Let me start out by saying I want to teach. Not in special ed, not in specials, not reading, not math, just a full time elementary general ed position. However, Iowa competition being brutal if you're from out of state, I don't have a full time general ed job. I'm a para for special ed. I like my job and I plan to be an awesome para, but it's not a teaching job. I feel awful for saying this, but it's the truth. I am insanely jealous of anyone with a teaching job, especially the first year teachers. There's one or two in our building and every time I see them I think that should be me. I know they're probably just as qualified, maybe more, as me, but that doesn't help. I love teaching and I honestly feel like I was given a chance. When my cooperating teacher was called as a reference for this job the principal flat out told her that they hardly ever hire out of state teachers and I'm the first one in this school. I hate feeling like this. I like my job and I should be satisfied with it. i don't want to feel jealous every time I pass someone in the hall. I want to be happy for them. Does anyone have any ideas on how to do this. I just feel like a rotten person right now.