Moms: How would you have wanted this situation handled?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Em_Catz, Jul 2, 2014.

  1. bros

    bros Phenom

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    You were right in how you handled it - a similar thing happened with my cousin when she was young, but her day care released her to her father (who had no custodial rights) without calling my aunt, and he decided to take her for the rest of the day, which annoyed my aunt.

    Nothing came out of it, though. His parent's money bailed him out yet again - he just can't visit the state of Nevada anymore.
     
  2. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    As a mom, I would have been a nervous nelly knowing my infant was in a car traveling up to an hour away.
     
  3. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Em did right thing...bring up why doesn't dad come stay with baby...it's the least he could do....;) I'm sure you'd be flexible enough if you knew a day or so ahead that dad was coming you could find something to do.
    I babysat for friend & her child's dad would come pick child up from gparent's house. I just had to have child over so gparent could be there as well...
     
  4. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    It could be that the baby's father doesn't have a good set schedule and doesn't know in advance when he will have time off. It is sometimes hard to find someone to watch a child if the person you are hoping will watch the child doesn't know until a few days before.

    Knowing the dad sees the child off and on, I am less concerned about why he fb'd the OP. But OP did the right thing.
     
  5. MrsJay

    MrsJay Rookie

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    I'm a Mommy and you absolutely did the right thing. The baby stays in your care unless the mother gives you instructions to do otherwise.
     
  6. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

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    It still seems really presumptuous for him to request that you "drop by" with the baby when he lives an hour away. When I read your original post, I had it in my mind that he lived down the block, so you really could just "drop by" if your friend OK'd it.

    I would tell your friend you're unable to do this going forward. If for no other reason, babies can get ferocious in long car rides.
     
  7. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    You hit the nail right on the head. I don't mind being flexible,but give me notice! Also since the father doesn't have custody I feel leery turning the baby over to him without permission from the mother. He's a (nice enough) guy but what if he takes the baby and skips town? My friend would never forgive me. (I wouldn't if the situation was reversed).

    Plus, if he's grown enough to make a baby, he's grown enough to figure out how to see the baby and not try to take advantage of me. I'm caring to make THE MOTHER'S life easier, NOT HIS.

    I'm glad everything worked out alright for your cousin. That could've gone so badly. We had a similar situation where the mother just never mentioned the father (or the fact that she had a restraining order against him), so the office gave him a visitor pass and he showed up in my classroom.

    :thumb:We think alike Ms. I. because the only person I trust 100% is God. IMHO the father is an idiot and a jerk (he was my friend's ex when they slept together and he lead her to believe he wanted to get back together and be a family, then he hooked up with one of his co-workers and dumped my friend because the co-worker looked "better on his arm" :mad:).

    I prefer not to be around him, and when I it's in a group setting where I have limited interaction. Not one on one at my house.

    He's not babysitting today because he's an idiot. If I were my friend I would tell him, "Look, if you want to spend time with our son, then make arrangements with me. Don't bug my friends asking if they can drive him out to you." :2cents:
     
  8. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Em... I'd feel leery about being with this guy alone with baby puts you in vulnerable state...
    Maybe you should tell friend I'll babysit child but I would feel more comfortable if the dad isn't part of days I watch child.
     
  9. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    You absolutely did the right thing. The fact that he went through you to attempt to schedule a visitation with his baby is a red flag.
     
  10. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    That baby is in your good hands! You made the right decision and I would tell my friend that in the future I did not want the dad around when I was sitting for the baby.
     
  11. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Yeah. My cousin is still emotionally abused by her father pretty much monthly - he'll pay for really expensive things using his parents money, then when she tries to bring one thing home from his house, he refuses to let her bring it home with her. He'll also take her to see movies like The Hunger Games (Which he took her to see in the theaters when she was 7) - because he wanted them to do something where he could just sit around and she wouldn't talk. Once his wealthy parents die, my aunt is going to "go for the throat" so to speak, as his parents have been complicit in hiding his income for the past 10 years - they report that he earns minimum wage to the IRS and the courts, but he actually earns around 80k a year from his parent's businesses. He's paid no child support in almost ten years, which has led to my aunt's house going into foreclosure, but her bank who initially gave her the mortgage folded into another bank which got eaten up by another bank which got taken over by another bank, so the paperwork got all jumbled around and nobody can find her mortgage (except her, she has a copy of it, but she's not giving it up to the banks). They've been looking for two years now.
     
  12. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I think you did the right thing. You are doing the mother a favor by babysitting and you are under no obligation to cart the baby around town visiting people, even if it is the father. They need to work this out and leave you out of it. I doubt I would babysit again if this keeps happening.
     
  13. eternalsaudade

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    I echo everyone here, you did the right thing. I would definitely recommend staying out of the situation with the dad entirely, it sounds iffy so I think you'd be entirely justified in expressing that the father needs to arrange time with his baby outside of the times you are caring for him. Good luck!
     
  14. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Thank you Diz. :thumb: That's actually a really good way to put it. It's not rude/mean, but gets my point across and it's true. I don't want to be involved with the father on my babysitting days.

    :yeahthat:

    I'm glad you said that NY because a small part of me was like, "Am I being selfish not to bring the baby to him? It's not like he has a car."

    However, a much bigger part of me feels like it's not my responsibility and as I voiced in an earlier post, if he's man enough to make a baby, he's man enough to take care of it without relying on the charity of the mother's friends.
     
  15. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Jul 2, 2014

    Hi Em,
    I've read over your OP and some of the other responses and everyone is telling you right. What's really bugging me though is your friend's response.

    Whatever the arrangement she has between her and the child's father is their arrangement. It's not cool to drag you in the middle. Plus it puts you in an awkward position.

    If you tell the father yes, then he may take advantage of you further or expect that whenever you are caring for the baby then you will drop the child off with him. If you tell the father no, then you fear he may tell your friend that you cannot babysit the child any longer (hopefully your friend isn't dumb enough to go along with that, though {no offense!} but she doesn't sound like she makes smart decisions when it comes to the child's father.

    It kind of reminds me of when I was at the house of a husband's coworker and the teenage daughter said she liked my car and asked me (in front of 20 people) could she take it "for a spin" around the neighborhood.

    Obviously no one wants a teenager, especially one they barely know, to drive their car, so I looked over to her parents expecting them to put her in check about the inappropriateness.

    Nope, they just looked back at me with stupid grins and were like, "Well Honey, that's up to Ms. Lyn"

    So "Ms. Lyn" quickly squashed that request, but it irritated me that her parents put me in that position. It would've been easier and more appropiate for them to tell her that was out of line, then me.
     

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