For the first half of last school year I took over a VPK classroom for someone who was on leave but would be retiring this year. I have to say, it was honestly one of the best teaching and work experiences in my life. From the first day, the VPK para and I clicked on such a level. And I just fell into routine with the rest of the grade level and the Kindergarten grade level (we worked closely to lesson plan etc). When my assignment was over, the AP, PreK team and school secretary were all so happy and looked forward to me coming back when the teacher retired. Before the school year finished, I revisited the school, spoke to the AP, met the retiring teacher and ended up getting her recommendation as well. The told me to go speak to the principal, which I did and I thanked her for letting me work in the school and tried to sell myself, leave a good impression, etc. Fast forward this whole summer, I've been waiting to hear from them. The AP was working at another school for the summer but managed to speak to her and she said she'd find out when she visited the school site. I've been walking that thin line of not wanting to seem pushy or pestering anyone but also wanting to know the status. Well, I found out today that the principal hired someone else for that teaching position. Not only that, but she hired 10 new teachers in total. I'm not gonna lie, I feel gutted. Not only because I didn't get the PreK job, but because apparently there were 9 other positions I wasn't even considered for. The AP, whom I spoke to, seemed very apologetic and kinda in shock herself (she just got back this week) and I just thanked her for letting me know and that hopefully we can work together in the future. I'm just...idk. I know nothing was promised and obviously principal's have the last say in who gets hired. But it's hard not to take this so personal and start questioning myself and my teaching skills. I feel shame. I feel resentment. Like I should just give up on this career and try to move away from it. I'm going to continue to apply and interview. I'll try not to take it too personal. All my reviews and observations are always high and every principal I have worked for has told me to use them as a recommendation. Which is why I've been able to work as a 3100 or take on long-sub assignments through word of mouth from principal's calling each other. So in a way that helps me when I feel worthless but it also makes me feel down about not having found permanent employment yet. Ugh. I just needed to vent to people who'd understand.