Mother-in-law advice

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by happygirl444, Oct 19, 2021.

  1. happygirl444

    happygirl444 Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    35

    Oct 19, 2021

    My mother-in-law has been rather cold to me lately. :( I asked her if I did something wrong and she said no, but it is obvious that I did do something to offend her. Any advice on how to break through the cold shoulder? She is basically effusive with everyone else but gives terse or stitled responses to me.
     
  2.  
  3. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    5,532
    Likes Received:
    1,712

    Oct 19, 2021

    What is your husband doing to help you? If it's his mother he should be also speaking with her. He shouldn't be allowing his mother to act that way.
     
  4. happygirl444

    happygirl444 Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    35

    Oct 19, 2021

    My husband tried several years ago when something similar happened and nothing came of it except making it worse. He is reluctant to talk to his mother about anything because "that's not how they do it in his family" and she tends to be very mercurial--falling in and out with different relatives often. I hate the energy of it. It makes me so uncomfortable.
     
  5. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
    Messages:
    6,381
    Likes Received:
    2,245

    Oct 19, 2021

    My initial response was going to be it isn't your husband's place to say anything. He is not in control of your mother and often it will cause more problems than solve. Then you posted your reply.

    You can try once more to try to work things out, but if this is normal behavior for her, you might just have to adjust your reaction to her behavior.

    Sorry it is such a difficult relationship. Sometimes it is just better to accept and move on than to try to fix something like this.
     
    Tired Teacher likes this.
  6. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    5,532
    Likes Received:
    1,712

    Oct 19, 2021

    Sounds like a toxic and immature woman. I would just wash my hands of her. You don't need that stress in your life.
     
  7. Colliemom

    Colliemom Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2021
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    61

    Oct 19, 2021

    That’s certainly a tough situation and draining. I’d limit time spent with her as much as possible. You won’t change her so you’ll need to take care of yourself and disconnect from responding to her moods.
     
  8. happygirl444

    happygirl444 Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    35

    Oct 19, 2021

    Thanks for the replies. I will take your advice to heart. I appreciate your viewpoints. It is a hard when grandchildren are involved. I just wish it was smoother, but you are right that it might just be my expectations that need to be adjusted.
     
    Colliemom likes this.
  9. Mikecoffee

    Mikecoffee Rookie

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2021
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    17

    Dec 19, 2021

    Enjoy the silence.

    It’s like when a student misbehaves, you correct the student, and then the student swells up and won’t talk -- LIKE NOT MAKING NOISE IS A PUNISHMENT TO YOU.

    Enjoy the silence and laugh all the way.
     
    Tired Teacher likes this.
  10. GraceKrispy

    GraceKrispy Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2021
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    8

    Dec 19, 2021

    I'm sorry, it sounds like she does this to others as well. You've already tried to clear the air. If you want to try once more in a more direct fashion, feel free. Otherwise, try to let it roll off your back. It sounds like she gets over these things eventually, so try not to spend any of your time worrying about it.
     
  11. happygirl444

    happygirl444 Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    35

    Dec 19, 2021

    Well, since I first posted this she seems to be warming up to me again. Who knows? My new sister-in-law thinks she has it all figured out. I want to tell her to just wait, you will fall out of favor too!! Hahaha! You have to laugh about it and you are right, Mikecoffee. I will enjoy the silence when it comes. :)
     
    Tired Teacher likes this.
  12. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    6,140
    Likes Received:
    1,565

    Dec 20, 2021

    I watched my grandmother do this my whole life. Seems like she was always mad at someone, and most of the time they didn’t know why. Usually my uncle and my mom took the brunt of her snide remarks and cold shoulder.

    My uncle did earn his one year. Gran was pouting about something, and she pulled the “This will be my last Christmas” thing, to which my uncle replied, “You’ve been promising us that for years.”
     
    Backroads likes this.
  13. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    5,532
    Likes Received:
    1,712

    Dec 21, 2021

    It could be anyone's last Christmas. Anything can happen to anyone. I hate when people use that tired old excuse.
     
  14. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2005
    Messages:
    2,090
    Likes Received:
    188

    Jan 4, 2022

    never trust a snake!!! My mother in law will tell me how much she loves me to my face but then turn around and talk trash about me to everyone else including my children. I absolutely have NOOOOOOO use for my mother in law. I do the right things for my husband's sake like visiting her in the hospital when she almost died. I refuse to buy her gifts and I haven't actually spoken to her in years. We live 4 hours apart and that is too close for me. I don't even have her phone number and I don't think she has mine. Which is fine!!!
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

Total: 205 (members: 2, guests: 176, robots: 27)
test