My dad's wedding-do I go or not?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by mincc, Jul 1, 2007.

  1. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Jul 1, 2007

    I really need as much advice as possible. My dad is getting married in 2 months.

    Long story short: My dad and stepmom (I refer to her now) have been together almost 10 years, since I was 23. In the beginning, everything was ok. She is NOT a warm and fuzzy person, so it is hard to really get to know her. She is also very "assertive" and domineering, to the point that she knows everything, very strong personality. She has done some nice things for me, like editing my cover letter and resume. So, things were ok until 3 years ago, when they bought a house together.

    It seems like my dad has a whole new life. I am not comfy in their home. He has become really obnoxious, to the point he has made me cry. He tells me that it is my fault that I do not have a job because I am not agressive enough (believe me, that is so far from the truth).
    He tells me that SHE says I should be finding a job. She has NO idea how bad the market is here, as she is in healthcare and that is a really open field here.

    Then we have my stepsister. Oh boy...I need Dr. Phil. They planned the wedding date around HER schedule and my dad said he "hoped I would come." My husband may not be able to because of his job. My dad said they had to do it this way. He admitted to me he wanted to go away and get married, but stepsister whined and said she had to be there. Stepsister is 30 and married and beyond spoiled-mom pays all their bills and so does my dad at times. That is a whole other story.

    My dad also informed me that he has made "stepmom his #1 prioirty and he is leaving most of his savings to her." Now, this was out of the blue. I DO NOT discuss these things. I may add that my stepmom is quite well off and will be more than secure on her own. But I dont know why he just said that!

    My dad and I used to be super close. When he and my mom divorced, I went to live with him. He is like a totally different man. He constantly criticizes me and puts me down and is negative. I have been a great daughter to him, never gave him an ounce of trouble.

    I do not know how I am going to get through their wedding. I went to visit the other day and they were rude. It has gotten to the point that my husband has mentioned this and he NEVER gets involved or states anything about my family. He said my eyes look so sad after I talk with dad. He also said that once they are officially wed, my dad will barely contact me.

    Should I even go? They are not including me in anything. My friend offered to come as a buffer. I am really afraid that my stepsister is going to make a smart remark (last time it was that if SHE were looking for a teaching job, she would have one.)

    I know this is my side of the story, but I promise I have been good. :eek: It is like Cinderella.

    Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading!
     
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  3. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    I would go to the wedding. If any one brings up you not having a job tell them you are there to enjoy yourself and walk away.
     
  4. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Oh, wow, what a shame that you can't be as close to your dad as you once were. I can understand how hurt you are and I don't think you should just let them walk all over you.

    I really think, though, that their wedding isn't the right time to take a stand. First of all, it will just encourage them to blame you and give them a reason to be nasty. Secondly, you won't have resolved anything and will probably feel a bit guilty. Thirdly, he is your dad. No matter what.

    If you can bring a friend in place of your hubby, do that. Try and get through the day without thinking of all the hurt that's already there. Tell yourself that you will make your feelings known to them when the time is appropriate and you feel ready to do that in a positive way.

    I think that your impulse is to want to 'get back' at them, but you will probably just let yourself down if you don't go to the wedding. Weddings aren't the place to draw the line.
     
  5. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    he's your dad. Go.

    You can always leave if things get uncomfortable.
     
  6. etcetera83

    etcetera83 Cohort

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    I have been in your exact shoes and I feel for you. It's tough feeling like you've lost one of your best friends. But I think that if you don't go to the wedding you will feel guilty and give others ammunition. Don't go by yourself-take your friend if your hubby can't go. I truly am sorry you are going through this.
     
  7. Ponypal

    Ponypal Comrade

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    mincc- I'm so sorry to hear your news. Like etcetera, I am there too with my own dad. At first, I wanted to say what I would do and then I read the other posts. I feel that maybe you should give it one "last" try and go to the wedding (w/someone). As it was stated before, you can always leave, and if you do leave, then you can hold your head up high knowing that you were the better person here. No one will ever be able to say that you didn't try. I give you so much credit. I know it takes a lot of courage to ask this question and it takes every ounce of everything you have to go to this wedding. I am thinking of you and am wishing you the best. Take care, Ponypal.
     
