My Aunt Just Died....

Discussion in 'Prayer Request Forum' started by Master Pre-K, Aug 8, 2007.

  1. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Hi Friends,

    I just lost a favorite aunt, and I am really heartbroken. Wanted to call some friends, but I feel better writing...and sharing, and I just want to keep myself occupied.

    I just got a call from her son. I saw the phone number, I thought right away something was weird. Who would be calling me from St. Louis this time of night? I could recognize my aunt's son's voice..and then he told me the bad news. She passed away this afternoon. She was my grandmother's sister. My dad's aunt...and he's 88, so I know she was pretty old.

    What hurt me the most, is that she was my connection to my dad's side of the family, the old folks down south... Memories of good home cooked meals, and keeping up with family ties... sigh!

    For some reason, my brother and sisters never communicate with the older relatives. And as soon as something happens, they are at a lost. They tell me, "Well, I don't really know those folks."

    I think that is so sad.

    Some of my aunts and uncles have helped me thru some real trying times in my life. But it is so hard because this is what family is about, this is our history. My aunt would say, "you are the only one who ever calls, writes me and send pictures." all I could say was, "I don't know why nobody else does"

    I wanted to call my younger sister, and maybe my brother. I would like to send some flowers and a card, from our family. It seems like they just leave this stuff to me. If they find out, they call me, but then I have to suggest getting flowers, sending money, okay...what should we do? We try to get everyone to pitch in.

    seems like I am always the one to bring this up.

    if it wasn't for our elders, we would have no rituals, no history, no way of knowing how to care of each other, and pay respect when someone passes.

    too many people seem to think once they are past teenage years, they no longer need to keep up with relatives. Like it is a bad joke to even know them all by name, or maybe it is too much for them to remember that they aren't kids anymore, and now they are adults.

    like the adult kid of my friend, who made me so mad when she cursed at me. my friend thought it was funny. I thought it was just wrong and disrespectful. Just because you are an adult doesn't give you the right to treat your elders any way you want. I see that and it is so irritating. Like a rite of passage, "I'm grown now, I can say what I want."

    anyway...I know I am upset because I am just rambling, but trying to stay focused. I want to go to do something to show my respect to my family, and also teach my siblings, and other 'grown people' how to show some respect!

    any thoughts or ideas will be deeply appreciated...
     
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  3. willsgirl

    willsgirl Comrade

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    Master Pre-K, I am so sorry for your loss. Some of us are the torchbearers for our families. I am one of those, too.

    Your aunt surely lived a long, full life. She gave you much. Now, you must pass that on to others.

    I so know how you feel. I was very upset when my favorite aunt died years ago. She was very unique.

    Sending :love: and :hugs:
     
  4. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    I am so sorry. You are the keeper of the rituals for your family, an honorable position to be in. Do what you know is right. I will pray for the repose of her soul.
     
  5. chicagoturtle

    chicagoturtle Fanatic

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    Sorry to hear. I'll be thinking about you.
     
  6. gcspedtch

    gcspedtch Rookie

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    I will pray for you and your family. Keep the faith...someday those that don't "get it" will. Until then you keep showing them which path to take!
     
  7. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Thank you so much everyone...I feel better being here with you. I just called a good friend in Calif...because it is too late here in Chicago, and it's only 8:30 pm there.

    It helps me to keep busy. If I start doing things around the house, I just get sad thinking about her. I came back to AtoZ, and I am soo glad to see so many responses...

    I'll be reading and re-reading your threads...because I know I will need to reassurance to keep strong.
     
  8. OtterMom

    OtterMom Comrade

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    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I lost my favorite aunt (and the very last person remaining of my parents' generation in my whole family) last February. It was sort of the end of an era. Auntie Ruth was a wonderful, fun, encouraging, caring lady, and I have tears running down my face right now for your loss as much as for mine.

    You and your family are in my prayers! :angel:
     
  9. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    yes otter! that's how I feel...an end to the era of that side of the family...there are others, but I was not that close to them..and that far down the family tree, they barely know my Dad like she did.

    I think I will get a gift card, for a grocery store..I know lots of family members will come, and they will need plenty of food. Everyone always brings food, and afterwards...folks leave, the house is empty, and so are the cabinets. After a loss, it is hard to get up and get out to do normal things...like shop.

    Going to look for some local stores!!

    thanks again everyone...

    if I didn't quote your thread directly, don't worry...I will!!!
     
  10. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Master Pre-K, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  11. etcetera83

    etcetera83 Cohort

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    Master Pre-K, I am very sorry for your loss. I know that our elders offer so much knowledge and wisdom to those of us who will take the time to sit down and listen. They are indeed our link to our heritage and should be chereished. I will be praying for you and your family.
     
