Is this normal?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by daisycakes, Jun 13, 2015.

  1. daisycakes

    daisycakes Companion

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    Our friends had a baby recently and asked us to visit and bring food. Fine, we're happy to help new parents out with a meal. Then they wrote us a follow up email asking us to make sure we are current on all vaccinations, including whooping cough. We are not current on whooping cough, so the meaning of the email is that we should not visit, which I find pretty offensive. Is this a normal request when visiting friends with a new baby? I've never heard of this before, but in the American south we also don't require guests to bring dinner, either. We tend to not make so many demands of people.

    I just find it ridiculous that I meet state standards to work in a public school and hold babies for a postnatal yoga class at a yoga studio, but I don't meet his standards for his apartment.
     
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  3. Rhesus

    Rhesus Comrade

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    New parents can be really over the top for awhile.
     
  4. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    My cousin's wife would not allow my 2 year old daughter to visit. So, I didn't visit. I would return the email with a polite note stating since we are not update, we will not be able to bring a meal to the home.
     
  5. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I don't think it's normal for them to ask you to bring them food. That sounds rude, quite frankly.

    With that having been said, whooping cough can be fatal to infants and there are several outbreaks in the US right now. I wouldn't want anyone unvaccinated holding my newborn, either. When my kid was born, we asked close family members to get vaccinated. It was obviously their choice as to whether to vaccinate, but it was our choice to decide who got to be around our new baby. I don't think that's a terribly odd request. I'm sure the new parents will understand if someone decides to wait a few months to meet the new baby.
     
  6. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Whooping Cough can be deadly or can cause severe illness and life long problems, particularly for babies. It was nearly eradicated but has made a comeback. While it is more prevalent in the fall and winter, it can happen at any time.

    The CDC recommends that everyone around the baby be up-to-date on their whooping cough vaccine. Whooping cough was not in vaccines for adults because it was thought that the childhood vaccines would cover the adult for life. This is not the case and it is now part of the adult vaccine schedule.

    Here is some information:
    http://www.pkids.org/diseases/pertussis/silence_the_sounds_of_pertussis/faq.html

    I've seen a bunch of commercials on TV about whooping cough going around and the need to be vaccinated.
     
  7. 4815162342

    4815162342 Companion

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    I had a baby recently and dr's are pushing tge whooping cough thing more than they used to. Probably because of all of the other outbreaks happening due to people not getting immunizations.
    I had to get a whooping cough vaccine while I was pregnant, actually.
    I didn't restrict people from visiting, i just made sure they weren't sick and washed their hands before touching the baby.
    And I wouldn't demand food, but if someone offers- I'm all over it. Lol
     
  8. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    I think the food request is not normal, unless you offered first. Whooping cough is a pretty big deal though.
     
  9. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    I'm a teacher - you better believe that I stay up to date with the pertussis vaccinations. I was shocked to see just how prevalent it was when the notices started showing up in my email when I worked at a large high school. Teachers fell victim, and if it wasn't treated at the very outset, there was that persistent cough for weeks on end. I teach science - I believe in vaccinations, so I took those emails as "the writing on the walls." Yes, this is a growing concern, because so many unvaccinated people are out there, many unaware they are at risk. My son is a new teacher, and before his student teaching, I insisted he be boostered. Sure enough, in his class was a pertussis case.

    I would take a meal, because that's who I am. New mom's can barely put 5 coherent sentences together, at times, due to sleep deprivation. It just seems like the right thing to do. Women used to spend several days in the hospital, and people brought food to the house, to make her return easier. I feel the food thing is a carryover from those traditions. I know that I didn't want to go out to eat because I wasn't up to it yet.

    If you don't want to be vaccinated, so be it. On the other hand, as long as you fall within the time frame of actually NOT current on your vaccination, I don't understand the reluctance, as long as you have health insurance or can afford it. Since it is generally packaged with the tetanus toxoid vaccination, think of it as not having to worry about stepping on a rusty nail - that should ring true with those from the South! People tend to forget that virtually NO vaccinations give lifelong immunity, as we are finding out that even having had the disease is no guarantee that you will never be infected again. I admit that I get my flu shot every year, and I have no fear of needles, nor do I have any health issues that would keep me from receiving vaccinations, such as allergies to egg proteins, or being on anti-rejection medications. (That is in the spirit of full disclosure! ;))

    New parents, first born, I am guessing, maybe overprotective by some standards, but, essentially, backed by the medical community and science in general. I'm with the new parents - it's a scary world out there.
     
