Is this strange?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Loveslabs, Jul 4, 2014.

  1. Loveslabs

    Loveslabs Companion

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    Jul 4, 2014

    My son is 14. He has always been a creature of habit. He does not like scary movies or those sad commercials about abused animals or starving children. My son has had nightmares/terrors throughout the years, but they have basically stopped in the last year.

    Every night when my son gets in bed I go in and hug him and give him a kiss on the cheek. I tell him I love him and he responds in the same manner. If I am not home my son waits up until I get home. If I am out of town he follows the same routine with his dad or his grandma.

    I have asked him why he follows this routine. His response was he just likes it that way and it makes him feel safe before going to bed. By the way, he spends the night with friends and family and does fine without someone following this routine with him.

    Do you think this is abnormal behavior for a 14 year old boy? I ask because an acquaintance commented last week that this was not normal behavior for a 14 year old boy. She then had the nerve to ask if he was autistic or a bit feminine!!

    My daughter is 17 and she still comes to us and hugs us good night before going to bed. Unless she has to work early she also waits up for me if I am not home. This acquaintance didn't seem to think this was strange.

    This really bothered me on many levels and I can't quite let it go.
     
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  3. i8myhomework

    i8myhomework Comrade

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    It sounds like he's just a momma's boy and I don't say that negatively. He sounds like a sweet, sensitive kid. Is his behavior the norm for his age? Probably not, but that's not a bad thing at all.
     
  4. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    My EX had very similar routines and behaviors. He has Aspergers. Of course, that doesn't mean anything. Could just be his personality. Unless there are a lot of other traits of a spectrum disorder, I'd not give it another thought.
     
  5. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I don't think it's strange. He seems like a gentle soul. Nothing wrong with that.
     
  6. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    As I was reading, I was waiting for the "weird" part ... never found it. I don't think it is strange at all.
     
  7. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Part of me says it's a little weird, but I wouldn't think twice if he gave you a hug & kiss before going to his room for the night. The other part of me says enjoy it! My son went through a phase when he didn't want any hugs or kisses. The only time he wanted hugs/kisses was when he was sick. The last year or so he's become more affectionate. He's 18.
     
  8. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    Many of us with teenage sons wish we could be so lucky. My oldest son is 22 he is off on his own and rarely calls, talks or even seems like we exist. I have to follow him on twitter to know what is going on. My 17 year old works and I rarely see him either. Be thankful and tell your acquaintance to mind her own business.
     
  9. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Not strange at all.
     
  10. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    It sounds like you are raising loving, caring children. You are modeling how they should treat their own children. Congratulations!
     
  11. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    My son is 24. When he's home and gets home late, he ALWAYS comes in to kiss me on the head,tell me he's home and say good night. Hes a college grad, adorable, working, all around great guy...It's all good.:love:
     
  12. bros

    bros Phenom

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    It's just a sign that he is affectionate.

    Unless he displays any other symptoms of being on the spectrum, there's nothing to worry about.
     
  13. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    It saddens me that an affectionate son who has a nightly routine is questioned by those who don't know him as being 'on the spectrum'.:(
     
  14. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    It seems strange to me, but that's mostly because I'm so non-affectionate.
     
  15. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    Yes.
    And, I've found, since I started teaching high school, that 14 year old boys are still children. They are taller than they were in middle school, but they are still kids at heart. They often still cry when angry or upset. Many still adore and quote their moms and dads ("my mom says ..."). They are still impressionable and sweet and many don't figure out how to put on a tougher exterior till 10th or 11th grade. And even then, many of my high school age male students are very sensitive and introspective when we talk - and only act tougher around their peers.

    Your son sounds fine and only be concerned if his grades take a nose dive or if he shows signs of social challenges or depression. I would be surprised if he had undiagnosed Aspergers by the age of 14. It's possible, but if it's not getting in the way of academics or social functioning, then it is so mild that it's not important to focus on.
     
  16. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Is showing affection to parents really a symptom of autism?
     
  17. comaba

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    Just clarifying that the original post introduced the idea of autism, although that wasn't the point of the post.

    I don't believe anyone on the thread suggested that her son could be on the spectrum due to his routines. Rather, it seems that everyone has tried to assure that his affection is not an indication of being on the spectrum.

    As for the routines, I don't think it's at all odd. At 14, one of my sons was similar, another was the complete opposite. Different personalities, temperaments, and levels of maturity.
     
  18. Ms. I

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    I agree that he's a gentle soul, which is rare to find that extreme in teen boys. Maybe somewhat of a momma's boy too.
     
  19. Loveslabs

    Loveslabs Companion

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    Thank you to everyone who replied. My husband and I have always said our daughter is like a cat because she wants love and affection on her terms. Our son is more like a dog in that he is always up for love and affection. For now, I am going to enjoy my son. It already makes me sad that we embarrass him in public because we exist! Lol! I know that is normal, but it still hurts a bit.

