Okay, supposed it is for a humane reason that I am putting my 17 year old dog to sleep but it sure feels like I am murdering her. I can't help it. It's taken me almost a week to finally make the decision to go through with it. My heart breaks. I've never felt so negatively about euthanizing a sick pet until it was my turn to do it. Everybody tells me it is my decision but I've had two separate vets give me a "kind and caring" lecture for a total of about 2 hours. It is obvious that everyone thinks it is the kindest thing to do. Yet all I keep thinking is that I'm killing an innocent breathing being that has been my companion for 17 years. I've known her longer than my husband! She has a tumor behind her eye. She's blind and deaf. She can't bark anymore. She walks around in circles (not chasing her tail, neurological). She shakes and sleeps a lot. I just found out she has less than 25% of one kidney and her liver function isn't too great. Acckkk...I hate it. I got her when I was 17. My mom rescued her and she was scared spitless. It took me 3 hours to cross the living room without her falling off the couch and hurrying to climb back on. Since then she was mine and mine alone. My mom teases me and says I stole her from her. She knew within a week which ear I could hear from and which ear I couldn't and just how to get my attention when things were going on. She never did like my husband or children too much. She was momma's dog. She did, however, protect them fiercely when they were babies until they discovered how to crawl and bother her. Due to aging, my youngest who is now 5 years old was the only one who was allowed to just pick her up and swing her around. Once she held a team of three cops in the corner of my bedroom and wasn't letting them anywhere near me. It was the wrong house (9-1-1 call) and they got nervous when I didn't respond to their knocks and shouts. She's a tiny little thing (toy poodle) who stayed relatively healthy all of her adult life. I'm having a tough time reconciling this and letting her go, but I know I must.