I'm Mean

Discussion in 'General Education Archives' started by Miss W, Apr 28, 2005.

  1. Miss W

    Miss W Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    4,881
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 28, 2005

    Guess what?!! I was told for the first time in my career that I'm mean. The student was getting in trouble for not doing their work, and behind my back said this. I really wanted to say "You think I'm mean, wait till your dad get's ahold of the note I'm sending home." I restrained myself though. I think I have now arrived as a teacher. :D
     
  2.  
  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,958
    Likes Received:
    2,109

    Apr 28, 2005

    Congratulations on your arrival to the ranks of the Meanies. Welcome!! :)
     
  4. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    6,699
    Likes Received:
    66

    Apr 28, 2005

    :D I can remember my second year teaching one of my parents told me her son said I was as "mean as a prison guard". I was so excited. (I've really had to work hard on it, because my inclination is to be really nice. Kids are funny, though. I had a parent visit today. She is contemplating holding her son back and wants him in my room again. She said "I know he loves you and would work really hard for you." I couldn't help but laugh and tell her that not a single day goes by without me having to stay on top of Chris. Kids crave that structure, whether they admit it or not. In addition, he is being babied right now by everyone because his parents are getting divorced. I hug him and tell him how sorry I am about that, but it's not an excuse not to do his school work. He knows what I expect out of him and he works hard to do it. (I still thought he hated me, though!) :D
     
  5. DaTeach

    DaTeach Comrade

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2005
    Messages:
    313
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 28, 2005

    I would have said "Thank you!"

    I have also been called a bi--h...and have wanted to say "What does that make you?" but didn't! It doesn't make me angry anymore. I consider it a compliment!
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2005
  6. Steph-ernie

    Steph-ernie Groupie

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,299
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 28, 2005

    I've been told that by kids when I'm subbing. I just shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh well." When other kids come and tell me that so and so said I was mean, I just say, "well, they can have their opinion I guess."
     
  7. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Messages:
    7,775
    Likes Received:
    1

    Apr 28, 2005

    I like to tell them, "Well, I still love you very much."
     
  8. donnadavis

    donnadavis Rookie

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2004
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 28, 2005

    don't go there

    Sorry, but I don't think you have reached the top in teaching when you are called mean. I am a retired teacher and worked with many different types of teachers. Some were very mean and I always felt sorry for the kids who were in their class. Think of it in these terms. Would you like to work for a "mean" principal? Children in your class are working for you. I do not think that children learn or do their best for a mean teacher. Fear makes children withdraw. I am not saying you have to be Mary Poppins in the classroom.
    Consider that how you treat the children in the classroom has a direct influence on how they are going to treat each other on the play ground, on the bus and even interacting with their own parents. Take the high road .
     
  9. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Messages:
    7,775
    Likes Received:
    1

    Apr 28, 2005

    I have never been called mean...that would make me feel bad. I am very soft hearted. When the kids have had to do things they don't especially want to do and they start to grumble, I tell them I still love them. Love says it all.
     
  10. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    3,241
    Likes Received:
    94

    Apr 28, 2005

    I think you make a good point, donnadavis, that being mean (truly) is not a pinnacle to shoot for. I am fairly sure that the people who have posted already would agree with you.

    The nicest among us are called "mean" when a child is having to do something he or she doesn't like. It's evidence that you're being consistent. I think that's the point they were trying to make, and I'm basing that on posts I've seen from them showing that they care for their students and they love teaching.

    I have been called "mean" many times and have had kids tell me that they HATE me. Was it a moment in time when they were angry? Were they trying to be manipulative? YES. Am I really a mean teacher that no one wants to be with? NO. I think the point is, it can be easy to get upset when, for the first time, a child tells you they hate you or that you're mean. You have to look beyond that and realize that students are not always going to be happy with your decisions that don't let them get their way.
     
  11. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    3,241
    Likes Received:
    94

    Apr 28, 2005

    I had a child, in particular, who did not know unconditional love. He would often tell me that he hated me. He would do it to hurt my feelings, as he would do to his aunt that he lived with. I would tell him that even though he may do things I don't like, I still love him. He was surprised by my reaction. I had struggles with him every day, but he knew that I loved him. He still told me I was mean and that he hated me, because that's the only way he knew how to get attention at home.
     
