I'm so upset I can't stop crying

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by elizak83, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2006
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Ok..so I mostly just lurk on here (I post sometimes..)

    I have no one to turn to and no one to talk to so I'm posting this here. Sorry I'm being such a downer, I'm just soo upset.

    My boyfriend and I have lived together for the past 2 years. Everything was going great...we were even vaguely planning our planning (not engaged...but we wanted to get married in Puerto Rico.) We share everything..finances...our house..our pets..etc.
    My bf came home yesterday after a night out w/ his friends and dropped a bombshell. He wants to break up. He said that he'll help me find an apt. to move into in Sept. and he's just not happy (keep in mind we recently were planning a vacation for this winter break...we signed up for a martial arts class that starts in the fall...and we're in the middle of major renovation of our house.) He said he has a commitment phobia and he just doesn't want a gf anymore and that he wants to be "free."

    This morning he told me that he just has to think things through and he's not exactly sure....and to give him a couple weeks..then I talked to him this afternoon (he called me from work.) And he said he's pretty much made up his mind and that he can even move out for the time being if necessary.

    I'm soo upset and distraught that I don't know what to do..it's even hard to type because I keep crying. We are each others best friend..this can't be happening:(
    P.S. We live in an area where I have no family and very few friends so I have basically no support system. When I move out I'm going to be completely lost:(

    Sorry...I just had to vent :thanks:
     
  2.  
  3. ready2teachintx

    ready2teachintx Companion

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    168
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I am so sorry to hear this. That is very sad and you know you can vent here and there is a great support system. My advice is to talk to him. Find out more info...why does he want to move? Why after 2 years together does he decide that he has comittment issues? If discussing this gets to no where then he can move out and try time away for a few weeks and then ya'll can reevaluate the situation. Break-ups are no fun and it is hard when you have not support system. But I do think that you deserve more elaboration on this from him. Hugs to you:hugs:
     
  4. Learner4Life

    Learner4Life Cohort

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    720
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Awe! I am so sorry!!!!! You have just typed out one of my greatest fears!!!! I'm in the same situation as you, no family, no friends, no support system close by. I have often thought about what I would do if my bf ever left me.
    I guess what I decided was that I would give myself a few days to recover, gain a few pounds eating a pint or 10 of ice cream, sleep a lot, and concentrate on what I really wanted. THEN I would get my ass up, call someone who I thought I could trust close by (which I know may be someone you might not know very well, but you gotta reach out to someone!) and make some new friends. School will start soon and you can throw your thoughts into making this year the best year ever for your students and yourself and eventually, you'll realize that you are happy again and everything will be alright.

    I am so sorry this happened. :hugs:
     
  5. Pisces_Fish

    Pisces_Fish Fanatic

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2006
    Messages:
    2,735
    Likes Received:
    5

    Aug 5, 2008

    Aww, I know all too well that sick feeling you have in your stomach and that aching in your heart :hugs: Being left behind in a relationship is awful. I wouldn't wish that emptiness on my worst enemy. If crying helps, cry. If screaming helps, scream. If eating ice cream helps, gorge yourself. Try to keep busy, and soon you might see the light at the end of the tunnel - at least you didn't marry thee wrong man.

    Come here and vent all you need to, we're here for you!
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2008
  6. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2006
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    We've been together for 3 years...all of his past serious relationships (2 others) have been for 3 years. He even told me in the past that he starts to feel "suffocated" after 3 years (he turned 30 a couple weeks ago.) He suggested I go stay w/ my parents for a couple weeks (I have to go there next weekend...but I have work commitments so I can't stay for that long.) He said he's been thinking it over for the past few weeks but he just hasn't said anything. He said he might go stay at his Dad's to think things through (he lives nearby.) This whole thing just sucks... he is basically my whole life down here...everything else I know is in PA.
     
  7. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2006
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I had made a cake for dessert last night...I literally just polished off the entire thing:(
     
  8. ecsmom

    ecsmom Habitué

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2007
    Messages:
    768
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    :hugs:I can't offer any better advice than the previous posters but I wanted to send you a hug.
     
  9. Zelda~*

    Zelda~* Devotee

    Joined:
    May 18, 2008
    Messages:
    1,042
    Likes Received:
    81

    Aug 5, 2008

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
     
  10. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2005
    Messages:
    4,896
    Likes Received:
    5

    Aug 5, 2008

    :hugs: eliza. I am sorry that he did not try to talk things through with you before coming to this decision. Maybe after he spends some time at his Dad's he will be able to talk to you about his decision.:(
     
  11. ready2teachintx

    ready2teachintx Companion

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    168
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Go visit your family...that will do you wonders. When you return, throw yourself into your work. Sounds like you are getting busy. Make new friendships at work and spend time with some co-workers. New friendships will do you wonders. Also, work will keep you busy. BTW...I love your cake idea;)
     
  12. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    897
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Go visit your parents and then make the move out. Even if he decides that he wants you back he should work for it. You can find a short term lease option if that makes you feel better. Make him move out until that time. It will be so much worse if he is there.

