I'm killing my dog.

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by cutNglue, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Nov 2, 2008

    Okay, supposed it is for a humane reason that I am putting my 17 year old dog to sleep but it sure feels like I am murdering her. I can't help it. It's taken me almost a week to finally make the decision to go through with it. My heart breaks. I've never felt so negatively about euthanizing a sick pet until it was my turn to do it.

    Everybody tells me it is my decision but I've had two separate vets give me a "kind and caring" lecture for a total of about 2 hours. It is obvious that everyone thinks it is the kindest thing to do. Yet all I keep thinking is that I'm killing an innocent breathing being that has been my companion for 17 years. I've known her longer than my husband!

    She has a tumor behind her eye. She's blind and deaf. She can't bark anymore. She walks around in circles (not chasing her tail, neurological). She shakes and sleeps a lot. I just found out she has less than 25% of one kidney and her liver function isn't too great. Acckkk...I hate it.

    I got her when I was 17. My mom rescued her and she was scared spitless. It took me 3 hours to cross the living room without her falling off the couch and hurrying to climb back on. Since then she was mine and mine alone. My mom teases me and says I stole her from her. She knew within a week which ear I could hear from and which ear I couldn't and just how to get my attention when things were going on. She never did like my husband or children too much. She was momma's dog. She did, however, protect them fiercely when they were babies until they discovered how to crawl and bother her. Due to aging, my youngest who is now 5 years old was the only one who was allowed to just pick her up and swing her around. Once she held a team of three cops in the corner of my bedroom and wasn't letting them anywhere near me. It was the wrong house (9-1-1 call) and they got nervous when I didn't respond to their knocks and shouts. She's a tiny little thing (toy poodle) who stayed relatively healthy all of her adult life. I'm having a tough time reconciling this and letting her go, but I know I must.
     
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  3. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    I'm so sorry to read about this, cutNglue. I don't have any words to share to make this easier. Listen to your heart.
     
  4. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    Oh Cut, I know this is hard. You'll make the right choice. Good luck!

    Can I share a story?

    My dog had seizures, but he was on some meds that were suppose to fix them. The doctor said he might pull through, but he wouldn't recommend it. We couldn't bear putting him down so we didn't. He died at home and it was among the most awful things I have ever seen/heard. He had seizure and I got him out of his kennel and he died in my arms. It was terrible. I don't know how euthanizing works, but I have to think it's a whole lot calmer.
     
  5. lilmisses1014

    lilmisses1014 Comrade

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    Nov 2, 2008

    :hugs: I'm sorry, cutnglue! :(
     
  6. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    CutNGlue, I just remembered ... my cousin had to put down a dog. They asked the vet to come to them. It was done in the backyard, in the sunlight. My cousin found this more comforting than the clinic setting.
     
  7. Lindsnh

    Lindsnh Companion

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    Nov 2, 2008

    :hugs:
     
  8. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    That's one of the things that the vet said to me, that it is more common than not for a dog to die other ways than peacefully in their sleep. I think what did it for me is realizing that I'm going to be hassling and bothering her and making her uncomfortable at least 3 times a day. If her quality of life was higher, I would do it anyways but it is not.

    Ka_alum...I was reading this weekend about how sometimes people can have their vets come to their house. I even read an argument that shooting a dog was more preferable than having them come into an anxiety ridden clinical setting. I don't agree with the latter but I can see their point. With Mitzi, she can't tell where she is really except by smell. As long as I take stuff that smells like me, she'll be fine. She'll have anxiety either way. She shakes now when I pick her up. She doesn't like being off the ground. That's a good thing to think about tomorrow. I'll likely have the vet euthanize her while she is lying on the ground on me instead of up high.
     
  9. tgi1515

    tgi1515 Comrade

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    Nov 2, 2008

    Cut - I'm trying not to cry for you. Here's some hugs... :hugs::hugs: My first child was a black lab and when he was euthanized, I wasn't there. I didn't know when my husband was going to take him in. I felt terrible. I needed to be there. I miss him, even to this day. I know he wasn't in any pain but his "mama" wasn't with him and I remember.

