I'm so upset I can't stop crying

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by elizak83, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    Aug 18, 2008

    You sound stronger already. Good for you! Smile A LOT when you are around him--even if you don't feel like it. Make him realize that this is the best move in the world for you-because it is! Start shopping for your new place. If he tells you that you can take someting with you, I would say nah-I don't want that old thing.
    Make him realize that life will go on without him.
     
  2. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 18, 2008

    He just told me "it hasn't sunk in that I'm leaving yet."

    hahaha...
     
  3. Lareigna

    Lareigna Companion

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    Aug 18, 2008

    You go girl...keep being strong!
     
  4. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Aug 18, 2008

    The sooner you can get away...the better. -hugs-
     
  5. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 18, 2008


    :rolleyes: Can I come visit with a rubber baseball bat???? Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?????

    Though it's probably not much of a consolation now, but, at least he showed his true colors before you got married or officially engaged.
     
  6. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Aug 18, 2008

    Bleck. What a whiney loser he is!

    Sorry, I shouldn't judge ... it just seems like he is playing mind games with you and that makes me mad (and sad for him in a "how pathetic" way). But, he can't play games if you don't participate.

    Stay strong! We are all rooting for you to get on without him.
     
  7. cMcD

    cMcD Groupie

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    Aug 18, 2008

    I've been a bystander to this thread for a while. I feel somewhat bonded to you, eliza, because you were just in my city (Indy). :)

    You have him in the palm of you hand. Take everyone's advice. Seem really happy to be moving on with your life without him in front of him. Don't give him too many details. After you move out change your # or have his # blocked. He'll probably realize what he did and try to win you back with nice txts, emails, or phone calls. Maybe flowers. I wouldn't reply. He messed up your relationship. It seems that you gave 100%. Maybe he should have thought about EVERYTHING before he cheated, lied, and dumped you.

    Like mm said, he's showing you his true colors before marriage right now. Who's to say he won't cheat on you when you're married with a couple kids? I think the pattern would lead to that.

    You deserve so much better.
     
  8. katenar

    katenar Cohort

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    Aug 18, 2008

    Eliza I have just spent the past half hour reading 17 pages of your story. :huh: The words of encouragement & advice here are amazing and I hope when you feel the moments of weakness that we all feel at one time or another that you will remember all that has been said to you.

    Stay strong. I don't even know you besides from seeing you on A to Z but I DO KNOW that you don't deserve what is being done to you.

    Listen to your parents. At age 29, I really wish I did more often.....sometimes they just know what is best in certain situations and when it comes down to it all they want is for you to be happy. :hugs:
     
  9. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

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    Aug 19, 2008

    Just a thought here...if you really want to rub it in, call a male friend and have him come pick you up for a "date"...don't tell him you are going out, just get all dressed up and leave when the date shows up. Heck, you could use your cousin if it's someone he doesn't know, and you really could just go get ice cream or something...but he won't know. Not that it's all about getting even or anything...but I bet it would feel great! :whistle: You're doing great Eliza!
     
  10. Lives4Math

    Lives4Math Comrade

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    Aug 19, 2008

    I'm sure it's already been said (I'm only on pg. 16) but I just wanted to say that he's an extra big loser just because he told you "when I realize that I've made a mistake...."....obviously he already knows...just wants to have his cake and eat it too.

    I agree with everyone else...listen to your parents (I know...I'm 25 and still don't want to believe that sometimes they ARE right lol). But....it seems like since you've visited home we're actually seeing smiles in your posts! :) YAY! Keep smiling...start laughing if you haven't already and hang in there. Oct. seems like a long way away...but stay as strong as you are now and you'll make it!!! We'll help!
     
  11. CanadianTeacher

    CanadianTeacher Groupie

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    Aug 19, 2008

    I would listen to your parents about going to stay with your aunt and uncle until you can move into your new place. Break the ties now. The longer you stick around, the more chance he has to wear you down and keep hold of you and it really sounds like that's what he's trying to do. Think about it--he only realizes he's made a mistake when he sees that you are willing to take action about it. Had you done nothing, he would have continued what he was doing without a thought, I'm almost sure of that. It's like the kid who hangs on to the toy just so no one else can play with it.
     
  12. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 19, 2008

    Excellent! I don't know why I didn't post this by now. Be dressed super hot (I don't care if you're just going to get a yogurt) & never say a word to him, no matter what he says & when the doorbell rings for you to be picked up, you& your date should act like you've known each other for yrs! The look on his face will be priceless! Then walk out. After walking out for that date, stay out a LONG time. It would be wonderful if you could never come back & just have some movers get all your stuff. That would really make him wonder what the hell happened.

    If he's going to be a smart ass & play mind games w/ you, two can play that game!
     