    My biggest fear is that my bf will do the same thing without warning. My last bf did and it ruined me. I went to counseling, which also might help.

    I had no friends when he broke up with me in the city so I threw myself into finding them. It was so tiring because I was so sad but eventually it worked.

    It will take a long time to get over and I hate that you have to go through this. Can anyone come to visit you and take care of moving out?

    The one good thing about teaching is that you can't cry in front of the kids. That is what I found out.
     
  13. Lareigna

    Lareigna Companion

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2008
    Messages:
    155
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Eliza, everyone here has such good advice. Just be happy that this did not happen after you guys were married. It sounds like he is in a pattern from what you said about his last 2 relationships. You both need some time to think, and them come back and see if you can talk about what happened and what is the best way to go forward.
    Remember you are a strong woman, you can make it on your own. Like everyone else said school is starting soon, just focus on that. :hugs:
     
  14. Marci07

    Marci07 Devotee

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,017
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I have bee there. I was in the same situation after my divorce. All alone with no one to turn to. I can tell you that it is not going to be easy but it is so muuuuchh better that you found out now before you guys got married. Later you'll realize that he was not the one for you.

    Take one day at a time and focus on you. Soon, school will start and focusing on your work is going to help you heal. During these times, work helps me to keep my mind off and makes me feel better.
     
  15. TeacherMJ

    TeacherMJ Comrade

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2008
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Oh no...you will make it through this one!!! Come on here and vent...e-mail and call friends...plan a trip to see friends and family soon. Remember that you'll be ok, even if today feels like there is no way to feel better. I have totally been there and understand how the crying seems like it will never end, but just be hopeful that I promise, it will :hugs:
     
  16. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,823
    Likes Received:
    139

    Aug 5, 2008

    First of all, I want to say that I'm sorry this happened & I know you're hurting. Any woman would. My mom always taught me to never be surprised by anything that happens in life & that includes men. The moment he doesn't want you, YOU don't want him! Boyfriends & husbands leave their girlfriends & wives every day. Just be glad you didn't have kids together. (You don't do you?) I know it's easier said than done, but you have to stay strong. You can bawl your eyes out & pig out when you're alone, but in his presence, stand tall & kick him to the curb & tell him to hit the road!

    Don't cry & beg for him to come back because frankly, he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care how many things the two of you had planned, the reality is, when he's had enough, he's had enough. There's nothing you can do. Don't linger around, if he wants to move out now, tell him to get the hell out.

    To get through this breakup, occupy yourself as much as possible. Focus more on work, exercise, hobbies, friends, travelling, reading, etc., to occupy your mind, so you're not thinking about it too much. Whatever you do, don't get obsessed & fall into a depression because believe me, he'll be off somewhere having fun. Now's the time for a makeover! It will be fun! Change your hair & go shopping!

    Plus, if he even thinks he can just come back to you & you'll come crawling back to him, you should definitely give that some serious thought. It depends on how sorry & regretful he is.

    This is the harsh reality of life & you're certainly not the only woman who's gone through this. You'll do just fine & good luck! :)
     
  17. peggy27

    peggy27 Cohort

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    552
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I am so sorry! Hugs to you. Have a good cry, eat some chocolate. Take some time for yourself before school gets going. Keep busy with school and like the above post say, make some new friendships. Coworkers can be a great support!:)
     
  18. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,729
    Likes Received:
    1

    Aug 5, 2008

    You deserved that entire cake. :)

    As for this pathetic excuse of a man...he knew he was a committment phobe, yet he has been sharing his finances with you before an engagement/marriage? You had your heart in it and maybe he did at some point, but clearly you were the one really ready for the relationship. I suggest leaving him and don't look back. If he's willing to lose you, then he's not worth your time and your heart. I've been where you are before and I've looked back...and trust me, in the end, it didn't end very well. All men makes mistakes, but there are some mistakes that aren't worth sticking with them through.
     
