just hired - but husband booked a cruise!

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by teacherg, Jul 28, 2009.

  1. teacherg

    teacherg Guest

    Jul 28, 2009

    I really haven't taken getting a job seriously this summer. Every district in my area has been laying off, until a new state budget was approved. Then, on a last-chance basis, I tried applying and got called, got along really well with the interviewers and now my paperwork is going through HR. I'm supposed to hear back from HR tomorrow about the actual contract. I do not have a letter of intent or anything, just the principals word that I was top-choice.

    Sounds great right?

    In the beginning of the summer I told my husband, DON'T book this cruise... what if I get a job?

    So... he looked into it, and reserved it for us... he hasn't paid, he can still cancel. But now that I have a stinkin' job, he is pressuring me to ask the principal if I can have a week off!!!

    I am so mad... but his point is that I should just ask. The thing is, some other family members are already involved and they are going regardless... making the hubs really want to go because he doesn't want to miss out... but I don't feel like asking will get me good points with the principal, especially when I NEED another day off for my sisters wedding.

    On top of all this... its the principle of the matter... AND I don't feel like I will be able to plan a week for a sub and be able to not stress on the cruise for lack of having my plans planned out... its my first year and I am going to need all the time I can get to plan!

    We have recently recovered from a marriage-threatening situation and I am feeling in the hole all over again just from this... he is using the "do whats good for the marriage and stop putting your job first" card... its so unfair... I don't know what to do.

    Someone with a level head and experience with the hiring process and typical district policies please respond.
     
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  3. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Well, I can't tell you what the district policies are like, I've only worked for one year on one district. I can say, though, that as a first year teacher you are not going to need the distraction of a cruise. It won't feel relaxing or fun, it will feel like a speed bump.

    Is there any way your husband can go without you? Just asking. My marriage is different than others, but my husband and I do try to give each other lives outside of each other.

    Without knowing all about the marriage threatening incident, I have to say he could also put the marriage first and stop asking you to risk your new job for a cruise. It doesn't sound like you want to go when you would miss school. Putting your job ahead of a cruise makes good sense to me.

    I'll be thinking of you.
     
  4. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    As an outsider and not knowing all the marriage-threatening situation, my first instinct is you can go on a cruise anytime, and I'm sure family members would understand that under the circumstances you have to do what your finances and future career dictate.

    If you haven't signed a contract yet the job is not in concrete. With the economy as shaky as it is I'd skip the cruise this year.

    In my state and I'm pretty sure in most, you'll be a probationary teacher for 3 years meaning the district can dispose of you for basically no reason, especially the first year.

    Tell hubby to make plans for one another one later.

    If things go sour for you and your hubby you'd at least have a means of supporting yourself.

     
  5. loves2teach

    loves2teach Enthusiast

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    That is what I was thinking...

    Your first year is unbelievably hard. It is almost like you are selling yourself and how important you are to the school everyday. Coming in and asking for a week this early will not earn you any brownie points. Not trying to be mean, just honest.
     
  6. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    I think it would be creating ill-will to ask for a week off before you've even worked a day, especially in a situation like today's economy - there are a hundred other teachers who would kill to get your job.

    Our district policy is no more than 3 days off, without a dr. note, anwyay.

    I'd also suggest to your hubby that he go alone if it's that important to him. If the marriage weakens because you won't go on a cruise, then he obviously isn't willing to consider what is best for you, too, not just him.

    Kim
     
  7. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    I have been teaching for awhile now and still wouldn't ask for a week off for a cruise during the school year. The kids don't typically learn from a sub the way they would learn with you-that's a week of wasted instruction time. Not to mention as a principal, I would remember that when doling out privileged assignments, etc. Co-workers may not look kindly on having to cover for your so soon in the school year as well. Teachers have a lot of vacation time and you can do something fun with your husband another time. I agree, if hubby really wants to go, why not let him go with the other family members and just refund your ticket?
     
  8. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Doesn't the whole re-working the marriage thing go both ways?

    Shouldn't he comprimise just a little, and book a vacation during one of the 180+ days that you're off?
     
  9. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    teacherg - in a similar situation, when I interviewed for my 1st job, I told the P during the interview that I had purchased plane tickets for NY 2 months prior and would be gone for a week in December (not during winter break). I still got the job.

    However, it was a very different economy & job front 5 years ago. From your husband's perspective, there is nothing wrong with just asking... except that you don't *really* know what kind of P you have & don't know how they'll take it. I suspect he has no idea what it means to be married to a teacher yet, if this is your first year. And I would be hesitant to ask if you haven't signed a contract yet.

    How much school would the cruise impact? When? A full week? The first day? Planning days? Testing days?

    Also - just *how* much stress is this creating with your marriage? Is the cruise important b/c it's his family? Would he react the same way if it was a cruise with your family?
     
