Mental breakdown

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by Mh27, Mar 8, 2018.

  1. Mh27

    Mh27 Rookie

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    Mar 8, 2018

    I am a kindergarten teacher at at in inner city public school with a reputation of having an unsupportive, two - faced administrative team . Recently , I had to redo my whole schedule and redo the whole way I teach my lesson plans because the school is unhappy with the kids’s Reading scores . I am a new teacher and I didn’t really receive much training on how to do running records or the most effective way to teach guided reading or read data to guide instruction. Ive received low scores from my evalualator and she has given very little useful feedback or help for the most part . Until now, when i am greatly struggling and at a point where I am very stressed out and overwhelmed. I feel like they are helping me now when things are at a critical point but very little was done to prevent this from happening. My evaluator doesn’t like me for whatever reason and she does sneaky things behind my back. I’m just at a loss ... recently, I had a complete mental breakdown. I had to go the er for a panic attack and I’ve been put on anti - depressants and anti - anxiety meds and they have been making me sick as I’ve been adjusting to them . I just feel like everything is crashing down around me . My doctor said I had to take some time away from work because of the effect it is having on my health . I’ve already gone over my ten days I get for sick leave and I feel so depressed about leaving the kids . They miss me and I feel like I’m letting them down . I don’t know what is going to happen at the end of the year . I’m scared .
     
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  3. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    Mar 8, 2018

    You need to find a new job at the end of the year. No job is worth going through that!
     
  4. Been There

    Been There Habitué

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    Mar 8, 2018

    I feel so angry reading about your dilemma! I could never figure out how administrators could be so insensitive to the needs of their teachers. Begin your search for another job now and try to remain positive under such impossible conditions. Can you get help from the other kindergarten teachers at your school? They would be your best bet. Good luck to you!
     
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  5. Mh27

    Mh27 Rookie

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    Mar 8, 2018

    I want to . I’m just worried about my ability to find another teaching job . I am part of an atcp program and I have not received my standard certification yet . I’m afraid the school I’m at now will give me a bad review .
     
  6. Mh27

    Mh27 Rookie

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    Mar 8, 2018

    Thank you for replying . The other teachers are helping me now but I am just still so overwhelmed. I wish I would have known how wrong I was doing things so I could have gotten help much earlier.
     
  7. Been There

    Been There Habitué

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    Mar 9, 2018

    From my experience, low-performing school districts tend not to be proactive, but instead take action only when the state department of education applies pressure. This would explain why you didn't receive any help earlier in the year. Your unsupportive school administrators most likely don't have a clue regarding what needs to be done and are merely handing down edicts to appease their superiors. If they're like the people I've worked with, your evaluator and administrators will most likely use you and others as scapegoats in order to keep their jobs.

    Don't think for a moment that you're letting your students down - it's the absence of strong school leadership that is to blame! Although it's extremely difficult to withstand the stress of working in a dysfunctional school, know that everything has a way of working out for the best - remember, when one door closes another will open.
     
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  8. Zelda~*

    Zelda~* Devotee

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    Mar 9, 2018

    It'll be okay. I know so many teachers who have been in your shoes, who have gotten health related issues from their teaching jobs. A lot of districts throw their teachers to the wolves their first year. No one can expect you to implement things you didn't know how to do, or weren't told to do in the first place.

    Now that you know the expectations, just do your best to jump through their hoops for the rest of the year, and next year find a different school with a more supportive admin. From your writing here in this post its obvious you care about your students and want to do what is best for them.
    Best of luck to you. :)
     
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  9. ms.irene

    ms.irene Connoisseur

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    Mar 9, 2018

    Your mental and physical health are more important than any job. I have been in your place, and I know for myself, I wasn't doing the best I could for my students because I was not at my best. It is astounding to me how poorly we prepare and support new teachers in this country. No other profession throws new recruits under the bus the way new teachers often are. Take the time you need, regroup, and look for a better position for next year. It does get easier!
     
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  10. Obadiah

    Obadiah Groupie

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    Mar 9, 2018

    Just from your post alone, I'm suspicious that the core reason for low performance from your Kindergartners is not you, but a lack of language experience. That, possibly combined with other holistic conditions out of your control, can make learning to read difficult. On the other hand, every teacher every year can always find room for improvement--otherwise there'd be no need for professional development or even educational journals.

    I would also recommend keeping your eyes open for a better position, but in the meantime, go with what you have. Follow your administrations instructions and especially other teachers' advice. Play it by ear--if it seems best to stay the next year, you'll have a better grasp on what to do.

    I'd also recommend finding time for the impossible, free time to unwind your brain. Sitting a few minutes doing nothing or meditating recharges your brain and helps protect from mental breakdowns. (If meditation causes anxiety, I wouldn't push it--it does for some people). Avoid fast food and slowly (if you aren't already doing this) add plant based foods to your diet. If it doesn't interfere with your medicine, a dark chocolate Hershey bar in the afternoon is a great pick-me-up-and-calm-me-down. If you're like me my first year, please don't follow my game plan of working late into the night to keep up. Sleep is vital to success in the classroom; the work will wait for you (and sometimes there's stuff you can just skip or rush through). I've had an administrator pile a bunch of junk on me before, and that's just what it was, a bunch of junk. Hopefully that's not what's in your situation, but it's important to face reality. You are human, not a machine, and frankly, even my machines need recharged. I recharged my phone's battery last night, right now I'm recharging my electric razor, my computer just now asked me for an update to Java--our brains are our most important electrical device. They need recharged, too.
     
  11. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Mar 10, 2018

    First years are always hard no matter your situation. You may not be able to take time off of work, but make sure that you take time for you. Set a time for you to stop working. Make time for what is fun for you. What are your hobbies? After a particularly stressful day, I find that hot tub to be a great stress reliever, along with the sauna.

    Also, take some time to write down what you would do differently. Is it planning? Spending more time on routines & procedures at the beginning of the year? Is it just simply knowing the curriculum better--what gaps it has and where you need to supplement? You can use these answers when you talk to your administrator.

    Good luck.
     
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  12. svassillion

    svassillion Companion

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    Mar 10, 2018

    And to add to that, I think elementary administrators often once taught in upper elementary when they were teachers, so they have a harder time understanding where kindergartners are developmentally and they are less comfortable giving advice. Of all the admins I've worked with only one VP had an EC background. Kindergarten is like a tight rope walk between being developmentally appropriate and meeting academic standards/expectations. Definitely hard to do without some guidance.
     
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  13. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Mar 29, 2018

    Kids will bend....you can break. I concur with everyone.

    Hopefully, you’ve had Spring Break. Go with your gut and stay home. Take a leave. Most doctors will write you a note certifying time off. Call union rep and Employee Assistance Program. Once they get involved, you are safe. Start lookng for something else.
     
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  14. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 8, 2018

    Should you decide to stay, I’d ask if there’s a neighbor kdg teacher you can meet and share your concerns. Usually new teachers have mentors or a dept chair to guide them along. I wanted to know how to set up a grade book, because I never saw that discussed in college.

    If you can’t find a friend at your school, visit other schools in the district. You may meet them at district-wide meetings. If not, go on your own and ask to visit. You might get some help that way.

    There are forums here for individual grade levels and I think I saw one for new teachers too. Use them for support!! You can always start a new thread if you need more help.
     

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