I'm so upset I can't stop crying

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by elizak83, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    I think that moving out way before Oct. 1 will show Jason that you are making decisions based on your needs rather than his wants. If you wait until Oct 1st, you are showing him that he still has some control over you. Personally, if your aunt and uncle will take you, I would move NOW or suggest that he stay at his new gf's until you move out (I would love to see if face if you ask him this:lol:). I would also suggest getting boxes and starting to pack, to let him know that you are not waiting around hoping that he will change is mind.
     
  2. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    The odd thing is....he is staying at her house for the month of Sept. (or so he told me....) I think it's very weird (umm they've known each other for like 3 weeks??) and she lives w/ her parents. Weird.

    The issue w/ me staying at my relatives is that I have 2 cats (and they hate animals.) I stayed at a friends last night and she said I could move in w/ them until my apt. is ready. (and I can take my cats.)
    I'm probably going to be doing that. (what stinks is that I need Jason's help w/ moving my stuff.)
     
  3. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    You don't NEED Jason's help! Ask you uncle to move you or ask around school, someone might have a husband, brother or boyfriend that they can lend you (you could give them a gift certificate for dinner or the movies for helping you). If you can afford movers, get movers. Your parents sound like they will like you to leave now, so they may even pay for the movers if you offer to pay them back.
     
  4. hescollin

    hescollin Fanatic

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    Pack smaller boxes that you can lift and move. Ask others if they would help you pick and time and go for it. Uncle, friends and etc. You might be able to store some things at your aunt and uncles.
     
  5. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    the little stuff I'm not worried about...bedroom furniture needs to be moved and he's the only one I know w/ a truck. I could leave it until I move into my place in Oct. but I don't want him to try to claim it.
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    As far as YOU know, he's known her for 3 wks. This whole thing sounds like he probably has been cheating (maybe not w/ this particular girl, but others) for quite a long time & he just finally made it up in his mind to make a change in his life because he was tired of living a double life (meaning still living w/ you & being w/ other girls). I wouldn't believe 95% of what comes out of his mouth, since he's proved to be the lying snake that he is, so if he says he's only known her for 3 wks, it may have been more like 2 yrs...maybe more.

    Do you have any female friends at all who's shoulder you can cry on? I know talking to your mom is one thing, but confiding in a friend who's your age will provide you a different kind of support.
     
  7. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Up until 3 weeks ago I knew where he was all the time. I really don't think he cheated before this. (He's not a good liar anyways.)
    He only got shady 3 weeks ago...

    I did go to my best friends last night and she knows the whole story...
    She has never liked him. Isn't it a sign when your best friend doesn't like your bf that they aren't good enough??
     
  8. deedee

    deedee Connoisseur

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    Aug 24, 2008

    Im so sorry this is happening to you...about getting the bed out - what about uhaul or a moving company ?? they might have deals with school starting again
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Sorry, but do you know how many girlfriends & wives THINK they know where their boyfriends & husbands are & what they're doing? Just yesterday, my mom was saying how men truly get away w/ murder. This stemmed from a call she heard on Dr. Laura (radio station) where this married man called in & said he went out drinking w/ a buddy & they ended up having sex. He was calling Dr. Laura to ask if he should tell his wife. Sad, I know.

    This may be a sad way to view it, but my mom basically raised me to not be too trusting of men & later down the road when things happen, not to be surprised, but to be in the position to support myself because unfortuantely the day is coming. You know how stats say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. I'm not saying I'm looking forward to my marriage failing, but a woman's got to be prepared if it happens. We all wished we can be married happily ever after, but that's not promised to any of us.

    I hate it too, but that's the reality.
     
