misjudged a certain parent

Discussion in 'General Education' started by ladybugteacher, Oct 24, 2016.

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  1. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    Oct 24, 2016

    Two weeks ago I had probably the worst parent teacher conference ever.
    http://forums.atozteacherstuff.com/index.php?threads/problem-parents.198349/
    I thought the dad was perhaps the absolute worst human being ever. He was rude and dismissive and downright insulting and I thought I would be happy never to see him again. Boy was I wrong.
    Today after school I was out at the Walmart getting some groceries and when I came out my beater of a car wouldn't start. I assumed I just needed a jump so I pop the hood and get out. I guess I wasn't thinking and I end up locking my keys inside. So now I am standing outside locked our of my disabled vehicle. I am panicking now, pulling on my doors, peering into the windows trying to think of a way in. I am not sure exactly how long I was just mulling over my locked vehicle when I hear someone condescendingly tell me that "there isn't a way to unlock the cabin doors from under the hood".
    I look up and see this dark gray SUV and the dad of my class problem child standing there smirking at me. At this point I am hot, frazzled ,sweating and just not in the mood for bullshit, especially since I know the bulk of my frozen groceries were probably ruined. I foolishly unloaded on him, cursing him out and calling him all sorts of names.
    All he does is laugh at me and tells me how I should have been prepared and that I should always carry an unlocking wedge in my car for just such an emergency. Then I am like "that's the dumbest thing ever, if I carried an unlocking wedge in my car it would be fu****g locked in my car with my keys". He then coyly pulls this device which looks like a blood pressure cuff out of his truck and says "you know you are right, I guess I don't need this thing hogging up space in my tool box" and acts like he is about to throw it into a trash can. That's when it occurred to me he was having fun with me. So I told him that I have 20 dollars inside my purse, and I will buy the unlocking wedge from him and pay him once I open my vehicle. He tells me its a deal and then tosses it to me.
    Unfortunately even with an unlocking wedge I wasn't able open the door wide enough to reach the lock. As I was struggling he face timed his wife and I could hear both of them snickering at me. Finally I just threw down the wedge and yelled at him, I asked what kind of man he was just to stand their and mock me rather than help. His reply was "if you needed help you should have just asked". His wife chimed in "don't you know how to say please? ". At this point my blood was boiling but I swallowed my pride and asked him to pretty please open my car.
    I watched as he picked up the wedge, jammed it between the door and frame and then use this thing that looked like a hook on a stick to pop the lock. It took him less than a minute to open the door. I pulled out my purse to pay him then he told me to keep it. He then asked me if I needed a jump. I tell him yes and he pulls the cables out and hooks then to his truck. Jumping didn't work. Now I am close to tears because I know I cannot afford a large repair bill, heck I could not afford the tow to a garage.
    He then tells me to let "Automobile VonBismark" take a look. He got a bunch of tools out of his truck and instructed me to sit in the drivers seat and crank the ignition when he signaled. I am not totally sure what he did but after a few attempts of cranking the engine this little black cap looking thing and told me I need a new distributor. I asked him about how much would that cost, he said that it could be between 3 to 5 hundred depending on the shop. Upon hearing this I start to tear up, I really do not have the money for a repair life that. He then gave me a kleenex and told me to "relax" and that there is an Auto zone down the street, the part most likely costs less than 200 dollars and that if I asked really politely he will put it in for me. Of course I beg him to please please do this and he agreed. I rode with him to the auto zone and sure enough my part was avaliable and costs 180 dollars. Because today was my lucky day, my credit card was declined and I didn't have enough on my debit to cover the price of the part. He rolled his eyes at me and took out a wad of cash and bought the part for me. He then drove me back to my car and proceeded to remove the old part. While he was doing that he was kind enough to let me sit in SUV and gave me his phone to watch Netflix on. He then came up to the window and told me that he had some "bad news". He showed me the new part and the old part and the mounting brackets were not the same. The two of us then went back to the auto zone thinking that we got the wrong part. At the auto zone we showed them the original part and the new part and they said that they sold us the correct part as per the OEM and that the different mounting configurations are due to an aftermarket modification. When we walked out off the auto zone I started to really cry. He told me again to "relax" and that I was "probably hungry" and that he has an idea but we needed to "regroup at his favorite restaurant." Being emotionally drained, exausted, and a little hungry I agree so he takes me to this little dive Chinese buffet restaurant.
    When we got there he brings in this tool bag, the old part and the new part. He then told me to fix myself a plate while he worked his magic. As I went through the line I saw him just start dismantling both parts. I am thinking to my self, that this is just the weirdest thing ever but none of the restaurant staff seem to pay him any mind. The waitress was just completely unfazed that this man had pretty much set up a work bench in a booth in the back of her restaurant. I finished eating as he finished reassembling the distributors, he then told me that I had just witnessed a "tijuana rebuild".
    We then went back to my car where he put one of the parts back in and told me to try and start it. I was extremely skeptical but the engine roared to life. It sounded a little funny but he tinker with it more and then like magic it began to run really smooth. I really couldn't believe it, in fact when I drove it home finally, it didn't make any of the usual distressing engine noises it use to. I asked him what he did and he told me he took the guts from the new distributor and put them in the housing of the old one. He explained that the parts are identical except for the engine mount so that this was the fastest cheapest option. I then told him that I won't be able to pay him back for the part until next month and he told me to "relax" because he had a friend who is a manager at an auto zone and he would allow him to just "warrenty" the part out. He just told me not to mention a word about this to his son and we would be square.
    I know my I tended to ramble in my story but it just amazes me how meeting people under different circumstances can totally change the interaction. I once thought this man was cruel, arrogant, and dismissive but tonight I saw this totally different side. Yes he was mocking but at the same time I cannot deny that he is brilliant with a good heart.
     