  13. Beth561

    Beth561 Comrade

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    Aug 19, 2008

    I hope this helps, it is an email I recieved a few years back:
    Some of these apply to you, some don't but I think all in all this is a good list that all of us should think about.

    EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE:
    1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you've come.

    2. Enough money within your control to move out and rent a place on your own, even if you never want or need to.

    3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

    4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying.

    5. A youth you're content to move beyond.

    6. A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

    7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to help fund it.

    8. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.

    9. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

    10. A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

    11. Eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honored.

    12. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.

    13. A feeling of control over your destiny.

    14. A skin care regime, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

    EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW:
    1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

    2. How you honestly feel about having kids.

    3. How to quit a job, break-up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

    4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

    5. How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next.

    6. How to have a good time at a party you'd never choose to attend.

    7. How to ask for what you want in a way that make it most likely you'll get it.

    8. That you can't change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

    9. That you childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.

    10. What you would and wouldn't do for love or more.

    11. How to live alone, even if you don't like it.

    12. Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally.

    13. Where to go - be it your best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods - when your soul needs soothing.

    14. What you can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.

    15. Why they say life begins at 30.
     
  14. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 19, 2008

    This kind of gives Home Improvements a new Light.:wow:
     
  15. Beth561

    Beth561 Comrade

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    Aug 19, 2008

    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  16. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 19, 2008

    It just keeps getting better...

    I needed to update everyone...this is kind of funny (at least in my opinion.)
    We all know how my bf was cheating on me w/ some girl he met. He kept talking about how great she was..she's a nurse...she's laid back...she's cool..yadda yadda
    Well......Jason likes "good girls" and he thought she was one. He just found out this girl was arrested twice in the past week....that she's court ordered to go to A.A. and she just lost her job because she does drugs...
    Oh and apparantly he let her borrow his car the other day and she was in a hit and run in it.

    Revenge is sweet...very very sweet....
    And again..he talks about getting back together.
    (Don't worry I'm not considering it.)
     
  17. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 19, 2008

    Ahhhh, revenge is sweetest when you let "natural consequences" do it for you. You can hold your head high to know that he got what he deserved and you did nothing illegeal, immoral or unethical to bring it about.

    Good for you for staying strong.
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 19, 2008

    This is priceless! Tell him that's what he gets for thinking she was better than you. BTW, I wouldn't let anyone drive my car.
     
  19. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

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    Aug 19, 2008

    Especially someone I pretty much just met!! He deserves this...it's karma!!
     
  20. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Aug 19, 2008

    That is too good! My ex who cheated on me ended up getting cheated on by the girl he left me for! hahahaha
    It was awesome...
     
  21. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    What did I say about Revenge?
     
  22. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Aug 19, 2008

    This is what my hubby and I like call "karma bitchslap". I read him the entry about the new gal and he agreed that it was a PRIME example.
     
  23. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Aug 19, 2008

    WHY would he tell you things about her? UGH. What a creep.

    Stick to your guns! Stay strong! Take solace in the fact that you are getting away from someone that would treat people like this.
     
  24. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 19, 2008

    :toofunny::toofunny::toofunny::toofunny::toofunny:


    I just snorted diet coke out my nose. I LOVE that term. I'm so stealing it from you.
     
  25. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Very comical! That's what he gets!
     
  26. Happy Chatter

    Happy Chatter Rookie

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    Aug 21, 2008

    I am sorry also :::hugs ::: but you know as bad as this seems thank goodness you were not married or had children if he really is a committment phobic. This will probably sound like tough love but better to have found out now than waste any more time on this guy. Sometimes things just don't work out and you have to have a good cry get angry realise they were not worth it and move on......and I think he sounds like a total jerk....why would anyone not invest in trying to talk even if it is only to help you get closure ....
     
  27. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Aug 21, 2008

    OMG...quit talking to him!
    Instead put on your little black dress, heels, big hair, and leave for a super long time. If you have no where to go, go shopping of of town, catch 2 movies, attend a ball game, work in your classroom, anything. You could have a change of clothes in the car and slip back into it after the evening.
     
  28. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

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    Aug 21, 2008

    Wow he knows how to pick them (he truly lost his princess when he gave you up). Revenge is sweet--- I've had the same situation a few times. :rolleyes:
     
  29. reverie

    reverie Companion

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    Aug 21, 2008

    It does sound like he is the one with some issues. I went through something similar last year and I am grateful I'm not with him anymore. I thought things would never get better but they did. I learned so much about myself and have been so much more independent. Like others said, focus on things that will make you happy (hobbies, exercising, etc.) and take care of yourself. Good luck!
     
  30. Sunny Teacher

    Sunny Teacher Rookie

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    How are you doing?
     
