Meeting with parent who can't stand me.

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by PEteacher07, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. PEteacher07

    PEteacher07 Cohort

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    Dec 17, 2012

    I have had a rough time with a particular student for several years. He comes in the gym and does whatever he wants. If I correct him on anything he goes home and tells his mom that I am picking on him. Admittedly, I have to correct him a lot, but it's b/c of his choices. And usually it's with other kids and I correct them too.

    His mother confronted me alone in my gym a couple of weeks ago and proceeded to yell at me saying I was the worst teacher ever and that she was going to central office and have my job. I did not appreciate being yelled at and threatened. She did not check into the office and did not set up any sort of conference with me. No one knew she was going out there to find me. My husband escorted me to my car after school due to the incident.

    The child has had behavior issues every year with every teacher he has ever had but his parents don't believe any of it. He told another student at my school that he and his parents were trying to get me fired. I have no doubt he has told other kids.

    So we are having a meeting on Wednesday with a central office administrator, my principal, and the parents. The kid has a whole list of indiscretions that I could bring up and there is plenty of documentation to back it up. Some in my class and some from other classes. Am I going to have to sit there while they hurl insults at me about things I have absolutely not done? The mother has never observed my class so this is going off of what her child has told her.

    I am meeting with the administrator and my principal tomorrow alone before the meeting with the parent on Wednesday at my request. I want to let this school administrator know who I am and the good things I have done b/c I am sure he has heard an earful about me from the parents.

    I know my job is not in jeopardy or anything like that and the administrator has been informed of this child's behavior, but I am apprehensive about the whole mess.

    Any advice to give?
     
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  3. ozteach

    ozteach Comrade

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    Dec 17, 2012

    Take all your documentation, stay calm and speak respectfully. You need to remain professional in this meeting with the parents. Try not to use emotive words, keep your side of things factual and as detailed as you can. eg don't say 'He always disrupts my class and does what he wants'. Try 'When he disrupts my class I remind him of our rules and issue xxx consequence. This happened on the 15th of September, for example. His response was xxx'. Make sure you can document examples of times his behaviour has not been acceptable, and the consequences you have issued. Don't bring in his behaviour from other classes.
    As hard as it is, try and remember these parents only hear his side of the story. Obviously, they are empowering him, but it is very hard as a parent to have a child clearly unhappy at school. They feel disempowered and unhappy. This doesn't excuse their behaviour or their insults, but it might give you some insight into their motivation and anger.
    Hope all goes well.
     
  4. HeatherY

    HeatherY Habitué

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    Dec 23, 2012

    Stay clam. You will look professional while she screams her head off at you.
     
  5. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Dec 23, 2012

    How did the meeting go?
     
  6. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    Dec 23, 2012

    We had an issue like this happen at our school with a grade level teacher. The kid started threatening the teacher during school saying that his mom was going to come in and hurt her. This was because she would give him office referrals for not doing his work and hitting other kids. They had to go through a lot of meetings with the principal and superintendent. The mom would always get irate with them too. They ended up hiring a one-on-one associate for the kid to control his violent acts.

    As long as you have it documented and since other teachers have gone through this with the same kid, I'm sure that your meeting will go fine. She will probably go on about how bad of a teacher you are but no one is going to believe it.
     
  7. PEteacher07

    PEteacher07 Cohort

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    Dec 23, 2012

    My principal came in and informed me that the meetings had been cancelled and the child was checked out of school and is going to another school in our district. The thought had crossed my mind on contacting my colleagues at his new school, but I decided not to. I think he could use a fresh start. Maybe he could get hooked in with some better kids and make better choices. I hope that for him....

    Joy, what did the parent have to say about the boys behavior? That the teacher was lying and her child wasn't responsible of any of it? That is what drives me crazy the most. You can't just always believe 100% of what a child says. The truth is usually somewhere in there but some kids sure know how to manipulate to make themselves look faultless.
     
  8. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Dec 23, 2012

    Interesting, PE! A parent pulled her kid out of our school last week as well after a meeting with class room teacher and principal. I think some parents just are looking for places where administration and faculty will bow to their wishes rather than make the decisions that are right for kids' learning.
     
  9. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Dec 23, 2012

    Last year was an awful year for me in terms of parents. Why they kept their child in our school all year I don't know. They fought with me and the principal on school policies. It started at Halloween & continued until the last day.

    My year last year would have been much less stressful if the parents would have either pulled their child out of the school or decided that the school policies weren't going to change because of them & to quit fighting it.
     
  10. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    Dec 23, 2012

    Wow! At least you didn't have to meet...So ridiculous!
     
  11. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Dec 23, 2012

    Wow, indeed. Glad it got resolved in the least painless way possible, but that kid now probably thinks he got his way and can run roughshod over the next school. Ah well.
     
  12. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Dec 23, 2012

    A couple of years ago, a parent pulled her child out of a school & brought her to my school. Supposedly, the staff was picking on her child & he was constantly getting suspended.

    She finally got it when the behavior continued in my class. :D I got really good at recognizing when he was about to melt-down.
     
  13. hbcaligirl1985

    hbcaligirl1985 Cohort

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    Dec 23, 2012

    Sounds like somebody thought their kid was a special snowflake.
     
  14. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Dec 23, 2012

    Sad for the kid to have parents like that, but glad that was at least "resolved" on your end!
     
  15. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    Dec 23, 2012

    Parents like you describe have children who do not learn that "life is not always fair," and that there are consequences to our actions, good or bad. They expect everything to be given to them, whether they put in effort or not. I find it disgusting. I agree that maintaining a calm demeanor in the face of a flipped out parent is mandatory. Why is it that we have to deal with this kind of (&A#$ anyway? Aargh!
     
  16. Marylander

    Marylander Rookie

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    Dec 24, 2012

    Taking the advice offered by all the posters puts you on the high road. You might not "win" with the oppositional parent, but you'll be able to live yourself knowing you've most likely done the right thing. Learning how to work with the crazies is important for all teachers because they aren't going away anytime soon.
     
  17. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    Dec 24, 2012

    Those kinds of parents are always cowards. They meet some resistance to their stupidity and take flight. The children either never grow up or take forever because the parents are clueless.
    Consider yourself lucky. You did the things the right way trying to hold the kid accountable and mommy would not stand for it. One day the the local police or penal system will relieve her of her job because she never did it.
     

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