My dad's wedding-do I go or not?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by mincc, Jul 1, 2007.

  1. OtterMom

    OtterMom Comrade

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    Jul 5, 2007

    I am sitting here with tears running down my face. Oh, guys, I am so sorry that a lot of you have had to face all that you have had to. It reminds me of the saying, "I complained that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."

    My childhood, despite its warts, was BLISS compared to a lot of your stories. It makes my adulthood easier to take, too.

    My former husband and the father of my three sons announced on our 18th anniversary that he wanted a divorce. Long story, won't inflict it on you now, but although the pain and repercussions were huge and lasted for a long time, this event that I thought was the end of my life turned into a huge blessing that was the beginning of a much better life, and...among other things, it's the reason I'm TEACHING now :) .

    Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that the first of my kids got married at the end of May, and I spent a lot of time prior to that worrying about having to deal with my ex-in-laws (I have a friend who calls them my outlaws.) I had tons of people praying for me, and, it ended up going so smoothly that I almost wondered what I had been worrying about.

    Mincc, I will be praying for you and your "going to the wedding" situation too. God helped me get beyond all the pain caused by my former family, and allowed me a spirit of forgiveness, something I would never have been able to do on my own.

    God bless you.
     
  2. etcetera83

    etcetera83 Cohort

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    Jul 5, 2007

    Otter - I'm glad that God turned something painful into a huge blessing and has inspired you to teach.
     
  3. OtterMom

    OtterMom Comrade

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    Thanks. This is the verse I kept pasted up everywhere:

    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
    - Jeremiah 29:11
     
  4. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007

    Outlaws Ottermom?? that is funny!!

    I used to say, I don't care if you don't speak to me...I got tons of people I am not speaking to! Just get in line! :(

    While we are singing.....

    Ever-ry day, is a day of Thanksgiving
    God's been so good to me
    Every day He is blessing me

    Who took the family out of food, family and fun??

    sorry mincc...this thread is getting deeper....

    If it weren't for grandparents, some of us would never have a decent meal! But who says you can't take your relatives out to eat once in awhile, instead of letting them cook all day in a hot kitchen when all that love ends up into tupperware bowls!

    I finally figured out why my ex's mom kept cooking big meals; so her grown kids would always come over. Food was the tie that kept them close to her.

    some folks would rather nuke a pizza, and call it a day. Preparing the meal was part of family time, and the love you put into it!

    Can't get that from a drive-thru window.

    "Yes, can I get a hug, and a drop of icing on my nose with that meal???"
     
  5. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007


    So true:D ;)
     
  6. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    Jul 5, 2007

    In retrospect, I don't begrudge any of the problems that I grew up with, because if I hadn't done/been there/that then, I wouldn't be here/have this now. I have a wonderful hubby, a beautiful daughter, a caring son in law, a gorgeous grandson, and most importantly, Christ is working on and through me. Mincc, I think that you are strong enough to attend the wedding and to maintain decorum for your and your dad's sake.
     
  7. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jul 5, 2007

    Now that is a good one
    Today I went to Sonic and they did not have the cookie dough shake (ran out of the stuff for it) :(
    no hug, no icing on my nose and no cookie dough shake :(
     
  8. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007

    Cookie Dough Shake!:D :cool:

    We don't have any Sonics here- bummer :(
     
  9. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Sonic?? Isn't that the little hedge hog in the Playstation 2 game that gets mad and pats his feet when you stop playing??
     
  10. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jul 5, 2007

    Well I am going to "Buffalo Wild Wings" for Wings and Ribs Yum yum It also has 25 TVs all tuned to sports!!!! A guy's heaven it is like "Hooters" without the sexy shorts on the waitresses to take your eyes off the game....... er...... games Heck that is all Hooters has to get people in the door the food in nothing to write on a buliten board about

    sex and sports is not really a good mix
     
  11. OtterMom

    OtterMom Comrade

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    Jul 5, 2007

    On days when I am down, I make a list of "Ten Things I Am Thankful For." Here's my one for tomorrow:

    1. There is a Sonic 3 miles from my house!!!!!!!!
    2. It stopped raining long enough on the 4th
    that I got to go to the lake.
    3. It's FRIDAY!
    4. It's SUMMER!
    5. I made my last car payment (after 5 years)!
    6. The rain has made it cool enough that
    my electric bill won't be painful.
    7. I have a sweet Maggy dog who loves me.
    8. There is a neat Star Wars exhibit at the museum
    I'm going to see this weekend, I hope.
    9. I got a neat new bluegrass CD to listen to.
    10. It might stop raining sometime soon.
     