  10. katenar

    katenar Cohort

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    Eliza ask your friends.....I'm sure ONE of them knows someone with a truck who would be willing to help. If not, rent one and get a couple friends to help you move the stuff. DO NOT ASK FOR HIS HELP!! That is just unnecessary power he would have over you. You're a big girl and can do this without him. I don't mean to sound harsh but I had a friend do this once and truly it turned out to be worse. Ask you friends and have them ask their friends - network network network. I wish I were there because I would be huffing & puffing helping you move with our truck! :)
     
  11. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Ask your friends and coworkers if they have a husband or bf or other friend with a truck and offer to pay at least for gas. One of the teachers in my school was complaining about the cost of U-Haul and I piped up and asked if the stuff could be moved in a couple pick-up truck runs. She said yes and I told her I'd help her move. She looked at me a little oddly, and I realized that she was confused cause she's only ever seen my itty bitty honda civic. She didn't realize that the other keys on my key chain were to my parents cars...one of which is a pick up truck. The point of the story is, you never know who has access to different vehicles. All I have to do is ask my dad and he tells me I can get his truck. His only condition is that I leave my car so he's not stranded. I can't think of a single occasion where he's said no.
     
  12. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Uhaul ... 14 foot truck, 30 bucks, 70 cents per mile.

    Make your truck reservation today. Do NOT let him help you. It will be emotional, you don't even want him in the apartment. Ask him to busy himself for the day, get your truck, get your friends, and get out of there. Plan in advance what you will do if he shows up on moving day (I'd tell your friend to kindly escort him to his auto and make sure he leaves).

    Have I been through this before? Yes.

    I thought I had everything under control, but a lot of emotional "stuff" comes up when you see your together home being dismantled. You need your friends there ... NOT HIM.
     
  13. CanadianTeacher

    CanadianTeacher Groupie

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    Why is he so desperate for you to stay until Oct 1? He's moved on and has a new gf, so something's not right here. Are you still paying rent/mtg until then? If so, he's probably just afraid that if you leave earlier, he won't be able to pay the ren/mtg and maybe he's planning on moving his gf in but she can't move until Oct 1. Whatever the reason, it's not your problem. Hire someone to move your stuff if you have to, borrow the money if you have to but get out now. Take control of the situation and you call the shots from now on. Show him what you're made of! ;-)
     
  14. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    Ger a new cell phone number while you are at it! Make a complete break with this guy! Of course I'm not there, but it sounds really strange to me that he is living with his new gf AND her parents. Could this be another line of bull? The parents must be real pieces of work, or have been fed some real crap by their daughter.

    Leave asap!! I think he has possibly set Oct. 1 as a goal for himself. He will decide by then what he wants...her or you. Don't let him think that the choice is his. I wouldn't even tell him you are leaving. Let him come home and find that you have moved out. When he calls your cell phone, let him find that you can no longer be reached at that number. It will humble him.
     
  15. CanadianTeacher

    CanadianTeacher Groupie

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    Pull a "Dear John" without leaving the letter! That'll show him!
     
  16. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    I am paying him rent in Sept...but I know he can afford the mortgage w/o me...
    I think it is the deadline that he's giving himself (her or me.) But he's already lost me. I know shes not going to be moving in...but I think it's super weird that he's staying at her parents house (as do my friends and my mother...)
    I am going to be staying w/ a friend closer to my work (I can take my cats there...I can't take them w/ me to my relatives place.)
    I will have to leave my furniture until I move to my apt. though..so I'm going to give him my "rent" (I never paid rent before..it seems so weird) for storage of my stuff until then.
     
  17. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    I wish I was closer...I'd be driving my dad's truck over right now :D
     
  18. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    22 pages of my sob story...
    This is kinda sad!!

    My ex asked me why I don't start dating again.....
    We officially broke up a week ago! He's nuts... Do guys and girls handle serious break ups differently??

    I'm done w/ guys :confused:
     
  19. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    1) A friend in need deseves 2200 pages if she needs it.

    2) He's trying to make himself look better my saying stupid things. After all, if YOU"RE dating again, then it's okay for him to be swinging his pecker to the nearest hen who will have him. Don't let it bother you. Let it be further proof you're doing the right thing.

