I am in an odd predicament. I thought I had finally arrived when I accepted this job at an "alternative" art middle school. I was going to be a great way to fulfill my internship to complete my master's program and get my preliminary credentials. I was told the class sizes are small. Approximately 12-20 students per class. Man, my recruiter couldn't have lied as good as this principal. Four weeks in, I am dreading waking up every morning. I question why I bother going through the motions, pouring my heart and soul into lessons that will never be completed. Why? Because my students are completely out of control, and it takes 40/50 minutes to even get them all settled enough to start addressing them. Classroom management was never an issue for me. Management was never an issue for me. But it's as though for the last 9 years, these kids have been living in the woods where no rules or social graces exist. As the days pass, I just feel the life draining from me. I am so mentally and emotionally drained. It's hard for me to do anything outside when I finally do get off work. At work, I feel like I have kind of stopped trying because I don't see the point. Nobody listens to me. Nobody hears me. My class is like an abusive relationship. I feel ignored, neglected, beatdown, disrespected, and mostly, worthless. Within the matter of weeks, I feel like I have lost all my self-esteem. I stay awake at night and cry in frustration. I have panic attacks when I wake up in the morning. It got so bad that I was hospitalized last week for three nights due to chest pains. The worst part? My principal is treating me like I am faking my illness just to get away from work. I am more stressed out sitting in the hospital answering her emails than I would be if I was at work dealing with those nightmare children of mine. Now she is harassing me and belittling me, insinuating that I am a bad teacher. I didn't want to comeback before, but I have to. I need to fulfill my internship. However, the atmosphere now feels so toxic, I really don't want to come back, and I am anxious just thinking about dealing with her on top of the rowdy students. Does anyone have any insight? What am I doing with my life?!