Manipulative Teacher...I'm about to Snap.

I'm in a bad situation at my school. I've posted before, but did not tell the entire story because it's quite long. But I think a more detailed picture will help.

I know many of you won't be inclined to believe this because you are teachers yourselves, but bias is the very last thing I need right now. I have no reason to lie - how does it help me here on this forum to lie? This is what's happening to me:

I moved to a different state last year. Before I moved, I literally had a GPA over 4.0. I had friends, a boyfriend...I had everything.

Then when I moved, everything went away. I've been chronically depressed, I have literally zero friends or general acquaintances in the entire school (and I've been here 2 years now. What does that tell you?), and I've generally developed an anxiety of talking to any peers.

In most of my classes, however, work is mostly individual and this is not a problem. But in my English class, group work (which requires speaking with and collaborating with peers) is so crucial to the grade in the class that I have a 'D'.

So my parent requested a P.E.P. My teacher reluctantly made one, but it isn't personalized...it just has her monitoring me and having my homework signed.

This teacher does not understand that extended social isolation has dramatically changed my peer interaction pattern, so my parents kindly requested she revise it and simply have me work individually.

But she didn't budge. So we (parent and I) went to the Dean and he agreed with my parent, and would see what he could do.

But somehow, the English teacher in question found out and...this is where the manipulation comes in.

I literally have not ever voluntarily said a word in her class. Today, I was completely silent.

However, she had a conversation with the Dean in which she told him I was "an outgoing student and am flourishing in the class" (a literal quote from the Dean).

This is a blatant lie. I know it's a lie, and my parents know it's a lie. I haven't even voluntarily spoken at home for the past 1.5-2 years.

She's trying to stop me from having the P.E.P. adjusted.

This is not the first time she has taken control of my education out of my hands (and out of my parents' hands) completely. When I tried to switch classes (from AP to standard) last semester, while I still had the time, she did the very same thing: I told my counselor I wasn't doing well in the class, and then my English teacher went to her and said I was manipulating her and needed to stay in the class...even though I had a low D.

This is insane.

With this teacher, it's about winning. Not about helping me. I am not outgoing - I haven't a soul in the school to confide in. Not even my counselor, now that this teacher has turned her against me.

I know what she's trying to do, and so do my parents. She has contacted my other teachers before the Dean got a chance to evaluate the situation and literally tampered with all my witnesses.

This woman has not been kind to me all year. She has been callous, cold, and hasn't done a thing to help me. Whenever my parents try to help me by contacting administration or counselors, she poisons them against me by telling them things about my personality that aren't true.

Every morning when I wake up to go to that school, I want to either kill myself or blow the place up. It's not good, but it's true.

I shouldn't have to be sitting here tempted to become like the Columbine massacre kids, all over a darn English class that no one will let me out of. This woman and her lies about me and what's truly going on are driving me up a wall. And I have to sit there every day and look up at her on her pedistal, with her nose in the air and her lectures.

Do I sound like the happy, outgoing child she's painting me to be?

Does she know me better than myself and my parents?

No. But she's like a snake - she tampers with everyone. She abuses her authority.

Please don't turn against me as well. I really need help. I know you may not want to believe this because many of you are teachers yourselves, and I realize most teachers don't behave like this. But this woman in particular has an issue with me.

Teachers are not perfect. This was way back in grade school, but I even had a teacher assault me. I have not had any problems with teachers since, except this one now.

I know it's late in the year, but a P.E.P. would dramatically improve my 4th quarter grade because the main reason I'm doing so poorly is lack of social participation in the class...and our final is entirely conversation based. I do ALL of the written work. I just have a social problem. Which she is, as you can see, making worse.

I'm at a breaking point. I've been crying, but I'm eventually going to lash out.

I have no past disciplinary issues. I don't have problems with any other teachers - all problems arise from this one teacher.

Please offer advice? I'm going to the principal first thing tomorrow to get this sorted out...but this is nuts. All I want is a genuine P.E.P. which takes my social challenges into account. But everything seems to revolve around her and what she tells people about me, even though it DIRECTLY CONTRADICTS what my parents said.

