My cover letter for dream job...any reviewers?

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by Rainbowbird, Jul 14, 2012.

  1. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 14, 2012

    Couple more questions before I upload....thanks to all who have offered suggestions!

    Here is the most recent version. Thank you again, everyone. contact info. will be at top of letter.


    Dear Mr. _______,

    It is with great excitement that I write to express my interest in the third grade opening at the ______Magnet School. I hold an M.S. degree in Science Education from ________University. I have over seven years of full-time teaching experience, including five years in third grade. I would be thrilled to bring my science background and extensive experience in working with diverse groups of students to your school!

    My science instruction is grounded in the belief that all students can become scientifically literate through a hands-on approach. I also integrate science with other content areas in order to foster deeper student understanding. For example, during a unit on ecosystems last fall, my students kept daily observation journals of fiddler crabs and their behavior in our classroom. Students cared for the crabs, read about crustaceans, and wrote about their findings. My students were so excited to participate in these activities! I saw a great deal of growth in their language arts skills while they learned about science, and many reluctant writers became very enthusiastic about keeping science journals!

    My approach to teaching other content areas emphasizes cooperative learning and differentiation of instruction. For example, my Tier II students worked together to write and publish poetry after we read a variety of poems together. By using graphic organizers to brainstorm and organize their thinking, students improved both their reading and writing skills. They were so proud to share their writing with the rest of the class! My large-group language arts instruction also includes Reader’s and Writer’s Workshop. This allows me to provide a balanced program that offers students creative choices in their learning, along with critical standards-based instruction.

    I am eager to provide a warm and enriching educational experience for your third grade students. I have uploaded my application materials for your review, and would be happy to meet with you at any time to discuss my qualifications. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2012
  2.  
  3. AlwaysAttend

    AlwaysAttend Fanatic

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    2,855
    Likes Received:
    623

    Jul 14, 2012

    Good luck. I can feel your excitement after reading the letter, I think it could use some slight tweaks though.
     
  4. Mathemagician

    Mathemagician Groupie

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2011
    Messages:
    1,372
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 14, 2012

    It's definitely a good start. When you worry too much about "saying everything up front", it tends to read like a laundry list of qualifications. Make one or two of those things to really develop with specific examples of students/activities that will make them want to meet you. In doing this, you can sell the rest of it in the interview. A lot of "laundry list" appears on your resume anyway.
     
  5. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 14, 2012

    Good points, thank you both! I will rewrite this weekend. Their server is down for maintainance but I can upload again on Monday!

    I was trying to show enthusiasm with the dream come true thing...because it is...and third grade is also my favorite grade to teach...any thoughts on conveying enthusiasm when I take these out?
     
  6. Mathemagician

    Mathemagician Groupie

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2011
    Messages:
    1,372
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 14, 2012

    Yes. Instead of saying it is a dream come true, perhaps say something like "my extensive experience teaching diverse groups of third grade students makes me a perfect fit for ___________ School" or something like that. Being enthusiastic is great, but I think it is better to be enthusiastic about what you have to offer rather than what they have to offer you.
     
  7. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    29,799
    Likes Received:
    1,167

    Jul 14, 2012

    Rainbowbird, go read some of the other threads on cover letters.

    Yours is extremely wordy.
     
  8. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 14, 2012

    Yup I'm cutting it.
     
  9. chasisaac

    chasisaac Comrade

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2011
    Messages:
    294
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jul 14, 2012

    The science paragraph is great. Nice examples.
     
  10. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 14, 2012

    here is an edited version! Thoughts?

    I left out some experience but it is on my resume.

    July 14, 2012

    Mr. D____, Principal
    ________ Magnet School
    City and State

    Dear Mr. D.,

    It is with great excitement that I write to express my interest in the third grade opening at the _______School. I hold an M.S. degree in Science Education from _______ University. My teaching experience includes five years in grade three in the _____ and _____ Public Schools. I would be thrilled to bring my science background and extensive experience in working with diverse groups of students to your school!

    My science instruction is grounded in the belief that all students can become scientifically literate through the process skills approach. I have also enjoyed integrating science with other content areas in order to foster deeper student understanding. For example, during a unit on ecosystems last fall, my students kept daily observation journals of fiddler crabs and their behavior in our classroom. Students cared for the crabs, read about crustaceans, and wrote about their findings. My students were so excited to participate in these activities! I saw a great deal of growth in their language arts skills while they learned about science, and many reluctant writers became very enthusiastic about keeping science journals!

    In order to meet the needs of all learners, I employ a variety of activities and teaching strategies across the curriculum. For example, my Tier II students wrote and published poetry after we read a variety of poems together. By using graphic organizers to brainstorm and organize their thinking, they improved both their reading and writing skills. They were so happy to publish their poetry and share it with the rest of the class! I also provide many opportunities for cooperative learning in the content areas. In my classroom, students of all ability levels frequently work in small groups or pairs to read and edit during Reader’s and Writer’s Workshop. During math, they help each other to solve problems and collect data for graphs. Projects and research are done cooperatively with peers during science and social studies.

    I also have experience with curriculum compacting and providing alternative experiences for gifted learners. For example, “Sara” was a student who left the room for enrichment classes during part of the math block last year. After assessing her performance with pretests, I modified her math program by giving her a variety of project and activity choices. These included writing a math play about estimation. Some of her peers in the tiered groups were able to assist her with the performance. This enabled “Sara” to participate in a meaningful and productive way that was also enriching for her classmates!

    I am eager to provide a warm, enriching, and culturally responsive experience for your third grade students. I have enclosed my application materials for your review, and would be happy to meet with you at any time to discuss my qualifications. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,

    Rainbowbird
     
  11. Mathemagician

    Mathemagician Groupie

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2011
    Messages:
    1,372
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 14, 2012

    In my opinion, this is MUCH better. I would just cut the length a little bit although it is pretty close.
     
