It's Thursday afternoon and I feel like the world is crashing down on me. I've had a 3 week break (off track at a year-round school) which should have been enough time for me to regroup and prepare. Yesterday when I left the building I felt pretty ok at what I had accomplished and what was still on my to-do list. But now I once again feel as though I have bitten off WAY more than I can chew. My district uses a basal program that I know very little about which gives me very little confidence in my abilities to teach with it. On top of that, I don't like the way the program is structured since most of my kids don't read on grade level. I have decided to move away from the reading program, using books from the leveled library at school instead. I made this decision during this break, so I have not seen it in action yet, BUT I'm so overwhelmed at my decision now. I never had a chance to see how to set up guided reading groups or centers during my student teaching days, so I have no idea how to go about it. I feel like an idiot for not, on some level, just knowing or understanding how something so basic to teaching like guided reading or centers works. I've spent countless hours on the internet looking for ideas to help me piece together one of the biggest ventures I've taken so far. I'm so inspired by all the things I have found, but when it comes right down to it, I still have no clue as to how I would pull it off. By 4th grade, no other teacher really uses the "center" idea at my school. In addition, none of my team members have shown any interest in collaborating so I'm all on my own. I think I might develop a heart condition before I get tenure at this rate.