Mother In Laws

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by Grammy Teacher, Feb 13, 2007.

  1. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Feb 16, 2007

    Emma, I don't turn 'ANYTHING" right side out either. I wash it just how it gets thrown down the laundry chute. That is just plain lazy when men do that. I'm not his slave. Another thing I do is when I change the sheets(weekly,) I rip them off the bed and don't put the clean ones on. He goes to bed before me so he has to do it.
     
  2. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    Feb 16, 2007

    Good thinking Grammy, I'll have to try that one!
     
  3. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Feb 16, 2007

    Well for goodness sakes, I work 40 hours a week and I am not about to do it ALL! He can like it or lump it and so far, he just does it.
    You know what my biggest gripe about him is? He refuses to flush the toilet and put the lid down ........ I have about had it! WHat's up with that anyway???????
     
  4. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    Feb 16, 2007

    He refuses to flush, now that is just gross!!!!!!!!!! My biggest gripe with my hubby is that he has piles of things all over, a stack of papers next to his bed, a stack on the kitchen counter, a stack on the kitchen table, many stacks in the basement. Every now and then I take a garbage bag and gather up all the stacks and toss it into the garage. He never misses it...so why then does he save all that crap!
     
  5. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Feb 16, 2007

    My husband does that too...piles of papers and magazines, movies, I am forever trying to organize him and yes I throw things out too!
     
  6. teachingmomof4

    teachingmomof4 Groupie

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    Feb 16, 2007

    My MIL also lives about 4 hours away...good thing. If she lived closer, I don't think that we would get along as well as we do. I do enjoy when they come to visit but am glad when they go home. My husband is too.

    I enjoy shopping with her, visiting, and hanging out but after a few days, I'm done. I do call her on the phone and ask for her advice more often than I call my mother. (I was adopted by my aunt and uncle so I don't really have that "mother/daughter" bond that most do.) Anyway, she is pleasant to talk to but at times, acts as though she knows it all.

    One thing that does bother me about her is when they come to visit, she snoops around in the house. She'll look through drawers and cupboards, just to see what we have. It's one thing to look for a glass but when you start snooping through drawers and looking over people's shoulders when they are reading the mail, that's not okay.

    She isn't so bad now but when my oldest was born, she would tell me what she used to do with my husband and his brother. He is 20 years old (at the time). I think things have changed.

    What gets me is the FIL! He is a very kind man; fun to talk to; and very helpful to my husband. He is a hard worker and likes to build things; very useful at fixing things. EXCEPT his own dinner. The man would starve to death....literally shrivel up and die before he would make his own dinner. The way he was raised (and apparently the MIL too) is that the woman does all of the cooking, cleaning, and other housework (whatever it may be), regardless of how many hours she works a week. He does NOTHING to help. In fact, she has to wake up and hour before she even gets ready for work to make his lunch for the day as well as his breakfast...eggs and toast every morning. On weekends, she usually cooks a big meal. Guess who cleans it up?? I don't even think he knows how load let alone run the dishwasher. The most he has seen of the washing machine is the back when he plugged it into the wall. UUGGHH!! It just infuriates me to think about it. AND...she just lets him do it. I know it bothers her because she has told me but she won't say a **** thing to him.

    If my hubbie were to ever try that...there would be **** to pay. In fact, he has learned to make his own lunch or just don't eat. Sometimes, if I am feeling nice, I will do it. But usually, he is on his own. I do, however, wash his clothes. I certainly don't let him wash mine. I've seen him do his own laundry before we were married. He's lucky I came along.:p

    I do love both my MIL and FIL (step) but they are much better at a distance.

    Now the other FIL (biological)...that's another story.
     
  7. Dzenna

    Dzenna Groupie

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    Feb 16, 2007

    I live the closest to MIL. I think I would rather have more short visits with time between to recoup rather than an extended visit!!!
     
  8. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Feb 17, 2007

    How my husband inherited the laundry...

    About 6 mo. into our newlywed life he complained constantly that I didn't do it right.

    He said when the drier stops: (for wrinkle free clothes)
    1. Immediately take 1 shirt out.
    2. (shut the door in a hurry so you don't lose the heat)
    3. Hang it up.
    4. Then you turn the dryer on for a min or so.
    5. Open the door and repeat the above steps.
    3. Keep repeating this until all the clothes are done.

    :eek: "I'm not doing that! If you want it done right, YOU do it." :eek:
    They've primarily been his chore every since (11 yrs). He tried to get out of it early on, but it didn't fly. He doesn't do all that and sometimes he doesn't even button the top button of the shirts.
    ;) I ain't complaining cuz then it just might become MY inherited chore. :p
     
  9. Mamacita

    Mamacita Aficionado

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    Feb 17, 2007

    I tried that "not putting the clean sheets back on the bed" several times, and each time my husband just lay down on the mattress and went to sleep. I can't do that.

    I think we need a "husband" thread.
     