  12. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 14, 2012

    Thanks! I just realized I used "for example" too many times, but will go back and edit....:eek:
     
  13. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    29,799
    Likes Received:
    1,167

    Jul 15, 2012

    It's still wordy and it's still fairly rife with buzzwords.
     
  14. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Jul 15, 2012

    I'm another one of the buzzword haters. Here goes.


     
  15. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 15, 2012

    Thanks, Alice. I will consider your edits. Will probably take out the paragraph on gifted instruction (although the previous paragraph does explain how I meet the needs of other learners.) But I think you're right; it's prob. not necessary.

    Any science teacher worth their salt is familiar with the process skills approach, so thinking maybe I should leave that in. If science teachers are reading this in the committee, they might be concerned that I didn't mention it!

    Culturally responsive education is a big topic around here, esp. where magnet schools are concerned. They will know the term. If you have another idea about how I can show my awareness of this issue, fire away....they mentioned multiculturalism in their ad.

    Why should I not mention my experience in the first paragraph? And should I put my phone number at the bottom even though I will have it at the top of my letter with my contact info.?

    Thanks so much!
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2012
  16. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 15, 2012

    Alice--here are the edits...thoughts?

    Thank you so much for taking the time to look. I am a little concerned that this focuses only on science, as I will be teaching general ed. to third graders. It is a science magnet school so good to highlight that, but that is def. not all I will be doing. Thanks again!




    My contact info.

    July 15, 2012

    Mr. D______, Principal
    ___________ School
    City and State

    Dear Mr. ___________,

    It is with great excitement that I write to express my interest in the third grade opening at the _______Magnet School. I hold an M.S. degree in Science Education from ________

    My science teaching is grounded in the belief that all students learn best by doing. For example, during a unit on ecosystems last fall, my students kept daily observation journals of fiddler crabs and their behavior in our classroom. Students cared for the crabs, read about crustaceans, and wrote about their findings. My students were so excited to participate in these activities! I saw a great deal of growth in their language arts skills while they learned about science, and many reluctant writers became very enthusiastic about keeping science journals!

    I am eager to provide a warm, enriching, and supportive educational experience for your third grade students. I have enclosed my application materials for your review, and would be happy to meet with you at any time to discuss my qualifications. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,
    Rainbowbird
     
  17. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 15, 2012

    Another version

    If anyone has the time to look at it, thank you in advance. I really appreciate all the suggestions. Note that this is a general ed. position in third grade at a science/technology/global studies magnet school. They are looking for an experienced candidate with a Master's degree and a science background who has experience in multicultural education and Reader's and Writer's Workshop.

    (Contact info. at top)

    Dear Mr. ____

    It is with great excitement that I write to express my interest in the third grade opening at the _____ Magnet School. I hold an M.S. degree in Science Education from _______University. My teaching experience includes five years in grade three in the ______Schools. I would be thrilled to bring my science background and extensive experience in working with diverse groups of students to your school!

    My science instruction is grounded in the belief that all students can become scientifically literate through a hands-on, process skills approach. I also integrate science with other content areas in order to foster deeper student understanding. For example, during a unit on ecosystems last fall, my students kept daily observation journals of fiddler crabs and their behavior in our classroom. Students cared for the crabs, read about crustaceans, and wrote about their findings. My students were so excited to participate in these activities! I saw a great deal of growth in their language arts skills while they learned about science, and many reluctant writers became very enthusiastic about keeping science journals!

    In order to meet the needs of all learners, I employ a variety of activities and teaching strategies across the curriculum. For example, My Tier II students wrote and published poetry after we read a variety of poems together. By using graphic organizers to brainstorm and organize their thinking, they improved both their reading and writing skills. They were so happy to publish their poetry and share it with the rest of the class!

    I am eager to provide a warm and culturally responsive educational experience for your third grade students. I have enclosed my application materials for your review, and would be happy to meet with you at any time to discuss my qualifications. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,
     
  18. supermissf

    supermissf Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2010
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 15, 2012

    Will this all fit on a single page, 12 pt, 1.5 inch margins? This is long...
     
  19. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    29,799
    Likes Received:
    1,167

    Jul 15, 2012

    It's still wordy.

    Your first paragraph recaps info from your resume. That's not necessary. Better to spend the space on showing that you know something about this school. (Let's face it: people love to read about themselves.)

    Avoid exclamation points unless you're quoting a kid - which, by the way, is a good thing to do in one of your anecdotes.

    What do I mean by "wordy"? This

    can be reduced, without loss of content (and even retaining that buzzphrase "process skills"), to this:

    Later in the paragraph, "and their behavior" can be deleted: using "the fiddler crabs in our classroom" will suffice.

    This

    can be boiled down to this:

     
  20. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 16, 2012

    It actually does fit, but I'm trying to make it shorter. Thanks.
     
  21. Rainbowbird

    Rainbowbird Groupie

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    22

    Jul 16, 2012

    Thanks, TeacherGroupie! I am incorporating some of those edits.

    Do you have a suggestion for how to express my enthusiasm for the school in the first paragraph? I think someone had told me to stay away from expressing why I want to work there and focus on my qualifications for the job. I'm not sure how to balance those two things. I have read extensively about the school and the things that I love about it include the focus on science and global studies, the unique partner programs with NASA, and the emphasis on hands-on, contextual learning.

    Sorry, I'm a little confused by all the advice, I guess, and nearly brain dead from writing letters and applications. Thanks for your very direct and detailed advice! :help:

     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

Total: 221 (members: 1, guests: 206, robots: 14)
test