I'm so upset I can't stop crying

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by elizak83, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Aug 6, 2008

    Eliza,
    I'm so sorry this has happened. I had a similiar thing happen to me in 1999-2000. Back than I was engaged to a coastie. I moved with him all the way to WA state in 1998. We picked a wedding date of Oct 1999. I flew home two weeks before the wedding. 10 days before the wedding he called and said he wasn't coming. I was devistated. I didn't know what to do. My mom made me call and tell all the guests it was canceled. I than (being stupid) got on a flight back to WA. My friend picked me up and took me home. My ex wasn't there at the time. He eventually came home and we worked things out. In June of 2000 I flew to visit a friend in Utah. GUess what when I got back he broke up with me yet again. Stupid me begged and cried for three months! I didn't have family out there. I did have a couple of friends but he was my life. My mom had enough and finally had my brother convince me to drive home. I packed up my cat and dog and drove from WA to Michigan by myself. In Michigan I picked up a friend and we continued on to Maine. We went to our friends wedding the weekend I arrived home (end of September). Two weeks later I went out for my birthday and met a guy with really nice teeth (haha). He was charming and cute. I went home and told my best friend about him. I found him again three weeks later and we have been together ever since and will be getting married next summer!

    Anyway the ex used to call all the time. Finally I told him that I was over him, wanted no contact with him and to get out of my life. It was the best thing I ever did! Things happen for a reason. I was suppose to meet my DF. So there may be a reason for why this has all happened. It can only make you stronger!

    Go out make some friends and have fun. I was 25 when I met DF and now I'm 32 (33 in Oct).
     
  2. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Aug 6, 2008

    You can vent here all you need. :hugs:
    I recently have and it helped me tremendously.
    Teaching also allowed me to escape that world.

    I like Irish Dave's advice.

    Somehow be bigger than your boyfriend.

    You may seem wael now, but his whole situation will make you stronger.

    Keep us posted
     
  3. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 6, 2008

    The house is in his name (I didn't want my name on it.) And he offered to move out...but I can't afford the mortgage.
     
  4. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 6, 2008

    Thanks everyone..I'm feeling a lil better today...although he is being reallly weird. He's staying at his Dad's tonight though so I will get some time to think.
     
  5. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    Aug 6, 2008

    That might be for the best, you can start fresh. Find something YOU like. Decorate the way YOU want. Leave him with the mess and headache. You get to be the one to start over. As hard as it might be, try to put a positive spin on everything!

    Don't let sadness and bitterness move in, because that's not the type of person you want to be. Yes, this is fresh and hurts a lot, and you are still trying to understand what has happened. It is up to you to decide how you will come out of this. Lean on your family and friends for support. They have loved you a lot longer than he has, and they will not leave you. God doesn't close a door without opening a window. And don't forget the footsteps poem...when there was one set of footsteps, that's when I (God) carried you.
    I wish you the best as you go through this tough time.
     
  6. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 6, 2008

    Footprints in the Sand

    One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
    In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
    This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
    "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?"
    The Lord replied, "The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you."
    [​IMG]
    FOOTPRINTS…A New Version
    Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.
    For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.
    This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.
    This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.

    Now you pray:
    "Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You." "That is correct."
    "And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely." "Very good.. You have understood everything so far."
    When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way." "Precisely."
    "So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
    There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.
    "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"

    To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
     
  7. Lindsay.Lou

    Lindsay.Lou Companion

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I'm so sorry, that must be devastating. If I were in your situation, I would focus on myself for a few months. Get healthy, exercise more, read a lot of books, find some new (platonic) friends, put some extra energy into my job, and then, eventually, start playing the field again.

    Best of luck. I really hope everything gets better for you.
     
  8. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I don't mean to whiney...I guess I have just never been this serious of a relationship before (we've been together for 3 years..we live together..I'm 24). This is going to be tough:( I debated today quitting my job and moving home to my parents (they live 5 hours away.) I then realized that may not be a good idea. This is my first night by myself and I'm a freakin wreck.
     
  9. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Aug 6, 2008

    -hugs-

    It will be tough...but you can do it. Feel free to vent as much as you need to. We are here to support you.
     