    You will always remember the cute stories. A toy poodle holding off 3 cops is hysterical. One funny story about my lab was the night he got into my garden and got a tomato cage stuck over his head and over one shoulder. After laughing at him, we had to get wire cutters to get the thing off. He never went into my veggie garden again. I still fondly think about it every spring when I see tomato cages...

    Do what you need to do for her, just be with her. You will have nice memories too, although you will miss her.
     
  10. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I am so sorry. I had to do this and it was one of the hardest decisions to make. I will be thinking of you.
     
  11. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Nov 3, 2008

    I've never been a pet owner so can't begin to imagine what you are feeling, although your pain is evident. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this; I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  12. Lives4Math

    Lives4Math Comrade

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    *hugs* I'm sorry to hear it, but it does sound like the vets are right...that it would be best to end it. I've had to make the decision about one of my pets too and it's NOT an easy thing to do. I had a cat for 7 or 8 years that we always knew something was wrong with. He constantly threw up and the vets could never tell us why. He was fine when I moved into my apartment from my parents (other than it taking him a week or so to become comfortable). After about 6 months he lots tons of weight, not matter how much he ate....he mopped around all the time.....his hair started to fall out and he was getting sores for no reason. I eventually decided (after one round of tests) that I couldn't afford anymore tests and I knew what kind of pain he was in. It ended up being for the best even though it was hard. I was also ther and helped my bf when he had to put down his when he got his by a car. They just couldn't afford the $1,000 that it was going to cost then plus what it would cost for them to remove the pins and things. Again, it was hard, but was necessary. *hugs* It'll be ok....Decide on a date and time if that's what you want to do and spend as much time with her as you can until then. She knows that you love her....that's the biggest thing!
     
  13. mandagap06

    mandagap06 Devotee

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    Cut-N-glue, I know exactly how you feel. When I was in 8th grade we had to put my dog that we have had since I was born to sleep she was 15-17 somewhere in there. It was aweful. I wanted to stay at home but mom would not let me and my sister stay home. I went to school and forgot about it. Well I got home and it sunk in. I cryed for the longest time. I still miss her when I see pictures of her and watch video with her in it. I am so sorry. I have 2 dogs now and if anything ever happened to them I would be so upset!
     
  14. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    CNG... I BIG HUG for you first of all!!! It is the hardest thing to do. We had to do it to our dog once they found cancer was in her (there was so much we couldn't remove it)!! I have to tell you I know it SUCKS!!! I HATED knowing that she wouldn't be here any more to look at me with those "puppy dog" eyes, but I HATED the fact even more that she was sufferering & it would be so that I wouldn't have to feel the hurt of losing her. (I hope that made sense.) Looking back I wouldn't have changed a thing. I'm not going to say there aren't days that I miss her like crazy... we all miss those who have passed, but I find peace in knowing she didn't have to suffer longer here.

    Just know you're in my thoughts & another BIG HUGE HUG for ya!!!
     
  15. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    cng-:hugs: I'm sorry that you have had to make this decision. My grandpa is a vet, and he first puts them under a general anesthia (like prepping for surgery). Once they are under, he puts in the euthanasia meds.

    I have two stories much like yours. The first is about the first dog I had. I got him when I was 5. He was an Austrialian Shepard. He was a great dog that was very protective of me. When I was about 19 or 20, he started getting hip dysplacia. I couldn't bare to put him down. It got to the point where he couldn't even get around and the decision was made for me. My grandpa came out to the house and did it under the tree in our front yard. It was the most difficult decision I had to make as he was my first dog.

    Fast foward to now. My husband and I bought a German Shepard for our first dog together. She is now 8 years old and starting to show signs of hip dysplacia. My DH and I are deciding when the best time to put her down would be. She can still get around great, but when she first gets up after laying for awhile, you can tell that her hips aren't working the best. I've decided to call my grandpa and ask his advice. It just pains us to think about doing it right now because she is still so lively. :(
     
  16. cMcD

    cMcD Groupie

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    I'm so sorry to hear about your dog.

    We put my childhood dog down 3 years ago. It was the hardest decision, but she had multiple organ failure. My parents took her to the vet and had her euthanized. One lovely thing that the vet did was make a clay impression of her paw before she was cremated. I would suggest going this if you haven't already. It was something my parents could keep to remind them of her. They also put her ashes in a nice box on put in on the fireplace with her favorite toy. It's a horrible decision to have to make, but it's best for your dog. I have a 10 month old puppy and I'm already dreading the day that I have to say goodbye to him. I'll be thinking about you!
     
