As the year winds down, I look back at myself and my teaching and I am beginning to notice a lot of mistakes I have, and continue to still make. Obviously, these mistakes are improved with time, and I learn by making them, but I can't help but feel terrible when looking back at myself, and doing things I said I would never do. For example, shouting at the students to get them quiet, or allowing students to turn in work late because I feel bad giving them a bad grade, or even being very lax when I see them take out their phones or go off task. The principal actually had to speak to me to tell me he saw a student listening to music while he was working in my class... I teach art, so if it helps with creativity, I used to let students listen to music, but I cut that out right away. Still though, I'm very embarrassed that the principal had to be the one to tell me about it. It makes me look bad and too lax, and thus, a bad teacher. It happened again today, and I was focused on a group of students working in the back, I completely neglected the students in the front of the room who rushed through their work so that they can play. One student even sat on another's lap and at that moment the principal walked in. The students felt very bad about being caught, but I honestly feel bad for not giving them enough attention so that they wouldn't feel like they could sit on laps. I guess I am having some guilt issues now, because I take teaching so seriously, and lately, I just feel my energy dwindling. I'm wondering if it is just because it is nearing the end of the year and I am just tired and ready to go, but at the same time, I know it's not an excuse to let my reputation as a teacher go so far down the drain. I am trying to tell myself that next year I won't make the same mistakes, but I can't help but feel guilty and ashamed for letting myself get this way :/ And I guess I am sort of just venting now I don't have a lot of teacher friends, or friends who care at all about teaching or teachers, so it's nice being able to talk to people who've been there done that.