    I know my son isn't on the spectrum. When he was 8 he started showing some OCD tendencies. We took him to a counselor because there were some other stressors in his life and we thought it was best to get help. We almost fell over when she started implying he might be autistic. I am a teacher that works with children with autism. How could I not see it in my own child????? Some of my closest friends are teachers and they didn't see it either.

    Immediately, we took him to someone who specializes in autism. She reassured us that he was not on the spectrum in any way, shape, or form. She did see some OCD tendencies which were extremely mild. After several sessions of working with her the OCD tendencies faded into the background and disappeared.

    Later I found out the first counselor labels everyone she sees as having autistic tendencies. Very frustrating, but in the end I believe the second counselor was the best fit for my son, so it all worked out in the end.
     
  20. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    My21 year old still hugs me everytime he sees me. He calls to say I love you. He has drove home from college just to bring me a Dr. Pepper at school and to talk. That is over 45 miles one way. I say enjoy it!
     
  21. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    What your acquaintance said was completely out of line and quite offensive (in my humble opinion). Shame on her! :mad:

    I am a self-proclaimed momma's boy--always have been and always will be.
     
  22. bros

    bros Phenom

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    I am just saying that if he has a lot of routines/patterns, then other symptoms of a spectrum disorder, then maybe it should be examined in some capacity.
     
  23. Ms. I

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    That's great. Let's hope your wife (or whoever you marry) doesn't mind it! :D
     
  24. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    One of the reasons I married my husband was his love and friendship with his mother. They talked one or more times every day and really enjoyed each other's company. She was not controlling in any way so it didn't interfere with our marriage in the slightest bit. She passed away a few years ago and I know he still misses being able to pick up the phone and chat or laugh with his mom.
     
  25. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Special-t, yes, my guy loves his mother & calls her regularly. :) For some reason, she rarely, rarely calls him just to say hello. There would normally have to be some situation for her to call him. Some women don't like their men calling their mothers daily though.

    3 yrs ago, I started a thread about momma's boys: :D
    (My opinions from then have slightly changed.)
    http://forums.atozteacherstuff.com/showthread.php?t=139995&highlight=momma's+boys
     
  26. BumbleB

    BumbleB Habitué

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    Your son sounds a lot like me. I had that routine with my mom until I moved out. I, too, was diagnosed by my pediatrician as having mild OCD as a child.

    Since you said that he's able to stay over friends' houses without needing that same routine or getting anxious, I would say it's completely normal. Some people prefer routine, while others can deal without it. I'm sure he has strengths that other "unpredictable" people lack. I would only be concerned if this routine gets in the way of his happiness or well-being, which I don't get the feeling is happening.
     
  27. BumbleB

    BumbleB Habitué

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    Also, what your friend said is so offensive. Loving your parents is "feminine"? Would that make hating your parents "masculine"? Gender should never be used as an insult.
     
  28. Loveslabs

    Loveslabs Companion

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    The definition of a momma's boy:

    1) A grown male still dependent on his mother.
    2) A grown male who allows or desires his mother to control most aspects or decisions of his life for him.


    I suppose this definition doesn't really apply to a 14 year old that likes to be hugged and told he is loved at bedtime.

    I spoke to a friend today that said her 14, 16, and 18 year old sons are still affectionate as long as no one else is around. They all give her and her husband a hug every night before bed. She said the boys seek them out if they aren't upstairs when the boys are ready to call it a night.
     
  29. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    :thumb:

    What the OP's acquaintance said about her son was offensive and it seemed that the OP wanted some reassurance that it was indeed normal and ok for an adolescent boy to be affectionate. I'm not understanding why loving behavior is denigrated by some as that of a 'momma's boy' or something that sets off suspicions of autism/spectrum disorders.:confused:
     
  30. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    This!
     
  31. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    Interesting thread from before. I call my parents nearly daily-sometimes a couple times a day. I have a 45 minute commute. I always call my dad on the way in and mom on the way home. We talk about all kinds of things-sports, work, current events, tv, etc...

    BF isn't like me, but I wouldn't mind if he was.
     
  32. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    My brother is a well-adjusted, normal guy with a steady job, his own home and dates regularly, but he still calls my mom a couple times a week just to shoot the breeze.

    I'm old enough to have my own kids, but when I visit mom, I think nothing of climbing into bed with her and we'll lay there for a long time chatting, laughing and catching up.

    I always hug and kiss my parents when i see them and if anyone has a problem with that, that's THEIR problem.

    Same goes with your son. I don't that makes him effeminate or autistic because he kisses his mom goodnight.
     
  33. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    I'm glad your views have evolved on it, Ms. I.
     

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