  10. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I would not be offended since they care about the health of their baby but I would decline unless I wanted to get vaccinated anyway. Not because someone told me to. The food thing is weird. I would never ask anyone to bring food except maybe my mom or sister...who would do that anyway.
     
  11. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    The food request seems a bit rude, but I think the whooping cough vaccination request is fine.
     
  12. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Can we say demanding?

    It's the parents' responsibility to not expose their new baby out in public NOR to other individuals for a considerable/proper period of time. They need to use better common sense than this IMO. That should be the top priority over their social life.

    It's like when I see people out in public with a VERY newborn baby. I think to myself, "Can't they wait?! They have their whole lives to take them out."
     
  13. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    But this isn't the parents taking the baby out - they are simply requesting that people who come to visit be properly vaccinated to prevent transmission of the disease before the infant is old enough to be properly vaccinated himself. The friends or family members who don't wish to be vaccinated according to current guidelines can certainly just stay away until the baby finishes his own series of shots. Many friends and family members may resent not being allowed to see the infant, and asking them to be vaccinated seems a good solution for everyone who truly has this child's best interest at heart. Just my opinion.
     
  14. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    That's why I also said, "...NOR to other individuals" to that too. Either way, they're exposing the baby to different germs other than theirs/immediate family members.

    (And I also added another sentence above too.)
     
  15. kellzy

    kellzy Comrade

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    Their baby, their call.

    And, in response to some people saying that it's uncouth to ask for dinners, it depends on your region. In the Intermountain West, where I'm from, it's super rare to have to come up with meals for yourself for about a week after a birth or death, but they don't ask. People just kind of show up with food.

    I do find it odd, that they requested it, and then threw that requirement on it only after having asked you.
     
  16. daisycakes

    daisycakes Companion

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    I just find it off putting since they invited us, then asked for food in a second email, then requested vaccinations in a third email. My boyfriend responded that he didn't know what he was up to date on and the new dad said, well, you better check and get back to me.

    This is a couple that did not know they were pregnant until literally 8 months into the pregnancy. The week before they found out, they went on a wine tasting trip to napa with us and the mom is notorious for eating almost exclusively expensive and raw seafood. When she found out, she was worried about exposing her kid to, among other things, 8 months of birth control medication, blue cheese, liquor and uni. They exposed their kid to fas and a ton of other issues, but I am supposed to get a booster to visit and also please bring KFC and baklava (what kind of weird craving is that)? I just feel like they should trust me to not visit when I'm actively sick, like a reasonable person. Also, this baby is 2 months old, not 2 days.
     
  17. kellzy

    kellzy Comrade

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    Jun 14, 2015



    Okay, yeah, this is weird. 2 months? It's a little old to be requesting help with food. And that kid is old enough to get the first round of the whooping cough vaccine. No offense to your friends, but it seems like the kid is in stellar hands.
     
  18. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    So, this isn't a brand new family. I would nicely decline the offer. You don't have to explain why, just offer your regrets and tell them you might be available for a visit later. I wonder how many people they are tasking with bringing them groceries?
     
  19. The Fonz

    The Fonz Math teacher (for now...)

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    I would be offended (because of the demanding food, not because they asked you for the tDap)

    Just email back and say, sorry we are not up to date and won't be going to our doctors for a few months.
     
  20. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    :thumb: this.

    bringing food is typical; making it a condition to visit, not so much.

    I've just recently started seeing whooping cough PSAs on television. There was an outbreak earlier this year.:(


    The parents in question ARE taking responsibility...they are looking to protect their baby from a dangerous illness by ensuring any visitors have current immunizations against a disease which seems to be enough of a concern to warrant a public service announcement campaign. This serious respiratory disease can be deadly for babies. Staying at home and 'cocooning' is not enough protection though. Many infants who contact pertussis get it from their own family. However, by getting the whooping cough vaccine, called Tdap, during the third trimester of each pregnancy, women can pass antibodies to their babies to help protect them until they‘re old enough to receive their own vaccine.:thumb:
     
  21. WarriorPrncss

    WarriorPrncss Companion

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    I agree with others, the food request is odd, a little inappropriate.

    The vaccination thing... babies are high risk for sickness and infection. I'm with them on this one. You have to be proactive to protect them until they can get vaccinations to protect themselves.
     