No one seems to realize that this is MY future, and she's tampering with it deliberately.

What should I say to the principal tomorrow to get this sorted out, once and for all?

 

I'm sorry that you were placed with such a teacher.

I suggest that you talk to the principal with your parents tomorrow. You parents understand what is going on. They should have the power to pull you out of the class, no matter what they teacher says.

I also suggest that you go see your school psychologist to discuss your concerns.

 

Is a P.E.P. equal to an IEP? I ask because in my class all students must communicate verbally and otherwise with classmates. It's a standard I must teach, and gladly do. No students have been exempted.

Your Columbine references scare me...

 

Yeah, nobody cares what your teacher says! (Trust us-:haha If your parents insist upon it, your principal will cave.

 

I don't have any advice for you, but I will tell you that in my school, PEPs aren't like what you are describing. A student and her parents would have no authority to change how I run my classroom activities. Without a diagnosis of an actual social disorder AND a determination from a team of educators at the school, you would not get specialized assignments like you request from me either.

Actually, I take my words back. I will offer some advice. Get yourself to a professional that can help you deal with your anxiety.

 

Yes, I agree that you NEED to see a professional.

 

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Honestly, I don't know how big your classes are, but it sounds like this teacher doesn't know you too well. Its easy to stay unnoticed when you are as quiet as you are, especially if you are not giving the teacher any problems, and there others who do.
I think that's why she said you were outgoing, either to save face or she confused you with someone else.

I'm not making excuses for this teacher, I think you should talk to the principal and sort everything out. You are in a tough situation, and trying to help yourself; what you are asking is not unreasonable, so they should help you.

Good luck/

 

What you guys are saying sounds reasonable, but that's not what's happening.

My parents already spoke to the principal, my teacher, the dean, AND my counselor.

But whose account do they all believe?

This one English teacher's.

Who do they think knows what's best and is "trying to help me" (even though I've been on the verge of failing all darn year)?

This one English teacher.

The amount of power this ill-intentioned woman has over my future is NOT RIGHT.

Really? My mother is actually a teacher and she does PEPs all the time. She works at a different high school in the same area. I'm sure she knows what it enables to happen and she's the main one requesting these changes. So I'm sure they're doable.

In fact, the Dean completely agreed to them until the teacher stepped in and made it seem like I was doing a fantabulous job and didn't need the help. Which ticks us both off. She's deliberately trying to hurt me by cutting me off from any kind of help, even switching classes or a confidential relationship with a counselor.

I hate how disorganized and decentralized education seems. In one state I had an entirely different grading scale, different class requirements...here, everything seems harder.

 

Is it possible the dean spoke without fully realizing that this sort of communication/assignment is a state standard?

 

He's been working in education for a while. So I'm going to assume he's not ignorant to the state requirements.

I don't care what the "State" says about my education and my future, though.

I do not have any "diagnosis" because I've refused to see a doctor, but I do know that I've had a significant social disadvantage since moving.

IMPO (In my parents' opinion - and my father has a degree in psychology), dramatic drop in grades, change in demeanor, and social isolation all point to what we call a problem. That my school has trouble recognizing that is completely insane. They see me all year and have access to my transcripts which document these changes. But the minute we ask for some adjustment, it's chaos.

She is essentially refusing to help a psychologically disadvantaged student. She's refusing to help a student who is *at risk of failing* (yes, I'm an at-risk student).

She hasn't done squat all year but lie and step all over me.

I really just don't know how to put this all in words so the principal can understand. I don't want to leave ANY ROOM for her to go in and twist everything around with her lies again.

 

Can you ask the principal or counselor to observe you in your classes?

Maybe ask them to talk to a few students in your classes?

 

He's been working in education for a while. So I'm going to assume he's not ignorant to the state requirements.

----Don't assume that. Requirements change, are complex, and there are many for many subjects. Very difficult to have a deep and detailed understanding of them all.

I don't care what the "State" says about my education and my future, though.

----Uh, well...not sure how to respond to that.