  8. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    I think your dad is being manipulated by this woman, but he obviously loves her and you have to respect that. Be the better person- go to the wedding- for your dad's sake. If you don't go that will just fuel the fire with your stepmom. Understand, that whatever he says is really her speaking.
     
  9. love2teach

    love2teach Enthusiast

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    go....you dont want people at the wedding saying "I wonder why __'s daughter is not here?" Then it makes you look like "the bad guy" for not going to your own dad's wedding....
     
  10. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Of course you should go. Why would you even need to ask? It has nothing to do with you or your step-mom. This is about being a daughter who loves her dad.
     
  11. Youngteacher226

    Youngteacher226 Enthusiast

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    I understand how you feel...trust me! I am 28 and my dad doesn't even contact me, not even on birthdays, holidays etc. The reason for this is my dad's longtime girlfriend (she's not even his wife but have been together since I was 13). But anyway, I do not accept her, but I tried to tolerate her. I guess it wasn't enough for them because somehow, she's convinced him, or he's convinced himself not to be apart of my life. But if they were to call me today and say they were getting married, I would probably not go. But my situation is different. It sounds like your dad really loves you and you don't want to burn that bridge with him. The important thing is you and your dad still have a relationship, even if its rocky at times. Keep that relationship with your dad, if you don't go to the wedding, there is a good chance she'll try to keep him from talking to you. Don't give her the satisfaction.
    As for the step-sister...well, my opinion is, you don't have to have her in your life. You can be cordial, but you don't have to let idiots into your life.
    I wish you all the best. :)
     
  12. teachingmomof4

    teachingmomof4 Groupie

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    I would go to the wedding but leave if things get to uncomfortable. If you don't go, you may regret it later. I would definitely talk to your dad about your feelings though. I am sorry about what is happening between you and your dad. (My dad died when I was 2 1/2 so I didn't know him at all. I am close to my dad now...my uncle...but not dad/daughter close.) Cherish the times you have with him now.
     
  13. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    take a friend, take a breath, and relax

    Hi Mincc,

    Sounds like you are dealing with alot. Sorry things are going so rough for you. I am with the consensus..go, and take a friend.

    1. your husband will always be there for you. Try not to get him mixed up in this painful part of your life. A friend can be helpful and supportive. Having your husband there, IMO, is a mixed blessing. He already senses your pain, you need a impartial 3rd party to maybe tell you to stand up, and walk thru this, or be ready to leave when you are.

    2. Your dad will always be your dad. Wives and step-sisters may come and go. But whatever he is feeling now, just remember..he is a man first. Sometimes, they can't always think straight. ;) When the party is over, he will be glad you are there. He may not show it now, but somewhere inside...I sure he wants your support. He may show a different side now, but sometimes we all go thru this.

    3. I am no expert, belive me. I just think some things we need to go thru to get over. You can always leave if you feel uncomfortable, that is your right.

    I broke up with my ex, went back to him and broke up again for good. But I know he is still my daughter's father, and what ever relationship they have..I need to respect that. She will always want to know both sides. I can't say he will hurt her like he hurt me, and then she will know. He has before, and she still tries to keep in touch with him. Maybe she will always try to have some connection to him. I just feel he is no longer part of my life. I can remain civil with his family, I just don't want to be with them. My case is different. I know family will keep some sliver of hope that I will come back again. I know this is not good for me. But I must realize that my safety zone is not dependent on her excluding him from her life too.

    Hope that wasn't too much detailed...but bottom line is, we only get one set of parents. Love them while you can. If they leave you, and come back...take them. It would be different (and devastating) if he didn't want you there.

    When it is all over, you can come home, cry with hubby, and just hope that he will keep in touch.

    forget the job hunt...I'm with you there. Whole different animal. People need to leave your economic status out of their lives. You are entitled to your feelings and opinions regardless. Anytime you want to vent about job hunting...you can pm me!