  10. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    When is the cruise? Since he hasn't paid yet, is there anyway the cruise date can be changed to match the school calendar?

    In my district this would not fly for a probation teacher. You would not have a job when you returned. Teachers in my district are not granted the same type of vacation priviledges as other professions.

    IMO you cannot go during school days.

    If there is a chance your marriage is still threatening with or without the cruise, you may need this job.

    Good luck and keep us posted :hugs:
     
  11. Irma

    Irma Companion

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    Jul 28, 2009

    Last year one of the new teachers on my team took a week off. Very poor taste and her reputation isn't the best now. It just didn't do any good for her- shows poor planning, etc. I wouldn't go.
     
  12. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    I would think your dh would be so proud of you for getting a job in this tough climate and would understand your concern about taking time off. Your concern is warranted- not only is it tough to GET a job, it's just as tough in many cases to KEEP it. You told your DH to consider that you might have a job when he was looking into cruises. The cruise is not yet paid for, so there is no penalty for not going. You didn't say when the cruise was, but a week off for a new teacher is A LOT. Could dh consider a cruise on one of your upcoming breaks, or a promise that you'll go next summer?
     
  13. Ms. I

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    Not that I'm on your husband's side, because I think what he did was totally thoughtless & selfish to go ahead & book this cruise, however, since you didn't know if you were going to even apply or get this job even 2 or 3 wks ago, the principal shouldn't fault you if you kindly say that you do have plans for (such & such) dates & could you please get it off, but tell her if you can't, you'll completely understand. Just may like you made these plans 6+ mos ago & cannot change them.

    I mean life goes on, we're all continuously living & doing something. It's a little tough to stop making plans mos before some unknown event happens, although I think your husband jumped the gun w/ this particular situation. I mean you didn't know & it's not your fault & the principal shouldn't fault you.

    So, did you say that other family members are going on this trip too? So if you can't go, is your husband going w/o you? To me, that would be pretty cold if he does while you're stuck back at this new job w/o his support & asking how everything's going w/ it.
     
  14. flyingmickey

    flyingmickey Rookie

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    So, did you say that other family memebers are going on this trip too? So if you can't go, is your husband going w/o you? To me, that would be pretty cold if he does while you're stuck back at this new job w/o his support & asking how everything's going w/ it.[/B][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]



    I couldn't image thinking that my DH is cold to go on a holiday while I'm working. Do you really need him to miss out so he can hear about her day? It's just a week.


    I'm a teacher in British Columbia and it's a different process to get hired. Generally, you are first a sub, then get smaller contracts until you can get enough seniority to get the full time contract.

    During my first year I planned everything around a week long cruise when working, then the next year it was a trip to Disneyland with the kids and this past year it was my birthday trip to Vegas.

    This year I'm not planning anything that will effect my job chances. A lot of the smaller contracts are given to the sub who happens to take the job on the first day so I want to be available.

    I would ask my P and you may be lucky. Then you have to work your butt off of get it planned really well and have a great year. People will forget about your holiday if you are willing to take on extras throughout the year.
     
  15. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Actually, now that I think of it, you're right. It's not like it's a month or two that he'll be gone.
    I just know my BF (if he were my husband) wouldn't go on any big trip w/o me, no matter how short it is
    .
     
  16. hawkteacher

    hawkteacher Comrade

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    Jul 28, 2009

    How soon into the school year is the cruise? When do you have to officially sign up/pay for it? If it's later in the year, it's possible when you're hired that you could speak to a mentor or another established teacher in your building about how such a request would go with your new principal/administration.

    I also agree with the posters that have asked if it's possible to move the dates of the cruise to time you have off - winter break, spring break, summer break. This sounds like a great compromise if you can make it happen.

    Good luck making your decision!
     
  17. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Make your husband happy and tell your principal that your husband booked a cruise for the two of you during the school year but he can still cancel it and you were wondering if you could take a week off to go -- then tell your principal to tell you "no" :D.
     
  18. tcherjen

    tcherjen Comrade

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    If it were me, I wouldn't ask off. That is just me though. I couldn't stand the thought of being a new teacher and being away from my class for a week.
     
  19. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    My first question is do you really want this job? No offense, but you don't sound very excited about getting a job in this tough market. A cruise sure would be nice, but it's just not a good idea to be asking for time off so soon. There are a lot of other candidates who would not need any time off.
     
  20. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    This was my thought as well. This is your first year as a teacher. I wouldn't do anything to hurt my chances of having a job next year either. And you haven't signed the contract so if you ask off for this cruise, the P might take back the offer and give the job to someone who is going to be there all year. I would see if you could move the cruise date to a time when you are not in school.
     