  10. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

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    Aug 6, 2008

    You aren't "alone", you have people on this board who are here to listen to you. If you want to PM me, feel free. :hugs:
     
  11. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I was in the exact same situation when I was 19. Just got out of a 2 year relationship because he "didn't want a gf anymore". Although I'm glad because I knew in the back of my mind we weren't meant to be together...but I just stayed with it. But I remember crying and crying for a whole day the following day. I felt SO hurt. So don't feel as if you're by yourself, many of us...unforutnately, have been in a similar situation.
    You will get through it...and you will find someone that is meant for you, I'm sure of it.

    I wouldn't act on your feelings right now (quitting your job)...but if that is the only way for you to live decently, then you must do it. But if not, you can get your own place and keep living your life. Try to be strong, although I know how terribly hard it is right now.
     
  12. Ghost

    Ghost Habitué

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    Aug 6, 2008

    Poor thing! I wish I could help. :hugs: I can relate, but it's been a loooong time and the emotions have dulled. It's not really any consolation, but it will get better.
     
  13. wldywall

    wldywall Connoisseur

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I am sorry this happened to you. I am even more sorry that you guys have combined your finances and commited to a mortage together. I know your heart is broken, but I need to give some practical advice here. You need a lawyer, now. You are part of a huge finanical commitment, without the legal backing that being married provides you. You must find the best solution to the house issue. You can't really move out and get an apartment with the thought that he may fall behind in house payments and leave you holding the bag.

    Cover your backside ASAP, and NEVER combine finances with someone you are not married to.

    When you have done that (should only take a few days to get some info to cover your butt) start to find a place to live, plan the move etc.

    Then find a hidy hole and cry, just cry. When you have cried it out then you can put your heart back together.

    I am sorry that you are dealing with this.
     
  14. sarypotter

    sarypotter Comrade

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I'm so sorry! It feels so awful to have your boyfriend, best friend, and support system suddenly disappear!

    When I graduated college, my partner and I made plans to move out of state. I interviewed, was offered, and accepted a great job in that other state. Just days later, my partner dropped the bombshell: she would not be coming with me. She needed to stay behind and "figure some things out."

    The funny thing is, she actually did. What she figured out was that she was transgendered and was going to consider living by a male identity. What he also figured out was that he had not been pulling his weight financially and it was time he owned up to it and took responsibility.

    Some months later, he finally made the move. We just celebrated our four-year anniversary in May. Although there have definitely been some bumps on the road, I don't consider our separation one of them -- I think it was a necessary and healthy time of growth, and we came through it stronger. He came back a stronger, happier, more responsible, and more committed person.

    I guess I look at it like this: If the separation shows him that he truly loves and is committed to you, then that's wonderful. And if it doesn't, then it's good you found out before you married him; the relationship wasn't meant to be anyway. I know that's hard to hear, though, and I know it doesn't help.

    You know what does help? Eclairs. The mini kind you get at Wal-Mart that are frozen solid, but the longer you sit and eat them, the more thawed they get ...

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, and whatever we can do to help, we're here if you need us!
     
  15. sarypotter

    sarypotter Comrade

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    Aug 6, 2008

    That is one of the finest pieces of advice I have ever heard!
     
  16. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I know I shouldn't have a joint account w/ him...luckily he is being good about it and we are working through that. Also..our house is only in his name...since we weren't married I didn't want it in my name. He is giving me money for the remodeling of the house that I paid for. We discussed this tonight...I think it'll work out. It just sucks:(
     
  17. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thank goodness he's not one of those spiteful SOBs that will take you to the cleaners! And I agree not to act in haste & quit & move back home. Many times, we do things we regret because we were in a fragile or upset state of mind, so we may act impulsively.
     
  18. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Yes...I can't move back home...there's no way I could find a job there and I think it would just make me more upset. I have to move on w/ my life where I am. :(
     
  19. dragonfly05

    dragonfly05 Companion

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. I went through a similar experience with my now husband. We were young when we started dating and he broke up with me after 2 years saying he wasn't ready for a commitment and blah, blah, blah. I was heartbroken and lost. The best advice someone gave me was that I needed to learn how to love myself, I needed to find out who I was. I took this to heart and explored different avenues, made new friends and eventually moved away. He came back to me after 2 years and we are now married. Of course, it doesn't always end up that way...nor should it always end up that way. Just know that you WILL get through this, heartbreak is a tough thing to go through, but it will only make you stronger. Most importantly, know that your happiness comes first and that you are always number one. If I had known that I would end up as happy as I am now and was given the chance to not go through the hearbreak I did with my husband....I wouldn't. I would go through it all again because it has made me into a strong, independent woman and I know how important it is to love myself. You will get there. ((((Hugs))))
     
  20. MsJen

    MsJen Rookie

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    Some more GREAT advice. I am so glad to be surrounded by STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMEN! You ladies inspire me.
     
