I'm so upset I can't stop crying

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by elizak83, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. jw13

    jw13 Groupie

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    Aug 14, 2008

    elizak83,

    I am sending you a big virtual hug:hugs:. This is going to feel like an emotional rollercoaster for a while. You will have good days and bad ones. Remember to give yourself some time to breathe and feel these emotions. You have made the best decision to move by family. Let them take care of you. This will take time for you heart to heal, but you will be better for it. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. It always helps to have an ear to bend.


    jw13
     
  2. Mrs.Mom

    Mrs.Mom Companion

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    Aug 14, 2008

    Oh, I am so sorry for you:hugs: You will get through, and in time things will get easier. In a way you are lucky that school is starting soon, hopefully that will keep your mind occupied. Good luck to you, and don't cave and go back...Stay Strong!
     
  3. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    I love the advice for a new hair do, manicure, pedicure, outfits, etc. You'll feel and look good!
    Keep us posted
     
  4. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

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    Aug 14, 2008

    I wasn't going to respond because you've gotten so much good advice already; but when I saw this I knew I had to. Think LONG and HARD before you make this kind of decision. Almost this exact same situation happened to me a year ago. I was a wreck, couldn't function, couldn't eat, was useless in the classroom, etc. I made the decision within a week that I was going to move back to my home state where I had family, friends, and support.

    Luckily my principal was supportive and worked with me to find ways for it to work out as good as possible financially. My parents came out and helped me move all my stuff which cost a great deal of my money and their time. I was living with my parents for a few months when the ex called and said he'd made a huge mistake. Eventually I decided that I was willing to try again. So all my stuff had to be moved back again, costing even more of my parents' time and my money. Again, luckily, I have the best principal ever and was able to get my job back but that is not the norm.

    In the end it all worked out for me but I can't say I handled it in the best way possible. It would have been smarter to take a few months here, have him move out for a bit, and figure this out with a more rational head. There is NO way I should have been making those kinds of huge decisions with the state I was in. I was just convinced that I needed to be where my life long friends were and that I couldn't survive here. Truth is that, although they weren't life long friends and we certainly aren't the best of friends, I had/have some very caring, compassionate co-workers who were there for me and would have continued to be had I not left. Part of me wishes that I would have proven to myself that I had the strength to do it on my own.

    So I guess the point of my long story is that I know somewhat of where you are coming from. I know the confusion and pain you are feeling right now. I also know the feelings of "how will I ever find someone again", "this was the only person for me", etc. The truth is that you will find someone again but that isn't what you need to focus on right now. And if this is the person for you it will work out, but again not what you should focus on. Right now you should just focus on being the best YOU that you can be. Get very involved in work, volunteer for things you never had time for before, volunteer in your community, exercise, actively try to forge friendships with co-workers or acquaintances, and do what makes YOU happy. Maybe he'll realize he made a mistake or maybe this is truly what he wants. Either way, focusing on you cannot be a bad thing and will help no matter what direction your life goes from here. And try not to make a huge decision of whether or not to move when you are in this state. It just isn't healthy, you aren't seeing clearly, and you don't know how you'll feel a month or two from now.

    Hugs to you :hugs: and I promise things will get better.

    Edited to add: I hadn't read far enough to see the part about the cheating. Unfortunately for me, I've been there too (not the same guy as mentioned above and am currently with but another ex who was a true dirtbag) and from my experience once a cheater always a cheater. This isn't someone who went out, had to much to drink, got carried away, slept with someone else, immediately felt bad, and came home and told you about it (not that I condone the above behavior or think of it as an excuse); but instead someone who has consciously LIED to you to satisfy his owns wants and needs. He didn't admit to you what he was going through. Instead he hid it from you and even had the audacity to talk to this person secretly in the house you share. My opinion is that you have to leave. You cannot allow yourself to be treated this way. Even if months, or even better.... years, from now you decide to give it another go; for now you need to get out and show him that it isn't ok to treat you this way. If you stay, you are basically giving him permission to do this again with no consequences. You deserve better. As someone else said earlier, learn to love YOU.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2008
  5. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Aug 14, 2008

    Elizak83, No matter how bad it hurts and how much it sucks, breaking up with him was the right thing to do. I am very proud of you. Continue to stay strong. You WILL get through this even though right now you can't imagine that happening ... life will go on, it will be better, you will be happy again, and you will be happier with someone else. Hang in there.
     
  6. Ghost

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    Aug 14, 2008

    :hugs: I'm sorry you are feeling lousy!

    Pop in some "power music"

    I will survive

    I am woman
     
  7. Ms. I

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    I just had another thought. You may not be the type to do this, but branch out & do positive things to release your frustration & empower you. Take a self defense class, even karate or kickboxing. How about mountain climbing?
     
  8. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

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    Good job Eliza, you did the right thing. You will see what a great idea this was in the future...hopefully sooner than later!:hugs:
     
  9. jenngugs

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    So sorry to hear that you are suffering! I know you have gotten a lot of advice so far and all of it is very good. You might take some comfort in beginning a new hobby that is just for you. Something you can concentrate on so every thought isn't about your ex....maybe knitting or something calming
     
  10. Weazy

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    Aug 14, 2008

    Does anybody know of any good "self-help" books that are empowering to recommend to elizak? Of course, the Bible is always good to turn to in times of need, but I know that there are many others that offer good advice. Sometimes a good empowering book is good to read when you are alone. It can also be good to re-energize yourself when you are feeling weak.
     
