Is this odd or is it just me?

Discussion in 'General Education Archives' started by teachingmomof4, Dec 5, 2006.

  1. teachingmomof4

    teachingmomof4 Groupie

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    I have a student this year who looks like the daughter of one of the other teachers at school. I mean, spittin' image. Anyway, the teacher across the hall (she has the daughter) always "smothers" her...grabbing her in the morning when they are coming in, grabbing her in the afternoon when we are walking out to the buses, coming into the classroom when I am teaching to "talk to her" or give her a hug or a note, etc. Last week, she took her to a craft fair that another grade was putting on (our own kids were at it so she thought that she could go) and bought her some things. None of my other students got to go but she came back with loads of new stuff. She is really good (the student) and didn't show anyone and the other kids were totally oblivious but I just thought it was unfair. Anyway, another day, we had a Holiday Fair in the evening and the teacher wanted to take my student and her sisters to it because she thought that their parents wouldn't end up taking them because they "just don't do those kinds of things." She told me that she had called the mom several times, asking her this (leaving a message) but the mom hadn't called her back. She though that it was odd and a little rude. She didn't end up taking the girls because they had gone out to dinner for the dad's birthday and mom hadn't returned the call anyway.

    She leaves notes for her on her desk with little hearts and says "I love you" in the notes and to her, gives her hugs all of the time. Last year, when the girl didn't know her at all, she would practically grab her in the hallway and pull her into her classroom. The poor girl had no clue who she was and is really shy so it didn't help. She seems okay with the hugs and stuff now but she is still really shy and doesn't talk much even to me.

    I'm just not sure if this is odd or not. To me, it seems odd. I don't know why I let it bother me but it does. She is my student and when the other teacher tells me that she "walked her to the bus because she wanted to make sure she got on it" it bothers me. I know she got on the bus and I don't need her help with that. If anything, she is making it worse because she is holding up my line, grabbing my student and forgetting about her own. I've seen them just run when my student comes out and they are walking together, holding hands or arm in arm.

    I don't know what to do or if I should even be doing anything. It drives me crazy and I almost can't stand her anymore. I know when she is in a couple of years, she shouldn't be in her class. The poor other kids would be non-existent. What should I do?


    Sorry this is so long but I wanted to make sure you understood the situation. Please help.:sorry: :eek: :eek: :love:
     
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  3. grade1teacher

    grade1teacher Companion

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    I'm a little confused- is your student related to this teacher? Is she related to a student of this teacher?

    And this teacher was doing these things when your student didnt even know who she was yet?

    Sounds strange. I wouldnt want to cause any tension, but I'd definitely be curious. I would very casually ask this student how she knows the teacher (without planting any ideas that this is strange behavior. She might very well be a godmother to this child- who knows??)

    And if this teacher is driving you crazy and disrupting your routine (sounds like it to me!) then I think you can tell her that its really important that you keep to a certain routine, and the students know when they can leave the classroom, line etc. and that it would really help you out if she (the teacher) didnt pull her out of the routine unless its really necessary.
    Thank her so much for her help, and hope for the best...


    Good luck!
     
  4. teachingmomof4

    teachingmomof4 Groupie

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    No, they are not related at all. She just saw her one day last year and saw how much of a resemblance my student has to her daughter and started talking to her. Just because of that. The teacher has only talked to the mom one time.
     
  5. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    sounds like this teacher has some issues.... that are way unhealthy and unprofessional. As a teacher, she should know better than to do this. I would speak with the teacher ASAP. Then I would speak to the principal. This is very strange.
     
  6. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    I agree. Not only is it strange behavior, but she is wrongly steping on your toes and impinging on your relationship with your student. I would ask her straightforwardly not to walk the student to the bus, not to leave her notes, not to show favoritism in any way. It is wrong to single out one student even if you have a good reason. This lady doesn't even have that.
     
  7. AngelEyes

    AngelEyes Rookie

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    I would be happy if a teacher liked my kids, but this is ridiculous! I'd be worried, as a parent, if a teacher took such an interest in my child that she wrote her notes and walked her to the bus...especially since YOU are her teacher!

    I would do as has been previously suggested--casually ask the girl how she knows the other teacher. Maybe she is related or knows the family well or something. Although I think you mentioned that the teacher only talked with the mom once...if the girl doesn't know the teacher except for at school, this is completely inappropriate behavior...

