Just friends

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Miss Kirby, Mar 8, 2009.

  1. Miss Kirby

    Miss Kirby Fanatic

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    Mar 8, 2009

    Can guys and girls be "just friends"?

    Like five years ago I met a guy on an online community type thing, and we talked on instant messenger ever since then. We never hung out, even though he wanted to, but when I said no he dropped it. We've been talking a lot more lately. We talk about each others guy/girl drama and give advice :). I decided that maybe I was up for hanging out (five years later) as friends. I asked him, and a couple weeks later we went to lunch. I was nervous but it wasn't scary at all! We went to lunch one more time after that, and then we hung out tonight. We had a quick bite to eat and then played rock band at his house with his roommate and friends. I was super nervous, it's weird talking sooo much online, and then hanging out in real life, but it was fun! He's a super nice guy, easy to talk to, but I'm not really into him any more than that. (Really why does that happen with the nice ones? Grr) He made me a mixed cd because I was talking about how I really need new music. I get home and my mom was asking me how it went. She asked if she could see a picture of him, and I told her sure, but I don't like him any more than friends. Then she said, "Well I want to know what my future grandkids will look like". OMG! :eek: I guess neither of my parents really think that you can be just friends with the opposite sex. I've never had any guy friends since like third grade, so this is all new to me. I think you can have guy friends, but our situation is kinda weird. Who makes guy friends online? :whistle:
     
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  3. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Mar 8, 2009

    I've always had way more guy friends than girl friends. I usually have 1 or 2 good girl friends and then a half dozen guy buddies. Even at school, I eat lunch with the guys and sit with the guys at meetings.

    So, can girls and guys just be friends? Absolutely!

    As for your online situation, it's not strange. Just be careful that the guy doesn't think your friendship is turning into more if you aren't interested.
     
  4. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Mar 9, 2009

    It seems like eventually, opposite gendered friends end up getting together, even if it doesn't last long, but I guess it's still possible...after all, ANYTHING'S possible right? But, I know if I were married, I wouldn't want my husband being (too) close to any other woman.
     
  5. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Mar 9, 2009

    I miss the guy friends I used to have at work or at school. It's definitely different from your gal pals.
     
  6. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Mar 9, 2009

    Miss Kirby-I met a guy online. We ended up becoming good friends. He took me to my senior prom, and was an usher in my wedding. So yes, you can be 'just friends'.

    ETA: ku_alum, I am the same way. I only have 2-3 really great girl friends. I just get a long better with guys in general, and have much more guy friends than I do girl friends.
     
  7. Go 4th

    Go 4th Habitué

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    Mar 9, 2009

    My 2nd very best friend is a guy.

    The 1st very best friend is my hubby. :) He knows that my guy friend and I are friends and that is all. He has never been jealous or suspicious. He's never had a reason to be. We get together once every blue moon and hang out and my hubby likes him also. I actually set my friend and his wife up--we were all school friends and he was too nervous to ask her out. :)

    I've always appreciated the perspective he has on things. He is usually the one person who can tell me to stop being a witch and can get away with it.
     
  8. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    Mar 9, 2009

    One of my closest friends is a guy. We dated in high school for a month but didnt work out. He and I are still good friends and he and my boyfriend get along very well.
     
  9. buck8teacher

    buck8teacher Devotee

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    Mar 9, 2009

    I several guy friends but only two that I really open up with. One is married to one of my good friends. The other I liked for a LONG time. Whenever we hung out, it was a source of tension between myself and my ex..which wasn't that often at the time. I like have guy friends, but I don't tell them nearly what I tell my girls.

    However, it's hard for me sometimes to be just friends with guys. Because, after a while...I usually become attracted to one of them, because of how comfortable I can be with them.
     
  10. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

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    Mar 9, 2009

    I don't have guy friends anymore - not close ones because I moved - I used to have mostly guy friends - just friends. It is possible, but usually different. I don't think i could do it now - not that my SO doesn't trust me, but that I don't see alot of men on a daily friendly basis.
     
  11. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    Mar 10, 2009

    I sure hope they can...my husband just had lunch with an old female friend of his. I don't care for her and he prefers to just have lunch occassionally with her without me. I don't like being around her.

    I do think guys and girls can be just friends. I mention the above just to be cheeky.
     
  12. Miss Kirby

    Miss Kirby Fanatic

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    Mar 18, 2009

    Okay, thank you all for your advice. I'm still trying to figure out if two *single* people can be only friends. I mean, I suppose they can if both people are not into each other any more than that.

    I'm frustrated because he's nice, but we also have good conversation too. We talk like every day in instant messenger. But there is no attraction or anything there, at all. Lately, I get the feeling in my gut that he does like me a little more than friends, but I can't be certain. Oy. Like... when we talked about this girl he was interested in a while back, before we met in person, he would say how he wasn't into "formal dating" but he'd invite the girl out for a last minute casual dinner... like "I'm going to get food... do you want to come along?"

    When I talk to him every once in a while something slips out like "you're awesome". Or when I made a joke about my lack of social skills he said "We'll work on that later". And earlier he said that he was going to get some food, and he asked if I wanted to join. I had already eaten, so I said no thanks. But that reminded me of what he does with girls he likes...

    So anyway.... I know I'm analyzing things and reading too much into this. But I'm nervous. It's so easy just online. I wish I could just be friends and not think this way! It's all my own fault really! Grr.
     
  13. Miss Kirby

    Miss Kirby Fanatic

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    Apr 11, 2009

    Okay.... UPDATE!

    Last time we hung out was at his house, playing Rock Band with his friends, which was cool. We attempted to hang out a couple times since then, he asked if I wanted to grab food with him, I told him about a concert I was going to if he wanted to come along, but none of that worked out. We still talked almost every day, and I was still trying to keep it at a friend level and my imagination kept thinking that maybe he liked me more than friends...

    Well, my imagination wasn't completely off. Last week he asked me if I wanted to go on a date. It freaked me out a little bit, and I ended up telling him I wanted to be friends. He seemed okay with it on instant messenger, and we are talking again like usual. He still says stuff that is nice, but sorta unnecessary. Like he texted me saying, "I just feel like texting you : )... how is grading going". Last week he told me his aunt had free hockey tickets for him, and he said "I'm asking if you want to go with before I ask any of my other friends". Really, did he have to say it like that???

    So tomorrow is hockey, I'm determined to go and still try to imagine that he just wants to be friends, because anything else will freak me out, and he totally knows how I react in these sorts of situations, ha. I feel bad because the last guy that I did go out with, I told him I just wanted to be friends when I really didn't care to (and this guy knows all about that). I honestly do want to be friends with this guy, but just friends! I'm not attracted to him in that way, and I kinda wish I was sometimes, because he's a really awesome guy (despite his crazy obsession with star trek and video games, ha)
     
  14. blindteacher

    blindteacher Cohort

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    Apr 11, 2009

    Of course guys and girls can be friends. And it doesn't have to turn into anything more.

    I have several female friends and my wife has several male friends. It's not awkward for either of us because both my wife and I know that the only people we are in love with are each other.
     

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