    Master Pre-K
    (just a job title--not of master of anything--still learning)
     
  14. hanvan

    hanvan Connoisseur

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    I think everyone already said it but I would go...hes your dad
     
  15. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    GO! It'll make you feel better and cannot be used against you later. You can be a shadow at the wedding.

    Consider finding your dad a card for the day and write a note in it. Something about how you know times have changed your relationship but you still cherish the times you had together.

    Could just you and your dad take a weekend getaway?

    You never mentioned your mom. The only reason I ask is for the savings part. If your mom has passed and some of that were hers, then you are entitiled to some of it too.
     
  16. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    yeah, I kinda stayed away from that. but this is true Rabbitt.

    When he is in a good mood, get copies of everything. birth certificate, marriage license, any insurance or wills. You may never know. If he questions why, say you want to add him on your life insurance policy or something.

    I had the hardest time gathering all those documents to get my dad's veterans benefits. There are things you are entitled to. You should have first preference over his wife, but only if you act now.

    this can get real sticky.

    of course, when you focus on your own life...you won't need to worry about his inheritance to you. just my opinion. It may cost you hundreds of dollars, and years of tears to get something that you deserve. You can be right, but it may not make you happy.
     
  17. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    I want to thank you ALL for your replies. You have helped me so, so much and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.

    I will go and leave if I absolutely can't stand it-I can take a lot, though if necessary.

    I will not throw meatballs at anyone. I will not tell my stepsister what I really think. I will station myself by the dessert table and consume as much chocolate as humanly possible and worry about the calories later. My friend is coming along and will be with me. My husband will most likely have to work-his job is 24/7. I think he is relieved, actually.

    The ironic thing is, I can handle a room of severely emotionally disturbed students, yet I am a complete and total wimp when it comes to these 3. I have NEVER said anything, other than to tell me dad very nicely on a couple of occasions that I felt like he was changing. Once, he laughed, the other time he told me that I was nuts.

    I think my dad has become a pod person. I am constantly amazed that he has changed this MUCH.

    For those of you that have been through this/are going through it, thank you so much for your advice. I am so sorry for all of your pain.
    It is very very hard to deal with and there never seems to be an easy answer. Know it isnt you


    Rabbitt and Master,

    My mom is still here! They got divorced about 20 years ago. She has not remarried. The money thing is clearly uncomfortable. WHen he brought that up I was baffled because it seemed weird and so....random. I do not discuss money and wills....makes me way too uncomfortable. Last year, though, my dad had surgery. My stepmom went with him really early in the morning, left and went to work. She was supposed to leave my name and number with the desk at the hospital so that when I got there, I could go in and see him and get info. Well, she did not, and they did not want to let me see him. I begged the woman to let me in and finally, she relented. When I asked my stepmom about this later, she smiled and said "oops." I did not find that funny, not at all. My friend recently lost her mom and her dad died 4 years ago (they were only in their 50s) and her mom had never changed the executor from 20 years ago. So, it became a HUGE battle with an aunt in another state who my friend barely knows. It was a mess. I used to work in a retirment center and the families could get viscious over money. It used to make me sick. I am NOT going to get into a fight with stepmom...it is just a shame because my dad has worked a physically demanding job for 30 years and he worked so hard to save that. I would rather him leave it to a charity, but he will do what he wants.

    Ironically, last night he did call and he mentioned that he would rather fly to Vegas, but he cannot disappoint stepsister. She is 30, not 15. But, oh well...I think he is concerned about the money. I think the wedding plans are starting to take on more and more and he does not want that-he says he doesn't need a big show. :confused:

    Thank you all again. Please don't think I am an evil daughter. I have cried so many tears over this. He has been esp. hurtful this past year. He recently went to Italy and brought me home a medal and he said it is the Saint for lost things and since I am lost, I need it. :(
    I consider myself anything but....He also did not come to the surprise birthday my husband threw for me last year because they took stepsister out to dinner. So this is the stuff I deal with everyday. We used to go out for my birthday every year, that stopped. ONLY after they moved in together. That is what is so bizarre to me.

    I will let you know how the wedding goes...I am hoping that one of my cousins comes from Florida-he is a sweetheart and will help me out, too.
     
