I think I need your help now more than ever.

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by pinkcupcake90, Feb 21, 2017.

  1. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Feb 21, 2017

    You guys already know me as the anxious, anxiety-ridden girl who's working as a second-year teacher. I cry as I write this to you, but I need your help now more than ever.

    In January, I found out one of my students from last year was murdered by gang violence. Just last week, I lost my best friend's mother to cancer. And over this weekend, my best friend, my beloved cat, passed away at 2 years old.

    I know you might be laughing, wondering why I'm heartbroken over a cat, but I can't stop crying. I have officially lost it. I broke down sobbing during lunch today. I wanted to self-harm, but I'm trying to get in touch with my therapist. What's making it worse is knowing that I have to work tomorrow.

    I'm an uncontracted long-term sub who should be offered a contract in June, but I feel like if I take off again, my chances at ever being contracted will be torpedoed.

    My stomach hurts. I feel like I want to throw up. I have been sobbing out loud that the neighbors can hear me.

    Should I just quit my job? Please help me. I'm falling apart.
     
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  3. geoteacher

    geoteacher Devotee

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    Feb 21, 2017

    Your first priority must be your health, so do whatever you need to do to be safe and get healthy. If you can't reach your therapists, is there someone else you can talk with?
     
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  4. mathmagic

    mathmagic Enthusiast

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    Feb 21, 2017

    Maybe think of it this way:

    If you were to go in tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you feel better because you're at school and working with the kids (for some, this might be true - for me, it's the brightest part of my day), or would it be harder to be working with the kids than to be at home? In addition, do you feel as though your performance would be significantly hindered by how you're feeling? If the latter two, take care of yourself and stay home. If the former, then perhaps push through it, while making sure you take care of yourself outside of that time.

    I don't think it's the job that's getting at you: it's the life events. For me, despite constant confidence struggles, my best and favorite part of the day remains while the students are present and when I'm actively working on making things as best as possible for them.

    My condolences, by the way, for all that's happened. That's tough to have to go through :( At the risk of sounding insensitive, which I don't mean to be, things seem to come in threes, so hopefully it turns up from here. Best wishes!
     
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  5. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Feb 21, 2017

    It's not silly or unusual to be so saddened by the death of a pet. Call your therapist and see if you can get in right after school tomorrow.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2017
    Caesar753 likes this.
  6. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Feb 21, 2017

    I took the day off. At this rate, I don't care if I get fired. I just want this pain to go away. I fell down the stairs and injured my hand. I had a panic attack that made me fall asleep.

    I have to see the doctor tomorrow, and I'm trying to get in with my therapist. I don't think I'm going to last much longer in the state that I'm in.
     
  7. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Feb 21, 2017

    If you ever feel like self-harming, I'm sure you might have someone to contact, but in case you don't, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. They are open 24/7.
     
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  8. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Feb 22, 2017

    Sincere condolences on the loss of your fuzzy one. Pandora, the sweet face in my avatar, passed away in November of 2015 and I still miss her like crazy.

    I'm probably in the minority of wanting to work when I'm hit with bad news / grief. It keeps my mind on helping others and away from intense wallowing, which I'm prone to do. Try going in tomorrow and see how that works, once the shock has worn off.
     
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  9. MathGuy82

    MathGuy82 Companion

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    Feb 23, 2017

    I'm dearly sorry about what you are going through. I've been through lots of anxiety and still experience it at times. All the not so good stuff at times when loosing a little friend, seeing others die. I think it's wise to call and see your doctor/therapist.
     
  10. Ms.Holyoke

    Ms.Holyoke Connoisseur

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    Feb 25, 2017

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat. It is completely normal to be saddened by the loss of a pet. They are our family. I would feel the same if anything happened to my puppy. I'm glad you took the day off. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and anxiety can act up in times like these. Your health should always come first. I hope you can find something small that makes you feel better like retail therapy, etc.
     
  11. miatorres

    miatorres Comrade

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    Feb 26, 2017

    I'm very sorry for everything that you're going through as well. Pets are absolutely wonderful. I agree that your health is the most important thing because before you can care for others, you have to first take care of yourself. If being at your job isn't going to help you to feel any better, then I think that you should take some time off. When I was taking my teaching credential classes, the cooperating teachers who had many years of experience in the profession said that one of the nice things about teaching is that it's sometimes possible to take time off and return later. I hope that things get better for you soon. Remember that it seems like many of us in this forum are rooting for you.
     

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