  12. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Messages:
    7,775
    Likes Received:
    1

    Apr 28, 2005

    Amanda...that's what I was thinking about the teachers who posted...when you know them from previous postings, you know they are not mean..."firm" maybe, but not mean. I am thinking the kids have never called me mean because they are so young(4 and 5) and they don't usually talk to a teacher like that? I know they get mad at me sometimes because I am so firm, but I can't recall ever being called a name. However, I have been spit at and kicked! NOw that's a whole different story!
     
  13. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    3,241
    Likes Received:
    94

    Apr 28, 2005

    It may be the ones who have gotten a rise out of someone before by calling them mean. When I think about some of those kids who have done it to me, I can just imagine them calling a parent mean and the parent giving in and letting them have their way.

    The boy I had so much trouble with was 6/7 (first grade), and he'd had a rough life. Lots of abandonment issues. I think he had a detachment disorder. But I think the others were more run-of-the-mill ornery kids who were doing it because they wanted me to change my mind.
     
  14. DaTeach

    DaTeach Comrade

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2005
    Messages:
    313
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 28, 2005

    That's what I meant. I wasn't condoning being mean. I am there to teach. I don't allow children to manipulate me to get their way, and everyone is expected to follow the rules. Some kids don't like this at all, and resort to name calling when they get angry. It doesn't upset me at all. I am going to do my job no matter what name they call me. Most of my children enjoy being in my classroom. They always tell me they wish they could come back to my classroom after they move up. Those children are the ones that really make teaching worthwhile. My intention was to encourage Ms. W. and to tell her not to let it upset her too much!!!!!
     
  15. Sarah Leigh Ann

    Sarah Leigh Ann Companion

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2004
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 28, 2005

    I have had kids from other classes at my grade level say so and so thinks your mean because you won't let them play in the hallway. I told her sometimes we have to be "mean" when others are making poor choices. My students immediately jumped to my defense and said she is only mean when she has to be.
     
  16. kteachdc

    kteachdc Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2003
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 28, 2005

    This week I had a child tell me I was making the "wrong choice" when I had them sit out of a few minutes of outside time because he was not being safe iwth his body or his friends bodies. I'm glad he said that, because then I knew that maybe I'd gotten through to him. I have no problem being "mean" when it means I'm being consistant and following through on consequences. Many of my kids rarely experience follow-through, so it's good for them. I'm not going to be placated by empty promises....
    Funny thing is, when he told me that, in that moment I felt like I was doing my job! No one said this would be easy, but if being consistant means being called "mean", I can deal with it!
     
  17. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    6,699
    Likes Received:
    66

    Apr 28, 2005

    I agree with the posts above. For me it was a sign that I had reached my goal of being tough/firm with the kids. My main concern with starting teaching was that I wouldn't be able to be firm with the kids. I'm glad to say that I've found that balance. (Considering the fact I was dancing the Macarena with my kids today...they know I'm not a hardnose!) :D They know that I have high expectations they strive hard to meet that. I can give them a lot of freedom and at the same time keep control of the situation.
    That said, I still have my moments where, once the kids are gone and the situations are over, I sit down and cry/pray/worry about how I could have handled a situation better. I'm still proud of the fact that they see me as a person who is firm and stands for what I say.
     
  18. Miss W

    Miss W Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    4,881
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 29, 2005

    I don't condone being mean either. I was just saying that I thought it was funny that this is a kid who tells me everyday how nice I am or that he likes me. No matter how "mean" (that is how much I make them do their work) I am in a day, the same kids always give me a hug or high five.
     
  19. tracieteaches

    tracieteaches Companion

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 29, 2005

    Fourteen years, and all grade levels later I still deal with all the issues above. I hope this means that I am still learning and trying to be the best teacher that I can be.
     
  20. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,958
    Likes Received:
    2,109

    Apr 29, 2005

    Give me a break! Do we have to take everything SO seriously? I think the original quote was 'tongue in cheek' as was mine. My classroom philosophy is to be Fair, Fun, and Firm.... (notice mean is not in there!!) I'm very flexible (another F!! I'll add it to my 'filosophy'!!) but you only get cut so many breaks...sooner or later you need to teach children to take some responsibility for not doing their work, not paying attention, goofing off, etc. and that can be done in a fair way without being mean but a child calls you mean to get a rise out of you...trying to get the last word in and Miss W did the absolute right thing with not letting it get to her- She did take the high road. I suggest we do the same in our responses when a comment is made in a lighthearted manner!!
     
  21. Lovelabs

    Lovelabs Comrade

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2005
    Messages:
    356
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 29, 2005

    I agree! Most of us have been called "mean", usually by a child who isn't getting their way at the time. Big deal.. usually the same kid is the first in line at the end of the day for a hug. I understood the humor in her post. One year I had a little guy who would call me mean about once a week. The funny thing was it was always followed by "Mom"! His mother and I got quite the chuckle out of that.
     
