I've lost that loving feeling!

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by trayums, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. trayums

    trayums Enthusiast

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    Sep 28, 2011

    Hi all,
    I am not sure if I am asking for suggestions or just need to write this down... either way I will take your thoughts and ideas. I have always had a very good relationship with my grade level team. We have worked together for about 6 years now and always got along quite well. Last year I was on maternity leave from February until August. This year I am feeling that I have no connection to any other teachers at my school including those on my team. I am not sure what to do about it but it is depressing me. I am a new mom, a new working mom and have been out of the loop for 6 ish months and I really feel I need support and someone on my side and I am just feeling so out of the loop. I try to make the effort to strike up conversations or talk about lessons/plans etc. but it isn't reciprocated this year at all... Did I get forgoten? Did I do something wrong? I am feel so alienated this year... Ugh!
    Thanks for reading!!!
     
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  3. jen12

    jen12 Devotee

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    Sep 28, 2011

    Tell them you're feeling out of the loop and ask what, if anything, went down while you were gone. They probably have no idea you're picking up a difference in the dynamic.
     
  4. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Fanatic

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    Sep 29, 2011

    This is not fun. I have had best teacher friends leave and have them replaced by teachers who don't return a "good morning". I have found a few things that have improved the situation.

    1. Compliments...I try to give sincere compliments on a teacher's room, outfit, bulletin board, or something to show that I notice the positive things about her/him.

    2. Ever read "Because of Winn Dixie"? Allthese people who had walls between them had them come down as they had the dog "Winn Dixie" in common. Talk about things that you have in common.

    3. Send them a timely card. A card for a birthday, Christmas, or just that you enjoy working with them can break lots of ice.

    Okay nothing revolutionary here..but the basics work pretty well.

    Also, remember the kids are far more important than your colleagues. I have not always had good groups of teachers to work with, but I always try to give 100% to the students. Usually, you will make a much more lasting impression on the children than on colleagues.

    Good luck to you. :)

    Kevin
     
  5. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Sep 30, 2011

    Kevin- Thanks for making the effort to bond your team. We need people like you in this profession. We need people to break down the walls and begin to communicate. The only way that we can become better at educating OUR children is by talking to one another. We have to make our classrooms transparent so that we can learn from one another. You took the first step in building community within your grade level so that you can start having conversations about kids and like you said, kids are what really matter. Closing the door to our room and just doing our job - makes it a job. Thanks for not being one of those teachers. Be the change in your school.

    I also agree with the post by Jen12. You are probably feeling overwhelmed and out of the loop because you were gone for an extended time period. Have a heart to heart. They probably feel that you are overwhelmed with midnight feedings and child related issues that you don't have time to deal with mundane lesson planning. Let them know that you are FULLY back and FULLY present and that you would LOVE some support as you transition from full time Mom to full time teacher. Both jobs have a heavy burden and you need your friends. You talk - They will listen.
     
  6. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Sep 30, 2011

    It might just be a matter of time needed to get yourself back into the groove and feel connected. Does it seem as if any of the teachers are doing anything intentional, or intentionally leaving you out? I didn't see that suggested in your post. Just give it time and things will probably all fall back into place.
     
  7. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Sep 30, 2011

    Could it also be that you are adjusting from being a new mom who spent that early bonding time with your precious baby and feel a bit of separation gloom? Could it be that you dont find anyone to relate to that experience right now and that, not teaching is what you are missing from the conversations? It could also very well be that they formed newish routines in your absence and it takes time to reintegrate into the fold.
     
  8. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Oct 2, 2011

    It might be a combination of things, as stated. You are coming back in a new role - working mom! It will probably just take time for everyone to get used to the routine again. At my school we have a new dynamic on my team, which got off to a rocky start until each of us adjusted to the new roles we had and settled in. Communication is very demanding, but worth all the effort you can give it. I have a new aid this year. We get along, respect each other, have fun together, but still have to work everyday at communication!

    I love the idea of just staying positive and spreading your positive light around. Who knows? Maybe some of them are going through things you might not know about yet.

    Also, as cutNglue pointed out, it is significant that you are a new mother and now a working Mom. It is a complex role, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I could not have done what you are doing after the birth of my DD. I had postpartum depression for months! It can affect your life in lots of ways.

    Keep communicating and being positive, have a talk with them to clear the air, then just keep doing the best job you can. I bet things will settle down and you will all get into the groove of working together again.
     
  9. jessiiteach

    jessiiteach Companion

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    Oct 5, 2011

    post partum?
     
  10. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Oct 5, 2011

    That is very possible. If not, the new role could be very draining and require time for adjusting to things. Talk to your friends! Lay it all out for them and you will probably be surprised at the support you find.
     
  11. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Dec 29, 2011

    Latin phrase meaning 'after birth'.
     
  12. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Dec 29, 2011

    Your feelings are very normal! Are you pumping at work as well? That really added to the alienation that I felt. I wasn't able to just sit around during planning time with my team and chitchat about nothing, I needed to do what was best for my child.

    It does get better with time, especially when you are done pumping. Then it's about time to have a second child...

    I used a lot of email to help keep me in the loop and working with my teammates. It took a bit for them to get used to the change but it definitely helped.
     
  13. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Dec 29, 2011

    I thought jessi was suggesting post partum as a cause for the feelings?
     
  14. CFClassroom

    CFClassroom Connoisseur

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    Dec 29, 2011

    First of all, congrats on the new addition.

    I remember when I was pregnant with my first child a commercial came on (maybe Johnsons and Johnsons) that said, "Having a Baby Changes Everything!" It stuck in my head and I've found it to be true.

    It adds a level of complication to everything. I know firsthand how hard it can be to balance home and school. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I would first suggest taking a look at how you may have changed:
    Are you less planned?
    Does your new responsibility prevent you from being available to your team?
    Do you find you are talking more about yourself or your baby?

    It's possible that you've changed without realizing it. If not, and you are open to discussion, then I would ask them what is on their minds and work together to get back to the way things were. Maybe it would be best to ask the coworker you are closest to.

    Good luck!
     

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