    I wish I had some advice, but I don't really know what to advise you to do. It would be awful to have to cause friction by talking to the teacher, the parent, or the principal about it, you know? But it may just get worse if you don't say something. Our schools here have a hotline where you can report things that concern you regarding the safety of students and they even ask that you don't identify yourself. You can then call back a few days later to see what action was taken...check and see if your school system has something similar...
     
  8. nbgallimore

    nbgallimore New Member

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    I think that this teacher has severe issues, mainly legal.
     
  9. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    It's like a sick obsession... and that is the scary part.
     
  10. nbgallimore

    nbgallimore New Member

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    I would talk to both the child and the teacher. Ask the child if she is bothered by the teacher's actions. Also, I would casually mention that as a professional we are not to impose favoritism upon any student.
    As far as the notes go, I would tell the teacher that she is no longer allowed in my classroom uninvited.
    If the problem persists have a conference with your principal, who should take the matter very seriously.
     
  11. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I would go to the principal. This sounds scary. I say you act in the child's best interests and get the authorities involved.
     
  12. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    In this day and age, we are warned never to be alone with a student or even to touch them. This teacher is crossing the line of professional behaviour.
     
  13. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    If you don't it may come back to haunt you.
     
  14. Teaching Grace

    Teaching Grace Connoisseur

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    I completely agree. This teacher is going waaaaaay too far with this child. The teacher's behavior is completely unacceptable towards this child!
     
  15. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Everyone's definitely said everything I was thinking, that this is strange behavior. No one knows what's in the minds of people. I wouldn't let it go.
     
  16. teachingmomof4

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    This teacher is a very nurturing and caring person and I know that she doesn't mean any harm. It just seems to me that she is too caring toward this child. Some of my other students have noticed it as well and I am thinking that if they have noticed it, hers probably have as well.

    I have thought about asking the mom about this and how she feels but am not sure about how to do so. I have also thought about saying something to the principal but don't want anything to come back to me. It would be obvious that it was me who said something.
     
  17. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    Dec 7, 2006

    Without observing the situation I would say it sounds off beat for
    sure but over the years Ive observed aides or teachers sort of
    adopt kids they like. I dont think it is good for the other kids to
    see favoritism like that but in all honesty I know kids that need
    that attention. This kid doesnt sound like one though. I would open my mouth and talk to that teacher, asking why she is so
    focused on your student. If it didnt satisfy me I start asking
    other people their thoughts even the student.
     
  18. MrsMikesell

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    Hi!

    It sounds a little overboard to me too.

    Everyone has that special kid, but the "I love you" notes and all is a bit much.

    I have a little boy that I taught last year and his father killed his mom then killed himself the day before school started this year. He has a special place in my heart too, but... he stops by, says "Hi!", gets a quick hug and moves it along... maybe 2 times a week before class instruction starts. Everyone on staff knows that if he is having a melt-down, send him to me. I am the ONLY adult female on campus that he knew before the trajedy... I'm like his "mom" figure now. And trust me, I didn't want it, but sometimes you have to suck back the tears and do what you have to do.

    I would talk to the principal. It doesn't sound like this will end well.

    Kelly :)
     
  19. boogaboo214

    boogaboo214 Companion

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    if you don'tt want to talk to the principal maybe another trusted teacher that is close by or an aid. maybe you can get them to start paying attention and if they see it then when you do talk to the principal or they can talk to the principal you at least have another set of eyes. If something were to come of this situation such as a parent finding out and getting mad you could get in trouble for not saying anything. It isn't your fault and that would be horrible. cover for yourself and your students first and your friendships second.
     
  20. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    This teacher may be very nurturing, BUT, this is clearly stepping over boundaries. If this teacher's antics ever get back to parent's it could be serious and you would probably be asked why you didn't do anything about it.

    It's better to be safe than sorry.
     
  21. teresaglass

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    Go to the principal immediately!

    I think you should go to the principal right away. This teacher is sick and needs to stop bothering this student. I am suprised the momo has not gone to the administration. You should go before the parent does. YOU might be held responsible for allowing this situation to go on! Terry G
     
  22. Teaching Grace

    Teaching Grace Connoisseur

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    I agree that you should go to the principal about this. I wouldn't be likely to iclude someone else. They could always go to the other teacher. I also wouldn't approach the mother on your own. That's what the principals are there for. They are the sometimes neccessary buffers. If you go to the principal, just share your concerns and ask for his or her advice. Maybe they will ask someone else to watch and see if they notice the same things. Or he or she might come and observe as well.
     