  19. MsJen

    MsJen Rookie

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2008
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    This is GREAT advice, girl. Take it a day at a time...I can't imagine going through that myself. I'm in a pretty serious relationship and if my BF were to one day surprise me with that...I'd be crushed too...but the other ladies are right and he himself has even told you he has a commitment phobia, so girl, better now than later, I say! Imagine if you were married and this happened? Divorce is messy. Been there, done that. It's even harder when you have kiddos.

    You DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! :hugs: Keep us posted on how things go. Vent anytime. I've found that everyone here is so supportive and ready to listen.
     
  20. mrs.teacher5

    mrs.teacher5 Companion

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2006
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I agree with all. Sorry but I say forget him. He is 30 and has been in serious relationships and always bails after three years. It sounds to me like he has issues certainly not you. Most 30 year old men are ready for commitment. Look at it as a blessing in disguise. The person that you are destined to be with is out there. Try hard not to let him get the best of you. You can do it..sending hugs your way :)
     
  21. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,823
    Likes Received:
    139

    Aug 5, 2008

    Thank you MsJen!
     
  22. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    17,362
    Likes Received:
    46

    Aug 5, 2008

    I don't have any advice that hasn't already been given, but just wanted to say that I am so sorry that your bf did this you.
     
  23. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    688
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I don't know what faith you are...or if you believe in that...but sometimes prayer does help. Ask for strength...it works. I know it sucks right now...my ex of 5 years broke up with me over a freakin' text message!! I was blown away...but it was the best thing in the end. I know it doesn't seem like that now...and it will take time...but slowly, you will get stronger...and not think about him so much during the day. One day you will get to the moment when you can think about him and not burst into tears. You'll smile...be glad for the good times...and be grateful that you have someone even better next to you that can and will commit.

    -hugs-
     
  24. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    :hugs: I just want you to know, I have been right where you are, though not the separation from family part of it.

    My fiance (at the time), dropped a similar bombshell on me when we had been together for 2 years, and had just gotten engaged in February. By September he told me he was not sure he could provide for me and my kids and he needed to take some time; it was one of the worst times I can remember going through, and I have been divorced so I have a pretty good measuring stick to go by...in any case, I gave him that time. He moved out and got his own place about a half an hour from me, we both began dating other people, even though I did not want to I made myself do it...and by December he came back to me and said he made a big mistake and he was sorry. I made him talk to my kids, who actually were hurt more by this than I was.
    We have been together now for 4 and a half years. So know that it can work out. Give him the space, but do not let him think you need him. As hard as it is, show him you can live without him, EVEN IF YOU CAN'T. Do your own thing, make new friends, go to bookstores, live for YOU. And yes, if it happens, even date if you can. You can't imagine how attractive you will become to him once he sees that you are not going to wither away without him. I can't promise this will work, but it worked for me, and it has worked for other people I know, so it can't hurt to try.
    Other than that... I recommend ice cream, a lot of it, and bubble baths and a nice glass of wine if you drink, and candles. Pamper yourself, because you deserve it. :hugs:
     
  25. titansrst

    titansrst Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Don't......

    throw yourself into food binges, because you'll wind up with other problems. Nor would I suggest letting your job replace your relationship in terms of intensity. One thing has nothing to do with the other, and doing so could hinder your performance.
    What to do? I wish this were like a cold, because I'd say a bowl of chicken soup and some bed rest will make you feel better. I feel for you and suggest that you seek solace within trusted loved ones and yourself. You will recover, although getting to that point stinks. You will make new friends once school begins. I guess you can devote some time to a project or activity that you have been putting off. You just keep hanging in there and post when you're hurting. There are some truly caring people here...even the grouchy yours truly.
     
  26. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    3,642
    Likes Received:
    108

    Aug 5, 2008

    Just letting you know I'm very sorry this has happened to you and I hope you two can work things out--- I hope he realizes what a huge mistake he's making by giving you up and apologizes.

    Even if he doesn't, remember what a great teacher you are, what a good friend you are, and keep taking care of yourself.

    And pray too--- if you're the type of person to. And if you're not, maybe this is a good time to start (pray to anything, it doesn't matter). *hugs*
     
  27. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

    Joined:
    May 24, 2008
    Messages:
    3,513
    Likes Received:
    14

    Aug 5, 2008

    Hang in there, Elizak83.
     
  28. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    2,007
    Likes Received:
    12

    Aug 5, 2008

    A Man's Opinion

    Run do not walk out of this relationship Get your money out of the joint account, change the locks, ask him not to come to your place without you being there (and you have a good friend there).
    This is not good for your mind set. Chalk this up to experience and be glad you didn't marry the bum

    I am sorry for being blunt but "Papa Dave" has to look out for you guys this is the same advice I gave my oldest step daughter and she took it (wow she listen to me) she is now married to a good guy (a different guy from the bum)
     
  29. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    Messages:
    4,858
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. The exact same thing happened to a friend of mine recently. She was devasted-they too shared everything for years including bank accounts. After about 2 months apart he came back and said he wanted to get back together again. They signed up for counseling and have been together ever since. Men are a different breed - they can just be dogs sometimes (no offense Dave).

