I think I'm going to get in trouble. Do you think I will be able to find another job?

Discussion in 'Secondary Education' started by pinkcupcake90, Feb 23, 2016.

  1. artbrarian

    artbrarian Rookie

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    Feb 26, 2016

    Pink, we're all only human. You aren't the first to have this happen, you won't be the last.
    As far as whether or not you should tell your P, well I'd say you know your P better than we do.

    Personally, I wouldn't. I haven't. I haven't called kids a douchbag, but I've said things in the past I shouldn't and well it never came up.
    We even had a teacher last year that would swear all the time at the students and nothing was ever said about it.
    But the kids never thought it was a big deal I guess or the admin didn't. Either way nothing ever happened.

    Bottom line-you made a general statement. You didn't say "You. You, Johnny, are a douchebag" Yeah you probably shouldn't have. Yeah you did MEAN that kid. But live and learn. You're going to apologize, that's good, again, I'd stay general and keep from being overly apologetic. The last thing you want is for the kids to try and see if they can make you do it again.

    At this point you've probably done whatever you're going to do, but that's my thought.

    As for bridge, I take offense to the classist and borderline racist notion that all troubled students are likely involved in drugs and gangs and must come from the inner city. It's a toxic notion for any educator to have that kind of bias.
    I'm not even going to touch on the other bizarre things you said.
     
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  2. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Feb 26, 2016

    Hi, everybody.

    I'm sorry for the delayed response. It truly has been a hectic week. We have a meeting today about the PARCC and I'm getting super nervous about it. I feel like such a newbie.

    Everything is fine. I apologized to the student and told the principal. He told me not to worry about it because he has called his students much worse. I certainly will do the best I can to respect every student.

    I am sorry for what I said. I'm just not used to people treating me like garbage. On the same token, I'm just really tired. I have an anxiety and OCD disorder, so I only have two hours of solid sleep a night. I'm treating my disorders with some medication, but it kind of leads me to feeling emotional and on-edge. May God forgive me. I'm also struggling with a recent breakup.

    I had another student yesterday say to me, "It's no wonder why your boyfriend left you." What a lovely bunch of kids I have. Lol! I'm definitely attending a job fair tomorrow to see if I can get hired elsewhere. :(

    As always, you are my family. I have realized that, and I am in great appreciation. You guys are the best. I'm keeping you all in my prayers. :) :heart:
     
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  3. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Feb 26, 2016

    It sounds like things will be okay, at least with regard to this incident. I'm glad for that.

    Is it time to discuss a new treatment plan with your doctor? If your meds are making you feel overly emotional, are there different meds you could try?

    Finally, I think that you should stop discussing your personal life with your students. They don't need to know anything about you, especially not that you just went through a break-up. It's one thing to share details about your life with students as you build rapport and whatnot, but these kids are using what you tell them against you. That's not cool. It's time to put a moratorium on any talk of your personal life. Don't give them that ammunition.
     
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  4. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    May I suggest you don't share your personal relationship issues with your students. There is no reason that they need to know you and your boyfriend broke up so they can use it as a weapon at a later date.
     
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  5. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    I didn't share anything with them. Nor do I ever share such information with my students. One child overheard me talking on the phone during my lunch period. :(
     
  6. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    I didn't share anything with them. Nor do I ever share such information with my students. One child overheard me talking on the phone during my lunch period. :(
     
  7. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Feb 26, 2016

    Never say anything personal unless you can guarantee privacy. It seems your lunch conversation wasn't in a location where you could guarantee privacy.

    We have problems with teachers talking among one another in the teacher's lounge with the door open. They feel they have privacy, but when students walk by or other teachers walk by and they are "sharing" their horror stories, opinions, or personal lives, the information gets around fast. It is a hard lesson to learn. Some people I know still haven't learned it and get upset when what they feel was "private" ends up being broadcast.
     
  8. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    No offense, but you assume a lot about my situation without even knowing about it.
     
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  9. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    I know from your post you couldn't guarantee privacy. If you could, no student could overhear your conversation.

    I'm not assuming anything. Someone overheard your conversation while on your lunch break. Those were your words. I just shared other examples of how people think they have privacy when they don't.
     
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  10. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Okay. I do thank you, but I just deal with these kids that are driving me mental.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2016
  11. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    The point here is that the students have somehow gotten access to private information about the OP. I think that the OP would be wise to take steps to ensure a little more privacy and confidentiality in the future simply to avoid a repeat of this type of incident. That's not to say that the OP somehow failed or anything--just that it would be a good idea to double-check for little eyes and ears in the vicinity before discussing anything sensitive or private.

    I have been on the receiving end of hurtful comments that were thrown at me directly, and it really doesn't feel good. I get it. Self-protection is a great way to avoid or at least minimize those sorts of things. Keeping personal business away from students is key.
     
