Marital Advice

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by DrivingPigeon, Jun 20, 2014.

  1. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    Jun 20, 2014

    My husband and I have a re-occurring argument that annoys me. A little background first:
    -He is very athletic and talented when it comes to sports. He is also very thin (6'4" and 165 pounds). An avid biker (road and mountain), he is extremely competitive. He is getting up at 4:00 am tomorrow (a Saturday!) to go on a 60 mile bike ride. For fun. :eek:
    -I am very uncoordinated, and horrible at sports. I really enjoy walking, and could walk for hours and hours (usually around 8 miles per day). I also enjoy biking, but I enjoy riding on trails at an easy pace, and more for enjoyment. I do not have a competitive bone in my body.

    Tonight we went for a walk on a local trail. He said, "Let's run until we reach that sign up there." I hate running, but fine. So we started jogging, and he was encouraging me to pick up the pace. I said that I was out of breath, and going as fast as I could (my heard rate was 180). He stopped running, and said, "Fine. It's not even worth it then."

    Bottom line is that he gets really upset that I don't want to push myself more. His big complaint is that he really enjoys being with me, and wants me to find a hobby that we can enjoy together. He is always comparing us to other couples. "Tyler and his wife mountain bike together" or "There were tons of husbands and wives at the bike race today." I try to explain to him that I really enjoy walking and leisurely biking, but I don't want to spend the money on a nice bike, and not use it if I end up hating it.

    I'm so frustrated, and I don't know what to do. Should I just suck it up, and try competitive biking with him? Part of me feels like this is who I am, and we've been together for 5 years, so he should know this!
     
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  3. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jun 20, 2014

    There it is.

    If you don't enjoy the same sorts of physical activities, then your shared hobby should maybe be something other kind of activity.
     
  4. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Jun 20, 2014

    I agree. It´s got to be something the two of you enjoy. I wouldn´t push myself to do it because in the end you´ll en dup frustrated, disappointed with likely another argument in the horizon. We all know that relationships mean making sacrifices, but I don´t think this is an area that calls for it. It´s his hobby, and that´s great. You two are your own unique couple; it´s unfair to expect the two of you to do exactly what another couple does. Both of you should be happy and enjoy your shared hobby.
     
  5. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I'm glad you said how many yrs you've been together. In all that time, he should have known that you aren't the competitive type & that he'll just have to live with that & compromise w/ you. So I don't know how much more each of you can give regarding this topic.
     
  6. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Jun 20, 2014

    I agree with Caesar. He's right in that it would be good to find a hobby that you enjoy together. Sports is obviously not it. I don't know how to say it without sounding snarky, but he needs to really hear the words he's saying. Something like "you're right, we DO need to find a hobby that we can enjoy together, but trying to force me into enjoying THIS hobby isn't the way to go."
     
  7. comaba

    comaba Cohort

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    Jun 21, 2014

    Will you be meeting him at the end of his ride? It shouldn't be necessary to participate in the ride, but he might appreciate seeing you at the end of it.
     
  8. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Jun 21, 2014

    Maybe try to find some hobbies to try out? If you both like the outdoors - perhaps you might like Geocaching?
     
  9. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Jun 21, 2014

    I agree with Bros that this may be a hobby that can get you both outdoors and active...but not the exhausting type of athleticism.

    My hubby and I have been geocaching together since about 2005. Neither of us are very athletic...maybe that's why it works for us...but it's nice to spend the time together.
     
  10. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Jun 21, 2014

    I'm in a similar boat. My husband can play video games and complicated board games for hours upon hours upon hours. I get bored with both rather quickly and don't get much enjoyment because he's really, really good so he beats me easily. The games he plays always have weird, complicated directions. It's never something simple like Monopoly or Uno.

    So we're trying to find activitiies to do that we both enjoy like tennis, long walks and there's ONE game that I actually like that we play together a couple times a month (i'd play more often but he wants to go for 4+ hours at a time.)
     
  11. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

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    My husband and I have just started geocaching, and it's tons of fun! It gets you outdoors, you can be a part of a larger community of cachers if you want, and you can pick and choose what you want to do!
     
  12. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Jun 21, 2014

    Hmm, i never thought about geocaching. Some of my coworkers have talked about doing that. Maybe DH and I could try it together. It sounds like the type if ting Driving's husband would be into since he's competitive. :thumb: great suggestion!
     
  13. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    Jun 21, 2014

    Thanks for the advice, everyone! (And for helping me realize that I'm not crazy!)
     
  14. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    I agree with the other posters. A hobby for the two of you doesn't even have to be outdoors - maybe cooking together, photography, refinishing furniture.
     
  15. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Rockhubby and I have almost NO hobbies in common. Believe it or not, what did we just try for the first time we both enjoyed? GEOCACHING. My parents got him a professional GPS for his birthday, and I'm enjoying getting him out and moving around while I check out stuff in the region I had never seen before.
     
  16. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Jun 21, 2014

    And I don't think it hurts to have separate hobbies. As long as you guys are still spending time together in other ways. I agree with the others that if you start trying to change who you are, it's going to make both of you unhappy.
     

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