More advice. Mother is angry and the family is trying to persuade me not to move on

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TeacherCuriousExplore, Feb 24, 2018.

  1. TeacherCuriousExplore

    TeacherCuriousExplore Cohort

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    Feb 24, 2018

    Hello everyone. I need some encouraging words. Yesterday, my sister called me and told me that she was contacted as a personal reference and gave me positive reviews but was tired so said yes for everything that was asked. In so many words, she did not seem to take what the people asking seriously. I feel as if I was better off asking one of my friends for a personal reference. My mom got angry at her and told her that should have given me bad reviews.


    My dad is persuading me to not take the position simply because the job caters to teaching young Mexican children and the current president is sending them back to their homes. He believes because of this there will not be any funding.

    My mother thinks that I should stay teaching with them until VPK season is over and not leave. I can not bear driving 40 mins away and getting underpaid anymore.

    I did more research on Telamon and found out that there is a lot of room for growth and promotions. Although I am earning a teacher certification, I may look into becoming an education specialist within the corporation.
     
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  3. CherryOak

    CherryOak Comrade

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    Feb 24, 2018

    It's not surprising that the manipulation continues. You can't control them. But, you can control your decisions and how much you're willing to discuss them with your family.
     
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  4. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    Feb 24, 2018

    I always had a good relationship with my parents, and they did often offer me life advice. However, they in no way ever made me feel that my decisions were inferior if they didn't match theirs.

    I may just be old and cranky, but I have no patience for people who do nothing more than bring negativity to my life.
     
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  5. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Feb 24, 2018

    I would recommend NOT using any of your family members as references under any circumstances.
    Find someone who doesn't have a vested interest in their own agenda, ask ahead of time if they would agree to be a reference. Why does your dad worry about the funding? You are only going to be there one year, tops. Nothing in D.C. moves as fast as our politician "friends" would have us believe. You can "what if" yourself to death. Deal in the here and now.
     
  6. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Second verse same as the first. You keep asking the same questions and getting the same answers. You scurry after the ‘out’. A few months ago it was online English teaching to students in China. Now its a job teaching preK in a school catering to migrants. Or maybe youll look into being an education specialist within the corporation. I dont have any idea what that is but corporate/charter ed is going to bring its own hurdles and challenges
    Also, I’m not sure why you put a family member as a reference. You said all your references were in education. Even if your sister is in education, thats not really considered a highly reliable recommendation in most circles.
    We dont have enough info on the migrant school to offer the best advice. Your past experience in the ‘family business’ should guide your actions and decisions. Be guided accordingly.
     
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  7. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    Feb 24, 2018

    I think you are looking for someone here to tell you to go work for mom and dad. If that's what you really are set on doing, then fine, follow your heart, but don't keep asking the same question and expecting different answers. From an outsider's perspective, it's a toxic situation, but if you are drawn to it like a moth to a flame, we can only say "no" so much.
     
  8. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Feb 24, 2018

    I have told my adult children that they should not use a family member as a reference, even if they would are in the field.
     
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  9. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    Feb 24, 2018

    Seriously, please stop asking the same question again and again AND again! It’s the same song and dance each and every time... Move on from your parents. It’s not that intricate. We’ve been through this. Please listen to what we advise to you.

    Move. On. From. Your. Parents.

    Period.

    You will be fine. Get your certification and start a career. Before you had a job, not a career. There is a stark difference between the two. We all believe you can do it. You’re an adult — you need to leave the nest and live your own life, not the life your parents want.

    Hopefully, you actually listen this time.
     
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  10. ChildWhisperer

    ChildWhisperer Groupie

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    Feb 24, 2018

    Please stop asking for advice if you're not going to take it.
     
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  11. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    :beatdeadhorse:
     
  12. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    Hahaha!
     
  13. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    There's also this :banghead:
     
  14. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    Haha, yes! I love it.
     
  15. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Feb 25, 2018

    You have a choice to make. You need to either be all-in or all-out with your family at this point. If you choose not to continue working for them, you'll need to cut all contact for a time. This back and forth isn't doing anyone any good.
     
  16. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    If you want to go back, go back. If you don't, don't. Either way live with the consequences.
     
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  17. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    I guess it's only obvious to us outsiders that your parents are only thinking of themselves and don't give 2 beans about you. If complete strangers can see the writing on the wall why can't you? Stop wasting our time. The next time you should be posting is if you need help with job interview questions, curriculum ideas, or...heck...even what kind of underwear you should buy. That wouldn't be as ridiculous as the questions you have been posting.
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Wow, for your own mother to say that your sister should have given you bad reviews, just so you won't get the job is quite vindictive and horrendous for a mother to say! She really doesn't want you to succeed. All she cares about is that you work back for her and your dad again. Family or not, these are toxic people who don't care about how your life goes. I'd distance myself as much & as quickly as possible!
     
  19. anna9868

    anna9868 Habitué

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    May 9, 2018

    * Move on from your parents. It’s not that intricate. We’ve been through this.
    * Move. On. From. Your. Parents.
    * Family or not, these are toxic people who don't care about how your life goes. I'd distance myself as much & as quickly as possible!
    * You’re an adult — you need to leave the nest and live your own life
    * From an outsider's perspective, it's a toxic situation, but if you are drawn to it like a moth to a flame, we can only say "no" so much.
    * I guess it's only obvious to us outsiders that your parents are only thinking of themselves and don't give 2 beans about you. If complete strangers can see the writing on the wall why can't you?
    ==============================================
    TeacherCuriousExplore, I really commend you for being brave and talking about your issues!
    Hey, a long time ago I also used to participate on the forums. I got similar responses to yours..... nay, probably tougher than yours. Even here, on this forum.

    I want you to understand that all the well-meaning poster's comments (examples above) are all WRONG about how easy it is to move away from your parents. I bet you, none of them were emotionally dependent on their parents far into adulthood, so they are truly outsiders as some of them notice.
    ============
    I've been raised as an only child by a single mom with serious mental problems. I've been emotionally dependent on her until the age of 37, even though, by that time I've been married and had 2 kids. I've been married to my current husband twice (try to guess, thanks to whose bad influence we divorced the first time) My case was really tough because of the immigrant issues and our family's mental problems.

    So, my decision was very unconventional. I had to toughen up enough to brake up with my mom completely. There was no other choice, unfortunately! She is no longer my mom, she is no longer my children's grandmother. (thanks goodness, she no longer lives in America either. She went back to her motherland, to the person she really admires, Mr. Putin :) )
    =============
    I wouldn't advise my worst enemy to go through something as tough as what I went through. So, I completely understand what you must be going through.

    It's called Emotional Abuse. Sorry to be blunt about that, but that's what it is. (When I was first told those words I didn't believe it for quite some time!)

    I don't advise you to confront your parents about that. No, the parents would never admit that they are abusers. Hey, very few people are willing to admit to that!
    Just try to educate yourself as much as you can about it, to understand how to deal with it.
    A direct problem related to the parental Emotional abuse is that the child, well, a grown up by this time, develops a serious Social Anxiety.
    And that's a tough one to deal with! I've dealt with that one a lot in my family.
    the best resource I can share is Dr. Berent who has TON of free material on his site about it: http://www.social-anxiety.com/
     
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