If you are married....

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Rebecca1122, Jan 1, 2010.

  1. Rebecca1122

    Rebecca1122 Comrade

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    How old were you when you got married? How long were you engaged? How long did you date your SO before getting engaged?

    My boyfriend and I have been dating over three years, and we have recently begun talking about marriage. I am a senior in college, so graduation is in sight as it is for him from graduate school (he is 2 years older than me). I feel like I am ready and mature enough to be married, and I am certain this is the person for me. But living with 2 girls who are really NOT in that place yet with their SO's, they make me feel weird sometimes for wanting to be married soon, when we talk about it. Not that they would stop me from doing what I want to do, but you know. I realize every person and every relationship is different, but i guess I am wondering if I really am too young to be thinking about this? I don't feel like I am...

    I love hearing about other people's love stories and experiences, and any advice you have for me would be wonderful :)
     
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  3. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

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    Everyone's relationships are different but you already know that!
    I was dating someone in college for 4 years but then I decided to date other people (long story short) and I'm glad I did because just because you love someone, doesn't mean they are that person you'll marry. I've been "in love" 3 times, and the 3rd is now my husband. I dated him for 3 1/2 yrs before we got married. I wanted to date awhile to make sure things were going in the right direction. I'd rather not rush that's for sure!!
     
  4. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    First engagement-got engaged sophomore year of college after dating two-something years, was 19, broke it off less than a year later.

    Second engagement-got engaged after 8 months of dating, was 22, got married 8 months later at age 23. Best decision I ever made.
     
  5. Rebecca1122

    Rebecca1122 Comrade

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    This is approximately how old I would be if I were to get engaged and married when we are thinking.


    Alongs these same lines....how did you know your spouse was 'the one'?
    TennisPlayer, what made your husband different from the rest of your long term relationships? Just a better fit?
     
  6. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    My "anniversary" of my first date with my husband was last night, New Year's Eve, 1992. Jeez that sounds like forever ago. And it wasn't really a date, considering I was only 14. It was more like the first time I saw him, at a friend's house, watching movies. It may sound funny, but I loved him at that moment, and have ever since. We got engaged when I was 19, on New Year's Eve, and married in March (I was 20). I was very, very young, and definitely in the minority when it comes to age. But it was just right for us. He was 23 when we got married.

    You know when you know. My friends thought I was NUTS-although everyone knew someday we would get married. I love him more every single day!
     
  7. MrsTeacher2Be

    MrsTeacher2Be Companion

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    I was 20 when I got married, the summer between my sophomore & junior years in college. It's honestly the best decision I ever made, although I completely understand what you're talking about with roommates & friends making you feel like you've lost your ever-lovin' mind! :lol: We dated about 4 months before we got engaged, and were married 10 months later. I don't know how to explain why you know, but you just know. If it's right it's right. If you're having second thoughts it's normal, to an extent, but if you think you might not be ready then slow down. There's no reason you have to get married now if it's not 100% what you want. If it is what you want, then go for it and enjoy every moment.
     
  8. Rebecca1122

    Rebecca1122 Comrade

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    I have always thought (and was especially thinking last night!) that it would be very cool to be proposed to one New Year's Eve. Your story is wonderful!
     
  9. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I was 22 when I got married, and we had been together for only a year by the time we got married. My husband's in the military so we had a strange situation before we got married-a lot of it was long distance. Luckily my dad is a pilot and I was able to visit every 2-3 weeks. We just celebrated our third anniversary two days ago.
     
  10. Rebecca1122

    Rebecca1122 Comrade

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    Ok so you know what I mean! I feel sure and ready and I know I want to be married to my boyfriend eventually, but it's hard to keep justifying it to friends without feeling like maybe I am crazy! :haha:
     
  11. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Rebecca, don't worry one lick about what your friends say. Chances are, they are probably more than a little jealous that you and your guy seem to have things together. Just become a broken record-"when you know, you know."
     
  12. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    I was 31 when I met my wife. She was 21 at the time (trust me, I was the envy of all my friends.)

    Maturity wise, she probably had a few years on me, however. She was 23, and just out of grad school and I was in my second year of teaching.

    It's not so much age, but just general readiness. Your roommates probably are not ready. I can tell you that I was ready for marriage when I was 33, but I sure was NOT ready at 27.

    It depends on the person.
     
