Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by ecteach, Feb 15, 2014.
Feb 16, 2014
I have a woman at work that reminds us every once in awhile to Q-TIP...Quit Taking It Personally.
Yeah, there is a multiple log in trip indicator. IP addresses are logged.
Some may slip through if they know how to bounce around IP's but sooner or later their true self comes out and we figure out who it is. We also have to play super sleuth! LOL
I think this is where the problem lies. Some people just don't know when to stop & others feel like they have to defend their stance.
I agree that the word bully gets used a lot, but when people are intentionally bringing stuff up to "poke" you than your instinct is to defend...that's where the bullying comes in.
I know I too took a break because this site has changed a lot... but with that said... I just don't respond to as many or I'll PM if I want to say something to someone where it won't get torn to pieces!
This thread is very entertaining. I have taken breaks, not because of anyone her, but because my circumstances had changed. I hate when someone takes a break because of others. There are several points that I must agree with.
1. Sorry that the original poster feels she has to leave because she used a choice of words that someone disagree with. She was using a metaphor and others took it overboard. Remember, this is my opinion.
2. I too think that bullying is a strong word, but if you feel like you are being bullied, simply walk away. We are online.
3. Someone stated that a forum is a form of entertainment and when we don't like our entertainment, we don't attend, watch, or read anymore.
4. AtoZ is a place most of us come for encouragement and assistance with becoming or remaining effective teachers. This is a safe place for most of us.
To the OP, I hope that your break won't be long and if it is best wishes in all your endeavors.
I've taken short breaks before, but I haven't left yet because the positive people still outnumber the negative people. I have been personally attacked on here, as have many of us, and by the same couple of members. Usually I just laugh it off because it's so ridiculous what people do when they can hide behind a screen, but sometimes it really does get incredibly mean and over the top.
It really is the nature of the internet, though. I actually left a forum about cats (I am a crazy cat lady, no big deal) because the other members were SO incredibly rude and hostile about what food you should be feeding your cats. So it is everywhere, not just AtoZ. I have learned to just never comment on anything with a political slant, or on any threads where certain users are present (or will be present...it's easy to tell when they will show up). It works for me, for the most part. I haven't yet figured out what to do about the super innocent threads that take strange, negative turns...
I don't have a problem with anyone here but I am not a regular poster. But I do have a problem with something even I have used, that I regret. It is this:
I feel like this icon is used a lot to show one's opinion of someone's thoughts or actions on the forum. Maybe it is just me, but I find it hurtful. When it is used to describe some coworker who isn't on this site fine, but many use it almost as a judging icon. I know I have and wish I didn't. Maybe it is because I used it that now I feel bad and cringe when I see it.
Wow, that's an interesting observation, Sue. Usually I save that icon for when I'm overwhelmed and my head is spinning. However, I can totally see how it can be used in the same way that icon slamming its head against a brick wall can be used. That's one I use sparingly and have been known to delete. That and the icon beating of the dead horse.
I'm a people pleaser and genuinely like just about everyone here, even if our opinions differ. However, I will report abject cruel posts between members while remaining outside of the fray, the same way I report spammers without egging them on.
To the poster above ... this thread has been interesting AND entertaining .... But I must say it's too bad more Male Members haven't chimed in???
Wouldn't it be interesting to see how the typical man feels about "bullying" and taking "time out?" ...... (Maybe not .... :lol
Anyway just a a side note ...... why is it that 99.99 percent of all posts on all threads are by females??? (Yes, I just made up that number but it's probably not that inaccurate..)
That's it ........ It's Happy Hour in Colorado ....... and I'm Happy...
A guy's perspective as requested by Major
I have to agree that the term 'bullying' doesn't fit the behavior pattern that's being described. What I feel is being described are members offering aggressive opinions without considering whether they should offer those opinions. Bullying is targeted behavior between two or more specific parties aimed at degrading someone else and it occurs over a period of time. What this appears to be is the barest edge of trolling.
I would hope that the issue being raised here reaches those that perpetuate the cycle. I would hope that they would write with consideration, then read what they've said before they click post. It's really that simple.
I read earlier and several times since that some members think that growing a thicker skin is the solution. It is part of the solution but it's not the entire solution. To me this suggests a lessening of sensitivity and that's what causes the problem in the first place. Some don't care so let's encourage everyone to simply not care. Nope, that's not how I was taught to treat others.