  12. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    so, I should accept this calling, this gift..to continue to keep the flame and hope alive...

    and hopefully, I can pass this on to my daughter, and the rest of my family

    it is the young people I am really trying to reach

    I am thinking about sending a gift card inside a sympathy card. Flowers just don't seem to be enough.

    thanks for your prayers
     
  13. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    thank you MrsC

    I feel that so many family members are disconnected from each other.

    We barely see the our relatives unless somebody gets married or somebody dies.

    I wish it wasn't like that.
     
  14. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    So sorry for your loss!!! I lost one of my Aunts that I wrote to as a teen a few years ago. Even though I don't remember meeting her, she was/is special to me. I even have her delicate & beautiful class ring!!! I will be praying for your family.

    The gift card is a nice idea, but what about honoring a charity in her name???
     
  15. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    thanks etcetera...

    before we had cell phones, and bluetooths, we had to sit in one spot and make long distance calls! our elders just wanted to hear our voices...
    they love to talk, and love to share our past
    that is our history...and to tell how are families moved from one area to another...to keep up with in-laws, and some folks say -out-laws ...it is so sad.


    My grandmother in-law on my father's side was 102 when she died! I realized how much of history was part of my family. Struggling thru civil rights movements, things we read about in school - these were real events to my family members. She studied to become a nurse, but was forced to stay back in the kitchen of the school to read, and that was the only way the professors would teach her!

    My aunt who just passed was also a nurse! It is so strange when I realize how many women were only allowed to work as nurses or teachers!!
     
  16. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    thank you gcs...

    I guess you are right...if I don't continue to show them, they may never get it!!!

    that is what family history is all about...

    I loved to watch my parents cook. But you know my Dad was the best. I saw him shake some salt in the palm of his hand, and toss it in the bowl. I was about 8 or so, and had to ask..."Why didn't you use a measuring spoon?" My Dad told me, "How do you think people made bread before they had a recipe on a box!"
     
  17. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    thanks turtle...I appreciate your kind words...
     
  18. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    thank you diznee..

    hmmm...I had not thought of that..

    You know, one year when I was ready to move, I decided to give away my daughter's encylopedias. She was going into high school, and the internet had become popular by then. I gave one set to my youngest nephew. The other set, a children's set..I thought should have a special place. So I donated them to her elementary school!
     
  19. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    That is, unfortunately, so true. When my father passed away in January, 2 of his brothers from across the country came--I haven't seen them for 20 years!

    Your familiy will certainly benefit from your desire to keep family connections strong.
     
  20. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    :hugs:
     
  21. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    One day, I was in the driver's license facility, going thru the lines, and finally, completing the steps and taking my photo. I was sitting in that endless waiting room, when suddenly...

    The guy at the counter calls out a name, and it is my cousin! At first I looked up because I heard my last name. But I listened carefully, and then I said Ronald??? Is that Ronnie?!! My cousin? I walked up to him, he looked soooo old, and sooo bad (he had been thru some hard times...drugs, alcohol, you name it) But when I said hello, he had that twinkle in his eye, and looked just like his dad, my uncle. We laughed, talked about old times. He said his dad had not spoken to him in awhile. He was hurt and upset, but determined to get his life back together.

    Well, 20 years later, I saw him at our grandmother's funeral. And he did, indeed get his life together. :angel:
     
  22. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    thanks Jen!!!

    glad you stopped by!
     
  23. mincc

    mincc Companion

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    I am sorry about your aunt, Master. Hugs to you.
     
  24. teach123

    teach123 Cohort

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    Praying for you during this difficult time. Dealing with the loss of someone who means so much to you is not easy.
     
  25. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    thanks mincc...means alot...
     
  26. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    thanks teach123...

    ...just trying to accept it..
     
  27. Amers

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    I am so sorry about your aunt, Master Pre-K. I'm sure there's not too much that can be said to make you feel better right now, but I will be praying for you and your family. We're always here on AtoZ if you need someone to talk to! :hugs:
     
  28. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    It's still hard for me to read a funeral thread and yet it has been a while. In my family, at least for my mom's side, I share the burden of taking care of everyone else with my sister. Interestingly though neither of us has ever taken care of funeral arrangements no matter how close the people are to us. I have an aunt with a beautiful soul who along with her mother was a caretaker. She still continues to take care of the family and sends gifts out to the kids. The art of cards and mail packages is carried through her but is dying through everyone else. I remember one time saying how I regret not sending a thank you card back because I am so lazy that I just pick up the phone. She told me that everyone has different communication methods. Mine was perfectly acceptable. At least I called. I still think of that sometimes and I go on a mad dialing spree and call everyone I know. There is nothing like a funeral to remind us that we all need to try to stay in touch. Thanks for the reminder Master Pre-K and I'm sorry for your loss.
     
  29. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Thanks Amers...