  21. BLHutch25

    BLHutch25 Rookie

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    I can't speak to anything else, but this to me is key. You told him not to do it and he did anyway. Now he wants you to change your schedule around to accomodate it. That isn't fair to you. Jobs are hard enough to come by now.
     
  22. teacherg

    teacherg Guest

    Jul 28, 2009

    The thing is... like i mentioned, we are recovering from some pretty serious marriage problems. In my experience, my mentors have come from two different schools of thought regarding family/career balancing. The first school of thought says "DONT FORGET YOUR HUSBAND/KIDS/MOTHER/OTHERS who depend on you just because you become a teacher" and the others say "FORGET EVERYTHING AND FORGET HAVING A LIFE, esp. your first year."

    I used to be the latter teacher. In m schooling, I would emotionally withdraw from my husband during finals and projects... as a student teacher, I FINALLY started to learn that forgoing my marriage to be a teacher is not what I wanted.

    The key is balance, and, yes, I AM excited to have this job. I also, however, feel completely inadequate (due to a rough student-teacher takeover) and while I'm very excited, I'm very scared too... This whole issue with my husband complicates that even further. I told him not to stress me out with booking a cruise... now he wants me to accommodate his wishes.

    This is the whole reason I wrote... is this job worth my marriage... is he even being fair? I feel trapped, like either way, I will screw something up. How could I possibly not take this job?
     
  23. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    It's time for some outside help. Marriage counseling. You are both too close to the situation to be objective, and we on this board can love and support you to death but we don't KNOW you or your story. Consider going, and I'll send good vibes that your DH will go, cuz I know some just won't.
     
  24. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I can tell you're struggling with this, and ultimately, you're going to have to make the decision for yourself.

    But I'm going to just put this out there-you keep mentioning the trouble with your marriage. Ask yourself honestly-will going on this cruise (and possibly putting your job in jeopardy) save your marriage? If not, as others have mentioned, are you prepared to be left without emploment?

    Sorry to be so blunt, but from what you have described, your hubby is putting you in a very bad position.

    Teaching is a demanding profession, one that is very different from other jobs. There is a delicate balance, but I'm not so sure it has to be as cut and dry as your two mentors' opinions. The hard fact is, vacations are best taken during the summer (in most instances, in my opinion). That's not to say that weekend getaways are not out of the question, and frankly, necessary.

    Marriage is about compromise and working together. You need to decide what you're willing to compromise on.
     
  25. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    He's not being fair to you at all. In this market, I'd suggest you take the job, DH would just have to get over it. I don't consider myself liberal at all, but you're talking real dollars and cents, a career, a start on your retirement, summers off, and a life time to take a cruise.
     
  26. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    I wouldn't take off a week for a cruise during school. The first year you will be under a lot of pressure from yourself and the school staff/administration. It wouldn't look good when they start looking at who to rehire. I hope your husband is able to find something that fits in before school starts or maybe take a Thanksgiving cruise.

    I have to say that if you think canceling the cruise will be the end, then what is the next thing that will spell the end of your marriage? I would consider what will happen if you go on the cruise and it still doesn't work out and you potentially don't have any job.
     
  27. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I'm sorry your husband isn't being more supportive of your position. I agree with Shelly though that maybe marriage counseling is the best thing right now.
     
  28. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    My P used to say, "In 20 years, people here (at school) will say, 'Susan who??' But my family will never say, 'Susan who?'" Family is very important. But going on a cruise right as you start your first year of teaching is NOT what family is all about. I'm thinking of you....
     
  29. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    teacherg, now that I'm thinking more into this, are you sure your husband didn't purposely want to louse you up by going ahead w/ booking the cruise AFTER YOU TOLD HIM NOT TO? I mean he's not some kid that you have to repeat things over & over to. He's a grown adult who SHOULD remember what his wife (his equal) tells him.

    It's as if he wants you to struggle & be in a hard predicament.

    Some men/husbands are jealous when their SOs/wives get any kind of success. It's like they (the men) want to be the one in control while the women just follow along. They're intimidated by strong women who have things on the ball. And it's this same kind of controlling attitude that makes men want to be the one to do all kinds of unfair things in their marriage.
     
  30. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I'm sorry, but I don't think so.

    Marriage is a two way street. It seems to me that this is all about YOU accomodating HIM.

    You can't go because of a JOB, not because of something totally selfish. It's not like you want a Girl's Night Out, and that's what's interfering with the cruise. This job will provide income to your family in rough economic times-- it's something you're doing FOR your marriage, not TO your marriage.

    He knew you were a teacher. He knew you were getting to the place where you would be applying for a job. He knew when school was in session. Why on EARTH did he make plans during the school year???

    And now he's trying to make YOU into the guilty party??? This isn't about a vacation or missing a week from school. This is about being manipulative.