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  12. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    You guys, it's okay. Forgive me, I'm a bit crabby this morning. I know a2z user is trying to help. I do appreciate it. It's just hard. I feel like such a newbie. My mentor says that it'll get easier with time, but it's a dream job that's driving me cray cray at the moment. :D
     
  13. miatorres

    miatorres Comrade

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    pinkcupcake90, I just thought that I'd mention that frankly, your phone conversations are none of the students' business, nor are they any of the faculty's business for that matter. When students would make similar out-of-line comments to me, I would simply say, "I don't ask you or your parents about confidential information, so please don't ask me about that again." I would then drop it and continue with the classroom lesson.
     
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  14. miatorres

    miatorres Comrade

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    Feb 26, 2016

     
  15. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Feb 26, 2016


    You're so right. This kid shouldn't have crossed the line. What's hard is trying to control my tongue, especially when they're being such jerks.
     
  16. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Feb 26, 2016

    Not assuming, but one can always find a private place to have a conversation or postpone the conversation until privacy is assured
     
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  17. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Feb 26, 2016

    MANY hugs your way. It sounds like you're going to get through this year. If someone says something like that to you again, my suggestion is to smile with your mouth but not your eyes while saying, "That's an interesting assumption." The icier you can get your voice, the better. Say it often until you sound like a broken record. It's a good deflection / shield, and they won't be able to tell if they get to you or not. Eventually, hopefully, they will give up and find an easier target.

    You're in my thoughts.
     
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  18. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Feb 27, 2016

    Thank you so much, my dear friend. ❤️
     
  19. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Feb 28, 2016

    :confused:
    Speechless
     
  20. bridgebreaker

    bridgebreaker Rookie

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    Feb 29, 2016

    I
     
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2016
  21. bridgebreaker

    bridgebreaker Rookie

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  22. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Feb 29, 2016

    Many of us have taught and/or are currently teaching at very rough schools.
     
  23. bridgebreaker

    bridgebreaker Rookie

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    I have people attacking me. I've stopped reading the responses. I dont see "any" compasssion or comprehension just contention. Telling pink she should watch her mouth etc. .

    I believe every teacher wants to believe thy have it rough. I have to smile.
    One lady called me a racist and a classist. I don't have time for this, really. Good luck pink.
     
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2016
  24. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Okay.
     
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2016
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  25. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    I'm not complaining about my job, but I think it's safe to say that teaching is a very difficult job. I was tossed in without training wheels. It's very difficult. I make mistakes and I try my best not to, but this is the hardest job I've ever had. I'm slowly going insane!
     
  26. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Bridgebreaker, what is your problem? It seems like you just want to pick fights. I don't think you have any comprehension or compassion.
    No one is telling Pinkcupcake to just watch her mouth. She knows what she said was wrong, we agree, yes, but are also saying that it's really not end of the world, she shouldn't stress so much and she should def. not quit teaching. So I don't know where you get what you said.
     
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  27. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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  28. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    How was today, Pinkcupcake90?
     
  29. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Today was good. I'm a bit stressed out, but I'm
    Excited that spring break is coming! I've learned something about my sophomores though: they cannot be trusted with treats! I brought them gummy bears for an Emily Dickinson project, and then two of my troublemakers ended up throwing the gummy bears at me. It was anarchy....Lol!
     
  30. miatorres

    miatorres Comrade

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    When I had some rough years at my old school, some of the students did the same to me when I gave them treats for Valentine's Day. Several of my colleagues experienced this as well. The P laughed about it with her buddies.

    At first, I was surprised that this would happen at this school because all of the students lived in low income homes. That said, I initially thought that they would be happy that someone took the time to give them a treat but as you can see, I was mistaken. In contrast to their homes, the one that I grew up in was highly privileged and yet I loved it when teachers took the time to bring us treats or give us other rewards such as field trips. I learned that the students and I simply weren't brought up the same way nor did we share similar values.

    With those classes, I didn't give treats to the whole class from that point on and focused on helping as many students as possible.
     
  31. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Isn't that awful? My goodness, if our teachers gave us treats and presents, we would kiss the floor she was walking on. This district is tough, so the kids are a bit rough around the edges. Good lord, I need a vacation. :O
     
  32. artbrarian

    artbrarian Rookie

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    Don't feel bad, Pink. I once had 6 kids crowd me and rip my treat box out of my hand. I don't bring treats anymore. True darkness is being dog-piled by 5th graders for cheese crackers. :frowning:
     
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  33. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    I just don't do treats, period. Kids never appreciate the lengths you go to retrieve or make them (after all their parents give them free food every day and they take it for granted, they just assume adults are required to feed them, which they are I guess). Also our district has so many restrictions on what kinds of treats we can use in the classroom, it's not even worth it.
     
  34. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Manners are funny things. In a lot of cases they are designed to lie to others about how you really feel. It might be an interesting threat to start. Why is it as a society we designed a code that is based in not letting people know our true feelings?