  22. Miss W

    Miss W Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    4,881
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 29, 2005

    he, he, he...filosophy...he, he, he
    I only posted the thread as a joke. My kids are so well behaved, most of the time. The only problem I've had with them lately is talking when they're not suppost to. When a child isn't doing their work, you bet I'm going to stay on them to get it finished.
     
  23. donnadavis

    donnadavis Rookie

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2004
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 30, 2005

    Maybe I did respond a little to strong in my post.I didn't think this one over. At the beginning of school a teacher in our district announced to at open house she had the reputation of being mean which of course she was not.As a second grade teacher she simple demanded more from the students and they considered her mean. Her closing statement was if you only believe half of what they say about me I will only believe half of what they say about you. Everyone laughed and the year seemed off to a good start. The year ended with the teacher not being rehired after telling a child to sit down and shut up we all know your mother died last week and we don't want to hear about it again. Fortunately for the children that would have followed this classs the father who was a member of the school board was still in the hall. That was only one instance of mean behavior on her part. She forced children to eat everything on their plate sometimes resulting in their getting sick a crime for which they lost their recess for the rest of the week. If she caught children with anything from home she ripped it up or otherwise distroyed the item. Pictures of new babies got the same treatment. After school the children sit outside to wait for the upper grade busses to take them home. She was very proud of the fact her class could sit 45 minutes without talking while the others talked freely. I could fill two pages here but I won't . It was sad that the parents concerns were never addressed either by the principal or the school board until they were shown her true self. So maybe you could give me a break. I really don't want to hear teachers call theirselves mean and if I ever hear it from a student I will definitely listen more carefully as to why they think that.
     
  24. Brenda S.

    Brenda S. Comrade

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2003
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 30, 2005

    Hey, I have a good one for you!

    The other day, one of my students said, "I think it would be really cool if we had a smart teacher." All I do was smile and agree!

    Brenda
     
  25. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    3,241
    Likes Received:
    94

    Apr 30, 2005

    What a horrible story! It's understandable why you took this topic so seriously.
     
  26. Miss W

    Miss W Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    4,881
    Likes Received:
    0

    Apr 30, 2005

    Because as teachers, we know nothing. Ever get the "Well, Ms. So-And-So did this", or "Ms. So-And-So says this"? It's like they think we just walked in the door and started to teach them. ;) My kids are pretty proud of the fact that I went to school in the same building as them, and went to college in the same town. I've got the respect from them. I do try and teach my kids that it's okay to make mistakes. I make them all the time, and go back and fix my work. Every moment in the classroom (or outside the classroom) can be a teachable moment.
     
  27. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2002
    Messages:
    18,937
    Likes Received:
    680

    Apr 30, 2005

    I find the opposite. My kids think I know everything in the world. They ask me questions all the time about WWII and all sorts of technical things that I don't know anything about. And I have heard, "My mother says you are the toughest teacher i have had yet but I told her that you were the nicest!"
     
  28. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    6,699
    Likes Received:
    66

    Apr 30, 2005

    LOL. I had a demon child one year (God love him!) Who lived and breathed to torment me. We were going over a homework page in math and I checked the answer in the book to make sure they had worked it the way I had. Nethanial (Who wanted to be called Net...I called him Gnat!) popped off, "That's why teachers are so smart! They have the answers in the book!" That was my first year teaching...and probably the moment I developed my "look". Of course it could be that after dealing with Gnat for 2 months my right eye was already twitching! :p
     
  29. sdhudgins

    sdhudgins Comrade

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    416
    Likes Received:
    0

    May 1, 2005

    I was called a b*tch in my first week of teaching. I walked into a group that had had no disicpline, and to hear that was said, by a particularly tough kid made me realize I was indeed doing what I needed to to get them back on the track they needed to be on behavior wise.
    I am not "mean" but there are times my students say I am. It is usually right after they've made a poor decison and are in trouble though!
     
  30. becky

    becky Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2004
    Messages:
    2,247
    Likes Received:
    0

    May 1, 2005

    LOL. This talk of being called 'The B-word' makes me think of a plaque I saw this weekend.
    It said 'You call me a b*tch like it's a bad thing'.
    Believe it or not, it was a Boyd's Bears item!!
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. bella84,
  2. OhioTeacher216
Total: 142 (members: 3, guests: 120, robots: 19)
test