    I think he's setting you up to be the fall guy here. Please forgive me for saying this, but he sounds like a bully to me. This is NOT about a vacation, it's a power struggle.
     
  31. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Alice, I was thinking the same thing. Sort of like when high school guys will say to their girlfriends, "If you really love me, you'll....." It's a test to see how much he can control her.
    Kim
     
  32. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Okay, as someone who has planned cruises before I can tell you it can become totally addicting and totally exciting. I could see myself pleading with my husband to make it work because I am totally engrossed in cruise planning and I can't stand the disappointment of not going after I've gotten myself hyped up. That's even without having other family memberes going. Yep, that would so be me. I did ask for a week off my first year because it was our 10 year anniversary and we were going on a cruise. I told my boss before I signed the contract and she agreed to it. That was as an aide though. As a first year teacher, I don't think I could do it.

    Here's what I would do. Tell dh you are excited about cruising too. You just want to make sure your job is safe and that you can go on the cruise and spend time with him and not worry about your job. Take some time to look for an alternative plan then present it to him. In other words, many people when they argue go into the argument without an alternative solution. If you present an alternative solution (actually do the research and find alternative dates, costs, etc) then that will usually go over much smoother than just stating what you think. It also goes a long way in showing that you care enough about what he wants too but you are adament about your job as well.

    Do I think he is being fair? Not really. At the end of the day though you have to find what works for the two of you.
     
  33. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Not going on the cruise could hurt the marriage
    BUT GOING ISN'T GOING TO SAVE IT.
    It may only be a temporary bandaid.

    It appears that he is controlling you.
    After the cruise, it will be another thing that is expected to come first.

    I am all for family first!
    From 4-8:00 it's about feeding them, baths, play, homework, walks, etc.
    When my sons are ill, I am home.
    I go to their events before completing my school work.

    Having a job is caring for the family.
    I would not do something that would/could put my job or reputation in jeopardy.
     
  34. Señora Lorenzo

    Señora Lorenzo Rookie

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    IMHO...if he was at all concerned about YOU, he would understand. My husband would NEVER put me in this predicament and it is unfair to you. I agree that the cruise may or may not be what your marriage needs. It seems to me that you should think about yourself and put YOU first in this situation. It has nothing to do with a job or about your marriage. It is about YOU and what is best for YOU.
     
  35. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    AS a MAN I find his request totally out of line
    A marriage is not 50-50 all the time, sometimes it is 80-20 or 20-80

    Sometimes it is good to be King and sometimes you are the royal serf.
    After the cruise things will just be the same and
    he will know that YOU GAVE IN and gave him his "Toy" (the cruise) get my hidden meaning?
    No cruise will help your marriage as much as just talking it out
     
  36. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    I am away from my wife right now as I will be taking care of my Granddaughter while my DIL is deployed to Iraq
    it will be about a year total My wife said go ahead (she just wants me out of the house :toofunny: Ha ha ha) since I am retired I have no job to protect I can do it
    You do have a job to protect

    go with your smarts not your heart
     
  37. teacherg

    teacherg Guest

    Jul 29, 2009

    Thank you all SO MUCH for your replies! I know I
    m a noob here (and to the teaching profession) but I already feel there are potential friends in all of you.

    We have been talking and both of us agree it is completely foolish to not take this job (well, DUH!)

    He is having a hard time accepting that the principal will probably say no, but he still wants me to try. A few of you have suggested ways to ask that I will probably use/follow.

    For now, I am waiting for HR to get back to me with a letter or intent or an actual contract... school starts in a week and a half...

    If we can get the same family members to go next year sometime or in the summer, I hope we can convince them to. (They are our grandparents and they are afraid if they don't go now they will never make it - we share the same anniversary that is why we wanted to go with them during the school year...)

    One thing I keep learning is that life works for the best... even if it doesn't feel like it at the time, and as confusing as each option in this situation is for me, I know the right one will be the one that happens.

    Thank you thank you thank you all again. I will let you know how it pans out.
     
  38. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I am really glad that you and your hubby are trying to get on the same page with this. Congrats on the job! Just please understand, there are those principals out there that even asking can be enough to blackball a new teacher.

    Best wishes!
     
  39. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    The reason your husband is having a hard time understanding that the principal will say no is that most professions do allow for vacations and time off. Teaching professions do not.

    Still Share with your grandparents a weekend getaway together!
     
  40. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Glad you & your hubby are starting to work it out!
     
  41. Kindergarten31

    Kindergarten31 Cohort

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    Jul 29, 2009

    Hopefully, you husband will understand the reason you can go cruising now. I am one of those cruise addicts and even after 32 years of teaching, I would be hesitant to ask for a week off to go on a cruise. Look at the calendar and set up a date when you are off and CAN go. That will at least show your husband that you are interested, but NOT NOW!
     

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