I'm in a sticky situation...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by Tara19, Jul 28, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Tara19

    Tara19 Companion

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2002
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 28, 2003

    I know this really has nothing to do with teaching but I know all of you guys are so great at helping and giving advice and I really could use some of that right now...
    Okay, first of all, it's about my baby's father... He left me as soon as he found out I was preganant because he knew his parents would be flaming! (Were both only 16) So he left town and a couple of days ago, his Dad called me and was yelling at me because I was his son's girlfriend and he hasn't seen his son in close to a year (he left town without telling his parents) and I don't know what happened but I just kind of blurted it out that I was the Mother of his Grandaughter! Big mistake but he actually took it pretty well... Anyway, the father of my daughter came back to town and today he stopped by for a visit and was yellign at me and harrasing me, but now all of the sudden he wants to see his daughter and spend time with her. I know she neeeds a Dad in her life but my husband to be is doing a good job at that and plus- her biological father smokes, drinks, and is not the father type. Should I just let him spend like a dya evry week with her or ignore him or what? He threatened to take me to court if I don't let him see his daughter. I got myself into a bad situation, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP!!!!
     
  2.  
  3. Bookworm

    Bookworm Companion

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2003
    Messages:
    187
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 28, 2003

    I would seek legal advice!!! Don't try to deal with this issue by yourself.
     
  4. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2002
    Messages:
    5,115
    Likes Received:
    479

    Jul 28, 2003

    If he wants to see her, you better get him to pay child support. How old is your daughter? If she is real young, the courts won't let him take her for a visit, he'll have to come see her. My cousin's son's dad comes and visits once a week or every 2 weeks. He is 2 1/2 and he still doesn't go for over night visits.

    Get legal help... NOW. Who knows. He may back off after a while once the "new" wears off. That is bad to say, but it is the truth with some guys. Just tell him... you wanna see her, you gonna pay child support.

    Hope you get the legal help you need!!!
    Lori
     
  5. Tara19

    Tara19 Companion

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2002
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 28, 2003

    Do I really need to get legal help? Is it that big?

    Lori, she's almost 2 months- little, and i don't trust him a bit, but if he took us to court, do u htink he would be abe to win full custidy of her?
     
  6. Margo

    Margo Devotee

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2001
    Messages:
    1,153
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 28, 2003

    Definately seek legal advice. I wouldn't worry about him getting full custody. There is no reason why he would. At most, he may get visitation rights. I am not a lawyer and don't want to lead you astray. I "think" (and it is only a hunch) that if he decides to start showing an interest in your daughter's life now that he could be charged with back child support payments. Please don't quote me on this. I think this is something I heard somewhere. The only one that can answer your questions is a lawyer. Find one now before too much more time goes by.
     
  7. Cindy

    Cindy Companion

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 28, 2003

    He may be trying to scare you into letting him see the baby, by saying he's going to take you to court. I think it would be a good thing to get legal advice, this way you would know your rights and his. It's better to know where you stand, then not know. If he needs to see the baby make him come to YOUR home or maybe YOUR parents home so that you will have support if things get out of hand. I would not let him take the baby!! If you have to, tell him your nursing and the baby eats often, which is true for nursing babies. The more I think about this the more I think you should look into getting some legal help. Good Luck
     
  8. Tara19

    Tara19 Companion

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2002
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 28, 2003

    I don't nurse or I would use that exscuse. He said all he wants is to watch her 1 day a week while I work (during the summer, I am a waitress) and i ahve thought about this but I just don't trust the guy. He said he would love me no ,matter what ut he just left after he found out I was carryign his baby. He is not a good role model at all and I don't even want him near my baby. BUt I ahve a feelign, he's gonna fight for this. I have a good friend who's a lawyer, I might talk to him.
     
  9. Shilo

    Shilo Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2003
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 28, 2003

    Tara, please please please talk with a lawyer, and I suggest not just any lawyer but one who specializes in custody cases. This a HUGE deal whether you realize it now or not. I strongly suggest you get legal help ASAP, don't wait another day!!!
     