  12. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jul 5, 2007

    here you go
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonic_Drive_In
     
  13. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    Wooohoo! Congratulations on Both of those achievements! They are both something to be proud of! :)
     
  14. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007

    what would I do without you Davey?? You are just a plethora(sp?) of information! :)

    But you guys haven't lived 'til you had an In-and-Out Burger!!! True drive in, out of the 50's L.A. style!

    OMG, they actually cut the fries from potatoes..you can see them! and they still wear paper hats!

    a double double, with a pink lemonade...

    wait, did somebody mention car payment? Oh, yeah mine's the 25th now!

    whew!!!
     
  15. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Ummm....ok Now I'm starving...:eek:
     
  16. OtterMom

    OtterMom Comrade

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    Jul 5, 2007

    OOOh, when my oldest graduated from Marine boot camp, I got to go to San Diego and have an In & Out burger. Yum, yum.

    :D
     
  17. OtterMom

    OtterMom Comrade

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    Jul 5, 2007

    BTW Sonic fans, why did they discontinue the steak sandwich? I loved that!
     
  18. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    I know, Ottermom! It was nothing but empty calories and fat, but it sure was good eating! They had a peach smoothy for a while there that was really good, too, but they dropped it.
     
  19. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007

    I think the worst food, and commercials award goes to Carl's Jr. and Bob's Big Boy!

    Arby's is a close third!

    Does anybody actually eat at those places?? I used to eat at Arby's and I don't remember why!! Oh, just the potato cakes.

    that's it!
     
  20. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Arby's just came back to this area... love it!
     
  21. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Jul 6, 2007

    MsFriz, you sure you didn't get to close to that purple haze..Jimi had??. ;)

    "Arby's is a big juicy, roast beef....something something..."

    maybe I just got burned out with them, or couldn't get with the jingle!

    you know, back to the post...

    I have a friend who actually is good friends with her ex's ex. They both have a set of kids. The kids get along just fine. They come over, eat, laugh, watch tv...downright civil.

    I don't think I good make eye contact with a person who has been with somebody I am involved with.

    too immature to envision that scene

    this is where the food fight comes in


    No arby roast beef sandwhiches were injured in this post
     
  22. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Aug 7, 2007

    One month til the big day. I have a cute dress and shoes. It has gone from a catered afternoon lunch to a barbeque where you should "wear what you want." My soon to be stepsister called just a few minutes ago....I was the "last" one (she mentioned) to be called to be invited to a surprise lunch for my soon to be stepmother in 2 weeks. I am skipping the lunch. I am sorry, but some other things have happened with my dad lately and I do not need to attend this lunch. Plus, I do not have the money to chip in for this. I will probably wimp out though and go....:(

    But now I do have a job!!!!!!! AWESOME! I am hijacking my own thread. :p All this time and I was about to give up and a miracle happened.:2up:
     
  23. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Congratulations on your job!!! (I think it's okay to hijack your own thread--particularly with exciting news!)
     
  24. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Thank you so much, MrsC! :) I am teaching special ed., too!
     
  25. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Aug 7, 2007

    Great news, mincc!
     
  26. cMcD

    cMcD Groupie

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    I just found, and read this thread. It reminds me a lot of my EX-stepmom. It took my Dad 20 years to figure out she was a heartless and conniving *cough* person, but at least he figured it out.

    Congrats on the job!!! Now you can boast about your wonderful job at their wedding! :)
     
  27. jenglish97

    jenglish97 Devotee

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    Aug 7, 2007

    mincc-

    Congrats on your job. Where are you teaching? You can send me a PM. I teach in Northern NJ (Morris County).

    jenglish
     
  28. Eliza

    Eliza Companion

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    Congratulations on your job! That is GREAT news!
     
  29. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    Congrats!!! I'm sorry things with the family haven't gotten any better. But you have a great job AND you are the better person :D

    I too am curious where your job is...I teach in Mercer County but live in Burlington County. Congrats again!!!!!!
     
  30. etcetera83

    etcetera83 Cohort

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    Yea for you on your new job!!!!! Congrats!
     
  31. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Aug 8, 2007

    Thank you all so much!!!!! It really means a lot. :) I never thought this day would come, I was applying for other jobs and this came up.
    I think it is fate-the position seems ideal for me and the district is really nice. They cannot be more helpful and friendly. I feel like I won a huge lottery.

    I actually mentioned to my stepsister last night that I had been hired and I got silence in response. She asked how I was and I said thrilled because I have been hired. My dad says he cannot believe it because he thought I was trying to do the impossible. I am learning to ignore them.

    cmc,

    I am so sorry for your dad. I am glad he realized. My dad is in D-E-N-I-A-L. It is really sad, the whole thing. It is a Jerry Springer story, I have not even told the half of it. But, I am viewing this as a fresh start for me and my life. The past few years have been really rough and this is a wonderful change.