  18. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    LIke the others sorry you're in this position...& feel for you!!! Your last comments about your dad calling seems to me that he wants that "old" relationship back, but is afraid to step on "new" toes!!! It seems as though he feels "obligated" to the new wife to be & her family..do you & your dad live close by each other???

    I hope you do go. I know from personal experience about not having someone at your wedding that you wanted there!!! I look back now & feel a little guilt about how things went down, but you can't change that.

    If the job thing comes up say your options are open.

    Good Luck & be the bigger woman in his ( I don't mean that after you ate all the chocolate either...haha ;) )


    The will thing...save for after the wedding for now unless it's quite awhile off. I know someone who got divorced & now is remarried, but has life insurance in divorced wife's name...
     
  19. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    some people come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. Dads are for life...despite the ups and downs.

    Mine has always treated me as the butt of his jokes. I am so used to laughing, I don't realize I am being insulted. Maybe that is why I had (have??) such low self esteem, and pick the wrong guy and wrong job, over and over again. But he is still my Dad.

    I can't blame him for everything. I did get my degree, and became a teacher. And although he jokes about me, he told me something really touching last week. He has alzheimers, so you can't take too much he says seriously. But he said to me, "You are the smartest daughter I have!" You are the only one who stayed in school! And you can speak Spanish, and you are a teacher!

    wow, for a minute...I almost forgot that stuff.

    Pass up the food fight. Read up on the HIPPA laws. As long as you know his DOB/age/last 4 of social, you can see or find out anything about anybody!

    Keep us posted. You got AtoZ friends in FL too...ask them now if you gotta pm somebody at 4 am!
     
  20. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    About the will thing, I just wanted to make sure your mom had not passed. If she had, there may have been keepsakes and her dollars.

    I am proud of you! You are a mature, respectful person.

    Call that cousin and make sure he/she is coming!
     
  21. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Oh ya, you must let us know how this all turns out!
     
  22. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    At least you were invited to your Dad's wedding. When my Dad got married to my step mom I wasn't even invited. My sister and my brother were but not me. You see I had done the unthinkable, I had actually moved my family to my Mom's property,(mobil home free rent) that way I could afford to go to school and not have to work. He thought I had choosen sides, even when I told him many times that it wasn't that I was choosing sides. I was doing it so that I could do better for my family. We mended fences for a while but we are back to not communicating. He did live in the same community, but moved a few summers ago to another state. I absolutely LOVE my step mom. She has been great to my Dad and for my Dad so it's not that I dont get along with her. My Dad treats my brother and sometimes my sister so much better than me. He pays for trips for my brother and his family and take it from me my brother has a good job. My sister who just got married, he does call her from time to time. THere has been so much drama that I can't write it here. All of it caused by outside forces that I get the blame for. Does he call me? DOes he email me? Nope! Does it bother me? Most days no, somedays yes. I know that he is my only dad, but I am his only oldest daughter as well. If you can keep somewhat of a relationship with your Dad I would. Right now I have none and well today is one of those days it bothers me.
     
  23. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Thank you all-again. :angel:

    Diznee,

    My stepmom controls him. He is a pod person. Some of the things she has said and done, that my stepsister has done-he would have not tolerated with me and my brother. :confused: The changes in him have been amazing. He talks differently, eats differently (he used to eat healthy and walk every day-not anymore), and is obnoxious. Pod person, I tell you. He lives 30 minutes away. I see him about once a month on average, sometimes less. I am going and yes, the chocolate will make me bigger, too. ;) (The one perk, the caterer is fantastic. His food is out of this world. Oh boy.....)

    Master,

    I am sorry about the Alzheimer's. I have a lot of experience with this. I am glad your dad told you this, you CAN take his words seriously.

    Rabbitt,

    Thanks so much for your kind words. :) I will keep you upoated. I bought them a vase, so I am making progress....

    Txmom,

    I am so sorry. Your dad has his own issues, it has nothing to do with you. I am glad you and your stepmom get along. I wish I could be closer to mine, but there is no way. Besides her daughter and my dad, I do not think she lets anyone in, and there is still a distance there. It is hard to explain. I hope you can start talking to your dad. I do not want that to happen, but I am really concerned.
    I called him today and he barely had anything to say. I am making the effort and at least I know that.
     