  13. TennisPlayer

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    I knew he was the one because there wasn't a good reason to break up with him so I just always saw ourselves being together. Of course, it's good to do different things while dating to see how you handle circumstances like a trip together (being out of your comfort zones) and see if he matches all of your criteria or can you live with the things that aren't such a big deal.
     
  14. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    There is no "right time" or "wrong time" that can be applied to everyone. There are no deadlines. Each couple is different.

    I met my husband when I was 27. We got engaged a year and a half later, then married a year and a half after that when I was 30. We tried for 9 years to have kids, then looked into adoption. Brian arrived from Korea when I was 40, then I got pregnant twice and had the girls when I was 42 and 45 respectively.

    My kid brother got married at 19. He and my sister in law have raised 3 kids and were grandparents until the loss of Cassidy last April.

    My sister didn't meet her husband until she was in her mid 40's. They got married when she was 45.

    When it's right, it's right.
     
  15. MuggleBug

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    I met my husband when I was 22 (the spring after I graduated college). We got engaged a little over 2 years later and then married about 13 months later.

    I remember my freshman year in college a guy friend told me that he'll know when he's found "the one" when he can look at her and be willing to take a bullet for her. I always kept that in the back of my mind and I can still remember the day I realized I would die for my DH. When I saw the future, I saw him by my side. When I saw babies, I saw him on the floor playing with them. That's how I knew he was "the one."

    Like everyone else has said, there's no right time for marriage...just when you know you're ready. My DH was engaged previously at age 21 to a girl who was even younger. They ended it right before I came into the picture and I think he thanks God every day because he said otherwise he'd probably have gone through with it, have kids by now, but not be happy. He contacted her a year and a half ago to ask for his childhood pictures back (the only ones he has). She said 4x she would be sending them "soon" but he hasn't received them...I said I think she's holding them hostage so that he'll continue to make contact with her. ;)

    My BIL got married this summer at age 19 to his 18-year-old wife. They hadn't even been dating a year - he had no job at the time, not even a driver's license - but he knew she was "the one" and didn't want to wait. I pray that it works out for them and I think their faith is strong enough that they will be happy for the rest of their lives. I just know that a person changes so much in that time between high school and college graduation - the guy I dated at 18 is the polar opposite of my DH - so I just pray that they are able to grow and change together because I know they really love each other.

    Same thing with my mom and dad - they got married at 35/36. It was my mom's second marriage (she got married for the first time at 21) and my dad is the polar opposite of her ex-husband. If she hadn't had her first marriage, despite how awful it was, she wouldn't have had my sister and who knows, she may have married someone besides my dad...so sometimes things just work out for a reason.
     
  16. MsMar

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    I met my husband when I was 22. We dated a year before we got engaged and were married a year after that. So I got married at 24 and we had known each other for almost exactly two years. I was the first of my friends to get married. We've been married 13 years now.

    I'll echo what you've already heard, when it's right it's right, and it just depends on the person when that right time is.
     
  17. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    I met my husband when I was 17, and we dated through college. I also dated some other guys, so we didn't have an exclusive relationship...but we were exclusive through breaks and anytime one of us visited home. We got serious after I graduated college, and dated exclusively for 5 years. Got engaged when I was 26 and married when I was 27 and have now been married 12 years. But I have known him and been "dating" him for 22 years.
    Kim
     
  18. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I met my husband in college and we were friends for about 7 years before we started dating. I was even engaged to someone else during that time. We got married when we were both 30 after being engaged about a year and a half. I don't think anyone has the right to tell someone else they are too young to get married. However, I don't think it should be something rushed into just for the sake of getting married.
     
  19. fast chalk

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    I have s very similar love story: Dh and I met a long time ago, I was 14 and he was 17.
    WE dated seven years and when I was 22 we got married.
    When I was 23 our first daughter was born, Dh was 26.
    Everybody is saying the same, to sum up, is´s not a rule or a recipe, when he is THE PERSON/ the love YOU kNOW!!!!!!! FOR SURE!!!
    Dh and I have been married for 13 years and although sometimes we ned to handle difficult times, we live peacefully and in love :hugs:
     
  20. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    How old were you when you got married? 22
    How long were you engaged? 2 years
    How long did you date your SO before getting engaged? 1 year
     
  21. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    Met when I was 27
    Engaged at 29 - dated for a year and a half
    Getting married in 2 months, I am 30 and he is 29.
    We knew early on we wanted to be together and talked about marriage after 3 months.
     