    Thank you all again!
     
  32. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Aug 8, 2007

    YAY! CONGRATS! Good for you.:2up:
     
  33. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Thank you, Jen!!!!!!:angel:
     
  34. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Aug 9, 2007

    Mincc...CONGRATS... Now I'm picturing you at the wedding when someone asks you that job question you can say yup!!!

    On a side note...it did kinda feel good to stick it to the "new" stepsister didn't it???;)
     
  35. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Yes, Diz. :cool: Thanks!

    2 weeks to go. Yikes.

    Ironically, I did go to that luncheon and it seemed that one or 2 of my aunts either are not thrilled with this or they knew I am not. I did NOT say anything bad, in fact, I sat next to stepmons..I mean stepmom and was very cordial. I was on my best behavior. :D Smiled at my linguini. But no one asked me if I am excited, which I was expecting. I think they are not sure what to make of my stepmom. She is overwhelming at times. Beer (us) and wine, our families are. This is going to be an interesting day, for sure.....

    On a side note, my dad was not allowed to have any input in the guest list except for relatives and when he mentioned inviting their neighbors on each side (he talks to them daily) stepmom vetoed it. So, he is embarrassed, he tells me, that there will be a big shindig and they will see it and not be there. But, he will not go against this woman. I am really surprised I was included, I really am.

    Yikes. First week of new job and this the same week.
     
  36. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Aug 26, 2007

    Oh she sounds so evil. I can't believe she won't allow him to invite the neighbors. How horrible.
     
  37. Tyland

    Tyland Rookie

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    Aug 27, 2007

    My step mother arrived on the scene with an air of ownership over my dad. Over the years, I've come to realize she's just a miserable being with no people skills. My father has realized that, too - thank God. Unfortunately, he's decided not to dump her but I figure that's his nightmare, not mine. However, it has made for a better relationship between the two of us. What's sad is my SM totally alienated my father's family; so much so that people won't attend functions held at their house. Tolerance is the magic word for my dad's family.

    My mother debated attending certain family functions, once she became the "ex", but not those involving her children. Her philosophy was it was her "turf" and no one was chasing her off. It made my SM uncomfortable, to say the least I'm sure.

    So, defend your turf! He'll always be your Dad - she can't say he'll always be her husband. If only you could go up to your dad and tell him he's lost his cohones (I'm sure I misspelled that but you know what I mean). Pray that he wakes up, sees what's going on, and takes back control of his life.

    Good luck with your new job!! Now you have something very positive to focus on if the wedding hullabaloo gets to you.
     
  38. Ponypal

    Ponypal Comrade

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    Aug 27, 2007

    mincc- YOU GO GIRL!!! So glad to hear the EXCELLENT news about your job! :2up: We're all here for you, no matter what any of those other (wedding related) people in your life say or do. I have been thinking about you, as I was thinking about my own dad the other day. I was hoping that your dad had maybe come to his senses. I know that mine hasn't. You are doing the right thing.

    Take care,

    Ponypal
     
  39. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    It is always best to take the high road! Then you are true to yourself. You can hold your head up and know you are a person of integrity.

    Definitely take a friend with you. And you might plan to leave at a certain time, like after the toasts are over. Hang with your friend, talk to people you like. If someone says something rude, just smile and turn to someone else and ask "So how are things going for you these days? How is your family?" Completely ignore the ignoramuses. Pretend you are Princess Di for the afternoon, which means graciousness defined, in public anyway. I do feel for you having gone through a similar situation. It took me years to be able to stand up to my step mom, even on issues that had no significance at all, she would contradict me no matter what. It was a power play.

    Go to the wedding, have a plan in place, drop a note to your dad every couple of weeks so you leave the door open in case he wants to have a better relationship. Meanwhile, focus on your own goals and your own relationships and hold your head up! Let us know how it goes.
     
  40. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Sep 8, 2007

    Thank you again everyone.

    I made it through, but it was tough. I am glad I can say I went, but it was not a fun time. My friend was appalled at the way they acted. I got to talk to my dad for about 4 minutes, when my stepmother noticed she pulled him away. Her family was seated near the area where they said their vows and I had to stand near the back. I was not made part of any of it and was pretty much ignored.
    I have a feeling the worst is yet to come because my stepmother definitely upped her coldness to me. So sad.

    I am relieved it is done. My new job started and I am exhausted. My students are way more disturbed than I was told (I can handle it, though), but I have my hands full and a lot of challenges ahead. It was a crazy week.

    Thanks again to you all. :)
     

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