    I can't tell you what to do - other than try to keep your chin up, keep busy with things you love to do so you don't have to think about him.
     
  30. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    2,007
    Likes Received:
    12

    Aug 5, 2008

    No offense Taken. I know some dogs and one or two have been friends but not any more.
    And Cowgirl I would have told you the same thing if it was you, your case is an exception
     
  31. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2006
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Thank you to everyone for your support...I'm just soo confused right now. I'm just keeping my distance for now and figuring out what to do. I have an aunt and uncle that live not too far away and I could go stay w/ them if necessary, I'm debating that. For now I'm just trying to keep my mind occupied...school starts soon and it's a lot to deal w/ while trying to get my classroom in order.
     
  32. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    2,007
    Likes Received:
    12

    Aug 5, 2008

    Yes keep busy, take your vitamins, try to get sleep.

    Now, Does you want me to go visit your soon to be ex BF?
    I have a cousin Tony (with no neck) From NYC we can talk to him.......

    All kidding aside
    there are many male code words that have been used here

    night out w/ his friends
    he's just not happy
    commitment phobia
    he just doesn't want a gf anymore
    that he wants to be "free."
    just has to think things through
    he's pretty much made up his mind

    As a man I read them as:
    1). another woman
    2). another man
    3). another Job and he does not want to take you with him
    4). he is just a bum
    5). he is immature

    as has been said before you are too good for him
    so pull up your big girl panties and get on with the rest of your life
    And God bless you

    Sorry again if I am blunt but I do say this with love in my heart
     
  33. cMcD

    cMcD Groupie

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I'm so sorry about this eliza. But like many had said, better to find this out now before you get married. It's a terrible thing to go through, though I've never experienced it. It sounds like he's immature. Keep yourself busy. Know that this is for the best.

    Everything happens for a reason. Your dream boat is out there. :)
     
  34. Ghost

    Ghost Habitué

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2006
    Messages:
    810
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    :hugs: I can't add anything that hasn't been said, but I wanna know if you both purchased the house, why the heck you have to move out??? Chin up! You're a strong woman and you will survive....oh, do I hear Gloria Gaynor singing? :)
     
  35. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I will add one more thing that I did not in my first post.

    When we got back together, I told him from that point on, we would keep everything separate; bank accounts, money, leases, etc. I kept my word and I have my own account, he has his, and while we sometimes pool the money for certain purchases, I know that if we were to ever part ways again, I would be able to take care of myself and my kids without him. That was a major part of my own decision making process. Having gone through a divorce before and then that situation, I realized that the only person in this world I can count on 100% is ME. You need to know that too, and I am so sorry you have to go through this to get there, but you WILL get through it and you WILL be stronger for having gone through it, regardless of the outcome.
     
  36. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    2,007
    Likes Received:
    12

    Aug 5, 2008


    How about Helen Reddy
    " I Am Woman "

    I am woman, hear me roar
    In numbers too big to ignore
    And I know too much to go back an' pretend
    'Cause I've heard it all before
    And I've been down there on the floor
    No one's ever gonna keep me down again

    Oh yes, I am wise
    But it's wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I've paid the price
    But look how much I gained
    If I have to
    I can do anything
    I am strong (strong)
    I am invincible (invincible)
    I am woman

    You can bend but never break me
    'Cause it only serves to make me
    More determined to achieve my final goal
    And I come back even stronger
    Not a novice any longer
    'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

    Oh, yes, I am wise
    But it's wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I've paid the price
    But look how much I gained
    If I have to
    I can face anything
    I am strong (strong)
    I am invincible (invincible)
    I am woman

    I am woman watch me grow
    See me standing toe to toe
    As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
    But I'm still an embryo
    With a long, long way to go
    Until I make my brother understand

    Oh, yes, I am wise
    But it's wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I've paid the price
    But look how much I gained
    If I have to
    I can face anything
    I am strong (strong)
    I am invincible (invincible)
    I am woman

    Oh, I am woman
    I am invincible
    I am strong

    I am woman
    I am invincible
    I am strong
    I am woman
     
  37. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    I have a good song too. It got me through a lot of tough moments when I went through that time in my life. It is by India Arie, called Strength, Courage and Wisdom

    Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
    Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
    'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
    'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
    Always putting off my living for tomorrow
    It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith
    It's been illusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
    I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my faith
    Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

    [Chorus]
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    And it's been inside of me all along,
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    Inside of me

    Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
    Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
    But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
    'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
    Running too fast to stop and listen

    It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith
    It's been illusive for so long but freedom is mine today
    I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my faith
    Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

    [Chorus]
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    And it's been inside of me all along,
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    Inside of me

    [Bridge]
    I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
    'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
    Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

    [Chorus]
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    It's been inside of me all along,
    Strength, courage, wisdom
    It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

    [Chorus]
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    To find me, yeah,
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    Inside of me

    Vamp
    I found it in me, I found it finally
    I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you
     
  38. nayelismom

    nayelismom Rookie

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2007
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 5, 2008

    Me, Myself, and I. That's what I got in the end. From now on I'm gonna be my own BF

    I was thinking the same thing.

    I have a similar story. My high school sweet-heart and I got married when we were 19 and 20 respectively. We'd known each other since 14, 15. About two years after we got married (right before my 21st b-day) he decided that he wanted to figure out what "his life was w/out me". I was devastated. I moved back home since I was going to school and had a p/t job and frankly, I wanted to be "home". I tried chasing his butt for a while but then one day, I said...forget that. So I went out for my 21st birthday with friends and had a blast. I started meeting people, dating...and then all of the sudden guess who came wagging his tail at my door. (Well, that was about six months after.) By then, I was in my angry phase and shut him down. He kept coming around but I had started dating and was so over him and filed for divorce. I was in a relationship and right when it was going "no-where fast", I got pregnant with my daughter and my whole world fell apart. Things didn't work out with the "baby daddy" and myself. One day, when I was about 4 months pregnant, my ex showed up at my door and said he wanted to be there for me...as a friend. And that's how it was...we were best friends. He was there the day my daughter was born. He would sleep on my couch to help me and loved my daughter dearly...like his own. Fast forward four years and we are now RE-married (nearly 3 years after we were divorced) with a son of our own as well as my daughter whom he raises as his daughter and credits with saving our "ETERNAL LOVE".

    NOW----this is a weird story with a happy ending but I DID insist on counseling and many other things before we got back together. We discussed a lot of the things that we were feeling and our thoughts about our future. Counseling helped him through some issues and helped me get over the fact that he abandoned me and the fear that he would do it again. We continue to communicate and have a wonderful relationship. I realized in counseling that I depended a lot on him for approval, self assurance, guidance, self respect and he began to resent that but wasn't able to verbalize it. He felt that he was just an extension of me and I was an extension of him. We weren't individuals anymore. So, he asked for his "space" so he could figure that out. Obviously, the wrong way. :whistle:

    Work on your self. Love your self. Get to know yourself again. Figure out what you want. DO NOT define your future based on anyone else but YOU. A husband (bf) can walk out on us anyday, our children will grow up and build their own futures, our parents will move on, siblings will move on...in the end you have YOU! Have fun...with yourself...by yourself! And when you meet that perfect man...he will be icing on your "YOU" cake!

    Don't get me wrong!!!! I love my husband and children dearly...but I also love me.
     
  39. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,857
    Likes Received:
    2

    Aug 6, 2008

    I have had this happen to me-he said almost the same things. It turned out that he was cheating on me. I'm not saying that's what your boyfriend is doing, but be careful. I made a lot of mistakes around that time. I was so heartbroken that I begged him to take me back and I will always regret that. Live your own life and if makes the effort, then consider it if it feels right to you.
     
  40. Carmen13

    Carmen13 Groupie

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,318
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 6, 2008

    Eliza, I am sorry for you. It would break my heart if something like that happened to me. I think you need to cry those tears and move on...

    If he truly loves you, he will fight to have you back.
     
  41. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2008
    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 6, 2008

    I went through this a little over a year ago... well similar. I thought everything was fine and then it slapped me in the face.
    My best advice is to make friends - even if they are casual friends - and get out. Make an attempt to be social and focus on school-work-your pets- everything else.
    I would avoid ever taking him back - at least anytime soon. My ex's father had a tendency to walk out on his mom repeatedly. Just for a few days - but this gave my ex the ok to do it also. I let it happen once. The second time, never again.
    Also, next time, I would avoid mixing finances until you're actually married - this will save a lot of hassell.
    I have since found a wonderful new boyfriend who ... is perfect for me.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. Backroads,
  2. Kelster95,
  3. ptlanguage,
  4. ssgirl11
Total: 406 (members: 5, guests: 380, robots: 21)
test