  22. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Don't visit if the food request bugs you (and it would bug me, too). But just because the kid may have had a less than perfect experience so far with exposure to harmful agents doesn't mean that the parents should just have a free-for-all when it comes to germs. Do you know anything about whooping cough? It's very serious. Parents who don't do everything to protect their kids against it are downright negligent, in my opinion. Although you can probably side-eye many of their other parenting choices, I don't think it's fair to side-eye that one.
     
  23. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    So, how old does the baby have to be before it gets the vaccination? Why don't the parents just wait until then to have people over?
     
  24. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    I find this comment odd.

    I could imagine the conversation we would be having if the OP called and asked to visit and the parents said they are not allowing any visitors until the baby has had all of his immunizations.

    Checking to see if the those visiting have proper immunizations is more sensible than eliminating all visitors for months on end.
     
  25. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    No, they only seemed concerned with ONE vaccination. So people have to make extra trips to the doctor to visit with a friend's kid? THAT's ODD. As I said earlier, unless the visitor WANTED to get the vaccine anyway.
     
  26. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    No. The OP seemed only concerned about that one vaccination. The couple in question seemed concerned about all vaccinations.

    For the record, having that vaccination will benefit ALL kids (and adults, including people who can't be vaccinated), not just this particular kid.

    Are you anti-vax?
     
  27. 4815162342

    4815162342 Companion

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    When do babies get the pertussis vaccine?

    Babies receive the pertussis vaccine as part of the*DTaP series*(which also protects them against diphtheria and tetanus). The DTaP vaccine is given at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, and 15 to 18 months, and again at 4 to 6 years of age. Your child's protection against the disease increases with each shot she receives.

    So babies under 2 months (and older infants who haven't been vaccinated) can catch whooping cough from the adults and children they come in contact with. And even babies who are getting their shots on time are vulnerable, particularly until they're about 6 months old and have gotten a few doses of the vaccine.

    What else can I do to protect my baby from whooping cough?

    In addition to getting yourself and your baby vaccinated, you can make sure all members of your household are vaccinated, as well as anyone else who's going to have close contact with your baby.

    (Unvaccinated people who are exposed to whooping cough can talk to their caregivers about getting medication that may help limit transmission.)*

    Finally, keep your baby away from anyone who has a cough or other illness. And have everyone wash their hands before holding or touching your baby.

    http://www.babycenter.com/whooping-cough-tdap-vaccine?page=2#articlesection5
     
  28. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    My thoughts exactly! Why be demanding about vaccinations AT ALL w/ guests...just wait the proper time to have people over. :mad:
     
  29. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I think that it's very strange to expect a family to not have visitors for 6, 9, 12, 24 months after a baby is born. "No, sorry, Mom. I know that this is your first grandkid, but nope. It's not the proper time. You can see the kid when he's four. Deuces!"
     
  30. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Those of us who've had children are aware that it can sometimes be challenging to convince would-be visitors to stay away until some "proper time". I think the parents are within their rights to insist that visitors who do visit early be vaccinated. Demanding the meal, however - and with a kid who's already two months old, by which time one should at least have relearned how to use the microwave - is churlish.
     
  31. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    If grandma wanted to see the baby then she would probably go and get the vaccine. I'm talking about random people you're friends with. Asking people to do this who are NOT close relatives is overstepping.
     
  32. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    And the OPs question was asking if it's normal. No, if the majority of us have never been asked to do this, then it's not normal.
     
  33. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Quite frankly it baffles me why anyone would be upset about getting a common and harmless vaccination. The relative inconvenience of spending 5 minutes at a pharmacy to get the shot is far less than the potential risk to others.

    In any event, if it is so offensive to protect yourself and your loved ones against potentially fatal illnesses and diseases, then simply decline. Why waste time getting worked up about it? Just say no thanks and move on with your life.
     
  34. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    I'm not sure that becoming/staying hermits for at least another 4-5 months is a good thing for the baby, as they actually respond to socialization and grow mentally from it. But when you consider the time range of the infant's vaccinations, you realize that 6 months, even, is an arbitrary number, since the level of immunity goes up with the remaining 4 vaccinations past 6 months.

    This really is simple. OP doesn't appear to have any intense desire to interact with this child on an ongoing basis, so just refuse. And for what it is worth, bringing in the food, as opposed to going out to eat, does address the parents' concern for their baby and shows they are trying very hard to do the right thing.