  22. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    I was 27 when I got married. We had been dating for almost five years. We were never formally "engaged." We just... decided to get married, and a week later, we did.

    ETA: We met and fell out of touch for four years before we started dating.
     
  23. SunnyGal

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    My husband and I met when I was 18 and he was 19. We were close friends throughout college, and started dating when I was 21. We got engaged later that year and then got married 8 months later. I was 22 and he was 23.

    I had some friends who thought I was nuts for getting married right out of college, but I had others who were extremely supportive and excited for us. Like others have said, when you know, you know. It's no one else's place to judge.
     
  24. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Been together since I was 16, married at 21, (which didn't seem early at the time but I would definitely think is too early for my kids), over 30 years later....I don't think there is any right age, etc.
     
  25. Ms. I

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    I'm not married yet, but I'll tell you what I think about it all & what is ideal to me personally. :) I remember when I was in 11th grade, I always thought the best age to marry was btwn 22 & 26 & I still pretty much think that. (It didn't happen to me, but I still like that age bracket for marriage!)

    I think a good amt to be dating to really know someone before getting married is 2-3 yrs & then another 6 mos to a yr of being engaged.

    If a married couple wants kids, I don't think they should start having kids before being married for at least 2-3 yrs because I think it's extremely important to get to know ea other as husband & wife & do things such as as travelling before starting to bring kids into it. And something to always remember is to never think that having kids will fix a marriage. So if a woman sees that her marriage isn't that great, she shouldn't get pregnant. Men (not saying all) don't care about kids, they'll leave a woman either way if they want out.

    Hopefully your 2 friends are being genuinely concerned about you, otherwise, I'd tend to think they're just jealous & wished this happy situation of yours was happening to them. And I'm the type of person who doesn't like to think people are jealous of me.
     
  26. Rebecca1122

    Rebecca1122 Comrade

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    You know I'm not sure what it is. One roommate over another is definitely more on the 'that's really weird' side. I think she is still pretty immature and is just not ready for something like marriage, so she can't see past herself in order to understand that someone else may be in that place at the same age (actually I am a little younger than she is). I don't think she is jealous because it's not what she wants for herself, and she has a boyfriend that she says she is happy with (and has also mentioned that she thinks he is 'the one' which is why I really don't get her being weirded out by my marriage talks.....but thats a whole other story). They aren't telling me it's a bad idea, but they aren't happy and excited either (like I am!). I'm think once the engagement happens they will be more supportive, or at least I hope so.
    Not that their opinions or lack of enthusiasm will stop me from being with my wonderful boyfriend or getting engaged, it's just a little disheartening when they see my age as the only factor.

    I do like hearing about everyone's experiences though! To clarify, I know my boyfriend is the one I want to marry. As others have said when you know, you know. I was just curious as to what others might say about the question of how you know! :)
     
  27. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Let's see first time I got engaged I had been dating him for a little over a yr. We planned the wedding for a yr later. I would have been 24 when I got married. Ex. canceled 10 days before the wedding. Stupid me stayed for another 10 months.

    Moved home and on my 25 birthday (10/7/00) meet my husband. We got engaged June 21, 2008 (almost 8 yrs later). We were married July 18, 2009.

    I would say at 23 there is no need to rush.
     
  28. Mrs.DLC

    Mrs.DLC Comrade

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    I married at 22, right after college. We met when we were 19. I was away at college, almost a 5 hour drive, so we didn't see each other daily! It will be 35 years in 2010. :)
     
  29. Rebecca1122

    Rebecca1122 Comrade

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    I guess I should explain our 'logical' reasoning behind getting engaged and married soon, other than we love each other very much!

    He will be graduating in December and applying to grad schools out east. I will be graduating in May and looking for a teaching job. We do not want to live together before we get married so it would make sense for us to get married next summer so we can both move out east together and I can find a job (hopefully) in the same area where he will be attending school. It seems silly to us (since we know we want to be married eventually) to both move out east, live in the same city, in different apartments....when we could live together and be married. We have done the long distance thing quite a bit over summers and other times, so we don't want to do that either.
     
  30. Mrs.DLC

    Mrs.DLC Comrade

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    Sounds like good reasoning!!Good luck!
     