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  3. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Oct 24, 2016

    wow.
     
  4. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    Oct 24, 2016

    This was my adventure for the night. Do I still think that family is a bit nutty?, you bet maybe they are just people you have to get use to in small doses.
     
  5. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I stopped reading at the part where you started swearing at him and calling him names.
     
  6. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    Oct 24, 2016

    Like I said I was wrong. But he approached me and was purposely trying to get a rise out of me outside of school.
     
  7. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    What a surprise. I'm glad he turned out to have a good heart, after all.
     
  8. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Oct 25, 2016

    I don't make it a habit of swearing at people and calling them names (in fact, I've never done it). I'm glad that he helped you, though..
     
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  9. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    Oct 25, 2016

    I am greatful he helped me but remember this man is the same person who told me in the middle of a parent teacher conference that the reason I washed out of engineering was because I needed to take the d*ck out of my mouth to study. So yeah, I don't think my initial reaction to his mocking of me to be totally unreasonable.
     
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  10. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Oct 25, 2016

    What a saga! Frankly, I don't blame you for your reaction.

    Another thought: depending on how thsee two were raised, this honestly may be the most polite they really know how to be.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2016
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  11. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    Oct 25, 2016

    That's actually a very interesting thought. I think he thinks he is a stand up comic. The whole time he never stopped smiling even when I was shouting at him. To him he may consider being insulting to be good natured ribbing.
     
  12. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Oct 25, 2016

    [​IMG]
     
  13. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    [​IMG]
     
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  14. Tulipteacher

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    Oct 25, 2016

    If a parent (or anyone) had previously told me I should've taken the d&$& out of my mouth and studied more, I would have rather hitchiked home than accepting any kindness from that person.
     
  15. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    Oct 25, 2016

    I am not that strong. :(
     
  16. Luv2TeachInTX

    Luv2TeachInTX Comrade

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    Oct 25, 2016

    Is this for real? If so, you definitely crossed some professional boundaries. Cussing at a parent? Letting them pay for your car to be fixed and take you out to dinner while you cry? I'm sorry, but that's inappropriate.
     
  17. MsAbeja

    MsAbeja Companion

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    Oct 25, 2016

    I don't really buy any of this story, but it certainly is entertaining and a good read!
     
  18. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    It happened off school premises so I don't see the problem. Besides he said he would get his money back when his friend warranties out the part.
     
  19. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    If a true story, it's a bit dysfunctionally intimate. Bordering on kinky.
     
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  20. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    I think you kind of lost your battle with this parent. Any time you have problems with his kid, he can hold this whole thing over your head. Him paying for your car, paying for your dinner, helping you out while you completely relied on him, and you cussed at him.
     
  21. Mr Magoo

    Mr Magoo Comrade

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    Oct 25, 2016

    I once saw a parent hollering at her child - a boy toddler.

    By the way the woman acted you would think the little boy would be upset.

    He was standing there smiling while looking at his mom holler at him .

    Then I figured it out.

    His mom was paying attention to him.

    Some people are just different.
     
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  22. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    I gave up battling the kid. Basically if he turns in am assignment I grade it by the rubrik. I turn a blind eye to is interactions with the other children unless there is a complaint and things haven't been better. He leaves me alone and everything is fine. Neitherhe nor his parents badger me about his grades so I see must if his hyjinks as nonissues now.
     
  23. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    How is this intimate or kinky? Or better yet how is this any more or less intimate than asking some one to change a tire,provide a jump or push a disabled car. In Texas guys just tend to do that kind of stuff when they see a woman with a broke down vehicle.
     