  31. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 22, 2008

    I'm "ok" today.....better than I was last week...but still crappy.
    He has been making it hard on me to be here and evidently he is still hanging out w/ the chick that got arrested (haha..) He has days where he'll call me and yell about how we never should have ever dated and others where he calls and asks me not to move out. (I have started to not answer my phone:( )
     
  32. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Oh, ugh. Not only is he keeping his options open in case one or both of you get wise, he's controlling your life by curbing your phone habits. If it's your cell phone he's calling, can you block his number? If not, can you "mistake" his voice for some other random male name? ;)
     
  33. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    Aug 22, 2008

    I take issue with the fact that he "yells" about how you two should of have dated. Is it safe to stay there until October? He sounds like he might be a bit unstable. Should you consider moving in with your relatives until you can move into your own apartment? Have you spoken with his parents? What do they think of all of this? Hopefully they understand why you are leaving and support you in your decision. They need to get their son some help.

    Like I said before--it sounds like you are getting stronger everyday. yes, I;m sure it is still very hard, but I am sure you are starting to see that you are better off. Who wants to be saddled with someone who doesn't want to commit, but expects YOU to commit? Kudos to you!!! Continue to NOT answer your phone if he is is showing signs of instability.
     
  34. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    I agree with weazy...he sounds like he's starting to become a little unhinged. He's discovered you're a strong woman who won't be controlled and he's not happy with that...I'd start looking into a temporary crash pad until october. You can put most of your stuff in storage if you have to. Heck, If I was there, I'd put my boys in one room and give you one of their bedrooms.
     
  35. nasimi77

    nasimi77 Groupie

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    Aug 23, 2008

    elizak83: I'm sorry you've had to go through this, you sound like a very nice person. However, allow this to strengthen you and give you wisdom. Also, as many have said already, drop this guy like a bad habit TODAY. Stop talking to him. He sounds very unstable, and you don't want to deal with somebody like that. Think of your safety and your sanity. He is dead to you. Go to the "funeral", put a nice big fat flower on the "casket",say your goodbyes, eat some cake and MOVE ON SISTER! Excuse the bluntness, but I see it now YOU have the power as you always have, to turn this into a positive for you. I sure as heck wouldn't allow this man to yell at me about ANYTHING. He can yell at himself, or a good therapist. This will make you stronger, and more confident in the future. It just hurts like crazy right now. Everyone on here has given you excellent advice, now you just have to put it into practice.
     
  36. mrsnikki

    mrsnikki Companion

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    Aug 23, 2008


    Well the thing is... I have been through the same experience. I lived in PA with someone and thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives.. He broke up with me telling me he never loved me and that he would absolutely never marry me!! It was probably the hardest thing I have ever been through. All of my family lived in KY and I had no one to talk to.. I picked up the phone and called a co-worker..unprofessional maybe.. but the heartache of being completely alone was not worth being professional. I had talked to her a few times and had even gone to lunch so I am sure it was okay! She totally took me under her wing and was there for me the whole time.

    Secondly, if you can get out of there go home to family start over that is the best thing I ever did! I in fact met my future husband upon returning..of course it was a year later :)

    Definitely get more info from him so that you can have closure and then get far away.. If you need someone to talk to feel free to email me!:sorry:
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2008
  37. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 24, 2008

    Some days are better than others...I'm doing well...but I keep dwelling on the situation (which my Mom tells me to stop doing.)

    I guess if it was a "normal" break up I could handle it a ton better....
    but the fact that a few weeks ago everything was fine and all of a sudden it seems like he's throwing me out like garbage for someone new. (Like...how do you date someone for 3 years and just stop thinking about them???? It's driving me nuts.)
    He has stayed at this "new girls" house all week long.....starting the day after we officially broke up. That's what hurts:(
     
  38. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Still living together is what has to be the hardest to get by. Knowing when he's home and when he's not, and wondering where he is when he's not home. It's all natural, yet when you're not living with him you won't be faced with that situation. You should definitely leave as soon as possible. Did you say there was a place for you to go Sept. 1st? If so, only another week to go. If not, you should definitely move in with your family that is in the area.
     
  39. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 24, 2008

    I am moving out soon....Jason is not making it easy on me though (he doesn't want me to move out till oct. 1)

    Even living together wouldn't bother me as much if he didn't already have a new gf.....I don't get how I'm a wreck but he's having the time of his life. Evidently I loved him more than he loved me.
     
  40. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Aug 24, 2008

    Oh wow, I really hope you aren't staying until October...that is just way too long. And I'm sorry but that boy should have absolutely no say in what you do, he is doing his own thing now and he should let you do yours!
    I understand what you mean about living together and him having his new gf...but the fact remains that it is just an unhealthy situation for you. He seems to have moved on for the time being...although him still hanging on to you a bit seems to be a little unstable on his part as well.
    You definitely just need to get out of that situation and start surrounding yourself with new friends and positive people/situations. Easier said than done, I know...but it will come eventually and most likely be the best medicine for your heart.
     

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