  21. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Sniff, Sniff and I am chopped liver?
    [​IMG]
    Maybe I am a STRONG, UNDERSTANDING MAN?
     
  22. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

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    Don't feel bad Dave, some of us just aren't used to men like that!!:whistle:
    I'm sorry this happened Eliza, break-ups are no fun. I think staying where you are is a good decision...just move out and move on. It will be hard, but almost everyone has to go through a horrible break up at least once! Do you have any co-workers that you could talk to? School is such an easy place to make friends if you work with good people. It does suck, but you don't need that kind of aggrivation. Once you move out, get your money back, and have all of your stuff, don't look back. We will be here for you the whole time!:hugs:
     
  23. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    How are you doing today Eliza.
     
  24. MsJen

    MsJen Rookie

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    OH Dave! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you out! Of course you are a STRONG, UNDERSTANDING man. :hugs:
     
  25. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 7, 2008

    I feel the love :D


    elizak83 feel the love here
    You have been given some wonderful advice and compassion now the ball is in your court pick yourself up do what is right for you to move on
     
  26. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    I have to raise my hand and say that I too went through the heartbreak of having a guy walk away from what was supposed to be True Love. I really feel for you with this coming out of the blue.

    Now, for the future, you would be wise to build a good support system around yourself so you don't ever have to feel this alone again. And all the advice has been good, especially coming from women who have been through this and understand how devastating it can be.

    My story has a happy ending. My situation was that I was a one-man-woman and he wanted to be a two-timing man! It took me a long time to let go. Then I started dating my future husband. We have been together 30 years and he has been faithful and supportive. Many, many days I have said a prayer thanking God that the two-timer walked out of my life! He had some bad characteristics - bad temper and violent. Happily, he straightened out and married a wonderful lady and they have also been married a very long time.
     
  27. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Update....

    I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words....a few days after I posted this message my bf told me that he was "confused" and just really wanted his space for about a month to think through things because he loved me and he didn't think he wanted to let me go.... We started talking more about future plans, etc. I thought things were getting better.. Then it got weird... he wasn't eating at all or sleeping (neither am I.) He told me he's just stressed out b/c he loves me but wants to make the right decision (and he told me he'd understand if I left him because he's being so unsure of our relationship.) Well I decided to stick it out and deal with it until Labor Day weekend (when he said he would know for sure by.) I know I know...this was probably a bad decision. Especially after what happened last night....

    He's been weird lately..he wanted his space, which was fine....but hes been going out w/ his friends ALOT (more than normal.) They live about an hour away sow hen he goes he stays at their houses or his Mom's.

    Yesterday everything was pretty normal..made dinner...ate..we were watching tv. Jason went downstairs to go take the dog for a walk... A few minutes later I went downstairs to get adrink and I heard him on the phone in the bathroom. I knocked on the door to ask him a ? and he immediately hung up the phone (the door was locked...we never lock doors around here.) I was sorta suspicious (like..why are you locking hte bathroom talking on the phone.)

    Anyways...not to be long winded but I needed to get this out. It turns out he was talking to some girl he met a couple weeks ago...The weekend he told me he wanted out of a relationship. Apparantly hes been seeing her "on the side" and doesn't know what he wants. I was devastated. Here I am thinking things were getting better than I here this. He tried to calm me down all night explaining that he still wanted to be with me and he's just confused and that he thought things were getting better w/ us as well.
    I had to take about 4 doses of nyquil to get any sleep last night and I've been a wreck all day ( I can't eat or drink anything or I throw it up.)

    He told me he still wants to be w/ me but he's just confused and he still wants the rest of the month to figure things out. I don't know what to do.....:unsure:
     
  28. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Why do you need to wait for him to make a decision? He's cheating on you. The decision should already be made--by you!

    You don't need this loser. You're better than that.
     
