out.
     
  25. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Jun 6, 2012

    I'm very glad. I definitely think your end-of-the-year ceremony completely changes the situation. It's completely understandable to want to be alone with the students during something like that. If this happens again in the future, I think explaining how you spend the last day to the ST would be good. He would probably understand.

    And I totally agree with what queenie said. When I started out student teaching, I realized students only liked me because I wasn't the one that disciplined them. It's totally different when you have to be the strict one. I am sure your students appreciate you because you seem like a great teacher to me. =]
     
  26. Jimhassel

    Jimhassel Rookie

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    Jun 7, 2012

    This is not a big deal. Just need to go and spend some time. They willing this because they really love you. These are some memorable time and need to enjoy this. It's your popularity that they asking for.
     

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