  10. teachingmomof4

    teachingmomof4 Groupie

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Boy would I have things to say on that thread. :D
     
  11. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Feb 17, 2007

    That's because women and men's idea of how often we should wash sheets are totally different. How often they need clothes to wear, is more similar.
     
  12. Zanadu

    Zanadu Companion

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    Feb 17, 2007

    This has been a very interesting thread to read, especially since my mother-in-law is visiting us at the moment. Mostly I love her and we get along well but we do have our differences. The biggest by far has been that she is not financially responsible. As the most financially stable of her children we have had to bail her out by digging into our life savings. Though we have pointed out that she will not be able to afford retiring at age 65 she is adamant that will. Needless to say we will provide for her then too. It burns me that we have worked hard to save for our retirement and now have to provide for hers also. Not that she hasn't worked. She's been a nurse at the same hospital for 20+ years. She has just managed to borrow against her retirement until there is no more to follow poorly thought out money-making schemes. We've had other incidences that have paled over the years. I learned to just grin and bear it. I grew up with one of my grandmothers always in residence. The first until I was 16 and the other until I left home. I watched as my mother struggled in those circumstances and the horrible arguments that ensued. I just don't want to live that life but feel that I may have little choice.:(

    If you begin a thread on husbands(spouses) I could probably write a book. Afterall, my mother-in-law assured me this was not the son she raised. I told her I was quite certain that I didn't raise him.
     
  13. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Feb 17, 2007

    That's the exact same problem I have with mine except that mine isn't warm either so we don't get along. We don't say anything, but I do not like her and she doesn't like me (because her baby now sees that she isn't a victim but a cause of her situation and though he still helps her out, he asks more questions and waits longer).

    Who, when they are behind in rent, goes and gets a rent to own big screen tv?!
     
  14. gigi

    gigi Groupie

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    Feb 17, 2007

    What I disliked about MIL a lot in regards to my children, is that she would tell them they could sleep over soon, and not once did they ever spend the night at her house. I finally told her to stop telling them that as they would ask and I told them I didn't know what Nana was planning. Don't make promises to small children that you have no intention of keeping!!!
     
  15. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Feb 17, 2007


    Grammy, how have you lasted this long w/ refusing to flush...:eek:
     
  16. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Feb 17, 2007


    Grammy, I do the same sheet trick... So far, he always puts them on, just wait till he catches on:p
     
  17. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Or an "Unhappy Wife" thread.........:D :D :D

    Major
     
  18. DragonYoga

    DragonYoga Rookie

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    Feb 17, 2007

    WOW. :eek:

    I'll be getting married this December, and I like my MIL to be, but I don't know her very well. She was very welcoming to me, telling me she was happy I'd be part of the family, which was VERY nice. She even knows a little bit of fingerspelling, as well as her sisters. However, when she drinks, she doesn't know when to stop :rolleyes: .... But, that's about the ONLY thing I don't like about her. We live in the same town, about a half hour away... My mom, on the other hand, is a VERY vocal woman. I love her but GAWD...! She can be a handful.

    I'm sure that once I'm married, and my mother starts giving out free advice, I'll be on this thread a LOT more often! :p
     
  19. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Feb 17, 2007

    He did that once and when I went to bed and saw him sleeping on the mattress pad, I turned on the over head bedroom lights and started yanking blankets off the bed. He said, "Huh? What's going on??!!!!" I told him he "forgot" to make the bed! We made it together and that was the end of it.
     
  20. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Feb 17, 2007

    MajorHunt may be getting more information than he needs to know!!!!!!!! Well, us wives have to stick together you know.
     
  21. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Major's on to us. Oh crap.
     
  22. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Hahaha! Oh well. You men out there have your sneaky little ways.
     
  23. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Mrs. H will never see this forum........ I'm too old to learn how to make the bed and turn socks inside out...... :D :D :D :D

    Major :)
     
  24. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Feb 17, 2007

    ummm....If your username has anything to do with the military, I have a sneaking suspicion you are keeping a few know how secrets to yourself.
     
  25. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Guys are good at keeping secrets....... that's why we are guys.:p :p

    Major :)
     
  26. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Don't you know that we have ways of making you talk?;)
     
  27. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Feb 17, 2007

    I didn't know that........ What exactly could you do to make the Major spill his guts???....LOL:D :D :D

    Major :)
     
  28. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Major, that is classified information.......you'd have to PM me for information like that! hehehehee!:p :D
     
  29. Mamacita

    Mamacita Aficionado

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Some people say that we are all a product of how we were raised, and that we have not much recourse against our backgrounds. I disagree with that. I think that how and what we ARE is our parents' fault, but if we stay that way, it's our own fault. Life is full of choices; choosing to stay a spoiled child is, unfortunately, a choice many adults make. Solution: don't marry them. Some people are just too stubborn and comfy to change their ways; that's fine, let them wear inside-out socks and NOT be the life of the party and don't come NEAR my son or daughter, and live happily ever after in their mother's basement, alone. Others grow up and realize that they are not the center of the universe, no matter what Mommy might say otherwise.