If a student has a disadvantage - say, a social phoba, a social anxiety, selective mutism, or complete mutism - you hold your standards so dear that you won't help them? I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound right. It sounds stubborn and lazy.

----I am beginning to understand what part of the issue may be...

I'm not saying I have any of those because I've refused to see a doctor...

----If you refuse to a doctor who can diagnose and document then you can't expect a teacher to make modifications and accomodations.

 

To ME, as a person who has just read a few posts from you, it sounds like you are a student who wants the teacher to make things easier for you but you aren't willing to do what is necessary to ensure better grades. You don't care what the state says and you aren't willing to see a doctor to get some much needed help. You want what you want and you expect the teacher to change what SHE does to make it easier on you.

Public school doesn't work that way.

If a student has a legitimate need, most teachers will try to help that student out. More times than not, though, what a student (and sometimes parent) perceives as a need is actually a choice. Some things that students want I cannot (or will not) give them unless I have documentation that says I must. If I had a public speaking component to my standards and a student said she did not want to speak to anyone, I would expect some legal paperwork (IEP or 504 or documentation from a support team that is gathering data of interventions) before making any changes. Why should YOU get out of part of an assignment and not the next student who says she has issues with public speaking as well? Who is to say that you are worse off than she is just because you claim it to be true? No, I'd never open that can of worms without an IEP or 504. Something to make it fair to the other students and something to cover my own butt.

FTR, a psychologist here can only make recommendations about interventions. He/she does not determine if they are granted.

 

^It's funny how this whole time you've painted an image of this teacher being in the right, in spite of the fact that lies roll off her tongue at every opportunity.

How do you explain and make her seem innocent when she told my counselor not to switch me to a standard class, even though I was on the verge of failing?

But okay, then.

What is a "Personalized Education Plan" if it's apparently not personalized?

What would you propose for me?

Just miraculously recover from a 2-year-long social problem for the sake of your holy class?

If anything, her watching me more closely will just make me shut down completely. Not miraculously recover.

This is why I hate going to school these days. I'm not just complaining, but I've developed a genuine hatred for it. I do it, but bitterly, and only because I'm expected to. My heart hasn't been in it for a very long time.

Teachers don't care. Period. They just work there. It's not education, it's obedience and regurgitation. No other teacher has been a problem, like I said, but no one else helped either. They just watched me slide down in the mud and didn't say a word. For 2 years. Teachers have been absolutely worthless to me. Worthless human beings, just standing there repeating what I could read in any textbook for $2 off Ebay...worthless.

I'd rather join Al-Qaeda (they do recruit wayward young Americans) than continue with education if this is what it's going to do to me.

They don't just "work there"...they fight for something, at least. They have a purpose.

In school, I have no purpose. No one does. That's becoming more and more evident.

My recent high school experience is what has basically made me turn my back on college. I don't want anything to do with education anymore. My parents want me to, but I'll very likely just end up dropping out very early. If I even get into one.

Anyway, thanks for the advice.

 

I tried to pick one important factor from your posts. You are asking everyone to help you, excuse you from work, understand you...do things for YOU...but, you refuse to help yourself.

You sound like an intelligent young person who understands how the world works. I am concerned about many of the things you are saying...and I think you should ask your parents to get you involved with a professional counselor who can see through your frustrations and help you work through your social anxieties. You should take your posts with you for the professional to read if you don't feel comfortable right away.

I also think it is vitally important that your parents see these posts...they may not truly understand how serious your mindset is.

Good luck...please keep us posted, and please seek mental health help.

 

I agree with this completely; please speak with your parents and call a crisis line tonight and speak to someone about your anxiety, frustrations and anger.

 

It's difficult to explain, but I'm not merely refusing to say anything. When it comes time to speak, I literally can't. Not just in class, but ANYWHERE of a social nature.

It's shocking that you'd insist I'm just not willing to speak in this class, when I've made perfectly clear that I've been unable to speak fluently ANYWHERE, to ANYONE.