  11. msaly

    msaly Comrade

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    Aug 14, 2008

    :hugs:
     
  12. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Aug 14, 2008

    Buy the book "He's Just Not That Into You." It totally changed the way I view guys and relationships.

    Huggssss. Look on the bright side - teachers get two "new years". I chance for you to start over at work, and in life.
     
  13. Ms. I

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    Aug 14, 2008

  14. Irishdave

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  15. mmswm

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    Aug 15, 2008

    Like everybody else, I know how bad this stinks for you. The next little while will be tough, but you've already proved what a tough chick you are by dumping him. Every time you think that you're not strong enough, remember what it took to make that choice, and you should not have any more doubts about your inner strengths.

    I, like everybody else who's posted, have been through at least one nasty break up. It's horrible and you think you'll never be happy again, but that's just not true. One day, maybe a week, maybe a few weeks from now, you'll realize that you got through an entire day without thinking about him or being sad, then you'll notice a few days go by, and then a whole week, and pretty soon, you won't be thinking of him at all except for random fleeting thoughts once in a blue moon.

    These things take time and you will go through the grieving proccess. Know that you have people in your life, both in real life and here on this site, who are more than willing to lend you a shoulder to cry on or an arm to help you up when you need it. If you doubt that...just look at how big this thread got in so short a time. :hugs:
     
  16. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Aug 15, 2008

    elizak - thanks for keeping us updated. Yes, good for you for breaking it off. With a boyfriend, there are just 2 things that are never acceptable in any way: violence and cheating! Both are damaging to YOU and your health. You were really forced to break up with him.

    It is going to be hard for a while, but you can do it! Go to that place deep inside you and hold on tight to your strength. It will be easier once you start feeling anger - it kind of fuels your fire to fight for yourself.

    Not trying to be funny here, but something to try for puffy eyes is Preparaton H! It truly takes the swelling down. Just don't get it in your eyes! Or try cold compresses on your eyes, and Visine, so you don't have to go to work looking like you have been crying (if it bothers you - I have a weird thing about not wanting people to know I have been crying!).
     
  17. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 15, 2008

    Thanks everyone...
    I just got to my parents house...however everything keeps eating me up inside! My Mom said it's time to move on and I'm starting to be a little pathetic...but its soooooooooo hard not to be. This is the most serious break up I've ever had. It's taken a lot of courage not to call him:( We are still living together until I find an apt. When he left for work this morning he hugged me and said he loves me. That's what hurts the worst:(
    *tear
     
  18. Ms. I

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    I'm sure your mom just wants to make sure you move on & not get stuck in a depressing slump. Do you have any close friends that you go out w/ on a regular basis?

    He hugged you & said he loves you?! I'm sorry, but if my bf just did to me what yours did to you, those words wouldn't mean anything to me anymore. I'd be replying back w/ f*** you! (And I'm not even the cussing type.)

    Stay strong & don't buckle! :up:
     
  19. Hoot Owl

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    Don't let him hug you any more. He doesn't deserve it.
     
  20. Lareigna

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    Don't let him mess with your head by telling you he loves you. If he did you would not be in this situation. If he loved you he wouldn't be making you feel this way and he would not make you cry. Stay strong for you, you are the most improtant person on your life and you need to take care of you and put you first. :hugs:
     
  21. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    I'm sorry, but he's either trying to keep you on the back burner, or once again he doesn't want to be the "bad guy". He is toying with your emotions, which is very cruel of him. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be interested in another girl. His idea of love is very skewed. Just stay away from him in the mornings and the evenings. He is counting on you to be pathetic, and to be waiting on that back burner. Is that the kind of woman you want to be? I doubt it. Go forward and don't look back!
     
  22. Go 4th

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    What is it they say about it takes 21 days to break a habit? Give yourself time! You are right to grieve for the loss of the relationship. Just realize also, that cheating is never right, and you did not deserve this. If he wasn't happy, he could have been a man, and said so. Realize that he destroyed the relationship when he dropped his drawers.

    Change is hard. It is probably best to get out of there as soon as possible. Let your parents love on you and give you support.
     
  23. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

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    I hate to say it, but I agree with Weazy, I think he's saying "I love you" to make himself feel better...it's his good deed for the day! Don't let him mess with your emotions...you deserve so much more than that! I hope you are out looking at an apartment RIGHT NOW!! (And I just have to ask...he's sleeping on the couch now, right?!)
     
  24. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    He might very well "love" you, but not the way you love him! You don't lie to and cheat on someone you love! As stated, if he really cared about YOU he would have done the honorable thing and told you he was not happy and was breaking it off. Dragging this out is cruel. Lying and cheating is cruel.

    Please tell him not to touch you or tell you he loves you anymore because it just hurts you more. How long are you away from your place? I would truly be suspicious of him being there alone.