  24. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    it is good to hear everyone sharing their thoughts

    I used to think only kids went thru this drama.. :(

    Forgive me for my past ignorance...

    step parents, in-laws, divorces and separations can affect us all

    Any chance to rekindle a relationship is good...make sure you are ready when that time comes...I have been a bad example of this

    try not to dwell on the obvious...he is a different person, because he has somebody different in his life

    I think my daughter absolutely hated my guts when I went back to her dad. She had never really seen me involved with someone,(besides him) and I guess she was annoyed to think I could have a love life, and she was no longer the center of my world..imagine that! :0

    also, I think he resented me leaving him, and then she resented me leaving her, so I don't think either of them will ever forgive me. But oh, well..I decided I had to make one person happy

    might as well be me

    am I the only one who can't sleep because of the fireworks??
     
  25. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    Mincc: I too am sorry for your pain,and can empathize because of my own experiences. I agree with what everyone has already said, so I won't repeat it. Just be kind and considerate (in other words, loving) to your dad, his new wife, and your new stepsister, even if you have to swallow a load of bile in order to do it. In the end, you will feel better about yourself. I like the idea of a card for your dad in which you tell him how much you miss the closeness that you used to share.

    Nope! Although... mine did START when I was a kid.

    My parents were married for 17 years, during which they had 4 kids and 22 separations (no kidding). By the time they finally did divorce (when I was 17), I was thrilled -- I told my mother that she was a fool to go back to my dad when I was 12. Anyway, I did not have a relationship with my dad for 12 years, for several reasons. His new wives (he remarried and divorced 5 times) wanted nothing to do with his children, he refused to help me financially to stay in college when I was 19 (although he definitely had the money), and I did not approve of his lifestyle (he's an alcoholic and compulsive gambler). For some crazy reason, he and my mom got together AGAIN and remarried. Of course, this did not last, but it did allow us (the kids) the opportunity to reacquaint ourselves with our (recovering alcoholic and compulsive gambler) now sober dad. Has it been easy? No Has it been worth it? Well, at least my daughter got to know her grandfather, and I got to rid myself of much anger that had been seething beneath the surface for many years. Daddy has remarried (again) 3 years ago, and he and his current wife are very happy. They live in Alaska now, which is somewhere I know Daddy always wanted to go. We keep in touch through email, telephones and he makes visits. Sometimes it just takes some space and time for people to realize what they are missing or what they need.


    See comment about me at age 12, above.


    Nope, I'm still here!
     
  26. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    well, we can't all be twins, but we can be play twins PW ...our lives are unbelievably alike in so many ways!

    people who break up to make up need their own website!!!


    how can compulsive gamblers drink when they never have money?
    If you are drunk, how do you even know that you've been gambling?

    that is another post!!
     
  27. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    ROFL
     
  28. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    yes, not to twist your thread mncc...but there is a bigger picture here

    almost all of us has some type of disfunction in our family
    be it drugs, alcohol, sexual abuse or my personal pet peeve-gambling

    as a family member, we become co-dependents...know it happens, but don't stop or make excuses, and it just continues!

    I think there should be a law against gambling!

    unlike drinking, drugs it is the only vice that is legal and causes you to waste money for a thrill.

    Who has money to waste??

    My sister and brother and I took my parents to the casino and I saw them waste $200 in 20 minutes. I was sick to my stomach. My dad has alzheimers...he didn't remember any of it.

    Makes no sense to me.
     
  29. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Wow. How sad. I think you should go too, but on a side note, someone needs to put your stepsister in her place. Not on that day obviously, but I would have a hard time letting her speak to me in her tone of voice with the hurtful words that come out of her mouth. She sounds like a spoiled little brat. (((HUGS)))
     
  30. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    I just read all the other replies I didn't read before and need to just say holy cow. ((((((HUGS)))))) to EVERYONE who deals with situations like these. I can't imagine not being close to my mom and my dad. Family is everything to me. How sad that not everyone gets to know that bond.
     
