Need Advice!!!!

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by AdamnJakesMommy, Apr 21, 2013.

  1. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    Apr 21, 2013

    I am soooooo conflicted on this issue.

    I am a brand new teacher, I interned in the fall and immediately transitioned into a position at the school I interned with and have been employed with them since January. I am currently pregnant with a due date in mid-August. The school system is willing to give me 6 weeks PAID leave once I have the baby, but because I haven't been there a year, I can't take off any more time than that--even without pay.

    However, I am VERY uncomfortable putting my infant in daycare at 6-8 weeks old--baby can't hold head up yet, very fragile, can't get flu shot, etc.. In fact, I am not really comfortable with this until the baby is AT LEAST 3-4 months old. I AM married and we have two children already--fortunately for us my in-laws watched our first two kids until they were each 2 years old before I placed them in daycare. This time, however, my in-laws are unwilling to watch the baby--they claim they are too old and are actually upset my husband and I are having a third baby.

    This isn't the district I intend to spend my career in because it is 1.25 hours away, one-way. I really want to be employed in the district I live in or AT LEAST one of the neighboring districts. I know I will have FANTASTIC references from the school I'm with but am afraid of leaving this school where I have a guaranteed spot for next year--who knows how long I'll be unemployed? As I have posted on here, I have been applying/interviewing for positions closer to home for the 2013-14 school year--but that doesn't solve the baby issue because I doubt anybody would give a brand, spanking new teacher more than 6 weeks leave either. Ideally, I'd like a mid-year hire position sometime in December/January/February time-frame, but there may not be anything! And as a beginning teacher, do I really want to be unemployed for any period of time? And it's not like I could sub until I find something because I will need a steady paycheck to pay for any and all daycare for 2 of my 3 kids. We are fine financially on my husband's paycheck as long as I'm home and daycare is not an expense.

    It's the end of the year and I need to make a decision ASAP, either to resign or to take the 6 weeks and sit down and shut up. What would you do? What should I do?
    :help:
     
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  3. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Apr 21, 2013

    Can your husband take paternity/family-bonding time for a few weeks once your six weeks is up and you return to work?
     
  4. Pezalicious

    Pezalicious Rookie

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    Apr 21, 2013

    Caesar has a great idea.

    If that doesn't work, I was a nanny for a family while finishing school. You might consider going that route, just to avoid having to leave your position, while keeping care at your home. It will probably be more affordable than paying for two children in day care, too.
     
  5. Mr.history

    Mr.history Cohort

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    Apr 21, 2013

    The economy is tough, any other time I think most would say to resign but 3-4 months is short term when it could have long term effects on your career. Especially with a new baby.

    I think you should start trying to find a smaller day care center who only watches a few children at a time. Maybe you can find a neighbor willing to do it?

    I'm a male and don't have kids, so I don't really understand your concerns about the kid being in daycare so early(I'm sure my wife will once we have children) but it seems like you could potentially be sacrificing your job for quite a while depending on your area for a situation that will be better in only a few months(once the baby gets older).

    Good luck with whatever you decide!
     
  6. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Apr 21, 2013

    I would also suggest the nanny idea after the 6 weeks are up. there are several benefits:
    - your baby will be in the home, in a comfortable surrounding
    - you know the type of cleaning supplies you use, the laundry detergent you wash the blankets / sheets, with, etc. You know the neighborhood, etc.
    - your baby will not be exposed to other children and their germs.
    - less work for you to take the baby / pick up the baby from the daycare.
    - a nanny is probably cheaper.
    - you can install cameras for piece of mind

    There are agencies you can go through, you can also take your time and hand pick a college student who is in the early childhood education program, or just someone with a lot of experience and great references, etc.

    I agree that if you have a job, you should try to keep it.
     
  7. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    My husband will not take time off. He won't even take anytime off to help me with the baby the first couple of weeks.
     
  8. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    I'm actually more fearful of leaving my child with a nanny or in-home daycares. At least in a big daycare center, any abuse would likely be dutifully noticed and interceded upon. If anything, I would take the 6 weeks off and put him in a big, reputable daycare center. And my husband would never allow someone to come into our home anyways. I guess, in short, I really only trust myself and immediate family with the baby.

    But the thought of getting them ready for the big daycares in the morning after being up every couple of hours (because I won't get any help) just to be to work on time in the district 1.25 hours away isn't any consolation either. I actually have to catch a ferry boat to get to work!!!!

    :(
     
  9. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Apr 21, 2013

    Why not?
     
  10. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    Apr 21, 2013

    I actually busted out laughing when I saw your question! I know it's hard to imagine this in 2013, but my husband is very "traditional" minded and believes the bulk of child-rearing, household duties, etc. are a woman's role not a man's. I do all of the diaper changing, baths, getting up in the middle of the night with the baby, feeding, rocking etc. There is no way on Earth he would ever, ever, ever take FMLA leave to stay home and take care of the baby. Seriously, the first few weeks after we come home from the hospital, I literally have to beg for him to help me out long enough to take a shower. Thank God my in-laws are next door so if I need a good thirty minutes to freshen up, I can get someone to come watch the baby while I do so.
     