    Let us all remember, too, that some day our sons and daughters will be somebody's in-laws, and train them up to be good ones.

    By that same token, most of us, if we're lucky, will be mothers-in-law, or fathers-in-law, some day. Let us all vow to be good ones, and stay out of our adult children's business.
     
  30. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Someone in my human growth textbook from this semester is something about a study done on home environments etc. Of the group that went on to drink, have teenage pregancies, and break the law as teenagers, 1/3 of that group had become relatively well adjusted by age 30. It also went on to say that women were more likely to adapt and overcome earlier obstacles. Interesting. Disclaimer: It's an old study.
     
  31. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    I'll use myself as an example. I was raised in an alcoholic home for most of my life. My parents fought constantly. I am not an alcoholic and my husband and I didn't fight around the kids. I am a good mother and lavish my kids with love and attention. We are all very close. My husband came from a home that was really quite messed up. It hurts him. He is such a good man. I am so glad that we were both able to rise above and come out the way we did. We choose to be good parents and have a strong marriage.
     
  32. Mrs. Q

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    Feb 17, 2007

    I STRONGLY DISLIKE my MIL.

    While my husband was deployed to Iraq, she treated me horribly. She called me a liar and questioned our relationship, my integrity, and so much more. She has spread rumors about me in our hometown, turned his entire family against me, and humiliated me in public.

    Needless to say, after a long and fruitless battle, my husband finally ended contact with her. We don't see or talk to her anymore, and it may stay that way, since she seems dead set against trying to reconcile things.
     
  33. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Feb 18, 2007

    My MIL is all about money. She loves her money more than her kids.
     
  34. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    Feb 18, 2007

    Grammy you are learning from her...you have learned how you NOT want to be. I can tell you love your kids more than money, especially your little grandson!
     
  35. Grammy Teacher

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    Feb 18, 2007

    You are right, Emma. Today was wonderful with our little guy. We took him swimming, something we would never dream of doing. He gets us out and having fun again. We do nothing but laugh and smile when he is at our house. He makes me feel as I did when our kids were little. I just love to "play." We spent a good share our weekend "hiding" from monsters and grampa under the blankets with a flashlight. Then it would be grampa's turn to hide and I would have to find them(under the covers with a flashlight!)
     
  36. teachingforlife

    teachingforlife Rookie

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    Feb 19, 2007

    Earlier in the posts, someone mentioned a FIL that would starve to death before making his own food. That is my FIL to a tee. I don't mind him mostly, but in this area, he treats my MIL like she is his slave, and my SIL too. He acts like they are there to do laundry, cook and clean for him and that is it. I am not that way at all. I actually set my husbands pants on fire because he wouldn't take care of them. :D Before everyone thinks oh my gosh, we have a burn barrel, and he was forewarned. I hate picking up my husbands work pants that are covered in oil and grease and cleaning out the pockets. My husbands regular job is in a police department, but his parents own a store that my hubby works in (for free of course, because that is expected, but that is a whole other subject.)

    Anyway, I have also resorted to kicking my hubby's clothes under the bed rather than picking them up and putting them into the laundry hamper six inches away. Finally he realizes that he needs clothes and goes looking. oh well, that's life!

    I try to avoid my MIL as much as possible. There are just too many reasons to stay away. :D
     
  37. teachingmomof4

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    Feb 19, 2007

    That was my FIL and that is exactly how he treats my MIL. I'm not sure if he even knows where the food is to even make something. If she has to go out of town, she will buy him frozen dinners or make a big meal and put leftovers in the freezer as well as empty out the dishwasher so all he has to do is put the dishes into it. I don't think she can be gone long because eventually the dishwasher would need to be run. :D

    I think that my FIL's mother waited hand and foot on her husband as well as her kids because they are all the same way, except the girl. She, of course, waits on her family like that. My mother did the cooking and cleaning but my father was a farmer and was often out in the field at all hours of the day. However, he would also help with those chores and now that he is retired, they share them.

    I don't think it's right...they both have to work so they should both have to share the household chores.
     
  38. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Many years ago(when I was more dramatic) I threw all my husbands shoes out the back door. I was sick of tripping over them and looking at them thrown in a pile in the closet. Now he has his own closet and I don't care.
    He does a lot of cooking and the outside chores and cars are his jobs. I take care of the laundry and cleaning, although he will help with cleaning if I ask him. He is really quite capable. He never learned how to do anything from his mom...because SHE never did anything. She has covered her couch well for her whole life. His dad did dishes and cleaning. He is gone now and she is still laying on the couch unless it's a gambling night.
     
  39. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Feb 19, 2007

    Florida In-Laws

    My MIL and FIL are really great people. We will spend several weeks with them in Florida in March........ Can't wait.

    My FIL and I normally spend several hours in their heated pool each afternoon. At some point my MIL will bring us a pitcher full of her great margaritas.

    It's a great life........:D :D :D

    Major.... :)
     
  40. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Feb 19, 2007

    And what do you and FIL do the the ladies?
     

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