Hi, everyone. This is Dare2Teach. I created this thread because I have a concern about something. I used to volunteer at this facility/program that teaches people about budgeting, and I helped with the childcare for those participants who have children. I stopped volunteering there about two months ago (I volunteered there for about two years), but next week, I'm planning to go back so the children can see me again. (Just for that week, though.) Anyway, I think a little girl that goes to the program has a crush on me. I say this because on my last day volunteering, she cried when she found out I was leaving, and hugged me before I left. I also wrote the children a letter so they could find out what I've been doing since I left. My mother read the letter to them (she also volunteers, too), and the girl wanted to keep the letter. My mother also says that she asks about me. I feel uncomfortable about this, because I am a 24 year old MALE, and I am not sure what to do about this matter. I'm afraid to go back to the program next week, because of her supposed "crush" on me. What do you think I should do about this? I've worked with children before, but I've never faced something like this until now. Also, if it helps, the girl is about 5-6 years of age. Thank you in advance for your advice! - Dare2Teach
Discuss your concerns with the parent as soon as possible and ask them to establish boundaries for their child. This would be perceived as extremely inappropriate, and rightly so, by someone should they notice her interactions with you. Don’t let this advance any further on her part. Note: I’m not being accusatory of you, but I would stop this at once if it were me by immediately contacting the parent. In fact, I’ve contacted a few parents because their student did incredibly inappropriate things to me. I HAD to protect myself because a student can lie and it could be career-ending and litigious. You must handle each situation immediately and involve administrators and parent(s) for each case. Don’t wait.
There's nothing that I read here which makes me think she has a crush on you. She's a little girl. They hug and cry when they say goodbye to people. My daughter used to cry and hug people who delivered pizza when they left. Don't spend a second thinking about it.
My mother came to visit me a few weeks ago, and while we were eating dinner at a restaurant, I DID express this concern to her. She agreed that the girl probably had a crush on me, but told me that for someone her age, it is just a phase. - Dare2Teach
Agreeing with the above. This is just typical behavior for a child of that age. Some kids get more attached than others. There is nothing inappropriate here. If you are uncomfortable, then establish boundaries (it's okay to tell kids that you are not comfortable with hugging and offering a handshake, high five, or fist bump instead), but you don't need to worry as much as you seem to be.
All things considered, Dare2Teach, I think you're reading more into this than is there. If the girl wasn't showing signs of having a crush on you before your last day - and kids that age don't tend to be subtle - a farewell hug may simply be a farewell hug.
Personally, I would not discuss this with the parent without your boss or admin present. A parent could misunderstand and it could turn on you. It doesn't seem like the girl has a crush on you so I would not worry. If you are worried, I would bring this up with your boss IF you are still worried.
I did not say that I spoke with the parents individually. I said in the penultimate sentence of my post that I always involve both admin and parents. And maybe I am too reactionary, but I’ve had high-school students press themselves completely against me from behind and other similar disturbing actions like grasping my chest and so I don’t just laugh it off or think nothing of it. I report immediately.
Besides making sure you're never alone with the girl (who knows what stories they can make up) you probably have nothing to worry about. Treat all the kids the same.
I would find a quiet place with the girl and explain that you really really like her but from now on we can only shake hands. Also feel free to say youre married if necessary.
Yeah I definitely wouldn’t take a 5 year old to a quiet place and tell her you really like her. From a teacher of 5 year olds, that story will not go down the way you want it to when she tells her parents.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe she sees you as a father figure. Maybe she is very emotional. Maybe you were one stable person she could count on being accepted by each day. Kids this age can be clingy and huggy. If their family or living situation is unstable, this is even more true. Just be friendly. If full hugs worry you, give her side hugs. Clearly she has a connection to you and looks to you for security. We are always told to never be alone with a child or to make sure our classroom doors are open if this is unavoidable (like when I am working with the one newcomer in the building). This would be good advice for you too.
I remember long ago (and not far away) teaching PE my first year. 3rd-7th. I had a 3rd grade girl that must have had a crush on me. It was no big deal. Over the 40 yrs I taught PE some kids want to be close to you and some dont. Some want hugs and others do not. I never worried much about personal space with Elem. kids. It was human and natural to have them run up to hug or hold my hand (usually kindergarten). I was called dad so many times I lost count. High school would be much different but many times I would go up to middle school and many of the same kids would run to me for hug or chat.
That is pretty much typical behavior for a 5 yr old girl whom you have treated kindly. I wouldn't worry about it. If the kid was older , conniving, or 1 who was from a real dysfunctional family, it'd be different. I know a 7 yr old male student who accused a male teacher of sexual abuse once. He came from an extremely messed up family, had been sexually abused at home, and was an extreme behavior problem. I would never have wanted to be left alone with him.
