My daddy doesn't want to see me

Discussion in 'Early Childhood Education Archives' started by scarlet_begonia, Sep 29, 2005.

  1. scarlet_begonia

    scarlet_begonia Comrade

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    Sep 29, 2005

    In my class, I have a girl who will be 4 next month. Her father never sees her. She asks mom all the time if she can see her dad. Mom wants to be supportive so she drives around to the places where dad hangs out, looking for him. The only time my student sees her dad is when mom finds him. They'll chitchat for a few minutes then mom and daughter go on their way. They usually don't find him. The daughter asks mom about him all the time, heartbreaking questions such as "Why doesn't he want to see me" and "Why doesn't he love me?" At school, she talks about things she does as a family and includes her dad. For example, she tell us, "My mom, my dad and me went to the foodstore." I don't have a problem with this but mom gets upset. Mom read a book about a boy whose dad doesn't see him. My student didn't want to relate to the boy in the book; I suggested they write their own book together.

    PLEASE any suggestions??? Websites, books, your own ideas? I was really hoping for a website where I could print out some things but didn't find anything.
     
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  3. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    Sep 29, 2005

    At my school we have a group called rainbows. Which is a group to help grieving students and students who are going through divorce and so on. I know they operate in schools across the country and in churches. I actually received training last weekend so I can be a facilator (sp?) at my school. Maybe you can find something for her. It is for preschool -8th grade

    http://www.rainbowsnj.org/
     
  4. demanda

    demanda New Member

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    Sep 29, 2005

    In the Dr. Phil book "Family First," he discusses a lot of similar situations and tips for helping children adapt. I believe there is also some related information on drphil.com that may be of interest to you.
     
  5. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

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    Sep 29, 2005

    How sad for that little girl! It's too hard for her to understand that it's not HER... He doesn't see her because HE has a problem. It's hard enough for an adult child to deal with a parent who doesn't want to see them or has an addiction that comes first. I deal with that with my father-in-law. You can only go so far... You have to realize it's not your fault and cut emotional ties with someone like that so they can't hurt you anymore. I don't know how much influence you have with the mother, but I don't think she should drive around looking for dad. The little girl is better off not seeing him under these circumstances because she can't understand why he is that way... If HE decides he wants to see her later, HE needs to shape up. Otherwise, each time she sees him, the hurt she experiences sets her back even further... I wonder if the mother has the same problem and wants to see him too.

    I think the idea of writing a story is a good alternative to looking for him. That way, she can might be able to express her feelings about it.

    It would be great if she could get into some counseling... We had groups at our school for various issues and they really helped... Kids who had similar problems got together to discuss and learn skills to deal with those problems. Have you talked to the counselor yet? Perhaps he/she can give you some ideas. :)

    I'm looking for some websites, but I haven't found anything valuable so far...
     
  6. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

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  7. scarlet_begonia

    scarlet_begonia Comrade

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    Sep 30, 2005

    Thanks to all for the ideas..I've glanced at all and will be looking at all the sites in-depth this weekend. We don't have a counselor at the school. Mom has said she looked into counselling but everyone she spoke to said they won't take her til she's 5. I suggested she call back and explain how verbally precocious the daughter is, and that I would be happy to speak to anyone or write a letter stating that.
     
  8. ABall

    ABall Fanatic

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    Sep 30, 2005

    I know of a "barney" episode that talks about all kinds of families. Maybe they have a coppie of it at the library. I actually think there are a few of them that talks about this situation, and they talk about how kids have small families (mom and kid, or grandma and kid) and some have large families.
     

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