Mom Seeking Advice

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by caseysmom, Dec 7, 2006.

  1. caseysmom

    caseysmom New Member

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    Dec 7, 2006

    My daughter started kindergarten (full day) in September. She is excelling academically, but seems to have problems trusting certain teachers. She has a tendency to become withdrawn and not want to participate in the activity, such as music class. When this happens, she comes home to me, crying as soon as I see her. She tells me about being punished for being afraid to try something.

    My daughter is not a defiant child by nature. When these situations come up her teacher says she does the following: tilts her head to the side, tries to hide her face behind her shoulder, and says she can't because she is itchy, tired, sick, bored, etc... none of which are true of course, she just is looking for an answer the teacher will accept to leave her alone.

    How should a situation like this be handled? Does punishment (during the school day) help, or will it backfire and make her more uneasy in the future? I am struggling with my feelings on this, and would appreciate any/all advice.

    Thanks,
    CaseysMom
     
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  3. kcbutterfly

    kcbutterfly Companion

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    Dec 7, 2006

    I am a Kindergarten teacher, and I would definitely not punish a child for the behaviors you described. I would try to find out exactly what it is that makes her so uncomfortable in those situations/other classes, and then work to resolve it. I would also give her some sort of helper role in those situations, but it would be a helper role where she wasn't put on the spot. Good luck!
     
  4. jx4b

    jx4b Rookie

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    Dec 9, 2006

    I am a mom of a new Kindergartner as well, I feel for you - it's scary letting our little ones out all day in the hands of strangers. I am not a teacher, so don't take this as pro advise at all! - but have you talked to her teacher about it? I agree with "butterfly" above that she should in no way be punished for being shy/reserved/scared etc. This can be such a stressful time to many K's and I'll bet her behaviour is not that uncommon. They should be working with her & you on this, she should not come home crying because of it. My son has a friend who has come off the bus 3x now in tears, but it was simply because he missed his mom, still very sad, but normal for some kids. Much different than what you have described. Are you able to volunteer in her room to give you a better idea of what is causing her the anxiety?
     
  5. Tigers

    Tigers Habitué

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    Dec 9, 2006

    I think jx4b gave you your first step...Talk to the teacher. It seems highly unusual that a teacher would punish a child because they felt uncomfortable participating. But, there are some teachers out there. If the situation is that they were making cookies and your child did not want to do the activity, then maybe your child feels that not getting a decorated cookie was a punishment. Natural consequences like these are a part of the socialization process, especially in kindergarten. But if your child is losing recess because she wouldn't sing. Tell the teacher that you are unable to see the corelation between the consequence and your child's action. if the teacher is unreceptive, go above his/her head. Also, you should monitor your reaction to your child. If she comes home and says she painted a picture and your reply is, "oh, how fantastic, did you ejoy painting today," but when she says, "I had a bad day...my teacher got mad because I wouldn't do..." and you, concerned, naturally give her your undivided attention to help her, she will register that these are the conversations you want to have with her. So, she will seek and hold on to those experiences. I am not sure if what I just wrote was comprehendable, but I was suggesting that when your daughter brings up an issue which causes concern, remember to play it cool, ask questions but don't focus on the issue...you can do that with the teacher.
     
  6. caseysmom

    caseysmom New Member

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    Dec 9, 2006

    Thanks

    Hi All who responded!

    Thanks for the advice. The teacher sent a note home with my daughter yesterday that basically said, "thanks for your concern. We have gone over the behavioral chart, and feel it works very well in our classroom. If you still feel you need to discuss it further, please call to arrange a meeting."

    It was a canned response of sorts, and I get the distinct impression that the teacher is upset with me for questioning anything that happens in the classroom. (her tone was very defensive when I called to find out more about why my daughter was punished.) I am going to back off for now and see what happens. No, I won't let things go too far for too long without raising a stink, but I don't want my daughter to suffer because her teacher is annoyed with me.


    Thanks again for all your viewpoints. It really helps to get someone else's take on a situation that you are too close to be objective about!

    Heather
     
  7. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Dec 10, 2006

    I, too, think the response was a signal to back off. Let us know how it goes.
     
  8. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Dec 10, 2006

    I personally would be calling to set up a time to meet. If she is treating you that way how is she treating your daughter?
    It sounds like your daughter is a little shy and doesn't like to sing and do those types of things. I didn't either. I was the child that would always sit in a chair and watch the other kids sing and do the Hokey Pokey and so on. I never got in troulbe. The teacher would just ask are you sure you don't want to have fun with us. I never wanted to lol. I still hate singing.
    Let us know what happens.
    BTW is her classroom teacher the same teacher as the specials teachers?
     

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