This is the truth, but I also feel like such a complainer: I can't imagine doing this job next year. I am overwhelmed! It's extreme. I don't know who to vent to, so here goes... A to Z Forum.... As some of you know, this is my first year contract as a RSP (check my last post out!), and I am already wondering whatever prompted me to go into Special Educ.. I can't even imagine hanging on for a year. I'm ashamed to admit it ... but I will: I'd quit if it wouldn't ruin my career. Those of you with many years under your wings - tell me why you do this job. I need encouragement ... again! Mom of 4
Because I know I care about these kids and want the best for them. Because I might be the only adult in their life who cares.....
Awe I'm sorry you feel that way Mom! I agree with AZSped... Sometimes, hopefully not all the time, but sometimes, you're all they've got!
Sped is extreme--you're absolutely right. Your feelings are normal, and you shouldn't be ashamed. And it's hard b/c while general ed teachers face plenty of challenges, they are in many ways similar to the challenges faced by other general ed teachers, at least in terms of curriculum, paperwork, etc--the parts of your job that are overwhelming w/o even seeing kids. You, by definition are the "other person"--the one who is doing something different. B/c SOMEBODY needs to do it, and many people are glad it's you not them. That can feel isolating. SO: first you need to find yourself some fellow sped teachers in your building if you can, b/c they are people who understand what you are going through (even if they're in a different branch of sped. I'm life skills, the behavior room teachers and therapists have been some of my best support). Why do I do this job? Well, mine's a different branch of sped than yours, but a)I'm with AZ, I love the kids; and b)I like the problem-solving aspect--trying to figure out how to make this work for these kids who are so far from being on everyone else's time frame and learning agenda. HANG IN THERE!!!! Bethany
While I do not have any ideas or words of wisdom I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have been feeling the exact same way. I am a first year special Ed teacher and my degree is in Elementary so I am also having to attend college two nights a week. I cannot even imagine doing this again next year and I would also quit if i knew it wouldnt ruin my career. I keep thinking things will get better and once I feel like I am getting ahead then something sets me back. I hope things get better!
Everyone who responded, thank you for taking the time to write and for being so kind with your words. I really want to believe everything you are saying to me. I will continue to reread everything you have all written to help me get through this. Right now, I am physically exhausted and over my head with work, so it is a bit blury. It feels like I am on a treadmill that won't stop or even slow down. I don't know how I can last the year at this pace, but perhaps it will happen...I just need to take one day at a time. Until then, keep me in your prayers and if you think of anything else to share that will help please do so...it means a lot. Mom of 4
I keep a journal in my desk of all the cute, funny, smart, or insightful things my students say or do. On the really bad days, I take that out and read it to remember why I do this job. Our kids are so "different" that sometimes we have to remind ourselves that different isn't always bad. My kids have had said and done some of the most insightful, beautiful things that I would never have gotten to witness in a regular education classroom. There's no reason to feel guilty for being overwhelmed. This job is overwhelming at its best, and absolutely exhausting at its worst. Good luck, and I hope things start going better!
And WHEN you get thru this first year, you will be stronger, more able to handle next year. This strength and knowledge will continue to grow every year - Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time and know that you are striving to meet the needs of the children that need YOU! You are not alone with your feelings, I sometimes stop and say to myself, "what the h--- were you thinking?!?!?! Why are you doing this??" And then that little rat that had that unneccesary meltdown comes up and hugs me for no apparent reason... What more could I ask for? The other posters are right - reach out to the other sped teachers, resource, self-contained, ICS, etc. Somewhere in there is your life line... By the way, do you have a buddy/mentor teacher?
Kidatheart, I have been assigned a mentor at another school site. I just learned about her yesterday ... but I am soooo tired and weary, when do I talk to her? I will ... eventually.Until then, all of you are helping me quite a bit. Thank you for sharing. It was helpful and meaningful to read and reread the postings tonight. Mom of 4
Oh no - at a different site, really?!?!? My idea of a mentor is someone who is right there with you! I hope you find some time to talk to her AND that she helps you. Most of all, I hope you can find some peace this weekend!!
I feel your pain Mom of 4. This is also my first year as a middle school SDC teacher and I seriously cannot imagine doing this for one more month. It is so frustrating with limited budget and 15 children in grade level 1-8. I am still looking for books that will work with every single child.