  10. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    Jul 28, 2003

    Tara- maybe a little unwanted, unasked for 'motherly' advice here, but here goes--You are young (18?) and you really have your hands full here. You also need to be really smart about getting remarried. 18 (I'm thinking that's how old you are with the math I'm figuring from your post) is young to get married at all and you've got the baby and a 'dad' problem, and a fiancee. A LOT to deal with at such a young age. You definitely need to seek legal advice. Believe it or not the 'dad' probably has some rights here. I wish the best for you.
     
  11. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2002
    Messages:
    18,938
    Likes Received:
    682

    Jul 28, 2003

    I agree completely. DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT A LAWYER. Any guy who would flee to avoid responsibility is capable of damaging your child.

    He is responsible for child support whether or not he shows an interest in the baby. Ask the lawyer.

    Is he on the birth certificate? He may have rights to the child (visitation, etc). You need to know what they are - and what they aren't.

    I wouldn't even talk to the guy without a lawyer. Don't discuss anything at all with him. Don't agree to anything. Don't give him any information at all. You owe it to your child to be the adult here.
     
  12. Fran

    Fran Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2003
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 28, 2003

    get a good attorney...

    I agree with all the others..Get you a good attorney who deals with custody cases. Also, I went through something similar when my son was only three. His dad decided he was going to fight me for custody. He tried to plead the case that I was an unfit mother...which was INSANE, but non the less, scared the stuffing out of me that he would ever think I wouldn't take care of our child. ANYWAY, after I told him I had an attorney, he pretty much decided it wasn't worth the hassle....You see, it was about scaring me....based on my attorney, he said it takes a LOT for a judge to take a child away from the mother....So, sweetie, take the time and effort to find you a good attorney who will advise you in the avenue you need to take.
     
  13. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    6,809
    Likes Received:
    190

    Jul 29, 2003

    Tara,
    First of all you need to seek legal advice. The other thing (now I don't want to scare you), but if you don't have something legal and you do let your daughter go who is to say he wouldn't "keep her?" If you don't have something set up and legal that could happen. I had a cousin who was worried about this.
    I have a friend who has a daughter a little younger than you and the "bio" dad only gets her on Sunday (I'm not sure if it's every other wk.).
    You definately need someone with background in this situation to help you!!!

    Good Luck & I'll be thinking of you & your daughter!!!
     
  14. deko9

    deko9 Rookie

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2002
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 29, 2003

    everyone is right about the legal thing. On another note if money is an issue for getting a lawyer, which many times it is ($200.00 /hour or more someimes.) Contact a social worker first that may be able to recommend a lawyer that basis their prices on a sliding scale. You only pay what you can afford. Good Luck!
     
  15. luv2teach

    luv2teach Rookie

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2003
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 30, 2003

    there is usually some sort of legal aid. If you were to go to a family court you can try to see a legal aid. i really don't know what state you live in but I'm sure there has to be some sort of court. If you lived in one of the 5 boroughs on NY I could try to get you some phone numbers. I would just say get legal advice.

    Good luck sweetie. If you need a # from within the 5 boroughs of NY let me know.
     
  16. Tara19

    Tara19 Companion

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2002
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 30, 2003

    OKay, thanks for your advice... My friend who is a lawyer has done several cases of gettign custidy so I'm going to hire him.

    Luv2Teach, I live in Inidiana just to let you knwo but thanks for your help!

    Also, I'm only 16, and I know I have alot on my shoulders. I just wish this guy would leave me alone. My fiancee has been really supportive also and i'm beginning to feel a little bit better because I have talked with some people and I don't think he could get custidy beacsue he's just... well, not the "Daddy" type. He's been in jail who knows how many times, owes tons of $ for fines and stuff and I think has 2 other children about the same age as mine (2 mos.) with other ladies. He gets them pregnant then leaves. He came by my house yesterday and siad he wants us 3 (him, our daughter, and me) to all be a family again.??? He said he still loves me and all this stuff and wants me back. There is no way! Anyway, I'll let you know how evrything goes with my lawyer!!! Thanks and I would appreciate any other comments! Thanx again!
     