  17. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    My parents had a toy poodle that had a stroke and had to be put to sleep a few months ago. It was 15 years old. I cried when my Mom called to tell. I understand that it's such a hard decision. :( Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.
     
  18. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Awww...I wish I had thought of the clay impression. Hubby tried to take a picture but I had the fakest smile going.

    One thing NOBODY prepared me for was the fact that I had to CREMATE her. So now not only did I feel like I was killing her but I was burning her too. Grrr...

    The event was more peaceful than I expected so that part was good. In fact, I thought it was odd that unlike with a person I couldn't tell she was dead if the vet hadn't told me. I petted her for a while and left. Ironically I went shopping for fresh fruits to give the rats. I guess I felt like I had to bestow the missing affection somewhere.
     
  19. Go 4th

    Go 4th Habitué

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    CNG--I'm so sorry. It is so hard to lose an animal. They love so unconditionally. My bulldog is at my feet as I type now.
    Sending prayers and hugs your way!
     
  20. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    :hugs:

    I'm sitting at work crying for you and remembering my big dog, Jake. Jake was a japanese akita/st brenard mix. He was really my parents' dog, but I had to come over to their house every time he had to go to the vet. He wouldn't get in the truck for anybody but me (and at 175lbs, you couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do). He was 11 years old when we put him down, which is really old for a dog that was only supposed to live 8-9 years. I was there with him when we did it, and I cried and pet him for what seemed like the longest time. I loved that dumb dog. I'll never forget how he would get running so fast when I drove into the yard that he often couldn't stop, and couldn't turn cause he was too big, and would stop by crashing into my front bumper.
     
  21. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    When My sister passed I wanted to put her animals' (4 dogs and 2 cat) ashes with her when she was cremated but by law I couldn't.
    She was a BIG animal lover so I thought it was befitting to have her animals' ashes put in with her. They had all passed before her.
    Two of the dogs were mine that she took in when I was going through a divorced.

    When My dogs had to be put down I sat down and wrote down "my Dogie" stories it was very therapeutic.
     
  22. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    It would have been more therapeutic for me if I had been allowed to BURY her. I'm not much for the actual ceremony but it seems more humane, maybe due to cultural upbringing more than anything else, than burning her. I wish I had been more prepared for that.

    mmswm, 175 is hard to imagine! She was only SIX pounds soaking wet.

    I had to leave her with my memaw, who is now gone, for two years because my dad wouldn't let me have her. Keep in mind, I didn't adopt this dog. The dog adopted me. She laid on the bed for a solid week looking out the window waiting for me to come back. Memaw had to force her outside long enough to go to the bathroom and put food on the bed. I came back to visit enough times that she got used to it. When I got married, I went back and got her.
     
  23. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

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    You're not allowed to bury her? That seems odd... probably a local law. My parents buried my dogs ashes underneath the window where she used to nap in the summer. Spreading or burying the ashes may be just as therapeutic.

    Check out Rainbow Bridge. Sometimes a good cry is in order.
     
  24. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    You aren't suppose to bury animals, but my dog is resting peacefully under a flowering bush in the yard (after cremation) and a friend of mine actually snuck her mother's dog's ashes into the casket before she was buried...:blush:
     
  25. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Yeah, some law here too. I didn't opt to have the ashes returned to me. I didn't want a visual reminder of the cremation.

    I also don't own my land which has a lot to do with it. I tried to tell my husband, "who would know??!!"

    Geez, by the time we move, the grass should be fully repaired.

    My dad wanted to be cremated and buried in a mayo jar and put in the front seat of his first truck. There was a "car heaven" place on my grandparent's farm but my aunt recently got rid of all the cars.
     
  26. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I'm sorry to hear about losing your dog.

    My 14 year old dog had to be put to sleep the day before school started this year. I'd adopted him from the Humane Society when he was almost a year old. For the past year he'd been taking twice-daily insulin shots for his diabetes, and he was blind & nearly deaf. He started walking in circles, and he was aggitated and disoriented. The vet came to the house to check on him, and it was decided to put him to sleep. He was buried in the back yard.
     

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