It's also shocking that the majority of people who say they wouldn't individualize my assignments are the same ones who simply ignore the fact that this teacher has not acted in my best interests in the past. The very recent past. And told a blatant lie on me today (for no logical reason). For that reason, I smell bias.

If what she's doing is legit, why is she lying?

Why is she saying I speak well and am doing brilliantly, when I assure you I do not speak at all and am on the verge of failing?

She's not honest. She's not looking out for me. And frankly, she makes me uncomfortable because she abuses her power.

And it's teachers and administrators like you who believe her. It sickens me. It's why education period sickens me.

I'm done with it after June 11th. Done.

No, I'm not asking her to remove any assignments or excuse me from them. We're only asking that I be allowed to complete the very same assignments INDIVIDUALLY. Actually, this would make it a little harder because I would have to do the same work, but without a group to feed information off of.

But I'm confident in my writing skills. Writing isn't my problem, it's social communication.

So I'm actually taking a harder road than my peers. I've sat in groups where some kids just talk about nothing and write down what the few hard-working members came up with. I find information on my own. And I'm proud of that. But I see that society no longer values independent accomplishments. I still do. I wish I was happier, but I still value doing things myself.

Lately, it's the only way I find I can work in the first place.

 

No, I don't take her side completely. I don't know the woman and all I know about this situation is what you've shared. I don't know that she lied or tried to hurt you in any way. If she has, I truly hate that for you. But... based on your own words, I know you are an unstable young woman that does not see the world in a rational manner. Taking that information and the experiences that I've had with other teens, I'm guessing that a lot of what you mentioned are more your perceptions and less reality.

IME students that are on the verge of failing advanced classes may be encouraged to continue in that class depending on their abilities. After a certain time, no matter what the grade, students are not allowed to switch.

At my school PEPs are somewhat personalized. There are some standard interventions that we try with students such as separate setting for tests, seating up front, etc. They would NEVER be suggestions that go against the objectives and goals of the course. They are not suggestions that all teachers must abide by, but things that other teachers have tried and have been successful in the past. What works for one course may not work in another.

I've already proposed something for you - professional help. You should see a doctor and a pyschologist/psychiatrist. I find it hard to believe that your father is a psychologist and is aware of your threats and does nothing. Start by telling him you have considered becoming a terrorist/murderer. He'll probably point you in the right direction from there.

 

Yes, if the teacher has lied and manipulated the situation, than that is clearly wrong.

I don't understand why you don't want to seek professional help. If you literally can not talk when you are asked a question, then there is clearly an issue. That is something that needs to be dealt with so that you can learn some coping skills. Doing so can help you be successful in life(whatever road you choose.)

I wish you luck.

 

I can't go to the principal and say "I need professional help..."

My father has a Bachelors in psychology, but teaches at a local community college. He doesn't practice. Even if he did, I wouldn't want to be evaluated. I have a problem with that.

Terrorist/murderer threats are mostly empty. No worries.

Although I'm still sure Al Qaeda would provide a more welcoming atmosphere than my school has. They call each other "brother", and their women "sister".
Teachers read my name off a list.

As for not seeing the world rationally, I'm not alone in what I see. My parents are an objective party in the situation and have heard her contradictory stories themselves, directly.

(Sigh)...Oh, well. I'm just going to wing it.

Yes, it's an issue. But, as with all things, I want to handle myself on my own. I wouldn't even be this stark raving mad if I wasn't at risk for failing a required class for what seems like a stupid reason - it makes absolutely no difference whether I write my response or say it. They're the same words, and it takes the same amount of brains to get the answer. Working independently actually takes more brains than leeching off a group does.

But as I've discovered, school isn't about actual intelligence and ability. It's about obedience, regurgitation, standards, and others' expectations (even if they're purposeless or irrational).

And that doesn't sit well with me anymore.

 

StudentQ,

With what you are describing, I don't think anyone is telling you to tell the principal you need professional help. I think everyone is saying regardless of what you tell the principal, you seem to need some help with your situation. YOu are overwhelmed by interacting with society.

Why would you not want to be evaluated? You still have not answered that even though you spoke around the issue. If you are having trouble speaking everywhere, not just in this class, you will be limiting yourself tremendously when there is help available.