I have to say that from what I'm reading, I get a sense that nothing will be done. There seems to be no interest in correcting the other side of the equation. Maybe that's too tall an order. It's certainly harder to control aggression than it is to tell people to ignore the problem.
Sensitivity is the issue. The question is how are the staff going to address the issue of fostering more sensitivity? How are the staff going to humanize and validate members who feel attacked? How are staff going to suppress aggressive behaviors?
I would be very sad if nothing is done.
Securis, very well said. All of it.
And, using your definition of bullying (with which I agree), I have seen some very aggressive cases of bullying here. As in, one member continually harassing another (same) member, over and over.
And no, the harasser was NOT one of the special snowflakes we've all been dancing around and not naming in this thread. I've noticed at least one of the more "mature" members HATING on another. I shudder.
Agreed. Well said, Securis. I had hoped you would provide that response you had previously mentioned. The idea that adults should act like ADULTS shouldn't be a novel one, and I hope that those who regress learn to regret.
Major, I may not always agree with you, but I ALWAYS appreciate seeing you and your thoughts online.
Growing a thicker skin means not taking others' harsh comments so personal.
How are we going to deal with validating the ones that think they are being attacked? Don't take their posts personal. They are strangers. Don't take their meanness to heart. Ignore them.
As for the aggressors. Their posts get muted. They get reminders at times when they continue to be rude.
If you have any specific ideas, please, share. We want to help all get along on this site.
I agree. I know I have had people apply that smiley to something I have said, and it hurt my feelings. Especially when someone responds with only that smiley and no explanation. I also don't like the winky thumbs up one when it's used in a snarky way, either, especially when used along with someone speaking to me as if I'm a small child instead of a professional adult. If you're going to use a snarky smiley, at least back it up with a reason why you think that what someone said is crazy or silly or dumb or whatever.
I try to always be nice to people, but I know I sometimes take the bait when someone else has turned snarky or biting. I don't always agree with everyone on here, but I'm working on making sure when I don't agree I either ignore it or disagree with the content of a person's post respectfully without it reflecting on the person.
I'm glad you posted this description, Securis.
I'm one of the first to agree the term "bullying" gets used FAR too often in our society today; on here, in our school, and in society in general. A disagreeing viewpoint is not bullying. Even if one poster is rude to another, that isn't bullying by itself, unless it becomes a pattern of behavior directed specifically at that person. So I don't consider individual posts, or even individual squabbles between members, to be bullying.
What I DO consider bullying on here is exactly what you posted; targeted behavior between two or more parties aimed at degrading someone else. I HAVE seen that on here many times since joining 3 years ago.
Some members simply cannot stand having THEIR viewpoint questioned at all, much less "challenged" by someone else. And a few individuals absolutely DO project an attitude that their viewpoint should not be questioned at all. When it is, one of the most common retorts I see is "Well, if THAT'S how you feel about THIS, I would HATE to see what kind of teacher you really are in the classroom." Even if the topic being discussed has nothing to do with a classroom issue.
That response IS designed specifically to degrade both the opinion expressed AND the member expressing. And when that response is posted, there are invariably 3-4 other members that immediately chime in to agree with the comment and show their support for their group leader.
Every one of these posters would fiercely deny they do any such thing, but I've seen it from the very first day I joined here and it has been the same group of members the entire time. Their comments aren't necessarily directed at just one specific member. Rather, they are directed towards ANY members who disagree with any of them, but especially with the default leader of the group. And, no, this is not just my misconception of what is being said. I've had many members send me PM's stating they are actually afraid to disagree with the group leader because of the backlash they feel they will receive.
So, yes, that IS "bullying" and, yes, it DOES happen on this forum.
As for the Moderator I mentioned, I've seen the Mod make very sarcastic remarks towards members that are degrading, including the standard "I'd hate to see what kind of teacher you are" comment. And I've seen this Mod make further comments directed at members personally, then close the thread to ensure the members cannot respond back. This is done more on an individual basis and isn't the same level as the group comments listed above. It is more childish than anything, especially the closing of threads to make sure they get the "last word", but it is also an abuse of their power as a Moderator, even if the action IS rather silly.
So, please understand that I am not talking about normal disagreements when I use the term "bullying" on here. I use it to describe exactly the same behavior you included in your own definition.
Thanks Cat .....
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