Is there anything you dislike about yourself?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by VANewbie, Apr 25, 2011.

  1. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Apr 25, 2011

    Is there anything that you dislike about yourself besides physical?

    I am just feeling really down at this time in my life. People close to me call me defensive, self centered and controlling. It is not like I am trying to do it on purpose. I guess they somewhat know this. I hope.

    I really wish I could change these things about myself but its hard. I don't know how. Truthfully I am only these things with people I am close to. People at my job or others that I just meet would never even guess this about me.

    Im just so sad and upset with my self. It just makes me feel so down on myself. I really want to change but sometimes it just seems like these are things that make me...me.
     
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  3. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    VANewbie, sorry you are down......... Here's a simple suggestion...

    1. Decide in great detail who/what you want to be. (Write it down on paper.)

    2. Come up with a "detailed plan" to make that happen. (Write the plan on paper.)

    3. Then work your plan...... every minute of every day.

    You can be anything you want to be. Now how simple is that??

    Major........:)
     
  4. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :hugs: I'm getting a lot better at how I view myself...it's only taken 30 years!! One thing I would change though would be my nose. I think it's a bit on the large side, but would never get a nose job.
     
  5. porque_pig

    porque_pig Comrade

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    Major gave some great advice!

    I think I tend to be overly critical of others. I also have other personality flaws that I would like to fix. I confessed these things to my husband, and I asked him to gently remind me of my desire to change whenever I start ranting about someone. Try to find an accountability partner to help you discuss your progress and keep you in line! It has been very helpful for me to vocalize my concerns with others.
     
  6. oldfashioned

    oldfashioned Comrade

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    I hate the fact that I am a terrible procrastinator! I recognize this in myself yet seem powerless to change. I'll keep trying, though.

    Newbie, just the fact that you recognize areas in which you can/should improve is a big first step. Best of luck to you!
     
  7. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Thanks. I am going to write things down like Major suggested.
    It just makes me feel like a horrible person although I know everyone has their flaws.

    I come here to vent because I have no one else to talk to.
     
  8. callmebob

    callmebob Enthusiast

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    Took the words right out of my mouth.
     
  9. husker_blitz

    husker_blitz Companion

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    Yes, keep trying. That's all we can do. I've got several things I want to change but haven't been successful yet. We are always a work in progress. ;)
     
  10. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    I'm a huge procrastinator, too (should be studying right now for my CSET).

    I'm kind of cold. I don't really like to hug or show much emotion.

    I"m unsure of myself or what I want in life.
     
  11. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Apr 26, 2011

    :hugs: We all have a character flaw somewhere - whether it's being defensive or self-centered or procrastinating or too nice for our own good. And like most other things, it's a learning process... we continually evolve and change.

    At 30, I'm different in the way I react to things than I did at 20. I tended to fly off the handle and feel that I was right about most everything. Now I step back and wait and weigh before I respond. I'm sure there will be more changes to come in the next 10 and 20 and 30 years, and hopefully they'll all be for the better :)

    So yes, follow Major's advice and write it down. Baby steps... you won't change everything you don't like overnight, but you can start working towards a goal :)
     
  12. Ms.H

    Ms.H Companion

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    Apr 26, 2011

    OP, I can relate to you very much. I feel that I am too self-centered, too impatient, and not as outgoing as I would like to be. I can go back in my journal for years and see that I've been struggling with selfishness for quite some time, and I get really frustrated with myself as well (especially when I see others who embody what I would like to be).

    I feel like in order to change, we need to remind ourselves of what we would like to be clearly and frequently. I've tried sticky notes with a word or a phrase (or a Bible verse, for me) placed where I'll see them often. I've asked people close to me to remind me/ identify the attitudes I want to stop by naming them ("remember, you're working on not being so defensive?")

    It also helps, I think, to identify specific situations and actions when the negative traits tend to show up. Is it when you are making plans with others? When you're completing certain types of tasks?

    I also tried to think of one small thing I could do each day to practice the trait I want to improve. For example, I hate how my combination of being shy as well as too wrapped up in my own work keeps me from making connections with others. Therefore, I've been trying to intentionally start one friendly conversation each day. Some days I have, and I've felt really good about it, and some days I haven't, and I had to let it go.

    Finally, it might be helpful to think about some strengths you want to build on. It might be frustrating to spend so much time focusing on your negatives, so remind yourself of the traits you see as strengths and make sure to use them as much as possible. If you know you're using the strengths you do have, it's easier to approach perceived weaknesses without getting too down on yourself.

    Sorry for writing a book-- I just really empathized with your thoughts and hoped that something might strike you as encouraging or helpful. Despite all the ideas, though, I find myself in your position often and have to remind myself that no one is a finished product yet and that we're all working on something (even if others look together and perfect from my perspective). Give yourself grace, and start fresh every day!
     
  13. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Interesting post,Ms.H........:hugs:
     
  14. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    I like me. I would be my friend. Not to say there aren't things I'm working on improving, but I wake up every day looking to make it a good day. Think what you want. I'm not a Pollyanna. I'm just comfortable in my own skin.
     
  15. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Interesting when I think about this. Its sad but I would not want to be my friend.
     
  16. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    I like me too. I don't like that I am getting older. Not OLD mind you... just oldER. But other than that... I am still a cutie in my own mind and I think I am a good friend. I try to keep everyone happy and that is sometimes my downfall because when you work with a crew of women, you just can't make everyone happy. I try to look at the positive all the time. I would like to be friends with me. I need a me in my life. I had several until I moved. Still lookin'.... ho hum.
     
