Leaving mid-year for mental health: How will my resume be affected?

Discussion in 'General Education' started by cheezewhiz17, Feb 2, 2020.

  1. cheezewhiz17

    cheezewhiz17 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2020
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1

    Feb 2, 2020

    This is my first year teaching and I'm beyond in over my head. I took a job in an urban rust belt school (completely different demographic than what I grew up in) because I did my student teaching in the district and thought I could handle it, but here I am halfway through the year still crying in the bathroom. My education background is pretty solid: BA in elementary education, and MA in environmental education (largely informal). My current position is a traditional gen ed elementary job. I got a job offer last week for an informal education job doing environmental outreach work, and even though it's a pay cut, I'm extremely tempted to take it.

    The problem I'm experiencing in my current teaching job is not even really related to the job, technically speaking. I'm past the "I'm a terrible teacher, I'm inadequate, I can't do this" crap; I am a good teacher by my own standards and by the standards of my administrators. The part that's killing me is the emotional toll the job is taking on me. I waste countless hours in a week putting out fires (my third graders jumping each other in the bathroom, kicking the puke out of each other because someone bumped into the other in line, kids yelling and spitting at me and each other, constant disruption of my lessons), and trust me when I say I know this is not unique, especially in urban education. Yes, I have a very supportive administration, but frankly it's not enough. I am still very green behind the ears and I know that leaving this job would be a pretty big indicator of a lack of maturity on my part, but I don't know if I can survive the rest of the year, and I mean that very literally. I have bipolar 2 disorder (recently diagnosed, originally thought it was major depression) that I'm still trying to learn to navigate. Until the diagnosis, I didn't know anything about the condition, so trying to educate myself on the condition while also living it and working a soul-sucking job is incredibly difficult. Suicide has been very heavy on my mind for the last month. I can barely eat and forcing myself to do so makes me sick, and as such I've lost nearly 10 pounds in the last month. I piece out and distribute so many little parts of myself to these tiny, broken, abused humans that there is nothing left for me to nurture and care for for myself; I feel that I've completely lost any and all logical attachment to the job and now I'm too emotionally wrapped up in it to separate work from home. I absolutely love teaching, but right now I'm hating it, hating myself and hating my students, and I'm genuinely afraid this job will kill me.

    The job offer I got allows me space to detach myself from those close emotional relationships with kiddos which I think will give me some breathing room to finally learn how to take better care of myself. I know that my issues right now are not caused by my current job, but the current job is exacerbating them horrifically. I also know that taking the new offer wouldn't make all my problems disappear and might even make new ones appear. Another big benefit of this job is that it would allow me to pursue the real fulfilling passions in my life (environment, conservation, natural sciences). The new offer place needs my answer in three days. If I accept then I start immediately, leaving my classroom and students behind. If I decline, I burn a very valuable bridge and likely lose any opportunity to work with this employer again. My biggest concern right now is this: If I take the new job offer, how the heck would I ever get hired back as a formal educator if my resume shows that I couldn't even make it through my first year at my first teaching job? I'm good at my job. I'm state certified. I have a master's degree as an early twenty-something. Should I suck it up and force myself through the trenches in my current job, or take the new offer and run? I know trying to decide which $30k+ job to take is such a first-world issue, but I genuinely don't know what to do and I need some help.

    (And before anyone asks, yes, I am in therapy. Yes, I take medication for my mental health)
     
    Tired Teacher likes this.
  2.  
  3. Tired Teacher

    Tired Teacher Devotee

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2019
    Messages:
    1,043
    Likes Received:
    544

    Feb 2, 2020

    If I had it to do over again, I'd go w/ my passion. It is such short notice though, you are right. It might be very hard to get back into the educational field. If the job is making your mental health worse, I can see where taking the new job may be good for you. I know teaching has taken its toll on mine at times. What a huge decision! 3 days...yikes! I'd have a hard time deciding too. I can only tell you to look at the pros and cons of each, and do what you feel you need to do. I wish you the best! Sometimes big decisions like that can be tough.
     
    CherryOak likes this.
  4. geoteacher

    geoteacher Habitué

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2011
    Messages:
    996
    Likes Received:
    219

    Feb 2, 2020

    Go. You have very compelling mental health issues that indicate that this is not the job for you at this time. You need to take care of your own mental health first. The future will sort itself out in due time. Best wishes!
     
  5. rpan

    rpan Cohort

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2017
    Messages:
    667
    Likes Received:
    496

    Feb 3, 2020

    Quit. You are in a position where you have a job to go to should you quit, so keeping a roof over your head isn’t a concern in the immediate future. Many teachers don’t have that option. No job is worth having suicidal thoughts. Becoming an educator in the future may or may not be something you do. So don’t worry about that for now. Take care of your mental health. If you don’t leave with that intact, there’s no point talking about what you may or may not do in the future.
     
    MrsC likes this.
  6. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,595
    Likes Received:
    1,499

    Feb 3, 2020

    I agree with the others. Your mental health is paramount. The plus here is that you are cognizant of your needs and are already working to help yourself.
    You will certainly build bridges at your present district, which probably won't bother you as much since you know this isn't the type of school you want to work in.
    Can you get a medical waiver that you can use with your resignation?
     
  7. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    4,616
    Likes Received:
    1,212

    Feb 3, 2020

    If asked state health reasons. I wouldn't mention mental health.
     
  8. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    13,933
    Likes Received:
    1,755

    Feb 3, 2020

    It is unfortunate that this would be an issue.
     
  9. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2014
    Messages:
    10,536
    Likes Received:
    2,594

    Feb 3, 2020

    Actually, if I stated health reasons, I wouldn't mention a specific diagnosis at all, and I would have the law on my side. In this time of HIPAA, your medical information should be private. Period.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

Total: 345 (members: 2, guests: 331, robots: 12)
test