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  24. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    Like I said. Stand up comic.
     
  25. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I would inform your principal of what happened as a cya.
     
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  26. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Oct 26, 2016

    This is my thought as well. My principals have always said that they want to hear about possible issues from staff first before they hear from someone else. On or off school property, you are his child's teacher. "Cussing out" a parent is never appropriate, no matter how badly they may have treated you. You have to be the professional in all situations.

    I appreciate that you were upset and worried about money, but I wouldn't have accepted assistance beyond his attempt to boost your car. You put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation--professionally and personally--by getting into his vehicle and then spending an extended period of time with him. You've said previously that you don't trust him and that he doesn't seem to understand boundaries; you aren't okay with that in the school but you're okay with it out of school?

    I fear that this could come back to bite you--very badly.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2016
  27. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    You got in his vehicle with him to drive to another location; you sat in his vehicle watching Netflix on his phone; you went to a restaurant with him.
     
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  28. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    I honestly have a lot of problems with this line of thought. Maybe it is because I am from a different generation but the idea that there is a presumption of intimacy in exchange for any act of quarter or kindness is propostorous. It is the fact that people still hold on to this idea that kindness or "niceness" is followed by intimacy gives legitimacy to all those MRA'S and "nice guys" or there who believe they are entitled to our bodies and affections as a reward for their "niceness".
    It is also this type of attitude that makes me reluctant to talk to my P about the situation.
     
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  29. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    "Intimacy" means closeness or familiarity; it doesn't always equate with something sexual and I wasn't suggesting that it did. You actions implied that you feel very comfortable in his presence; something that seems to go against everything you have posted about him before. For me, many professional lines were crossed by your actions; I understand that you don't feel the same way.
     
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  30. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    Oct 26, 2016

    You also said kinky
     
  31. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    I didn't originally say it, and neglected to remove it from my quote; that was an oversight.
     
  32. mathmagic

    mathmagic Enthusiast

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    Regardless of how I'm treated, just as I teach my students, it's my choice how I choose to treat the other person. Even with someone who might have said extremely rude things about me (or whatever), I would have to make the choice to just keep my mouth shut, or at least respond in a respectful, even if curt / to the point, way. I'm not saying that the parent was right in the first place, I'm just saying that we always have a choice of how to carry ourselves, and if we expect students - in situations where they're being called a name or being picked on - to react in an appropriate manner, I think we need to hold ourselves to the same (if not higher) expectations.

    That being said, I'm glad you had the opportunity to see the other side and thankful he was there to help you!
     
  33. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    You were definitely having a bad day to begin with before this parent showed up and I can empathize with your feelings towards his initial reaction; however, in our profession I do not believe it is ever okay to cuss out a parent, no matter that the incident took place outside of school. If this parent wanted, he could complain to the principal about the way you acted towards him. I also understand the feeling of helplessness of not being able to take care of the car problem yourself which probably adds to the frustration you were already feeling. I think I would have left it at him helping put the part in and would have passed on dinner. I would not feel comfortable with that type of interaction with a parent I have had uncomfortable situations with before.
     
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  34. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    No where do I see where anyone is slut-shaming the OP.
     
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  35. Mr Magoo

    Mr Magoo Comrade

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    Kind of a get yourself Fired thing to do.

    :eek:
     
  36. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    I would not be that strong either!! I would have taken the help.
     
  37. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    It would be best to give a calm, thorough retelling of the incident to Administration in case it gets turned around or twisted by either parent or the student.
     
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  38. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    I might be the eternal optimist, but I choose to believe that the father went out of his way to be as sociable as he can be and as helpful as he could be. He did not have to help at all.

    He just may not have the skills to interact appropriately, and it sounds like neither the mother or son do, either.

    I do not see a need to notify admin.
     
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  39. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    I don't think any one was slutshaming but it is troubling that some people hold onto the idea that any favor or kindness is automatically understood to have strings romantic, sexual or otherwise attatched. To that man's credit he made it very clear that his assistance was not predicated on any benefit I may have to offer. In fact it seemed the only quid pro quo in our exchange was that I would have to endure a bit of mocking irreverence during the course of my interaction with him.
    And about being comfortable with him, I never said I found him threatening, I would never be afraid he would hurt me I just felt disrespected and belittled.
     
  40. ladybugteacher

    ladybugteacher Companion

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    He did tell me not a word of this to anybody. I doubt he would go to admin about any of this especially since he implied that the "tijuana rebuild" he did on my distributor was not exactly on the up and up (he told me not to worry about the money because he would get it back when he returned the swapped out part ).
     
  41. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    My guess is that he'll never breathe a word of it to the admin. If he does though, you absolutely do not want your admin to be surprised.
     
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