  31. Rebecca1122

    Rebecca1122 Comrade

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    Thank you! And happy 35th anniversary to you and your husband this year!
     
  32. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I met my husband when I was 18. I was in my second month of college. We were friends for a couple of months, then started dating. There was a time when we broke up, but got back together. We were engaged 2 yrs later when I was 20 and got married a year later when I was 21. Baby came when I was 23. He was 25 when we met, 27 when we married, and 29 when dd was born.

    You'll know it's right...and I wouldn't listen to what your roommates say. I have a few friends that though they're married now, they weren't mature enough when we were 21 to be in a successful marriage. Good luck!
     
  33. Mrs.DLC

    Mrs.DLC Comrade

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    Thanks, Rebecca! It will be in July...has gone by quickly...sometimes I don't feel THAT old!!!! (My body does at times, though.) I hope we are blessed with many more years. :)
     
  34. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    How do your parents and family feel about him and you getting married? Congrats. Planning a wedding is a lot of fun and a lot of work.
     
  35. yankees320

    yankees320 New Member

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    I met DH when I was 18. We were friends for a while and started dating when I was 19, he was 22. We dated for 4 years, got engaged, and then 14 months later were married when I was 24 and he was 27.
     
  36. MrsTeacher2Be

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    I completely know how you feel. Just remember that your friends love you, they're just not in the same boat and so they can't completely understand. When DH and I first started talking about getting married, my best friend told me that it would ruin my life. It was nothing against DH, she was friends with him before I even met him, I guess she just believed that getting married so young we'd end up not being able to pay for school and would end up living on minimum wage in some little shack with a dozen kids. In actuality, we both were able to get enough scholarships and grants to pay for school, I teach & he works in IT for the state, we bought our first house (with a pool!) in September, and are trying to start a family. We're happy and self-sufficient and enjoying our life together. That's all we could really ask for. I told my friends that I understood if they didn't understand, but this is what I was doing and if they couldn't be supportive to please not say anything at all. Two of my three roommates at the time have since married their high school sweethearts, so I really feel like part of the issue was that I hadn't known DH as long as they had known theirs and they were jealous or annoyed or whatever. They were semi-supportive up through the wedding (although my bridesmaids never did throw me a shower...), and I'm still friends with most of them. Sorry to ramble! It sounds like you know exactly what you want, so I definitely think you should go for it! Congratulations!
     
  37. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    I met my DH when I was 19, we started dating when I was 20, got engaged and married when I was 24 (we were engaged for 5 months). Now I am 26 and we are trying to have a baby. DH was 23 when I met him 24 when we started dating, 29 to get engaged and married and is now 31.
     
  38. HMM

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    I was 28 when I got married (she was 24)

    My wife and I dated for 2.5 years before we got engaged. We were engaged for 3 years and have been married for 8.5 years.
     
  39. Ima Teacher

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    I got married just a few weeks after my 30th birthday. We had been engaged for 10 months. We had only been seriously dating for about six months before that. I didn't know him before our first date (blind date), and we only went out about three times before the serious dating.

    My parents met when Mom was 19, and they only knew each other three months before getting married. They were married for 42 years. My college freshman college roommate married her husband when she was 19, and in four months they were married, and they've been married 20 years. My best friend went out with her husband on a blind date in July and married in March. They're been married 10 years. But then another friend dated her husband for 2 years before entering a 5 year engagement. They were only married 5 years, and they were MISERABLE for most of the time. They have the absolute sadded looking wedding pictures you've ever seen!

    Of course, as others had pointed out, there isn't one thing that is right for everybody. You can listen to the advice of others, but in the end you have to make your own decision.
     
  40. janlee

    janlee Devotee

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    I dated for 1 year, was engaged for 9 months and married at 22. Both my husband and I had full time jobs when we married.(otherwise we would have waited) We had put a down payment on a lot to build our first home 1 month before marrying and were in our first home within a year. We waited 8 years to have our first child in order to build up a significant nest egg so I could stay home. Within that 8 years we built and sold 3 more houses. We knew we did not want any type of significant debt hanging over us.
     
  41. Maryhf

    Maryhf Connoisseur

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    DH and I met in 7th grade but didn't start to date until we were 14. We continued to date through college (different ones across state) and were engaged senior year. We got married 2 years later when we were each settled in jobs and earning money. Kids 3 years later. Best 24 years ever!
     

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