  31. etcetera83

    etcetera83 Cohort

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    It took me until I was 27, twelve years after the death of my mother, while I was in therapy to realize that this was my problem and that I had carried it into my marriage.
     
  32. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jul 5, 2007

    I am the first Man to comment?
    When I first read your post I said to myself every one will say don't go, so I was getting my post ready in my mind. Then I read the answer posts. Just goes to show I am not a know it all.

    I don't remember if any one said "Take the high road" and show you are truly a wonderful Daughter. But you will feel better for "Doing the right thing".

    I do not have any bio daughters but I have 4 step daughters 3 are from the ex, one is from this wife, if we restate our vows I want her there.

    In regard to not going, My Little sister (6 years younger) passed away 4 years ago.
    At the time we were estranged but I had gone to her house to help her move. Saturday she went to BF house to stay and we were to meet the next day to get the last few items. I was met by Coroner tape across the door. I regret to this day that we had been fighting the months before.
     
  33. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    Jul 5, 2007

    etcetera83 and Master Pre-K: Family becoming co-dependant is soo true, but the tip of the iceberg. A large component of addictive diseases (including gambling) is a version of obsessive compulsion disorder, which is genetic. Lessee, both of my parents are recovering alcoholics, my dad is a recovering compulsive gambler, I have a sister who refuses to quit smoking pot and drinking bottles of Kahlua, another sister who goes to the other extreme and budgets her money to the penny (much worse than just being careful), my brother is just like his dad -- Alcoholic and Compulsive Gambler (thank God he is working offshore right now -- it keeps him out of trouble!). And me? I spent $16,000 on my Girl Scout troop and another $5,000 on clothing, groceries, Santa, etc. for my nephew & neice and the kids of a friend of mine (no money, etc.) In short, my spending cost us our house, and I had nothing to show for it. The bad part is that I'm a recovering "shopper," LOL, but I still HAVE to shop -- groceries, etc.

    Irishdave: I knew you are a beautiful man! Inside and out! I'm so sorry about your sister -- that is a horrible loss. At least (from the sounds of it) you were trying to mend the relationship, and she knew it.

    I'm sorry for the long rant. I'll go away to another thread now....
     
  34. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    Jul 5, 2007

    Thank you so much, pwhatley. :) I am sorry for your family troubles, too. I know what it is like...

    My family needs Dr. Phil. My brother is a recovering drug addict. He is 29, started when he was about 17. I cannot remember the person he was. I cannot stand the person he is now. I tried so hard, but he does NOT want to get help. He must have a lot of angels cause he has been close to death several times. Actually, he has a therapist/counselor who keeps him going (my brother is at his rehab, yet again), the man does not give up. My dad gave him tough love and then reneged (he is different with him than he is with me). My mom has lost most of herself to taking care of and worrying obsessively over him. It is such a shame. Me, I shed about a million tears and then realized that he has to help himself. I keep a picture on my fridge, I am about 5 and he is 1. I need that pic there. I do not drink or smoke at all. I am very much a goody two shoes girl (read: uptight at times). :rolleyes: I recently got a tattoo and that makes me feel...a bit less uptight...:p

    Master,

    I live a bit less than an hour from Atlantic City. We go about 2-3 times a year and bring 30 bucks. That is all. Then we lose it and leave. I like to watch the people. They are young and old, rich and poor...every walk of life... And some of them are obsessed, they have these scary looks on their faces.:eek: I once had a very old man offer to buy me drink. I was about 25 and thought it was pretty funny...when I declined politely, he smiled and tipped his hat.

    Jen,

    Thank you for the hugs! :angel:

    My stepsister is the most spoiled person ever. She is 30 and has no bills, her mom got her 42 year old husband a nice job where rent and household bills are paid. My stepmom pays the rest/bought 2 nice cars and their cells. My dad said he would never do that for me (I would never expect it), but he understands because her daughter is her daughter....:confused: There is nothing wrong with her daughter, btw....just never grew up. It is she who is insisting on the big wedding and it was planned around her schedule (she does not work):rolleyes: Believe me, I have bitten my tongue many times. She had her first baby recently and I had a woman sew a beautful blanket handmade for her-no thank you.

