More wedding stuff

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by Beth2004, Jan 13, 2007.

  1. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Jan 13, 2007

    I have a little dilemma about choosing my maid of honor. I know that I'm far from being the first person to struggle with this so I figured I'd ask all of you for advice.

    I have a few girlfriends that I'm very close to, but there's one in particular that's been my "best friend" for about 11 years now. I always just figured I would ask her to be my maid of honor and I know that she assumes she will be. I have another good friend, though, that I've known for about 20 years (since kindergarten). She and I don't see each other (or even talk) very often anymore so I wouldn't choose her as my maid of honor, but since she is married she's going to be a matron of honor. I had come to the conclusion that I would just have the two of them stand with me, my maid of honor and my matron of honor.

    Here's the problem, though....
    I have another good friend who I'm going to ask to be a bridesmaid. She has already jumped in and started helping me plan (she let me know about an upcoming bridal show and offered to go). The other two girls (potential maid and matron of honor) are very busy all the time and are sometimes hard to get a hold of. I have a funny feeling that this friend is going to take over A LOT of the traditional responsibilities of the maid of honor and then will be upset later on when she's not announced as "maid of honor" at the reception. It sounds silly, I know, but she is a very sensitive person when it comes to things like this.

    My question is, do you think it would be best to just have my married friend be my matron of honor and leave it at that? Do you think it would cause less drama?? haha
     
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  3. GatorGal

    GatorGal Cohort

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    Jan 13, 2007

    This is a tough situation. I know how hard it can be to walk on egg shells around sensitive people.
    I'm trying to not let the "politics" of picking who is involved in my wedding get to me as well (There is some major drama in my life over who will walk me down the aisle--my mother is unmarried, and everyone in my family seems to have a say in this decision).

    So, I say, be open and honest with them as soon as possible. If you want to base your decision on who will be most available and helpful (for the maid of honor position), then I would decide somewhat soon. Then, just explain that you want everyone to be part of the planning and preparation, and give a few key jobs off to the other girls so they feel part of it. (Maybe you could ask your married friend to help finding a photographer? She may know good deals, formats, etc. )

    I also have a few friends that i've known forever, and we've always said that we would be eachother's maids of honor when we got married, but thats impossible now due to living so far away from one another (different colleges!).

    Just do what YOU want, this is YOUR wedding. The planning is supposed to be fun!!:angel:
     
  4. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Jan 13, 2007

    Beth,

    I had 2 matrons of honor, out of 8 bridesmaids....... yes, sometimes, the matrons of honor were busy and so I took along one of the other bridesmaids to do things. To be included in a wedding party, no matter what "title" one is given is an honor in itself. For someone to get all bent out of shape over not being called something is really immature. I say keep it the way you have it set up. If you want to thank her in a special way then perhaps you could give her a small token of appreciation or so when you get your girls their gifts.

    It's your day..... don't let the little things get you worked up.
     
  5. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Jan 13, 2007

    Thanks for the advice. It's starting to look like my trip to the bridal fair in 2 weeks is going to be me and my whole bridal party (4 girls). I have poems I want to give them that day to ask them to be a part of my wedding so I think I may have to make the decision within the next 2 weeks.

    As far as who is going to walk you down the aisle, GatorGal, I would have my mom do it. When I was younger I had almost no relationship with my dad and always said that my mom would give me away as she was the one who raised me. My mom passed away 10 years ago, though, and now I do have a relationship with my dad so he will be the one to walk me down the aisle.
     
  6. GatorGal

    GatorGal Cohort

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    Jan 14, 2007

    I definitely think I'm going to do that. I'm still a little hesitant about the whole thing though.:( I know i'm going to inadvertently hurt someone's feelings.
     
  7. daysy_may

    daysy_may Groupie

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    Jan 15, 2007

    My step-dad is going to walk me down the aisle, I've talked about it with my aunt, (dad's sister), and she said noone in the family would be suprised, that my step-dad has been there for me more. And as for the bridesmaids/maid and matron of honor thing, just go for what feels best for you, it's YOUR day. There are also some articles on theknot.com about this that I was reading earlier tonight.
     
  8. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Jan 15, 2007

    I'll have to search for those on the knot. I've been addicted to their forums for the past week!
     
  9. MissWull

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    Jan 15, 2007

    If it were me in that situation, I suppose I would tell the girl that's being so helpful...who's who right up front. So she doesn't get into things months from now and then you lay the "bomb" on her and she doesn't have the place to say "well i helped you with this...this...this...this and this".

    I would say make your maid/matron of honor whichever girl you are more in touch with and feel closest too. discuss with her the position you'd like her to be...and if she can't do all the responsibilities...then perhaps ask the other girl? But hopefully she doesn't find out she was asked second...? oh boy, drama drama...when it involves girls...we can't get away from it usually! haha. we're so difficult... :p
     
  10. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Jan 15, 2007

    I've been trying to get a hold of my friend (the one I want to be my maid of honor) all weekend. Of course, I didn't hear back from her until today when she sent a text message (she does that a lot instead of calling back) to tell me she's working a double shift at the restaurant today since there's no school. I want to talk to her about the situation since she is also very good friends with the girl who is being so helpful. I know she expects me to ask her to be my maid of honor, but I think I'm going to tell her (in the nicest way possible!) that if she's not going to be available to help me, I understand, but that I'll just have my matron of honor and not have another maid of honor. I think that will be the way with the least amount of drama anyway since tradition says my married friend can't be a 'maid' and has to be a matron of honor.

    Ugh! We'll see! haha
     
  11. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Jan 15, 2007

    Beth, you do what you think is best because it is your day. If someone will get upset at you for not putting them into a certain "spot" then perhaps then they aren't as supportive of your day (and you) as they should be and as you had hoped. We ran into this problem with our men in our wedding party. If we had asked all of my husband's good friends we would have had 15 couples...UGH! You have to draw a line somewhere and people need to be understanding. I decided to use mostly close family and 2 good friends because family, to me, never changes and sometimes friends do. One of my best friends said she talks to only one friend from her bridal party now out of the 7 she had. It made me think twice before making a final decision.
     
  12. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Jan 15, 2007

    I think I've decided what I'm going to do. I'll have my matron and maid of honor and the other two girls will be my bridesmaids. I'm going to be looking to all 4 of them for help so hopefully they'll all do their part and be happy about it! :)

    Here are the invitations I'm giving them the day of the bridal fair to ask them to be a part of my wedding.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  13. deedee

    deedee Connoisseur

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    Jan 15, 2007

    That is so cute!!!
     
  14. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Jan 15, 2007

    Thanks! :)

    I really wanted to do something sort-of special because it's not going to be a surprise to any of them that I'm asking them to be a part of my wedding. I've known them all so long that I know they're expecting it. I think they'll be surprised by the poems, though.
     
  15. GatorGal

    GatorGal Cohort

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    Jan 15, 2007

    Those are really nice poems, I think they will be very touched.
     
  16. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Jan 15, 2007

    I hope so. :love:

    I spoke with one of my bridesmaids tonight and she is so excited about going to the bridal fair. She is going to do everything she can to help me plan, I can see it already!
     
  17. teach2004

    teach2004 Companion

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    Jan 15, 2007

    GatorGal - My mom walked me down the aisle. My father abandoned us when I was 13. My mom had not remarried yet, and I wasn't close enough to anyone else to ask them. I will never regret my decision. It wasn't strange at all. Everyone understood because she had been my mom and my dad. I did upset my dad's side of the family, but oh well. It was my day! Remember that. You are the one that needs to be happy!
     

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