    If you think about giving gifts, sometimes they are appreciated. Sometimes they are not wanted, needed, or liked but done because the person giving wants to give something (or in some cases society dictates they are supposed to do so). Has anyone ever thought about the true motivation for gift giving? How often is it really for the benefit of the other person and how often is it done because you get that "feel good" feeling from doing so?

    None of this is a judgment on anyone here or on what they said. Just pondering since the overarching theme is people getting upset that someone doesn't give the reaction you want from something you chose to do.
     
  35. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    One of the reasons I used to get annoyed / upset was when I did something nice for my students and they didn't appreciate it. So I don't really do it anymore.

    I remember one major situation. I taught world geography as an elective and as the closing activity for each area I would bring them some food from that country. So for Russia I brought in Russian sausage, caviar and bread. And Russian soda. That went so well, the kids were appreciative, and they still talk about how weird or cool the caviar was.
    Then with Mexico a co-teacher brought food and one student actually volunteered and brought a lot for home cooked food.
    But then when I did Hungary, and after then Greece, things started going downhill. I was getting very annoyed, because the classes became a challenge behaviorally and all they would say is "when are you bringing us food again?" I was so annoyed.
    When we finished Greece, I must have spent $50 and cooked all the food myself. brought hummus, pita bread, Greek salad, chicken souvlaki, baklava, etc. Yes, they were appreciative when I brought it, and loved me for it, but I expected them to act the same way when I wasn't bringing food.
    I told my P that I was frustrated, she was sympathetic and told her I do not want to do the food anymore. I also stop teaching the class, but that was because I wasn't supposed to teach it, because I don't have social studies credential.

    If you ever bring in treats, you just have to remember that you want to give and not expect appreciation. Our kids don't always know how to so show gratitude. My students live in such horrible poverty that they appreciate everything they get, but expressing it is another story.
     
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  36. miatorres

    miatorres Comrade

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    I completely agree that if you give treats or other privileges to students, you shouldn't expect appreciation in return. Rather, if you are going to give them something you should choose to do it only because you truly want to do it. When I first gave students treats, I wasn't expecting anything in return. However, I also wasn't expecting them to viciously throw the treats at anyone, especially considering that they weren't used to receiving anything nice from anyone. (This behavior happened during some but not all of the years at my old school.) All of those students lived in high poverty, so I was surprised that they would behave in that manner. As a child, I grew up in a home that wouldn't be considered low-income or struggling by any means and yet I wouldn't even think of doing such a thing to a teacher or peer. I would be in deep trouble at home if I were to. Many of my peers came from homes that were a lot more affluent than mine and they wouldn't have ever done this to a teacher either.

    At the school that I'm at now, the parents would be appalled if their kids would be involved in misconduct. None of the students (not even those in SPED classes) throw food at others nor do they vandalize the school or classrooms. Their parents would be appalled if their kids would be involved in that kind of misconduct. That's one of the reasons why we are able to have privileges such as banana split parties, movie/popcorn days, and field trips.
     
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  37. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    I think manners are there for a reason. If everyone was just up and rude about everything that was done to be nice, no one would be nice anymore. Which is kind of what's happening to today's society.
     
  38. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I've regularly brought in treats for my students. Sometimes it has been as a reward, and other times it was just because I made too many cookies and needed to get rid of them. :p

    My students have generally been very appreciative of the treats I've given them. At times their peers needed to remind them to say thank you, but that's been the worst of it. They have always complimented my cooking and baking, which makes me feel like I should do it more often for them--I'm sure that's all part of their clever ruse!

    I would most definitely immediately stop bringing in treats if any kid ever started throwing them at me. That's horrible.
     
  39. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    I also think that doing treats randomly, unexpectedly, even for behavior can work well. One time I was just overjoyed by how great one of my classes was for quite some time. It was in the winter, and I brought them some cupcakes (I remember because it was Christmas themed). Told them it was because I really appreciated how great they had been. They were happy, surprised and showed appreciation, but what was even better, I think they appreciated the recognition of their behavior more than the cupcakes themselves.
    What they really want is the appreciation, not so much the material things, even if it's food. I think if they live in poverty (especially then), somehow material things don't matter so much because they have so little of it, and don't really know how to handle it. It sounds weird and backwards, but I think it's true.

    I've read something about this in the book Framework of Poverty by Ruby Payne. I recommend this book to any educator, but especially those who teach at-risk, inner city or kids in poverty.
    For example it described that those who live in poverty, when they get a large sum of money, they don't save it. If you don't have much, you would think you would put it away for later, right? No. They actually buy food or whatever and / share it amongst themselves, pretty much blowing it right away. But they do this because of reciprocity. They have to share it, because then when the other member of their family / circle gets some money, he is expected to share it as well.
    This was so eye opening, I realized why my ex husband couldn't handle money. It's not he had no common sense, but that he grew up in poverty (single mom, 9 kids) and that's what learned.

    That book is full of stories and concepts like this.
    Why they would throw food, when you would think they'd appreciate it? I don't have the answer, but I'm sure the answer is backwards lol
     

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