    Dave,

    I am so sorry about the loss of your sister. I cannot even fathom that kind of loss.

    You are right, I will be doing the right thing. It is a tough situation, but everyone is right. I have to go.
     
  35. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007

     
  36. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    My sister was trying to beat alcohol, cold turkey She had lost a 6 figure job and her BF at the time had been her AA counselor (a little unethical) after she died he told me he had never helped anybody detoxify "thanks A** Hole" she had put her confidence in him.
    The Saturday night that I was there I drove over to my cousin's to stay the night, we talked about old times, at about midnight my sister's health came up, my cousin suggested we (herself, my other cousin and me) do an intervention on my sister, put her in rehab. We never got to she was dead just 2 hours later.
    I am a non drinker I can count on my fingers the times I have had A drink and I never have been drunk.
    My Mother died a little over a year later and I was not as hurt by her passing, as I was prepared for it, in fact I had to give permission to turn off the machines, and just 5 hours later my Grand daughter was born, it softened the blow.
    I guess the biggest hurt was the fact that my son (in the Navy) was not allowed to come home for my sisters death because the war in the gulf started and all leaves were canceled.
    The local paper did an article on my son and I,
    http://www.yumasun.com/news/john_2654___article.html/pottinger_father.html
    sorry for being so long but it just goes to show how important family is.
     
  37. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007

    yes, Dave...I think the older we get, the more we realize this. apology not needed! I try to stress it sometimes to my daughter. I guess I have not been much of a role model..sad to say. Had my horror stories too. Been estranged from both sides of the family, different times in my life. But I always tried to keep some connection. You should always try!

    The younger folks(grown grandchildren) get easily bored and annoyed sometimes when we ask them to call and visit the relatives. Truth be told, I think they are just looking for a home=cooked meal. I know that stinks, and sometimes I have to yell at them when they come over because get loud, talk on their cell phone or just flat out start forgetting that they are visiting grandparents and not sitting in a bar!

    I've heard more than once, "I don't know those people...you call 'em" Well, they sent you a present, at least you could call and thank them! Aunts tell me, "You are the only one who keeps in touch with me, if you were here, I would give you house!" They are so delighted to get a call, photos, and of course Christmas cards.

    How many people got together yesterday to eat bar-b-que and blow off fireworks, without celebrating family, freedom and this land of ours?? Do you wonder if some of these young families reminded their children what this holiday is all about??!!!

    sigh!

    ((((IrishDave))))) hug from Master P
     
  38. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jul 5, 2007

    I feel da love Thank you
     
  39. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007

    MasterPre-K

    If only the younger generation knew how fleeting time really is. I grew up extemely close to my grandparents. It was just such a great thing to be able to sit with them and talk.- I never felt like it was an obligation to spend time with them. Then again, I've always gotten along really well with people older than me.) I think I was born for the wrong generation. :D

    It is so true, that family( the good, the bad, and the ugly:D ) are so important.

    I am 34-and I wish I could have just one more day with my grandparents. I don't think I'll ever quite be the same. So, back to the OP, go to that wedding, and spend time with your dad. You won't regret it.
     
  40. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jul 5, 2007

    As I step up to the mike
    "I'd like to deicate this song to my Sister, My Mom, My grandmother and my Dad"
    "Test"
    "Test"
    "Is thing on?"


    Last night I had a crazy dream
    A wish was granted just for me
    It could be for anything
    I didn't ask for money
    Or a mansion in Malibu
    I simply wished, for one more day with you
    One more day
    One more time
    One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
    But then again
    I know what it would do
    Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
    First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
    Then I'd unplug the telephone
    And keep the TV off
    I'd hold you every second
    Say a million I love you's
    That's what I'd do, with one more day with you
    Leave me wishing still, for one more day
    Leave me wishing still, for one more day


    One more day with you
    By: Diamond Rio
     
  41. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Jul 5, 2007

    Pass the Kleenex....

    I have to find this song now.

    Thanks, Dave
     

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