  11. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Apr 21, 2013

    Well, if this is the case, then I assume that he makes more than enough money to financially support your family on his income alone. Since that must be true, then there isn't really any reason for you to have to go to work. Problem solved! :)
     
  12. ravinraven

    ravinraven Companion

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    Apr 21, 2013

    So you are only getting 6 weeks of leave and more is non-negotiable. You don't want to put your infant in day care or leave them with an in-home nanny. Relatives aren't an option and your husband won't man up and take care of his own child. As far as I can see the only option left is resigning your postion and being a stay-at-home mom. If you really need both incomes, you may need to have to tell your husband that since he helped make the baby, the least he can do is take care of it.
     
  13. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    He does make enough money (barely) to support the household on his own. But, as you can imagine, earning income is the only form of independence I have--without it, I have as much authority as our five-year-old in the home. :mad:
     
  14. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I may be overstepping, and feel free to tell me if I am, but this doesn't sound like the kind of marriage I would want. Do you think counseling might be a good option for you two? Did you know this about him before you married him? Why would you want to have more children with him if he's like this?
     
  15. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    I guess you're right...it's all muddled in my head right now. I want to be a teacher but ultimately, I will not be able to hand my child over to a stranger to care for him at 6-8 weeks--so resignation is all I can do. It just stinks because I don't want to be out of the classroom more than 12-16 weeks--if I had FMLA protection this would be totally a non-issue.

    I guess the only question is, how bad does it look to prospective teaching employers (say a mid-year position comes up) for a first-year teacher to resign for wanting to stay home with their baby for the first 3-4 months of his/her life? I suppose this is much better than a contract failing to renew or being fired or leaving for no reason at all...
     
  16. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    Apr 21, 2013

    I put my 2nd baby in daycare at 8 weeks old this January, at the height of flu season. She was protected from the flu because I had my flu shot while pregnant. At that young age, she's not really interacting with the other babies. She had more risk getting sick at home (big sister had bronchitis when little sister was born and my husband got the flu even after his flu shot when she was 3 weeks old). My point is you can't keep baby in a bubble, and at some point, they will be exposed to germs. In my case, I have to work so returning at 8 weeks was necessary. I also think she has adjusted to daycare better than her older sister did because she started earlier. My oldest didn't start until 5 months (spring break baby them home all summer). If you want to keep teaching, I say keep your current position but keep looking as well. You never know, another district may approve unpaid leave. Paid leave is pretty much unheard of in my area, so it would be a major perk to consider.
     
  17. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    It isn't the kind of marriage I want now, at 27 years old, but it is the one I have. He is 12 years older than me, I met him when I was 19 and since I was 19 and KNEW EVERYTHING about life (lol), I married him, despite everyone's objections. I made vows that I stand by and will continue to stand by until the day that I die. Granted, I'm not a equal in this relationship and never will be, but I keep myself happy and full of joy regardless--because counseling as you suggest, is out of the question.

    TMI ALERT...This child wasn't planned at all, I was on the pill but apparently the low-hormone pill was too low to prevent ovulation in my case (very rare that pill failure happens).
     
  18. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    Thank you for your response and giving me more to contemplate before making my final decision.
     
  19. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I put feelers out with other teachers in my school when I had my daughter. We had a stay at home mom that volunteered at our school. She watched my daughter in her home for two years. She was wonderful. She loved my daughter and I had reliable daycare. I also drove to my job 45 minutes one way. It was nice knowing she was five minutes from my job. And MeMe...what my daughter called her...brought her to parties and to me after school. Ask around...there might be another option.
     
  20. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Public Service Announcement:

    If one has doubts as to the legitimacy or placement of a thread or post, please use the "report" button, and a moderator will have a look and decide how to deal with it.

    Complaining on the thread or in response to the post merely frustrates legitimate members while encouraging trolls.

    Thanks, all.
     
  21. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    Apr 22, 2013

    Not sure what happened to mine and Miss D's posts, but anyways, Miss D you might want to actually read that post again and this one because they ARE not the same question.

    The first is asking about my chances of being hired pregnant for the upcoming school year during interviews NOW (since I will need a sub).

    This one is asking if I should keep my current position or resign WITHOUT a job offer and if banking on a mid-year hire is too risky.

    The first is attempting to find something in August, the second is about finding something in December/January/February.
     
  22. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    Okay, this is just ridiculous. Now posts by a legitimate person regarding an issue of significant professional and personal importance is being deleted by a so-called administrator. I will be contacting the owners of this site regarding this. This is truly absurd.
     
  23. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

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    Apr 22, 2013

    AdamnJakesMommy - Relax. :) In hopes of keeping the thread on track, one of our wonderful moderators, who I would politely ask you to respect, tried to redirect the topic and suggested that people use the report button if they have concerns vs. airing them in public. The posts were removed for your benefit so we could continue on topic with some hopefully helpful responses.
     
  24. MissD59

    MissD59 Comrade

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    Apr 22, 2013

    Oh, I thought you wound up asking about a mid-year hire later on in that same thread. My mistake! :)

    I think ultimately, as far as it how it looks to a principal knowing you resigned to take care of your child for the first 3-4 months of their life, I can't imagine a principal having an issue with this. If I were a principal, I would think that it shows that you know what you want, and resigned for family reasons. I can't see that being frowned upon, and if it was, that probably is a principal you wouldn't want to work for anyway. :2cents: Applying for jobs after those months shouldn't be an issue, as far as resigning is concerned.
     

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