I'm still not sure where your father, as a teaching adjunct of psychology, comes into you going to get help with a licensed, practicing doctor.

 

I'm sad for you, I really am. I think you are so caught up in what you want and what wrongs you think have happened to you, that you don't see what is really happening.

You say you want to travel down this road on your own. You don't want help. But you're furious because teachers do not help you.

How is it that you are going to be able to speak with the principal tomorrow when you do not even speak at home? Your mutism is so severe that you haven't spoken that many words to your own parents but you are able to speak to him?

I think a major point that you are not getting is that working in a group may be part of the assignment. Even if it isn't something that you see value in, the teacher clearly must. And working individually is not always harder than working in a group. If you were at a school where I worked before, you would fail or almost fail every course you took - group work was a cornerstone of their philosophy.

 

It is becoming increasingly clear with each post that you desperately need to seek professional help.

 

To quote a famous talk show host..."How's that workin' for you?'

 

I do not want to be evaluated because I am a very private person with my "innermost thoughts" and don't want anyone tampering with them for any reason whatsoever. I would tell him about this teacher situation in a heartbeat, and everyone knows I haven't spoken to anyone. But beyond that, I don't want to tread. For any reason.

As for wanting help from teachers, I don't want them to counsel me. I suppose I was expecting, in the beginning, that I would have relationships like those I had with teachers before I moved. Where I could confide in and talk to them. And if I had a problem, they would at least ask me what was up and if I needed help or anything. I think this actually helped motivate me to keep my grades decent, because then I didn't want to disappoint them. Just not being pompous,
cold things would have been a lot of help.
But teachers here, I've learned, aren't like that.

And as for the principal, I'm actually as baffled as to what to say as I'd be in any situation. That's why I'm trying to prepare everything. When thrown into a conversation without extensive planning, I'm lost. But this is a desperate situation for me and I have to say *something*.

Oh, well. I'm just going to try to do what I can to do what's best for me right now tomorrow, and if I can't, screw it. If I can't get higher than a D because of this lying teacher's values, then let her get her way.
After this year, though, American education and I part ways for good.

Thanks.

 

Yep.

To the OP, you need to make an appointment with a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Now. If you're unable to do that yourself, then print this thread off and show it to your parents. They will probably fall over themselves to make an appointment on your behalf.

I wish you luck, but that's only going to work if you're willing to do some of the legwork here and start helping yourself. Without that commitment, nothing anyone says or does is going to fix your problem.

 

I'd feel very uneasy about playing psychiatrist and recommending professional help to you, OP. I just don't know your full story.

I just hope you are able to get this resolved and I find it incredibly sad that you feel you are not receiving the help you need.

Good luck.

 

It's not "playing psychiatrist" to recommend professional help. The psychiatrist (or therapist or counselor) is the professional help. Anyone who recommends professional help isn't saying that they are well-versed in the world of mental illness. Quite the contrary. Anyone who recommends professional help is saying that they aren't qualified to diagnose or treat mental illness but that they know something is wrong.

I don't have to be a doctor to see that someone's leg has fallen off. It's not playing doctor to suggest that the person might want to pick up their dismembered leg and take it with them to the emergency room. Playing doctor would be trying to reattach the leg. Make sense?

 

Woah there, Cujo. My comment wasn't at all a stab at you. I was speaking for myself. I was thinking of various ways to help the OP, but I can't recommend that they seek counseling or any of those venues because I'm not sure I should, for numerous reasons.

If OP feels like they need professional help, then they need to go get an assessment and go from there. I get the feeling that that isn't the problem. however, I don't know the full story.

Make sense?

 

Hi kiddo,

Wow, sounds like your life royally sucks right now. Since you say you have been in your school for 2 years, I am guessing you are at least a junior, perhaps a senior in HS.

I am a special education teacher. I will put it to you straight: you're big enough to hear it. You sound like a student who at the very least would qualify for what is called a 504 plan (Google it if you do not know what it is). For sure.