    3) You'll know when you're ready to date again. You'll be confident and ready to face the world, and secure enough in your own skin that you're not second guessing every thought. When that happens, you'll know it's time.

    4) Don't swear off all guys just becuase this one turned out to be a jerk. There are some good ones out there, this one just wasn't one of them.
     
  20. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    I just feel like I've wasted the past 3 years of my life....
    And to think just a month ago we were researching venues to get married at.
     
  21. Mrs. K.

    Mrs. K. Enthusiast

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    But aren't you lucky you didn't marry him?

    And you didn't waste three years. You had a relationship, and it turns out you're much more mature than him. Don't we always tell our students that everything in life is a learning experience?

    I'm not making light of your pain, but you can see that everyone here thinks you deserve much, much more. :hugs:
     
  22. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Don't think of it that way. Think of it as 3 years spent learning what not to do. I'm sure you had many happy times during that three years. You had experiences that you will look back on with fondness (even if the guy gets blotted out of the memories). You've spent those three years finishing your education and getting a job. That's for sure not a waste of time.

    Every person we meet has something to offer us, wether positive or negative. You've grown and matured along side, through, and even in spite of, this man. You've grown as a person during that three years, and nobody can ever take that from you.

    Just be glad that he finally showed his true colors before the wedding. A divorce is MUCH nastier than a break up.
     
  23. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Rent a moving truck! Ask neighbors or relatives to help you load and un-load the furniture. Do not rely on him at all, he's already proven to you that he's unreliable.
     
  24. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    What a smart ass, twisted SOB! He breaks your heart 1 wk ago & now he's trying to be smart & say, "Ok, come on now, it's time to date someone else now, chop, chop!"

    It's a shame you have to give him any rent money.

    If I were you, I'd have 0 respect for this guy. I'd be so disgusted by him, I wouldn't want to see his face ever again.
     
  25. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    After what he did to you, if he was one ounce of a man, he would tell you not to worry about the rent. What a jacka$$!!!!
     
  26. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    I would not be leaving my stuff at his house. I did that and I never saw it again. It burnt in a fire (he says). YEAH RIGHT I say.

    Rent a storage unit for a month be the same as paying him rent.
     
  27. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    I agree. Get your stuff out and put it in a storage unit for a month. It is better than paying Jason rent! (Jason is his name, right?) I still say, change your phone number and let him come home and find it empty. Don't tell hime that you are gone, because he doesn't deserve any courtesy on your behalf.
     
  28. Ghost

    Ghost Habitué

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    I'd have the locks changed too while he's gone, take my stuff and leave the keys in the mailbox....but then I can be a vindictive "bech"
     
  29. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    He's wanting you to pay rent to help him out..... NOT! Rent a storage compartment for a month for 30 bucks or whatever!!!
     
  30. brandi0718

    brandi0718 Comrade

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    Be glad it happened this way...I had been dating a guy for a few years and we were engaged and one day he decided he wanted to break up.....I was sooooooo upset! I begged for him not to and so we continued dating.....a few months later we were married.....ONE WEEK after our wedding i find out he cheated on me!!!!!!! He cheated on me right before our wedding AND right after while i stayed at home with HIS kids!!!!! I was in such shock.....we are still together but it is soooooooo hard to get past that kind of stuff......I reallllllly wanna kick myself for not letting him break up with me to begin with. So just be very thankful this happened now and not after u were married!
     
  31. Mrs.Mom

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    Don't look at it as a waste, look at it as a learning experience :) Hard to do, I know, but just be happy you haven't "wasted" the rest of your life with such a jerk!!! :p
     
  32. dragonfly05

    dragonfly05 Companion

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    Exactly! My SIL was with her ex-fiance for NINE years and engaged for one year when he broke up with her over the phone. She later found out he had been cheating for years. She is now very happy, married and has an adorable little girl. Everything happens for a reason and you would not be who you are today had you not gone through all you have. (at least that is my belief) ;)
     
  33. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Yes, it can be a lot worse. The mother of a long-time friend of my mom's was married for numerous, numerous yrs & after the husband finally died at a rather old age, things came out of the woodwork & she found out he had been seeing another woman for numoerous yrs. She found out when all these bills she knew nothing about came to her address all of a sudden!
     