  29. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 12, 2008

    As crazy as it is I love him....
    Ugh
    I know I shouldn't and that I should leave, but for some strange reason I cant.
     
  30. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Sounds like you're in need of some counseling. No one should have to put up with a cheater who is neither sorry nor sure that he wants to be with you.
     
  31. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I think you need to think about whether or not you are willing to put up with his indecision is because you feel that he is all you have. Would you be more willing to make the decision to leave him if you had family and/or friends nearby?
     
  32. Mrs. K.

    Mrs. K. Enthusiast

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Oh, my gosh! Show him the door! There's a guy out there who will love you and commit to you completely, and you need to make room in your life for him - not this...person! I have been married to my husband for 33 years, and we've never felt like we needed "space" from each other. It hasn't always been 100% wine and roses, but we were committed to each other, and worked through the little bumpy patches.

    I agree with Cassie - counseling would be helpful. We're here for you, but that doesn't take the place of face time with a trained counselor.
     
  33. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I think it would be easier if I had some sort of support system...I called a friend that lives sorta nearby (about an hour away) last night...and she agrees w/ all of you.

    Jason asked me not to tell my parents about this new development.....he doesn't want them to "see him in a bad light" if we stay together:(
     
  34. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Ok...I understand that you can't just turn your feelings off right away, but if it were me, what I would tell him, no matter how much it hurt me--"You might be confused, but I'M not. I don't have time to sit around and wait for you to decide who or what you want." Personally, I wouldn't want somebody this wishy-washy. Only you know what is best for you and what kind of relationship you want. I wish you all the best--I know you have a lot to think about, and it won't be easy with school starting. You will find your way and you will be a stronger woman because of it.
     
  35. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Oh yeah, I totally agree-it's time to go. How does the song go?

    These boots are made for walking... and that's just what they'll do.

    Put on your big girl pants, gather up every ounce of courage you have and pack your bags. I left my fiance, gave back the ring and never looked back after a similar situation. It was horrible, yes-I lost about 10 pounds, would be so sick with crying I couldn't get off the floor, etc.-but I STAYED AWAY. It only lasted a week or so, and then I felt so free, so great, so PROUD of myself!! Took the number out of my phone, didn't go to any places we might see each other, etc. Done. Cold turkey. You are worth so much more than that, and you need to get out, fast, and stay out. Now I have an amazing husband who would never even look at another girl, let alone talk to her or worse.

    Once a cheater, always a cheater? Don't cheat YOURSELF out of another moment of happiness. We're here for you.
     
  36. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You deserve someone who doesn't need time to 'think' about if he loves you and wants to be with you. You deserve someone who doesn't have to 'think' about it...and just knows.
    -hugs-
     
  37. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 12, 2008

    That you are...I don't know about everybody else, but I've come to value the fatherly advise you so generously dispense on this site.

    Elizka...I'm so sorry this happened. I don't have any pearls of wisdom for you, but, I can send you a big hug.

    :hugs:
     
  38. Ghost

    Ghost Habitué

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Now just to be clear, I'm not making assumptions and you've never said anything to lead me in this directions, but how many times has a battered woman said, "I know I should go, but I love him"? He may not have hit you with his fist, but honestly it is emotional abuse to keep dangling "I love you" over your head and continue to see this other woman.
     
  39. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I know it's hard to hear, but you really need to make your move and leave him behind. Step into his shoes, he has an awesome life with you...you have a house together...he has it made. Now he meets another girls, who knows what he's doing with her...so he gets to go out and have a different kind of fun iwth her, then come back to you for his stability. He is taking complete advantage of you. If he was a man he would not ask you to wait while he decides if he should be with another girl or stay with you.

    There is ALWAYS someone else.
    There is ALWAYS another person to love, and love you.
    You do not need to stay in a hurtful relationship, because if he really truly loved you...he'd let you go.

    Again, I'm sorry you're hurting and being put through this. But the sooner you end it, the sooner you can begin to heal in a healthy way.
     
  40. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    Aug 12, 2008

    If you were the one who met somebody else and needed a month to decide what to do,,,what would hedo? I doubt that he would sit around thinking and worrying about it. In a month's time, you can either on your way in your new life, or still going through this misery and wondering what he is doing everytime he walks out the door. I get more and more upset everytime I read your update!:mad:
     

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