  17. mommaruthie

    mommaruthie Aficionado

    Joined:
    May 2, 2002
    Messages:
    3,013
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jul 31, 2003

    bio dad

    Is he on the birth certif. of your infant? Even if he doesnt want to see her, SHE is entitled to child support monies. I hear alot of posts suggesting that you have a lot on your plate to deal with. We are ALL concerned about your mental health when trying to balance such a load. You just had a baby which i dont need to tell you adds a tremendous amount of external burden as it does an internal struggle hormonally. I dont want to sound lecturing or even come off as suggesting that you arent managing well or handling your own life well, but you did post to us so i feel like you needed a hand.

    My hand, the only suggestion i can offer is truely sincere, when i say. STOP, catch your breath. Postpone marriage and making other huge decisions. CLOSE one chapter in your life before starting a new chapter or a new book. You can END your relationship with the man who created a child with you. BUT, the child born, then becomes joint concern. Which means, as much as you want to distance yourself from this character, he will still be entitled to be in your life or that of HIS child.

    I admire your strength TARA- you are young in age but seem so mature in spirit. God will lead you to the paths for you to choose, we can only help hold your hand on your journey. We are here to help you, but its ultimately your life. Good luck.
    Ruth
     
  18. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    Aug 3, 2003

    Tara19- What kind of job do you have? I know you have referred to yourself as a pre-k teacher, but you're only 16! Aren't you still in High School?
     
  19. Tara19

    Tara19 Companion

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2002
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 4, 2003

    Hi agian! Yes, his name is on the birth certificate but he has not paid me a penny for child support.

    Yes, I am 16 and yes, I'm still in high school. I find a way to manage both... It sounds a little confusing, but it works.
     
  20. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    Aug 4, 2003

    Hmmm, is this true Tara-you're 16, a mother, engaged, working as a waitress, working in a preschool, and going to high school? How old is the father of the baby? If he is older than 18 he could go to jail for statuetory (sp?) rape. Where are your own parents in all of this? I am surprised that a social worker hasn't already hooked up with you because of your age. Also, how did you get involved with someone else while you were pregnant?? How long have you known your fiance? I guess what I am trying to say is you need to get help for yourself-you need to focus on your own issues before you can "fix" anything else. It is nice that everyone was so caring and helpful one this site-that is how teachers are but we sometimes lack the courage to tell it like it really is-you need help!! Please get some ASAP! We have so many children who are in our schools who come from messes like this-perhpaps you yourself were one of them-try to imagine how much psychological damage that can happen to your daughter by the time she is eight or so...how many more babies will you have, how many different fathers, all the fighting and worrying that will be in your home..along with all that there will be all kinds of abuse-I am telling you this because this is the reality that teachers face each year-trying to help children from these kinds of homes. Since you asked, you seems like you might be smart enough to take this to heart and admit that you need help getting your life together for your and your daughters sake. Quit wasting time living this drama with the father and fiance-it could lead to both you and the father being denied rights to the child. THink about it-go and seek help today.
     
  21. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    Aug 4, 2003

    What these last 2 posters may be trying to say, Tara19, is that a lot of your stories just don't "add up." Please don't feel like we are attacking you, though... Teachers do have a naturally caring sense about them, and we would love and accept you regardless. Please, don't feel like you have to have so much drama. I know part of what you're saying may be true, but continue sharing with us on a completely real basis from now on... Please. :)
     
  22. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    3,245
    Likes Received:
    100

    Aug 4, 2003

    I'm closing this thread here. I removed a few messages because the focus of this thread was turning into an argument about whether or not this story is true. The fact is that it doesn't matter. Some of the "Unregistered" posters may have been on the forums longer than others, and may know more about Tara's history on these forums. She has a lot of nice things to add and share--true or otherwise. From now on, I will trust that everything will be completely honest. :)
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Members Online Now

Total: 162 (members: 0, guests: 146, robots: 16)
test