  34. Sunny Teacher

    Sunny Teacher Rookie

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    Just want to chime in. My boyfriend of two years and I broke up He cheated on me with a girl I work with. Talk about a SCUM BAG. This thread is helping me so much. At first I was being irrational and begging for him back but now I'm being a strong person and shutting the door and moving on with my life.

    Right now I'm caught in the pain..but I know in my heart that eventually I will be happy and better off without him. How are you doing? Are things looking up? I know I need to be positive too so maybe we can keep this going for support because all I want to do right now is cry.
     
  35. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Hey Sunny Teacher
    Arizona teachers are strong
    Anyone who can teach where it is 110° the day school starts has to be strong!


     
  36. Sunny Teacher

    Sunny Teacher Rookie

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    Haha! I'm not quite a teacher yet. I'm in my last year at the U of A right now...but I do plan on teaching here...and you're right, it's hot!
     
  37. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

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    I think we should keep this thread going for support of those who have been hurt like this :)

    I also think we should start a "why are guys such scum bags!?!" thread :p jk... (i think)

    Don't worry Ladies, as you have heard from others, THERE IS HOPE!!! It took me to have three horrible (aka abusive) relationships to finally find my knight in shining armor. Seriously God sent a Saint to me just when I needed it.

    So don't give up--- even though you know that you don't HAVE to have a man to be happy in life.

    [And should anybody wish to speak to a Lady who's gone through abusive relationships, please feel free to pm me. I'm a private person so I don't like sharing in threads, though I'm more than willing to help.]
     
  38. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    go ahead make my day
    :p
     
  39. Sunny Teacher

    Sunny Teacher Rookie

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    I'm going to try to carry a quote in my bag everyday so if I'm feeling down I can just look in my bag and hopefully not feel so sad. Today's quote is:
    Forget mistakes. Forget failure. Forget everything except what you are going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky today.
     
  40. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Well y'all I've been out of town for awhile and I was amazed to catch up on this thread!

    elizak - you have grown a lot in the time I have been away! Good for you! Also, as more has come out about your bf, I see there are red flags still! He is yelling at you? He is dictating the day you can move out? He is living with another girl and still calling you? He is CHARGING YOU RENT????

    I DON'T THINK SO!

    Please, please get out of there. Take the advice. There is something odd going on. My gut is speaking to me. 1)get a storage unit, 2) get a uhaul or find someone with a truck - check with a nearby church -they often have a teen group that is looking for a service project just like helping someone move! 3)wait till you are sure he won't be there and get a few friends or your aunt and uncle and get everything out of there in an hour tops! Store your stuff till you get your own place.

    You had mentioned that he "goes out with friends" and stays with them or his mother. How long has that been going on? I too have the sense that the cheating has been going on for a while. There is nothing to support him as an honest person in any way. If you had not caught him on the phone, you would still be thinking he was your guy while he was sleeping with her!

    Take charge and get the heck out of there. You do not owe him ANY money honey. Please get out of there fast. You will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders once you do. I promise once you are out, you will have an easier time of it. He should not know where you live or have your phone number at all. Take total charge and make a clean break.

    I have to disagree with the advice to do anything to "show him." He is acting really weird and you need to make the clean break. He is getting paid back three fold because he chose a loser over you already! Let natural consequences take their due.

    All y'all - guys just think differently! Yes, he can love you one day and see someone he wants to sleep with the next and that is the end of it. That is just how it is. However, an honorable man who felt these things would treat you with respect either 1) break things off, then go after the girl or 2) keep the committment he has made and do without the other girl. There is no in between that is acceptable!

    Grrrr.
     

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