    I think it is just good for me to stay busy. I am still grieving..., but try to keep things normal.

    Like staying here until 2am...
     
  30. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Thanks CNG...I felt it was appropriate to put it here..because it just seemed to be the best place. So glad everyone has stopped by!

    It was so strange to talk to her son..but you know..most men are kinda well, you know..the same way they go shopping. Get the curtains and go home. He says, "these are the arrangements, but don't bother to come..it is too hot." :( I said I wanted to send flowers. He says, "Oh don't bother she would want you to go thru all that trouble."

    I asked him for the number of a cousin, and I called her and felt alot better. She said to do what I felt was best!! Men don't always handle those things well, she said. Guess I didn't think about it like that. And, it was just yesterday...
     
  31. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    I went online today, and ordered flowers for the funeral. I also ordered a fruit basket for my cousin. I was glad they have stuff online! Makes it soo much easier. A fellow poster gave me a few stores in area. :hugs:


    Maybe you guys can help me out with this. Trying to sort out my family tree...

    My dear aunt was my Dad's mother's sister. My grandmother's sister. So, doesn't that actually make her...my great aunt?

    What is my relationship to her sons?

    I call her grandchildren my cousins. Are they actually great cousins?

    Her niece is just a months younger than my dad. Is she my cousin too?

    Also, how do you normally address relatives once you are grown? Some folks stop using proper titles after they turn 21. Anyone 20 years older than me will always be addressed Mrs. or Mr. unless they tell me otherwise. I don't feel right, until they tell me.."You can call me Mary." (instead of Aunt Mary). Some folks always address relatives in full, Cousin Bob, Uncle George. What do you guys think or do??
     
  32. Amers

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    I always call my aunts and uncles "Aunt ____" and "Uncle ____." I just call my cousins by their names. That's the way my family is anyway. I don't know about using Mrs. or Mr. to address family members. It just seems so formal. Using names is more intimate, especially for family members.

    I'm glad you've been able to reach out to some of your relatives during this difficult time. By the way, if you decide to drive down for the services, it is CRAZY hot here right now, so pack cool clothes. We've been having a heat wave for the last couple weeks. Yuck.
     
  33. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    oh...I only meant Mr. and Mrs. to business people !!!

    I guess I was talking about how some folks say.."Don't call me Mr. Smith, that is my father." Well, to me that is silly. You are a man, and you are Mr. Smith too! If you want me to call you John, just say so.

    I see the weather..and remember being there myself a few times! Not something I want to do about now.. venture out on I-55 alone in all this heat. Do they still have the Amtrak station? How far is it from Berkeley? Maybe I could fly, and rent a car. A train ride would be nicer. Could I rent a car from the train station?? Last time I checked, trains cost just as much as airfare!!
     
  34. Go 4th

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    Master--I'm so sorry! It seems like everything just piles up at once sometimes! You are certainly in my prayers.

    I think that does make her your great aunt. That is what I call my granny's sisters anyway. Who knows? It gets so confusing with a big family. The ones I like are my cousins, the ones I don't like are "distant relatives". :)
     
  35. Amers

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    http://www.amtrak.com/servlet/ContentServer?pagename=Amtrak/am2Station/Station_Page&code=STL

    Try this site. It says the nearest station is in St. Louis (downtown). I don't know about renting a car. Prices are available on the site too.
     
  36. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Trains and airfares go back and forth. Sometimes one is cheaper than the other and then it flips. I always check both. It's daunting though to have to deal with travel arrangements on top of everything else. If I was a little less busy with my own crisis I would love to help. I'm a whiz at finding those deals. My father has made me his own private travel agent. LOL. Can you at least farm that part out?

    Now with flowers...I can't talk. I'm like a man there. Flowers???!! I'm a little clueless. I've signed songs for funerals, shared a poem and had a letter shared that I had written to someone's finance after they've died. If someone needs help setting up, driving somewhere, calling someone or doing something. I've been there. And not even with my most important person, Memaw, did I ever really care about material possessions from their house. In all of it, I'm not sure I've ever even bought flowers. I think my husband has a few times though!!! I ALMOST went in to pay for a tombstone though recently but they convinced me to wait until the dust settled to see if any estate money would pay for it. It did.

    P.S. I suggested farming it out, but if you are anything like me I like to complain and vent but I want to take care of most of the details because it gives me a little bit of control over an otherwise out of control situation. That's just me.
     
  37. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Thanks BMAK...

    I saw my parents today, and boy it was hard explaining to Dad how so many others have passed on. I need to find one of those family tree templates. He was naming people and places so fast, I wish I was writing them all down!
     
  38. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Pre K
    I'll ask my mom which family tree maker she uses. She LOVES it!!!
     
  39. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Thanks! DizneeTeachR!!! :)
     

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