  17. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Apr 26, 2011

    I'm a constant reflector. There are always areas of my life I'm working on-some have been works in progress for as long as I can remember and some are new challenges. I know I've grown a LOT in the last few years-dh says I'm a very different person than when we married (in a good way). So progress is being made, and will always be made. Just today I was thinking how hard I've worked on a few things dh has told me are important to him in our daily life, and gave myself a mental pat on the back for incorporating them in to my routine. You have to acknowledge the progress made, even while working towards new goals.

    I also have areas that I use to be really strong in and have slipped on, so I'm working to get back there. I use to be such a positive person. This past year has been really rough and I found myself slipping into negative thoughts. It's been a constant focus of mine lately to stay positive in my conversations and self-talk. Something that use to be so natural is slowly coming back to me through a lot of hard work.

    Good luck, friend!
     
  18. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

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    The episode of Glee last night was all about this very issue. Each student had to wear a white shirt with the thing they like least about themselves in big black letters. They sang, "Born this way" by Gaga.

    Like Jem, I'm all about reflection and personal responsibility. The only person I KNOW I can control in this world is me, so I have to make sure I like the person staring back at me in the mirror. If not, then I have to try to change it or find out why I'm not letting myself change...
     
  19. TiffanyL

    TiffanyL Cohort

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    I like myself but there are things I wish were different about me.

    The biggest is I'm such an extreme introvert.....and I'm a principal, imagine that!!

    At work, I am extremely outgoing. I'm in my comfort zone. But once work ends, I really don't need to be around people. I'm completely content just being in my own little world until the next day. I have to force myself to socialize for enjoyment...if its not work related, I 'm fine just being alone.

    Not a good trait!! I love Major's suggestion...maybe I should start there.
     
  20. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    VANewbie, I think we have some self-fulfilling prophecy going on here.

    Henry Ford nailed it when he said: "Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right."

    Maybe it's time for you adjust your thinking.........:):)
     
  21. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    My problem is I apparently I show my stress too easily. Sometimes the stress is a bad thing but often I view it as my propellers but others don't see it that way. I found out that when I talk to myself in the hall and I'm thinking, my eyebrows furrow and people think I'm stressed. Well, I'm really busy thinking so obviously I'm not relaxed but I wouldn't call it a bad thing. So one thing I had to learn how to do was immediately smile and stop thinking when I see people in the hall. Dorky, I know but effective. The other cues I haven't quite figured out. I want to scream that I will TELL you if I'm stressed because my non-poker face is telling things I don't intend it to tell. I don't have the same reaction from kids (that I know of).
     
  22. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I wish I was a lot more disciplined & had more will power when it came to eating healthy & exercise. I'll do good only temporarily, then soon sag out. :(
     
  23. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    I was coming here to post this. My shirt would say, "belly" or "ugly feet."
     
  24. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Perhaps instead of wanting to change our looks, we should want to change our self-esteem!
     
  25. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    I love talking to you guys because you help me see things in different ways. Plus I have no one to talk to that I can be completely open and honest.

    I am normally a VERY private person. I do not like letting anyone know anything about me. So at school today someone wiggled something about my personal life out about me. It was nothing. Really small. Something that normal people talk about. But now I'm stressing about that as well. Like why did I even open my mouth.

    Part of my problem is I worry too much about what others think.
     
  26. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Decide what kind of person you want to be............ THEN assume (100%) that person is YOU .......
     
  27. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Yes this is exactly what I need to do.
     
  28. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    I beg to differ, actually: there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. In fact, I think many, many teachers are extroverted introverts: they can do the social thing at work, but then they need (and I do mean NEED) alone time in which to recharge.
     
  29. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    This is me--absolutely.
     
  30. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I had at least 3 incidents growing up where kids were told not to play with me because I was different (deaf). The first one was my best friend at the time and we had a sleepover planned. It didn't go through. I've had teachers that weren't the best either. (Though this doesn't apply to all my peers nor all the teachers). Now I'm a bit of a chatty cathy. I have to learn to recognize everyone else's saturation point but some avoid me because of it until I got wise and just told them to just give me a heads up. It's really okay. But I know some people fit my personality better than others.

    In spite of the rejection I have had in my life, I feel my self-esteem is pretty good. My life can be hard, but it can be rewarding too. I am who I am. I am not sure I agree with the idea that we can change who we are completely. I think there are aspects we can work on, but we are all unique individuals and rather than wishing we were someone else, we need to embrace who we are. I promise, there is good stuff there.

    Maybe this is generalizing a bit too much and maybe it is off base a bit, but I find that the people that struggle the most with their self-esteem often think they need everyone to like them. I meet people all the time and sometimes I click and sometimes I don't. Why should that be any different the other way around? I try to be kind to everyone but if someone doesn't like me or doesn't click, it's truly okay. It doesn't make me any less of a good friend or any less of a good person.

    Sometimes it can be difficult to make friends. Moving around has given me a glimpse into that process a bit and sometimes I think there can be an art to it and sometimes it takes a bit of work.

    VaNewbie, there is wisdom in keeping some things to yourself. Would it surprise you that I sometimes wish I were a lot more reserved? I do. It can be a good trait when used well. BUT... There is a time when it is too much especially if you worry too much about whether everybody likes you or what they think. It hampers you from embracing who you truly are. Be yourself.
     
  31. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    I can get crazy rigid about things (rules, procedures, etc.) when I am stressed out.

    I can be the master of biting sarcasm when I am stressed or really tired.

    My overbite makes me look like a chipmunk.
     

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