    You need to get angry and start being proactive. How would you feel if a guy were treating your sister or best friend this way? Do not make it easy for him to have you on the back burner. Ask him to please not touch you anymore.
     
  25. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    I know this will get easier, please don't fall into the "dumb female" role.
     
  26. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    A hug? NO NO NO NO!

    That exact thing happened to me once.
    I had to continue living with the guy for a month even after we broke up because he was cheating. He hugged me one morning and I sort of liked it until I walked out the door and slapped myself in the head! A few days later, he made himself supper and "enough for you too." I said, "sorry I already ate" even though I had not, and went to my room with the door shut. A few hours later I ran out for fast food.

    I am a HUGE Packer fan. i came out of my bedroom and he was in front of the TV all pumped for the game with attire, eats, and drinks...obviously waiting for me. I had to think fast as I was not sitting here with the cheater for 4 hours and I was not missing my Packer game. I put on my coat and left driving around for an awkward 15 minutes until I went to watch it with a friend who was working the front desk at Holiday Inn.

    It was VERY difficult to walk away but am soooo glad now that I did.
    It will pass.
     
  27. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Rabbitt, I applaud your actions. :up: Don't give any of these bastards even a second of satisfaction! They don't deserve it! I would have slammed the door if he said "oh there's food for you too" & I wouldn't have sat & watched the game w/ him either.

    It's good to know there are some strong women out in the world.

    The way I live, I don't NEED a man. Sure, they're nice to have & they add to life, but I can take care of myself. I NEVER NEED one. More women should think this way, then when the guy is tired of them, the women can just kick their asses out just like that.
     
  28. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    A man needs a woman like like a fish needs er.. er... water
    wait is that right?
    maybe it is;
    A woman needs a man like like a fish needs a bicycle

    At times pluralistic marriage was the way things were (biblical)
    and it might be semi-hard wired into men's (and some women's) minds.
    It is time to down load new "firmware" so it stops.

    I won't kid you I feel that a woman completes me.
    I believe that that is why God made 2 sexes,
    to be together. The problem is where do you find the right one?

    We, men, need to search for "Miss Right" not "Miss Right now"
    and woman need to search for "Mr Right" not "Mr Right now".
    One thing I have found is;
    Women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex.
    Kind of sad isn't it.
     
  29. hescollin

    hescollin Fanatic

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    You asked about something great to eat. Jello. Make a package of your favorite Jello. Pour out a cup full for a tasty hot drink. Put the rest in the refrigerator to enjoy later. It goes down easy and is full of protein. It is easy to make and cheap. Oh, yes it is suing to the stomach.

    Hope you find that perfect apartment and close to school would be great.

    You are way to good for the sneaking freak.
     
  30. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    That sounds exactly like what he's doing!!
    Ooh..and today when I told him I found a place to live (I can't move in until Oct. 1st though..my parents want me to stay w/ my aunt and uncle who live nearby until then..) He asked me if I could find a place that will rent to me month to month...Of course I asked why (I'm signing a year lease). He was like...ummm....because when I realize I made a mistake I'm gonna want you to move back.

    *rolls eyes*
     
  31. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    I think everyone who has heard that line before you just took an involuntary angry gasp, glared mentally at a man we've never met, and said, "Not THIS one. You can't have her!"

    It isn't that we don't think you can handle yourself. It's that we see our past pain freshly through your eyes. We want you to get through this ordeal in one piece so you can give perfect advice and TLC like we've tried to do for you.

    Hang in there, drink some Ensure or chocolate milk and find a good nook at the local book store where you can hide out in a pinch.
     
  32. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    OMG what a fool "Because was like...ummm....because when I realize I made a mistake" sounds like he has realized already. too bad for him!
     
  33. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Elizak, you deserve so much more than this man. The more you share, the more I want to take a trip to smack him around some. I'm glad you realize he's playing mental games with you. Don't fall for it, not matter how hard it gets. You're doing GREAT so far. Keep it up.
     
  34. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    My dad says he gives it two months before Jason comes crying to me to come back because he realizes what he lost out on. My dad also said he would be very very angry if I ever went back to him. (He's not my parents favorite person right now:))
     
  35. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Listen to your parents I wish I had
     
  36. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    I second this.
     
  37. Sunny Teacher

    Sunny Teacher Rookie

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    Such good advice from everyone!

    I really like this quote...
    "Sometimes it's best to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve."
     
  38. Ms. I

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    If I were you, I wouldn't have even told him that I found a new place. Your business is no longer any of his. Can't you just totally ignore him...or at least talk to him only if you really have to? I wouldn't tell him about anything else I'm doing & if he asks, I'll reply w/ a smart-ass comment.
     
  39. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

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    What a jerk first of all for saying that to you!?! Seriously... what was he thinking? That you'd wait around for prince charming to come calling again *rolls eyes*... especially not when YOU ARE the princess here :)

    I'm sorry all of this happened... but I'm glad you're getting out of the relationship and dumping his sorry butt.
     
  40. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Can all of us come and help you pack up and leave????? Your parents love you more than anyone in the world, be sure and listen to them, you'll regret it if you don't.
     

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