    OP - they asked you to bring food because they aren't taking risks with their baby, admirable despite the pregnancy they learned about late. That is responsible. They are probably anxious to have you see the baby, so they asked you in, a safe place. Then they realized they hadn't talked to you about pertussis and your vaccination status. So they sent another email, the one you can choose an action to do or not do. Cut these parents some slack. They didn't, apparently, have nine months of prep to work through what the routines would be. Instead, it was "Surprise - your unexpected baby will be here next month." Once they learned of the pregnancy, they have listened to their doctor's counsel and recommendations. No matter how this kid got here, they are trying to do the right thing. If it offends you, visit other friends.

    FWIW, you keep slowly adding more to the story about the food every time you mention it. First it was bring food and visit, leaving the reader to assume it was a very young baby, followed by the concern about your vaccination status. You work with small children regularly - why wouldn't the parents be concerned? Then the baby was 2 months old, unexpected, mother drinking, so not great parent material, in your opinion, and food requests, and now the food is very specific hard to find, you don't care about seeking the baby, you have no interest in protecting any child against inadvertently spreading pertussis, you don't believe the vaccine works, etc.

    I would get new friends without children in your situation.
     
  35. daisycakes

    daisycakes Companion

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    Many of you are hitting the key issues. They invited us over 2 different times...we didn't ask to visit. They should be able to feed themselves at this point or at least not ask us to track down two specific things. We didn't plan on visiting often so we are not having the same level of contact a grandma would. I would also ask my mom to get a vaccine booster, but I wouldn't ask random friends whose presence I request. I interact with so many babies and the standard is always not bring sick and washing your hands. Demanding to see a vaccination record for a visit is rude, in my opinion. The kinds of diseases the vaccinations protect you from are pretty obvious (do you have red dots? Do you have a terrible cough?). I agree it is their choice, I just don't agree with how they are handling it and now we won't visit because why should we make a special trip to the doctor for this? I am not anti-vac, I'm just for common sense and manners.
     
  36. daisycakes

    daisycakes Companion

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    I also agree with teacherny....it sounds like, even if you agree, many of you have not been asked or have asked for vaccination records.

    Also, I actually have had whooping cough despite a vaccine. I know from that experience that you are only contagious the time where you have a fever. Most people don't need to be asked to visit a baby while they have a fever. And why should I get another ineffective vaccine that my state health dept estimates only works 70% of the time? You don't have to be a crazy antivac person to realize vaccinations are sometimes imperfect and unnecessary.
     
  37. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I encourage you to go get the vaccine even if you don't plan to visit this baby. According to your info, you live in California. There is currently an outbreak in California, and you are a teacher who is in close contact with many children and adults every day. If you get sick (and you might not even know that you have it for a few weeks), you could still transmit it to your students, who could take it home to their elderly grandma or newborn sister or anyone else.
     
  38. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Having the vaccine may not protect you from acquiring it, but it will most certainly lessen its severity if you do get it.

    Furthermore, you are contagious even if you don't have a fever. It's extremely contagious. It usually looks like a mild cold at first, so people might not even realize that they have it, unknowingly exposing many others.
     
  39. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Apparently, the cdc disagrees with you.

    http://www.cdc.gov/pertussis/about/signs-symptoms.html

    "Because pertussis in its early stages appears to be nothing more than the common cold, it is often not suspected or diagnosed until the more severe symptoms appear. Infected people are most contagious up to about 2 weeks after the cough begins. Antibiotics may shorten the amount of time someone is contagious."

    But back to the original issue. If you aren't happy about the request, say you won't visit.

    It may be if you find this so offensive and are so critical of this couple, maybe being friends isn't the best for any of you.
     
  40. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    I have to ask, when was your last DTap booster shot in relation to your bout with pertussis? It wasn't until about 5 years ago, or so, that they started putting the Pertussis as a booster for all adults. So, if you were talking about your childhood vaccination for pertussis, it was found that for many adults, the immunity wore off by the time they were adults.

    Then there is always that small percentage who do not get the immunity desired from vaccines and there is NOTHING the medical community can do about that.
     
  41. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    I am an "expert" through osmosis on vaccinations. LOL
    With a number of family members in medicine, Ex wife, step daughter, Daughter in law, Best friend's daughter is a Neonatal Intensive Care Doctor, I have ask them about vaccinations. and they all to a person said vaccination ARE NEEDED and babies should be shielded from any threat of contact with non protected people (Not immune from having had whooping cough or not vaccinated).
     

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