  23. totallybusy

    totallybusy Rookie

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    Alarm bells are going off here! Let the principal know so he/she can observe. Make contact with the home and in a non threatening way bring up this teacher to see if the parents know of her or are in contact of any kind. If not it must stop.
     
  24. teachingmomof4

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    I know this teacher is a very caring, nurturing type. She does not mean any kind of harm to the child in any way. However, it is truly favortism and my other students have noticed this. So...if mine have noticed, I would assume hers have as well.

    I talked to the teacher who had the student last year and she said the same things were happpening but toward the end of the year and not as frequently. (That is when the teacher made the discovery that her daugther and my student were so similar.) She advised me to discreetly go to the mom and mention to her that the other teacher has pulled her out of my classroom a few times. That way mom can take it from there.

    I also talked to another teacher who has the sister and she said that this teacher talks to her about them as well because the mom is not returning any of her phone calls. (Not sure how she got the phone number but they did meet, letting the girls have a play date, once. Mom hasn't returned any calls since.) This teacher told the teacher in question that the family doesn't want charity and in a non-threatening sort of way, to leave them alone. (She keeps trying to buy the girls gifts and clothing because she thinks that they can't afford it.) Anyway, I know she is meaning well but taking it a bit too far.

    I will see how things go and try and figure out what to do. Thank you all for your advice. It's nice to know that I wasn't imagining things. I remember in college them telling us that you can't even tough a child (even to give a hug) unless s/he initiates it. I wonder what they would think of "I Love You" notes. :eek:
     
  25. Blessing in teaching

    Blessing in teaching Rookie

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    I teach my own child in my class and I dont even hug her or anything and she is mine! But I don't do that because I feel that would be showing the other kids that I favor her more then the others. And now to hear this other teacher is doing this to the little girl is very disturbing. I would tell the principal. Please keep us posted.
     
  26. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Even though she doesn't mean any harm, she is behaving very inappropriately.
     
  27. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    This whole situation just sounds very strange.
     
  28. teachingmomof4

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    I'm not sure if someone said something to her but she has backed off somewhat. Although she bought the girl in my class a toy for Christmas, she has not been trying to find her to walk out to the bus or get her out of my classroom this whole week and last. I'm not sure if mom said something or if she finally got the hint when the mom never called her back. Either way, this is bearable now. (for the most part)
     
  29. Blessing in teaching

    Blessing in teaching Rookie

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    Well that sure is a good thing!
     
  30. ChairSlippers

    ChairSlippers Rookie

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    Did the mother meet the teacher, see how she acts towards her daughter in person, and then freak out like everyone else? That may explain why she doesn't return her phone calls. But ignoring the situation isn't going to fix anything. So I think it's a good thing that you took action when you did!

    Any idea what could drive her to be so obsessed with a student that resembles her daughter? Maybe she had twins and gave one of them up for adoption. Or maybe she lost a child in the past? I know people who have miscarried or lost a pregnancy and they have this mysterious obsession with little kids. They tend to stare and smile a little longer than you should at a stranger's kid. It's a bit freaky. But I have yet to see them give out hugs or Love notes.
     
  31. teachingmomof4

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    Yes, the mother did meet the teacher last year. In fact, she and the daughter went over to the teacher's house so the two girls could play. The teacher said they had a nice conversation and spent the whole afternoon together. (Mom stayed since she didn't know her, I think.) Anyway, that is why this teacher doesn't understand why mom isn't returning her calls. When the mom came for the conference in October, the teacher just walked into my classroom and said hello to her, went right to the girls and started talking to them. I stopped the conference because I thought it was rude. I had just met the mom and was trying to have a conversation with her and get to know her better.

    I dont' think she lost a twin but for some reason, in the back of my mind, I think that she might have lost a pregnancy. Of course, I'm not going to ask or anything but it seems to me, in conversation with her before, I remember her saying something like that. I could be wrong however.:rolleyes: After watching her with my student a little more closely, I've noticed she is that way with a lot of kids. Not sure what that means though.
     
  32. Blessing in teaching

    Blessing in teaching Rookie

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    If you noticed that she is like that way wth a lot of the kids, maybe she is just a friendly teacher???
    Maybe she just loves the children so much?
    I don't know?
     
  33. ChairSlippers

    ChairSlippers Rookie

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    Yeah, that's a definite possibility. And if so she's certainly in the right profession.
    I think as long as she's not a convicted felon and stops interrupting other teachers, everything should work out.
     

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