Of course, it's not possible to determine this over the Internet. You might be a 50 year old man for all I know. But based on what you've said and the intensity of your emotions, it definitely sounds to me that you are way beyond the typical high school student.

Here's the thing. In order to qualify for this, you do need to be evaluated by a doctor. And you will need to subject yourself to testing from the school as well.

If you are willing to do this, you might get the help (also known as accommodations in eduspeak) you say you require to be successful.

If you are unwilling to do this, then you'll probably stay in your current situation.

An individual teacher has no say in developing a 504 plan (or IEP if you are determined to be eligible for special education as a student with an emotional disability) and they have to implement it even if they disagree.

Hope things get better for you. You might want to mention to the parents that you think you might need a 504 for emotional issues.

 

The OP has spoken of murdering classmates and teachers and taking her own life. She has grown increasingly upset (honest?) with each post. She needs professional help. There are many things I am unsure of...but I am sure of this.

 

Cult, she is graduating in a couple months, I believe. At least here, that is not long enough to get through the entire special needs process.

 

She sounds hurt, upset, and stressed as hell. That I do know for certain. Sometimes that can cause a person to say things they normally wouldn't. Frustration can bring out the worst in someone.

OP, I'm really sorry about your situation and I can only imagine how helpless you must feel. I hope you can find whatever help you need and are able to get everything resolved... it can be hard when you feel like everyone is against you.

Good luck! you have lots of advice here.

 

Well, let's be clear here. I don't think anyone here is against the op. I think everyone is more concerned about her well being and the well being of other students/teachers/school staff.
Let's face it, in life we all occasionally have to deal with people we don't care for very much. Part of life is learning to deal with those people we don't care for much. Part of life is also learning to deal with things that are the way they are and aren't likely to change. I always said going to college wasn't about learning as much as it was about learning to jump through the hoops.
The op needs to figure out how to deal with these facts of life in a way that works for her. Have you considered home schooling? Online schooling? Changing to a charter school? I don't think you are in the right learning environment right now.
Also, you can refuse to get help, but honestly you are only hurting yourself. That saddens me because life can be so short. I hate to see you suffering, unhappy, and frustrated. Trust me when I say I know what pain, hurt, frustration, and grief feel like. It isn't a pretty place to be in life. Trust me when I say a little help from a counselor can make a big difference. You don't have to tell him or her your every private thought either!

 

I truly hope that you will open up to the idea of getting help. Right now, you are unhappy and hurt. If you give counseling a try, you really have nothing to lose. Counselors won't jump to conclusions. They won't side with the teacher. They'll listen to you and they'll try to do everything possible to help you. As someone mentioned earlier, life is much too short to waste. I urge you to show this thread to your parents for your own safety and for the safety of those around you. Even though everyone around you may seem uncaring, there are people out there that want to help. However, you need to take the initiative in finding help.

 

I'm so sorry for the situation in which you find yourself. This teacher is clealy not a match for your needs, but I'm more on concerned about your psychological well being than your Englsh grade at this point. I hope when you speak of your 'counselor' it's more than the guidance counselor at school. Please get some good therapeutic counseling OUTSIDE of school. I wish you well.

 

I'm somewhat distracted by name calling in a thread where professionals have expressed true concern for a troubled student.

 

StudentQ, I appreciate your response.

Please, at least go to your family doctor and tell the doctor how you are an emotional mess and need out of the class into one with a different teacher. Have the doctor provide a note that tells the principal per doctor's orders you need a change to a different class. It should do the trick.

But honestly, internal thoughts or not, you need help. If you said you had an active and open social life outside of school with as an example the church youth group and had friends there, I wouldn't be suggesting you get help, but based on the information you shared, your emotional state has impacted your entire life. Please, get help. You don't have to share your every innermost thought for all problems that may leave you struggling to adapt.

 

Ah, I was unaware that OP had disclosed graduation was pending. In that case I agree that an IEP would be off the table. And with no medical documentation, a 504 wouldn't happen either, even though in my district, with proper documentation we could provide accoms under a 504 even with very short notice.

 

I think it was in a previous thread.