Kids Getting Cosmetic Surgery to Stop Bullying

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by yellowdaisies, Nov 14, 2013.

  1. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    Nov 14, 2013

    What do you all think of this article?

    I have a pretty strong opinion myself, but I didn't want to go ranting on Facebook, so I came here. :)
     
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  3. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Nov 14, 2013

    I don't have a strong opinion. I have seen cultures that would accept this fine, and the bully culture.
     
  4. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I have no problem with this. My brother had that exact procedure, the pinning back of the ears. If the child wants a minor procedure like this, or a mole removal, I don't see why I wouldn't give it to them if I could. Because they should just tough it out?
     
  5. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    I don't like the precedent it sets. "I'm being teased (I think bullying is really teasing in a lot of instances). They don't like my ears." "Ok honey, then we should get you some new ears that they will like!" I don't like that it teaches the child that they should change themselves so that other people will like them more. That just doesn't seem healthy to me at all.

    Also, there are PLENTY of things people are made fun of for that can't be fixed by plastic surgery. I have some moles that I've never had removed. I have rather large feet, and I also have a rather large forehead. I've been made fun of for all these things, but I think it made me a stronger person - I had to learn to accept myself.

    When I was in middle school, I was constantly crying for name brand clothes. I wanted the cool clothes so I wouldn't get teased and feel like an outcast. So guess what? My mom went out and bought all the really expensive clothes everyone else had...oh wait. That did NOT happen. My mom taught me that clothes/outward appearance aren't all there is, and that I needed to find value in myself from somewhere else.

    I guess I just don't like the attitude parents have that they need to protect their child's self esteem above all else. I know lots of people my own age who were raised this way, and it hasn't served them well in adulthood.

    But, I did have braces. Granted, I wouldn't have ever been able to chew or eat normally and I had a tooth that would have been hopelessly infected (grew in wrong), but I guess maybe I am a hypocrite. The two things - orthodontics and plastic surgery - just seem so different to me...not sure why.
     
  6. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I understand your point and if I hadn't seen my brother have it done I would probably agree. But having his ears pinned back changed his life. He was not just made fun of but ridiculed. If I was him, and knew that my parents could fix it with a simple surgery and didnt just to make me "stronger" I would never forgive them. If you have a kid crying everyday and could fix it, I would.

    And this has helped him in his life. He would not be where he is now if he didnt have it done. I can't stress enough how much it changed him. In fact, their child is looking to possible have the same issue and he is adamant that if he wants the surgery they will do it when he gets older
     
  7. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I kind of relate it to a cleft palate. I wouldn't hesitate to have that fixed on my child.
     
  8. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    I definitely see your point and I am glad to hear another perspective! Thank you. I think I related it to other articles I have read about moms having their much more...questionable procedures...done to young children. A lot of that ties into the pageant world.
     
  9. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Oh I totally agree! It's hard to see many aspects of the page try world and not disagree with it:) and I am completely against surgeries, like a breast enhancement, or lipo or anything like that. But like you said, why do I think some are ok and some aren't? I am my own hypocrite!
     
  10. Ted

    Ted Habitué

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    Nov 15, 2013

    What if one's daughter has smaller (I mean QUITE a bit smaller) breasts than the other girls?

    I've heard that girls can be quite cruel to each other and as a young lady develops, it seems to me that this could be a serious issue.

    I guess I lean towards the opinion of yellowdaisies. Kids are going to be cruel and target something different no matter what. I was teased for having a head that was larger than my peers. No surgery could have helped. And yes, I cried to my parents. And yes, my mom was heartbroken. But she used to tell me that God doesn't make mistakes and that He created me just perfect in His eyes. As a kid, that didn't help much, but as I've grown, I have come to appreciate her sage advice.

    I think it's more important to reassure a child that he/she is loved regardless of outer appearances than to "purchase" his/her acceptance by a cruel society in which he will probably only spend 1/4 of his life in.

    Now, orthodontics and cleft palates are different in my opinion, because those can actually effect their health (eating, breathing, etc.)

    If my child has an unusually large nose and it was effecting his/her breathing...then yes, I would speak with them about having it changed. If their health was involved, I would not hesitate to look at options.

    Sue, you state you would not consider liposuction... what if your child's obesity was effecting their heart?

    I guess it's not a black and white issue. :)
     
  11. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    How do you really relate these things? Cleft palates typically cause more than cosmetic problems. They result in health problems. I've yet to find a case where ears that stick out cause health problems. Completely deformed ears may, but ears that stick out - no.
     
  12. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    I don't see how liposuction would improve the heart because liposuction doesn't change the input, just the appearance. If liposuction made people healthier then doctors would be pushing liposuction in cases where people would not diet.
     
  13. Ted

    Ted Habitué

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    Sincere question (not being argumentative). :)

    If obesity lends to heart problems and liposuction reduces obesity, then wouldn't that (over time) help the heart become healthier?

    I'm a teacher... not a doctor, so I'm curious to hear from those with medical backgrounds. :)
     
  14. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Cleft palates don't cause major health problems. Just ear infections and possible speech problems.

    http://researchingmommy.blogspot.com/

    Ted, in the instance of a large head I would do exactly as your mom did and teach you to look beyond it. But that is because you can't do anything about it. With the ears you can. This is a very easy procedure. I would love to say that I would just teach my child that looks don't matter and to look within and I would do that. But if an easy fix was available I would also do that.

    Again, if I grew up hating my ears and having them stick completely out and knew there was a procedure to fix it that my parents could do I would really hope they would do it. Is watching a child be absolutely miserable everyday worth it? Not to me
     
  15. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    And I agree that it is not a black and white issue. I would do whatever I believe what good for my child. Just as I would assume others would, even if the outcome was different. It's a case by case decision I guess.

    As for liposuction or other surgeries like that, I would go by the doctor's opinion. I would feel guilty probably because I either let them get like that or they had a medical problem so I would listen to the doctor
     
  16. Ted

    Ted Habitué

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    Nov 15, 2013

    But are mixed messages being sent?

    "Looks don't matter... let's get your ears pinned back so they're not sticking out, okay?"
     
  17. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Count me in the group of people who might consider certain types of cosmetic surgery for kids. I understand why other people might not want to do it, but that doesn't change my opinion.
     
  18. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    http://www.liposuction.com/obesity.html

    Here is just one article. There are many others. It explains why liposuction is not a fix for obesity and heart problems.

    A friend's friend had liposuction. First she had to diet and exercise and get to the point where her BMI was in the right range and no further weight loss would significantly eliminate the extra fat build up she had. It was painful. It took months to look good. It took a few years for the fat to come back.
     
  19. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    My daughter had a strawberry mark on her when she was small. My doctor recommended watching it for a few years. It was the size of a silver dollar. It is now the size of a pea. IF it hadn't shrunk, I would have had it removed. It was something I could have controlled as a parent.
     
  20. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    My 11 year old sister has had two cosmetic procedures this year and will have a third next year.

    1: restitch a facial laceration to minimize scarring.
    2: removal of third nipple (when she had to start wearing a bra it became uncomfortable)
    3: (to be scheduled) scar reduction surgery from a badly healed laceration to her face from before my parents got custody of her.

    I have no problem with any of these procedures, nor would I have issues with things like mole and birthmark removals. Major procedures, on the other hand, I think would be a case by case basis. My parents and I strongly considered breast reduction surgery when I was around 15. At the time I was wearing a 32H/J bra. Not only did I have to deal with peer teasing, but I couldn't buy a bra in a normal store and I have lasting spinal issues to this day because of the damage the weight of my breasts did to my immature skeleton. We decided against it because I did not want to take away the option of breastfeeding if I ever had kids, and reductions, at least the method they used 25 years ago, eliminated that possibility. It was a good choice in retrospect, because my breasts did shrink a cup size with every baby I nursed, so now, even though they're still large, they're not overwhelming. At the time though, the choice was mine, and my parents would have supported me no matter what choice I made.
     
  21. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    My mother considered having my ears pinned back. Glad she didn't. But my husband says he wishes his parents had pinned his.

    Personally, regarding ears, I adore ears like the ones the little girl had originally in the linked story. :)

    Removing marks and pinning back ears if the child wants it? Eh, doesn't bother me.
     
  22. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    I would never in a million years consider this one for my (future) daughter. I can actually see the other side - girls who are too large in that area, because that could cause a lot of back pain, etc.

    I really don't lump mole removal in with other plastic surgeries, although I think it can get kind of over the top. I have freckles and I have a few moles on my arms and face that stick out (but they are not huge), and they are still there. My mom would have never paid for that, because insurance certainly wouldn't have covered it. I won't pay for it today either. They don't bother me. The BIG moles and marks, ok I can see that.

    I guess what bothered me was that the girl was perfectly happy, then she was made fun of, then the parents "fixed" her "problem." It had never even been a problem until she was teased for it. Well, there are LOTS of other things kids can be teased for that can't be surgically fixed. Also, do people seriously ALWAYS have ears that stick out if they have them as a child? I guess I assumed it was possible that a lot of these things might work themselves out as the child develops.

    Liposuction was brought up - can kids actually get that? I never even thought about that before. That's a little scary, actually. I know that is a major procedure.
     
  23. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Count me as the kid who was ridiculed for not having very much in the way of breast department. Going to the beach was especially awful when some of the other girls from school were around. The one thing about having very small breasts as a teen is that bras have come a very long way and can help with appearance until one determines if augmentation is truly wanted.

    I chose not to have them augmented. A friend of mine chose to have the surgery when she was 20. She was much happier and much more outgoing afterwards. I just made my peace with them.

    It doesn't bother me. If it's a small fix that can greatly impact a child's emotional health, I don't see a problem with it.
     
  24. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I can't begin to guess what I would do in those particular circumstances.

    But if it's within my power to make a life altering accomodation for my kids, then I'm at the very least going to consider it. The final decision would be based on a milion different factors.

    There are times to take a stand as a parent... see my "mean mom" post. And there are times when I'm in a position to do things for my kids that will bring them joy.

    As to which case this one is, only the family in the article can say. But I wll say that, as a parent, I'm pretty selfish. It hurts me more than I can say to see my kids hurting. And when my kids are grown, I don't want to look back and think "Why on earth was THAT the hill I chose to die on? It would have taken so little to make a big difference in my kid's lives."

    So it's usually a delicate balance between doing what I know is best for them and doing what I hope is best for them... the vast majority of the time, it's the second. We discuss the options, make a decision, and hope and pray it was the right one. It's almost never as cut and dried with your own kids as it is when you read an article about someone else's kids.

    My real question is who broke this story. The surgeon is quoted several times-- if it was him, then there's a huge problem with his sense of professionalism. If it was the parents, then I'm guessing that their child will be mocked either way now.
     
  25. Ted

    Ted Habitué

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    That's a very good point, Alice.

    I can't believe it would be the physician, because that would be a breach of confidentiality...and if it is, indeed, the parents, I would question their motives because now it's publicly known about their daughter's augmentation.

    What a world in which we live. :dizzy:
     

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